You guys? I love this show. With the notable exception of Vanderpump Rules, Below Deck is my favorite show on Bravo (third place belongs to The People’s Couch- which has, admittedly, the stupidest sounding premise but is hands down one of the funniest shows on television). I get a spring in my step and a face like a lunatic Labrador when it comes on and I decided to live tweet this show instead of waiting until the next day because unlike most other shows, I don’t mind watching this one twice. HERE WE GO!
- So Trevor is the obvious dickwad this season. He’s brash and bossy and he not only commented on Sierra’s boobs, but told her to smile so he’s basically dead to me for life. Kelley is in a tough spot but needs to set up clearer boundaries. According to the internet, “senior deckhand” is a real position on a boat, but to me it seems most similar to Dwight Schrute being the “Assistant to the Regional Manager”. Trevor is the bro-iest Dwight who ever schruted. That said, he at least seems to know what he is doing, which usually goes a long way with me. Unfortunately, the second he punished Nico by making him set up the beach picnic on his own while Trevor ate lunch in the mess, all good will was lost. I don’t even think Bryan from BelowDeckMed would have done that to Danny.
- A note about that “kids who eat hot dogs get leukemia” statistic. For starters, that report was done in the 90s using data from the 80s. The authors didn’t factor in the smoking status of the parents (since we didn’t even talk about 2nd hand smoke back then). There are a few other better written reports suggesting that it is best to avoid processed meats because of a possible link to colon cancer, but not childhood cancer. Not to mention, case control studies can show associations, but they cannot show causality. According to one epidemiologist who read the study, “It is very poorly written. Their data doesn’t even support the associations that they are reporting”. Is processed meat the best thing to feed a kid anyhow? No. But if it’s the 4th of July, or you’re at a football tailgate, let the kid eat a dog. I’d be more concerned about the raging childhood obesity epidemic we’ve got going than leukemia, in terms of hot dog consumption. Almost everything in moderation is fine. Also, I’ve decided that Emily is Hermione Granger-esque hot.
- I feel for Ben with these guests. Manfriend is an excellent home chef and we eat like kings, but I’m an obnoxiously picky eater, so he rarely gets to cook everything he’d like to. That said, barley is a pretty obvious gluten-full food. Also, Manfriend has repeatedly called breakfast the most stressful meal to prepare. Ben’s issues with toast are on par with Manfriend’s issues with over easy eggs. No joke, the guy can prepare a spectacular 5 course meal that’s plated beautifully and tastes like an orgasm feels, but anytime he tries to make over-easy eggs, it ends in screaming. After I walked in to find a pan flipped over and egg on the wall it was decided that I would make OEeggs in our house from now on. Maybe it’s something about the simplicity? Once, I beat Kerry’s incredible musician husband at guitar hero and he lost his shit. You wouldn’t ask Van Gogh to paint-by-numbers.
- Kelley following Kelsey on Instagram is…not very professional. But what I think I was able to gather from that scene was Kelley just planned to search for her, but not follow her, with plans to do so later on? I think once she’s off charter it’s acceptable. But then later Kelsey says that they ARE following each other which is not great. He’s teetering dangerously into the DannyZone though and needs to watch himself. Or he needs to go sleep with a local on his night off because 5 months sex-free can turn anyone into a lunatic. Here’s the main difference between Kelley and Danny though. Kelley doesn’t actually do anything with Kelsey. Sure, he plays connect4 with her, but it’s out in the open and he doesn’t touch her. She lunges over for him, but watch his hands- he makes no moves. And later when the girls all request the deck crew to take photos with them, it’s still harmless fun. I’d like to remind you all that Danny not only flirted heavily, but he touched and kissed whatsherfaceTiltedKiltGirl. And then, after he was given a direct order to not give her his bizarro poem, he defied that order and gave it to her anyway. I will forgive a person for having a HumanMoment and letting their emotions get the better of them, but ultimately, Kelley remained professional. Danny did not*.
*Danny recently agreed to have an interview with us. I’ve given him a lot of shit but I applaud anyone who would agree to have a conversation with someone who has stately publically that they are not on board the way we have. I really hope it happens because I’d love to have a real conversation about his experience as “the hated one” on a bravo show.
- I want to make fun of Trevor for his tattoos because I want to make fun of Trevor for everything he chooses to do and be, but at least his tattoos mean something. I have six dumb little stars on my hips (three on each side) that I got when I was 18 and these tattoos mean absolutely nothing other than “YAY I’M DRUNK AND 18”. They also got completely fucked up during my pregnancy from stretch marks. Also- Sierra oversleeping is strike 2 for me. Maybe she needs to get her hearing checked considering she didn’t hear her flight get called at the airport and now she is sleeping through alarms. Stop disrespecting other people’s time, Sierra.
- Every time Kate and Ben argue it makes me thankful that I was 1 when my parents got divorced and they never fought in front of me even once when I was older. I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH*!
*that was meant for Kate and Ben. My dad has passed and my mom knows I love her.
- I want to care and feel invested in the drama involved with docking the boat, but until they crash into something, I don’t know that I will ever care. That said, Trevor should cool it with his smart mouth. Talking back to the Captain? Especially Captain Lee? Really?
- I’m instantly irritated by anyone who assumes they have single-handedly raised the tips. You are a TEAM. I think some people are just bad at the team mentality. And seriously, sitting in the crew mess and buying a car while your crew is handling your business is exactly how you end up cleaning toilets. Way to be the 2nd engineer! Also, saying “I’m busy” over the radio is BANANAS. Okay guys, we’ve talked about this before but my dad was military and that clouds a lot of my feelings regarding this show. A lack of respect for your boss is a big issue with me. Even if you hate your boss, you don’t back-talk.
- Below Deck Truths:
(1) Lunatics, Labradors, and Sierra have Happy Resting Face.
(2) Hermione Granger (AKA Emily) is too damn awesome to be somebody’s second choice
(3) It’s never a good look to be the drunkest person in the room (unless you are Tiffany Copeland, in which case, party on you fabulous unicorn) i.e. don’t tell one girl she’s hot and another girl she’s got a great personality and that you’d like to combine the two. Jesus, Trevor. You are such a douche.
(4) When someone brags about how much they tip? That person is a twatwaffle who doesn’t tip well
(5) Those with bizarro tattoo’s shouldn’t throw inksults in glass houses (or something far more clever, I’m sorry I’ve had a lot of wine)
- It’s adorable that Trevor thinks Kelley was the one who blew shit out of proportion. DUDE. COME ON. I said this on twitter, but does the most hated guy recognize that he’s the most hated? Or is a total lack of self-awareness part of being hateable? For the record, I’ve been drunk before (HA! Obvi…) and someone has told me to “go to bed” and I’ve definitely not handled it well. So I get it. But Trevor put himself in that position and Kelly was right to pull rank. FUCK. I love this show.
#10thoughts written by Liz