So sorry for how late these are!  I broke my toe.  Yes, that’s right.  After spraining my ankle, spraining my wrist, and having since developed tendonitis in that wrist, I lhave now broken my toe.  If anyone wants to see a gross pic of my toe hangin’ all perpendicular to my other toes, let me know and I will hook you up.  Also- Congratulations to Jacqueline Laurita for officially becoming a grandmother!  According to TamaraTattles (our blogging fairy godmother), Cameron Hendrix Malleo was born at 5:20pm 8/30.  I’ve had my issues with Ashley* in the past, but she’s grown into a seemingly wonderful young woman and we here at #10thoughts wish the Laurita’s and Malleo’s the very best.  Anyhow, let’s get to this week’s #RHONJ #10Thoughts, shall we?

*As per usual, I refuse to acknowledge the change in spelling of Ashley’s name.

1. I understand that Dolores is new, but she was joking when she said “Let’s not talk about any of that this weekend”, right? Of COURSE Jacqueline and Teresa should get into it at the spa. That’s literally the whole point.  Interesting also to see who went into which car.  Dolores is clearly closer with Jacqueline, but I’m guessing the producers put her in the car with Melissa & Teresa to make Teresa fee like she has the numbers working in her favor.  I like Dolores and Siggy.  They remind me of old school housewives, and I dig that.  But they need to start bringing more to the table in terms of drama.

 

2. I don’t understand this spa. It looks like a big house. Is the spa somewhere else and this is just the house they are staying at? Does the handsome champagne man live there too?  I don’t understand it, which means I don’t like it.  Other things I don’t like?  That thing Teresa does where she expects everyone to act the way she wants them to act, and if someone fucks up, she gets pissed.  I think Jacqueline reached her hand out as part of the “Let me introduce you to someone” game that Siggy started.  It wasn’t a slight.  Also, why the fuck would would she expect Jacq to kiss her?  That makes no sense.  A third thing I don’t like is this bullshit storyline where we are expected to believe that the Gorga children are hellions (we’ve only ever seen them be polite and well mannered), and JoeGorga is some controlling husband who doesn’t want his wife to ever leave the house.  They are playing that up way too hard and I’m over it.  Also- ya know how Teresa can’t pronounce any big words?

simalinnaThat’s a family trait

3. I appreciate what Siggy, Dolores, and Melissa are trying to do here at this dinner, reminding Teresa and Jacqueline that everyone has suffered and it’s important to keep your loved ones close during those times, but it’s like what Casey and Danielle from BitchSesh always say- I’m watching this show for wish fulfillment, not sob stories. That said, it was interesting to find out that JoeGorga once told Melissa to come back home from Costco when her card was expired because they couldn’t afford the $50 to renew. That kind of puts into perspective all the times Teresa implied her sister was a gold digger.  You guys?  It’s becoming clearer and clearer to me who The Worst is this season…

 

4. For the record, I like what’s happening with the women. I like the kumbaya fire circle where they are all coming together and behaving like grown women and trying to look past their differences and bond over their commonalities. I think this has a lot to do with Siggy, who strikes me as a peacemaker and someone who nips drama in the bud.  But this is a problem.  Jersey has an explosive reputation and it’s already being deemed a snooze this season.  Again, I like it, but I also really liked Jersey Belle, where all the women acted like adults who actually cared about one another.  I think the problem here is that the women are too close and have too much history.  When the housewives aren’t really friends or family, it’s easier for them to blow up at each other.  In Jersey’s past, they brought in a Danielle Staub to be the catalyst, or they brought in Teresa’s family members when she was feuding with them to stir the pot.  Stuff with Teresa and Melissa is good.  Jacqueline and Teresa have both known Dolores for years, and have a good relationship with her.  Siggy is the ultimate peacemaker.  Sure, they are giving us this Teresa/Jacqueline faux-feud, but look how quickly they were able to get along?  I bet the producers hate Siggy.  She’s making this big effort to bring together the two people who have the best shot at creating conflict.

 

5.  The fake call to JuicyJoe was cute. The editing of the “coming up” to make me think it was real, was not cute and I was worried that I would have to rewrite thought #4. Also? Wine pong sounds exceptionally dangerous.  Who wants to travel to Suisun City, CA to play with me?

 

6. What IS this love fest?! Don’t get me wrong, it’s hitting me square in the warm and fuzzies, but you gotta think the producers were ripping their hair out by the roots when everyone gathered around Jacqueline to comfort her when she realized she had different types of “proud mommy moments” than the rest of the women.  How many frantic calls do you think the crew made to Andy’s cell during this filming?

“What do we do…….They are all getting along………..Yes, even Teresa and Jacqueline…………You don’t understand…….THEY ARE HUGGING AND CRYING…….oh god, I’m gonna have to call you back….Yeah, it’s turned into a regular pajama party………I know, I blame Siggy too.” Click

 

7. I sound like a broken record, but Siggy (who you all know I love dearly) is hilariously sabotaging the drama on this show. When Melissa and Dolores split off to talk about Melissa’s issues with Teresa, and Jacq is reading their lips, Siggy counsels Jacqueline and Teresa to let it go because whatever the other women are saying, “it can’t be bad”.  This is like playing tic tac toe with someone who knows how to make the game a draw every time.  The episode is a bit of a snooze, but I keep cracking up thinking about Siggy running around putting out production’s drama fires in an effort to thwart the Cohen Master Plan.

 

8. OH NO. The women on this show like their steaks “Medium-Well”? What the fuck is the point of a medium well cook on good meat?!  Medium-well or well is only acceptable on taco meat.  Bad form, ladies, bad form.

 

9. Since the cast members seemingly have no interest in showing throw-down, knock-out fights on this show anymore, production is forced to give the guys more screen time, and I say god bless them. If everyone is gonna be sing-songy and happy go lucky, I’d way rather watch Juicy, JoeGorga, Chris Laurita and Rosie play poker for 42 minutes while stuffing delicious charcuterie down their gullets. That said- does anyone actually trust Juicy to train that German Shepard to be a guard dog?  I’m pretty sure that dog will end up only following Milania’s orders, and that means her sisters are gonna wind up dead.  #SheWantsToBeAnOnlyChild

 

10. The episode ends with Teresa teaching the other women some relaxing yoga. Yawn. You guys? It was a real struggle to make to a whole 10 thoughts here. Nothing is happening.  Nothing.  It’s lovely and calming, but this show is doomed.

10thoughts written by Liz

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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