My favorite thing that happened to me personally this week was when my friend Victoria told me that when she watches the shows I recap now she always ends up thinking to herself “Liz will not be happy with this…” She was absolutely right about that when it came to this week’s TeenMomOG. STOP ADOPTING PETS YOU CAN’T CARE FOR, PEOPLE! But my second favorite thing that happened this week is Below Deck is back on TV!
I love all of our returning faces and am stoked to meet the new kids. Capt. Mark from BDMed was a nice enough fellow but nobody cracks a whip like Captain Lee, the Stud of the Sea. I will, of course, miss my beloved Tiffany Copeland, but I take comfort in knowing that she’s out there, somewhere awesome, wearing a rubber unicorn mask and getting drunk.
Before we get started, I just want to say that my life’s biggest regret now is probably that I squandered my hot years being a cocktail waitress when I could have been yachtie. Did I say “probably”? I meant “definitely”. I definitely regret that I squandered those years. I lived in Florida, too! I was in such close proximity to an amazing life! When I’m on my death bed, I swear my last words will be “I coulda been a great 3rd stew”.
(I’ve always had small ambitions).
Let’s get started!
- Good lord. After the nightmare that was the Ionian Princess, this boat is GORGEOUS. I am STOKED to see Kelly, Ben, Capt. Lee, and Kate back on. I love that we are continuing the tradition of the female deck hand, and I LOVE how this show features actual professionals in this field. People with real jobs doing those real jobs is always so much more interesting to me than the fame seekers who are quite literally just along for the ride (cough Rocky cough cough DANNY cough).
- It’s….uncomfortable to watch my homegirl Kate talk about her relationship with girlfriend Ro when we know now how that ended. Oh, by the way? Kate’s sort of my ride-or-die. I’ve said this about bravolebs before and it’s bitten me in the ass (Thank you very much for that, Season 8 Bethenny), but I fucking love Kate. She’s exactly the type of leader I thrive under and other than her bizarre issues with Amy back in season 2, I think Kate’s the best.
- Oh boy. Trevor. Oh my, my, my. Me thinks we will not be becoming twitter besties, even though you are seniordeckhand. So, Trevor is the Ramona Singer of deckhands? Is that what he’s trying to tell me with this “I get the top bunk thing”? There’s a big difference between being a boss and being a leader. I think we all know which one we’d prefer to work for. Also, props to Lauren for objectifying the men on the deck crew. We need more of that.
- “If you meet your friends on Instagram, you never say you met on Instagram”. Kate is the Stassi of the sea. I also totally get where she’s coming from with the “this is my first girlfriend” thing. Look, I love Manfriend and have very serious plans to die next to him, old and wrinkled on our couch, but I’ve always felt that I was one awesome chick away from girling it up for a good long while. OH! Did I ever tell you guys that I own a bookshelf that I got for free off of Craigslist from The Real L Word’s Whitney? It’s my favorite story of my life. I was looking for a big shelving unit thing to put in my laundry room and I found this one on CL, and when I went to pick it up, I could tell instantly that I knew this woman from somewhere. She had cut her hair, obviously, because if I had seen the dreads it would have been a dead giveaway, but I was helping her move it out of her living room to my car when I saw her wedding photo with Sarah on the wall (it was a framed version of the photo below). Here’s the point I’m trying to make. I technically own a reality star’s piece of furniture and that’s a big deal for me. I also have her number saved in my phone. I’ve never tried to talk to her since that day, but it makes me feel special to have it.
The cat food in my garage sits on a piece of furniture that once belonged to these two ladies and that fact makes me cooler than most of the people I know.
- I just want to say, that I love the idea of a bunch of people who only know each other via the web, meeting for the first time on an at-sea adventure. I think that is so awesome and I want that to happen in my real life. Maybe it will.
- So this is basically Ben’s job now, right? I get that this show recycles people and they all have RealJobs outside of doing the same on TV, but Ben’s a TV chef now, yes? I mean, if this show were to be canceled tomorrow, Bravo has to bring him on as some new cooking show chef judge or something, right? Isn’t it weird how some people are just made for TV and some people aren’t? Ben seems like a guy who was just born and bred for this. If I had buckets of money and had never met Manfriend (aka the greatest non-famous chef who ever lived), I’d just hired Ben to hang out and delight me with his wit and dinners all the time. You guys, why am I not rich? I’d spend it all so wisely…
- I don’t respect people who miss flights. I just don’t. I don’t respect people who are late, I don’t respect people who talk back to their superiors, and I don’t respect people who aren’t grateful for the jobs they have. My dad was military and if you showed up on time, he was already halfway through his cup of coffee and tapping at his watch. This is just a minor explanation for why I had zero patience for Rocky and Danny. When you are late, you are telling everyone who waited for you that their time doesn’t matter and that you don’t respect them. This Sierra chick is in the red with me.
- Actually, Ben… It’s not very strange for a woman to “change sexuality” at 32. Because, typically, women have a more fluid understanding of sexuality and aren’t inherently skeeved out by the thought of touching parts similar to their own despite the societal pressures of gender normality. But I think we all get your weirdness is due to losing a potential fuck buddy.
- I’m trying to figure out why Trevor bothered me immediately and BDMed’s Bryan was someone I stood up for on more than one occasion. Especially since they have a lot of the same douche-y undertones. I’ll get back to you all on that. Also- “beef” has obvious social media context. Celebs have “beef” with each other all the time. It’s literally the easiest food to make a social media connection to. Other than tea. I’m disappointed in all of them for not figuring this out.
- On the one hand, I respect Kelly (since he’s new at the whole Bosun thing) going to Captain Lee on how to handle the Trevor situation, because I’m a big believer in “when you don’t know, ask”. On the other hand, Kelly knows Captain Lee and knows that that just make Kelly look weak, or unable to handle his own crew. Capt. Lee is the type who wants strong leaders. Not “leaders” who need direction on how to lead. Man up, Kelly.
Bonus Thought: Can I just say that I really appreciate the not so subtle digs that this BelowDeck crew is making towards Danny from BDMed? They keep talking about professionalism in front of guests and how it’s WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE to be chatting them up or worse, kissing them. It’s making the sting from there being no BelowDeckMed Reunion just a little less painful. Kudos, Valor crew!
Fuck off, Danny.
10thoughts written by Liz