I said this last week, but I just can’t bring myself to write a full recap for this show anymore. I highly recommend you read the recaps on RealityTea or TamaraTattles if you haven’t seen the episode yet, and then come back here for my thoughts on the episode. Full recaps take me about 4 hours to write, whereas a 10thoughts takes about 1.5, and I can’t spend half a workday with these bitches anymore. I just can’t. So here’s my #10thoughts on last night’s episode:
- This engagement party is so uncomfortable. For Tom, at least. Luann seems fine, and regardless of what Ramona thinks, Luann was not blocking her from Tom “like a football player”. I feel for Sonja, because this is definitely awkward for her, and Ramona and Carole had gotten her all worked up in their cabin. I don’t think Ramona has any right to be shitty and weird (not that she’s ever needed a right before). She went on a few dates with Tom, NBD. But if what Sonja says is true (and I see no reason to doubt her), she and Tom have a long history and while they were never exclusive and nobody owed the other anything, it’s still an uncomfortable situation. It’s like Carole dating Adam. Luann and her niece had no claim to Adam and everyone is an adult and allowed to do what they want, but it’s still a sticky scenario. Sonja can feel how distant Tom is being and it hurts her feelings. I can see why she’s upset, but I can also understand why Tom would be standoffish. All of those women know he has a history with Sonja, and it’s his engagement party, so being a little cold makes sense to me. I think Sonja is handling it really well, all things considered.
- Someone who is not handling this well is Ramona. I know I almost never say this, but Ramona is The Worst. She flirts with Tom only to get outraged when he flirts back, and she insists on telling everyone who will listen that they used to date. Hey Ramona, maybe that’s a topic of conversation that should be avoided, considering it’s Tom and Luann’s fucking engagement party. Ramona is a twisted ball of inappropriate behaviors. I do think it’s weird that Tom hasn’t been upfront with Luann about his Ramonja past, but this is not the time, nor the place to hash that out. Also- I refuse to believe that Ramona smells like a grapefruit because I love that smell and I hate Ramona.
- Dorinda is schmammered. And not only is Dorinda t-wrecktified, but she decides it’s a great idea to give a toast that’s slurrier than the one Kristen Doute tried to give at Tom2Kat’s engagement party, but thankfully much shorter. Also- what was with that TINY cake? It looked like the kind of cake I would bake just for myself when I was pregnant. Speaking of all the cake I ate when I was pregnant, I’ve been on weight watchers for 5 weeks and have lost 17.2lbs! Yay for me! But I miss cake….
- Jules’ husband Michael is a walking, talking dumpster fire. I started off this season really liking him and I probably would have given him more of a pass on not spending every moment with his children while Jules is out of town, but we now know that he was probably boning his mistress instead of taking care of his kids which means he is dead to me and undeserving of my passes. It would be one thing if the kids were totally fine and not asking about him, but we’ve seen Jagger twice now very upset that he hasn’t seen his dad. And Jagger looks like a tiny Joseph Gordon Levitt. No one should upset TinyJGL.
- Does anyone else think that Ramona is legit jealous? I’m not buying her “we had no chemistry” story when it comes to Tom. I think she feels jilted and as a result, she’s acting out. OR- she’s just being a shitty person, because that’s what Ramona does. I think my struggle with the show this season is that I know they are all acting like dickwads because they are on TV and if they acted like decent human beings, it wouldn’t be entertaining. So on the one hand, I get it, but on the other, I really miss the days when the stakes weren’t so high. Housewives was originally this froth guilty pleasure but now it’s devolved into “Watch the terrible people be awful to each other for an hour once a week”. Also, Ramona doesn’t care about Sonja’s feelings! She’s just getting her worked up for the sake of drama. It’s awful.
- Speaking of getting people worked up for the sake of drama, Dorinda decides to tell Luann about the shit talking going on below deck. On the one hand, Luann has the right to confront Ramona (and Sonja, to some extent) for what they are saying, but Dorinda knew this would blow up. Seriously, at this point I hate all of them except for Sonja and Jules. And I have no interest in watching Jules. Luann storms downstairs, demanding that Ramona stop talking about Tom, and threatens to throw her overboard. I’ve never wanted anything to happen so much in my life, but alas, Ramona is not asked to walk the plank. When Lu gets in her face, Ramona does that thing where she gets really quiet, snooty, and self-righteous because she’s being confronted. Naturally, Ramona refuses to apologize and instead decides to ream Luann out for talking to the press about Ramona and Tom.
- Ramona also brought the newspaper clipping with her because she’s a crazy person. And now I’m pissed at Luann for not kicking Ramona off the boat. Ramona throws a newspaper in Luann’s face and calls her a bitch because Ramona does not want to be in the press. Bull. Motherfuckin. Shit. All of these bitches live for the press. Except Bethenny and Carole. Neither of those girls seem particularly press-thirsty. I will give them that. Also- Ramona says in a talking head that she’s surprised that Sonja was able to put aside her feelings for Tom for her friendship with Lu. Ramona says she doesn’t think she would have done that. Um, clearly. Ramona doesn’t know why Luann and Tom “get a free pass” and wonders what kind of person “plays with people’s feelings this way”. Yet again, I’m tempted to pull out the Kristen Taekman Delusional gif, but I will restrain myself.
- Dorinda isn’t buying Sonja being upset because Tom was Sonja’s booty call, and that’s it. I’m inclined to agree with Dorinda here. And I do not think Sonja would have gotten this worked up if Carole and Ramona hadn’t pushed her like they did. Ramona, who has completely forgotten where she is and for what occasion, continues to act like a total cunt to Luann, until Luann demands that they apologize to each other. Ramona will only go so far as to apologize for raising her voice. Luann begs her to stop talking about Tom, but Ramona only snots back “well, I’ve said all I need to say anyway”. Sonja, on the other hand, goes to smooth things over with Lu because that’s the right thing to do. Luann graciously says she can’t blame Tom for wanting to be with Sonja and repeats her line about how all that matters now is that Luann is the one who is getting married to Tom. Sonja stuffs her feelings back in a jar and vows to just be supportive of her friend even though she feels like Luann is being pretty mean about the situation.
- Bethenny has gotten some ominous text messages from a mystery 3rd party (who according to B “has no horse in this race”) that could result in the engagement being called off. First of all, if the 3rd party had no horse in this race, she would have contacted Lu, or just kept it to herself because what the fuck does it matter to her? Anyhow, so Bethenny starts asking Luann a bunch of leading questions like “do you and Tom talk about your past?” and “are you guys monogamous?” etc. Luann insists that Tom is her soul mate, but she can tell that Bethenny is up to something with this line of questioning. Luann calls it “coy”. Coy is a very nice way to put it.
- The Bitches of UpperEastEndWick all gather in Bethenny’s room to hear about the salacious texts that Bethenny got. Apparently, two days before the engagement party, Tom was blackout drunk and making out with some playboy bunny at a hotel. Bethenny doesn’t want to have this information all to herself, and so she shares it with Carole and Ramona. The women advise Bethenny to not say a word about it, and that would be fine if the cameras weren’t there or if Bethenny had only told Carole, but Ramona is literally have to stick her hand in her mouth to stop from shouting out this information. Bethenny decides has to tell Luann, which I actually agree with, but that resolve lasts about two seconds before demanding the three of them take a vote to decide. Carole feels like spreading a rumor isn’t wise when Luann is so happy, but Bethenny has photographic evidence. Yikes. The “To Be Continued…” flashes on the screen before we get a sneak peek of next week’s episode. Looks like Bethenny decides to wait a while before dropping the Tom Bomb ™, which is a bitch move. That just makes Luann look stupid and puts Carole and Ramona in a difficult situation.
I took this screenshot to show Ramona with her hand in her mouth, but now I can’t stop staring at her giant camel toe. Does anyone have any acid I can borrow to pour in my eyeballs?
So once again, I’m left with a sinking gross feeling in the pit of my stomach. This show is The Worst.
As always, you can find us on twitter and don’t forget to let us know your thoughts in the comments section.
10thoughts written by Liz