So I had a break in my schedule when #BelowDeckMed went off the air, and YES I plan to recap the newest one. But did I take this well-earned recapping break? NO. Because I can’t help myself, and I love this goddamn show. So I am sort of offering a promise to recap this season. It will be the show I drop if I’m busy, but I love it so I’m going to try my best to #makeitnice and recap a #10thoughts on this shenanigans weekly, even if it’s my Friday train show and not at all on time. Here we go!
- RIGHT OUT THE GATE IMPORTANT INFO- Farrah bought herself a 14 carat engagement ring that Simon was supposed to pay her back for and then propose. I don’t mean to your your minds, but that proposal has not happened yet. Also? Farrah has a podcast. “Farrah and Friends”. Did you guys know this? Who gave the green light for that? Farrah’s first guests are her producer Heather and the executive producer Larry, aka “the shovee” who Farrah fought with last season. An obviously fake caller into the first episode of Farrah’s podcast asks Larry how he can keep Farrah on the show when she’s such a bad role model because she has a porn, or “celebrity sex tape”. Farrah’s sex tape is literally the least offensive part of her. Larry says he’s proud of Farrah. For what? Why is this girl’s swamp trash behavior consistently rewarded by MTV?
- Much like literally every couple on House Hunters, Tyler needs a home with an open concept. I forget where they live (outside of Detroit?) but they are buying a house for $74,000. That makes my Bay-Area-Real-Estate-Heart die a little. Cate and Ty are talking about having another baby and while I’m not a doctor (although I have seen at least 6 or 7 episodes of House), I’m not sure how good of an idea it is to jump right back on the baby train when you are still trying to work out your postpartum/depression/anxiety issues…
- Amber has roughly 14 dogs. And they aren’t housebroken. Why are no dogs on reality tv housebroken?! Amber is furious with Gary for asking for back child support “for no reason”. I’d argue that “taking care of your daughter full time while you were in prison” is a good reason, but that’s just me.
- Maci tells us that Ryan is finally stepping up and being a great dad to Bentley. Fun fact: Dumb as a box of rocks Kiki from Are You The One used to date Ryan. I KNOW! Taylor is finally going to propose to Maci and he is designing the ring himself because he is an artist with a t-shirt line.
- Caitlyn wonders if she should go back on Weight Watchers, and if she wants to lose weight, she should! I’m on it and I’ve lost 20lbs so far. I would have probably lost more, but I seem incapable of keeping all my bones unbroken. Tyler is hesitantly supportive, since after all, he doesn’t “want no heifer for a wife”. That’s literally what he says. On camera. Cate wants to lose weight but doesn’t see the point if they are going to try and have kids again soon. I know this sounds awful, but I sorta think Caitlyn wants to get pregnant again so that she has an excuse for her mental instability and weight gain.
- My new favorite person on this show is Taylor’s barber, C.T. That guy is reality TV gold and MTV needs to give him a spin off called “Wisdom and Fades” or “Truth and Tramlines”. Aussie Producer Jaala plans to help Taylor propose to Maci on the beach under the guise of MTV.com promotional shoots. C.T. is concerned about Taylor proposing traditionally because he’s got bad knees, or as C.T. says it:
I’m telling you, I love this guy. #MORECT
- Tyler’s mom Kim (one of my other favorite people on this show) advises Tyler to be supportive and keep his mouth shut about Catelynn’s weight, but she is also concerned about them considering having another child while Cate’s mental health issues are still up in the air. I think the weight goes hand in hand with that. When you’re depressed, you don’t make positive life choices. It’s cyclical.
- I need someone to explain Simon to me. How much is he being paid to put up with Farrah? He has the patience of someone who is getting a check for this, not someone who is in love. Farrah is rude, defensive, and demanding. Also, he asks her if she’s excited to no longer have to stay in hotels when she visits LA…which is weird, right? Why wouldn’t she stay with him? I’m firmly of the belief that the only people who spend time with Farrah are those who are paid to be there. Like her porn-boobs friend Jenna, the production staff, Simon and her parents. I’m sure Sophia is getting paid, but certainly not enough for how fuck her life is.
- Oh Tyler. The things you say reek of no self-awareness and as such, I think Catelyn is the perfect person for you because she can read between the lines and see the good in what you are trying to say. Tyler keeps reiterating that he wants Catelyn to “get straight, psychologically” and it sounds so demeaning, but he’s obviously just worried about her. Catelyn warns him that she’s at a higher risk for post-partum with every pregnancy she has, and the pair agree to try to get Cate’s mental wellbeing sorted out first before expanding their family. #IUD4TheWin
- I really want to trim the pubes that are hanging off of Taylor’s face. Why isn’t C.T. handling that when Taylor comes in for a haircut? I love beards, but it’s just BAD. Speaking of bad, Taylor’s proposal did not warrant the dramatic music MTV played in the background. Maci was wearing a camo jacket and seems more pissed than excited. She doesn’t cry and growls out “FINALLY”. Yikes. Also- that ring is too much. It’s just way too much. It looks like an engagement ring + wedding band which it fine, but the band part should come later. Is Maci pregnant during this proposal? She has a bit of a pooch but I don’t want to assume*. Could be a Baja tacos baby. We’ve all been there. And lastly- Bentley happy crying when he sees that his mom is engaged made me cry as well. I’m turning into an old softie.
*As we now know, FUCK YES she is pregnant. Like 5 months pregnant. I am no officially soured on all Maci storylines because they are expecting us to believe that she didn’t know. Full-blown shenanigans.
10thoughts written by Liz