Two-part catch up article!  I tried to watch these episodes in order to catch up for next week when the blog is back in action, but i found that I couldn’t watch them without commenting.  So I poured an obnoxiously large glass of wine and stayed up way too late.

Episode 3: Everyone’s Favorite DoucheCanoe

  1. You guys? Trevor HATES to be a part of the drama. Hates it.  According to himself.  Have you ever noticed that only the most dramatic people in your life will be the ones to utter the phrase “I hate drama”?  I will say though, that despite his bratty talking head, Trevor responded respectfully and correctly to Kelley when he was being demoted.  As someone with a military dad, I’ll say that’s exactly how it’s done.  Way to not fuck up for a whole scene!
  1. I hate it when pretty girls act stupid. It perpetuates stereotypes and makes me cranky. Buck up, Sierra.  I refuse to believe you’re as dumb as you’re acting. The man asked for a gin and tonic and you ask if he wants alcohol in it?  P.S. these guests are sweet and understanding, which is part of my conspiracy theory in thought #5
  1. Boy oh boy. Did anyone else’s daddy issues flare up, not when Sierra talked about her dad, but when Captain Lee praised Kelley? I just want Captain Lee to tell me he is proud of me and how I’m handling my life.  I think more so than my own father, who just happens to also be deceased.  Holy shit I’m fucked up.
  1. I’ve said this before, but until the boat rams into something, there is no amount of dramatic Bravo music that will make me invested in the perils of docking the boat. I was significantly more freaked out by that guy kissing his dog right after the dog puked.
  1. What the fuck is up with Ben? Why can’t he put his big girl pants on with this double dinner thing? I like Ben; so part of me wonders if this is manufactured drama.  Like how after a housewife’s first season, she becomes self-aware and starts to stir shit up (cough cough DORINDA cough cough).  I don’t think Kate did anything wrong here.  But then, I love Kate and basically never think she’s done anything wrong*.  I don’t care what any Florida news articles say, biting is a defensive fighting maneuver that a person typically only employs when they don’t have access to their hands.  I also have a hard time believing that people who have worked in this industry that long would scream and shout in front of VIP charter guests.  Everything about this rings false to me.

*except for when she was a total B to Amy in Season 2

  1. As someone who has worked in the service industry most of her adult life (and I guess I still sort of do now, by being an EA for a fancy pants boss who drinks gallons of coffee but can’t seem to find his own way to the damn office kitchen), I’d like to think I’d be a dream charter guest who isn’t picky or whiney. But I also have a massive fear of the ocean and all things living in the ocean and love to swim, so the idea of a netted pool makes me swoon.  I promise I would stay in it for longer than five minutes.  I wouldn’t come out until I was completely pruney and had perfected my “mermaid tail” (aka when you cross your legs and put your feet together so they look like a fin).
  1. Who misses Amy? Everyone? That’s what I thought.  I LOVE Kelley and Amy’s relationship.
  1. Did Trevor just take a shot with the charter guests? Fired. FIRED!  Also, just because you think you can drink a full bottle of liquor doesn’t mean you actually can or ever should.  See also: the last 5 minutes of the episode.
  1. It’s absolute bullshit that these chart guests tipped low. I mean, I get it was only a 2 day charter, but these folks are in the industry. It’s like when a restaurant owner goes to another restaurant.  Yeah, you’re judged more harshly but I’d expect a bigger tip.  Also, what’s the wondertwins deckhands?  They seem like awesome friends but they have way more of a sibling vibe to me than a romantic one.
  1. Sorry for this weaksauce 10thoughts. I’m a week behind and I came home with a boat-load (HA! I slay me) of RealJob work to do but decided to say fuck it and get caught up with what is probably my favorite show on Bravo right now. Turns out? I can’t watch this show without writing a #10thoughts.  Christ all mighty, I’m narcissistic. Also, I very much look forward to Trevor being fired in the next episode.  That’s happening, right?  Don’t spoil it for me.

Episode 4: The Unsurprisingly Sinkable Sierra

  1. Trevor is The Worst. Obviously. But I’m irritated with how All Bad he is.  Season 1’s Sam was a spoiled brat but could come up with a funny quip here or there.  Season 2’s Andrew also brought some comedic value to the show.  Season 3’s Rocky was bat shit crazy, but I could see how hanging out with her for one drunken night could be a blast even though I’d never want to work with her; which is exactly how I felt about Below Deck Med’s Danny.  Oh, sweet, aggravating Danny.  Danny is the type of coworker I would have hated.  But I almost guarantee if we met in real life we’d probably be friends and have a good time.  Trevor, on the other hand, has absolutely zero redeeming qualities.  The dude is a gigantic douche nozzle.  I guess he knows his stuff around the boat, but his lack of respect for authority as well as his disrespectful attitude with his fellow deckies makes him certifiable garbage in my eyes.  Now, I know there were Sam, Andrew, Rocky, and Danny apologists and I could always sort of see their points but is there anyone on god’s green earth (other than his own mother) who is on #TeamTrevor?  Please let me know in the comments if you feel like he’s being poorly portrayed or unfairly targeted.  I would be fascinated to hear that perspective.
  1. Especially after his comments regarding the men and women who have died in service. “Who cares, they signed up for the military” is face-punchable language. Actually, fuck that.  It’s “beat you within an inch of your life” language.  I’m on the train and I’m seething. I give Kelley all the respect and credit in the world for walking away from Trevor and being the bigger man (as if there were any question). If Trevor isn’t fired by the end of this episode, I’m going to quit watching the show and unfollow Captain Lee on twitter, which would break my heart because he’s the type of man who says “jammies”.  And I loved how he didn’t just take Kelley’s word for it.  He trusts Kelley, but he took the time to verify the information.  God damn, Captain Lee is just the best. (See thought 3 for further evidence)
  1. As some of you know, I recap as I’m watching (meaning I don’t watch the show until I’m writing the article for it*), so I was sort of assuming the #FireTrevor movement would get drawn out until at least the end of the episode. I think part of me was still living in the BelowDeckMed universe where Captain Mark (who seems like a lovely person) ignored bad behavior until the bitter end. But this is Captain Mother Flippin Lee, Stud of the Sea.  Homie don’t play that.  We are 10 minutes into the episode and Trevor is gone.  Adios you beady-eyed blunder twat.  Way to leave just as you came in- refusing to acknowledge your own bad behavior.  Again, props to Kelley for taking the high road and asking his crew to let Trevor have a smooth exit.

*the only exception to this rule is if I’m the one livetweeting instead of Kerry.  Then I’ve already seen the show before recapping it.

  1. So what now? Trevor is gone which leaves Sierra as the only crew member who might not be up to snuff. But she act so dumb and is so pretty even the typically hard ass Kate has been giving her a pass.  Also, she literally uttered the phrase “juice is my passion” which made me snort soda water up my nose.  Also, for someone whose passion is juice, how exactly is it that she didn’t know to plug in the juicer? Never mind.  I’m taking back what I’ve said before- Please never change Sierra, never change. Sidenote- do you guys think love softened Kate?  In particular, do you think being in love with a woman softened Kate especially in regards to her fellow stews?  Like she was in the sisterhood so she gave Sierra more of a pass than she would have before?  Ugh.  It sucks to know the outcome of this relationship.  I only want good things for Katetastic.
  1. Oh fun! These guests are terrible people!  It’s always more fun when the guests are flaming piles of dumpster trash.  This is why I watch this show.  I want to see the crew band together against the common enemy.  I need the guests to be the villain, especially since we don’t have one on the crew right now.  And how better to show off your villainy than to saying things like “ugh, 5percenters. How can they live?!”  & “3 grand is like sewer money”.  Awesome.  Shitty guests prevents made-up drama between Ben and Kate (I still refuse to believe episode 3’s drama was completely real).
  1. So, most of me that wants to say, “Good for you, back hair dude. Fuck body shaming, fucking society’s pre-conceived notions of who should and should not be in a bathing suit, DO YOU!”  But the rest of me is too busy gagging to come out with that.  Also, he gets creepy with Emily at one point so fuck that dude.
  1. Even an experience chef would have a hard time keeping up and helping Ben with a 12 course meal. Sierra, on the other hand, is god’s most vapid angel. Sierra doesn’t know that machines have to be turned on to work.  Sierra doesn’t know that lemonade is supposed to be tart.  Sierra doesn’t know that fabrics burn when they are left next to hot machines that are left on.  Sierra doesn’t know to turn off the hot machines.  Sierra doesn’t know what all-purpose flour looks like even though I guarantee the bag indicates what type of flour it is.  Sierra, in short, is not the right person to be helping Ben.  Even if she eats rabbit food and has a passion for juice.  Also, did anyone else think Sierra was going to say “I’m pretty thick-skulled” instead of “skinned?” Just me?  Fine, whatever.
  1. So even though we’ve established that Sierra is no Jacque Pepin, and that a 12 course meal prepared on a boat sounds like a nightmare, I’m a little disappointed in how Ben is treating her. Especially with the seared tuna. He was fine with the tuna when it got plated, and while he, of course, reserves the right to change his mind, I don’t think it was right for him to place all the blame on Sierra.  He told her exactly what to do and at least from what I could tell, she did it.  It also confuses me because Ben typically has the ability to bring the best out in the fuck-ups on the boat.  Rocky was her best with Ben, as was Danny.  Ben lifted Amy up when Kate was unkind to her in season 2, and he usually only argues with the heads of staff.  I dunno.  I actually felt for Sparkle Princess a bit on this one.  We caught a glimpse of SweetBen when he was understanding about Sierra dropping the plate, but I need more of that from him.  Making Ben a villain on the show makes even less sense than Jacqueline Laurita being one on RHONJ.  Also- if looks could kill, Ben would be dead from the face Kate made when he accused her of making Sierra nervous.  Um, Pot- meet Kettle.  You’re both black.


  1. 12 courses is way too many courses if you don’t have a full restaurant sized kitchen and lots of skilled crew. Ben delivers slow food when it’s only two courses, because he’s a god damn artist and you shouldn’t rush his culinary genius.  Also, a big fuck you to the lady who suddenly decided she was able to eat all the food she specifically said she couldn’t on her preference sheet.  That’s like when BelowDeckMed’s TiltedKilt girl Morgan said she could eat fish, but not all the fish, because they have families or something.
  1. UGH. Aaaaand I’m back on Ben’s side. Miss PrissyPantsCryBaby needs to pull it together.  I get that she had a bad night and people were tough with her, but both Ben and Kate were ultimately kind and understanding when the night ended.  That should have been enough to get her to buck up.  Since ultimately neither of them blamed her for the mishaps at dinner, she needs to let it go.

Bonus thought: Nico and Kelley circling Emily like sharks skeeved me out.  I hope the promos are true and she ends up with Ben.  To paraphrase Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin, “Emily is not some prize to be won, you cunts”

#10thoughts written by Liz