We start off this episode with Meghan and her giant ovaries. Meghan is about to have her eggs retrieved and her mom with there with her. A woman on twitter asked us why should Meghan care that Jimmy isn’t around, and she said that she had gotten IVF and it was no big deal. I guess my answer to that is twofold. Firstly, your experience does not define IVF. Something that is no big deal to one person, can be a very big deal to the next. And secondly, it’s a big deal because Meghan needs and wants him there. That’s the point of having a partner. If the person you love comes to you and says “I need you and I’m scared”, that should be reason enough. You don’t tell them to suck it up because it’s not a big deal to you; you make a point to be there for them. That said, if we all remember last week’s analogy that I made with having four dogs & getting a puppy, then you know my theory on why Jimmy is so distant. But I want to also mention that I agree with fellow recapper Kerry who said that Jimmy is just bad at reality tv.
In other news, Meghan’s ovaries are chock full of eggs. Seriously. The ultrasound made me cramp up a little. Also- her doctor is the ex-husband of that Nina lady with the thick accent (Russian? The only Nina I know is Russian, so that’s my guess). He agrees with Meghan that Nina has a “colorful mouth”.
Vicki is stressed out and very, very busy. Which is par for the course, I guess. Tamra comes to visit her and Vicki says that she needs a wife. “To dump things on”. I will repeat that. Vicki wants “a wife. To dump things on”. Because to Vicki, that’s what a “wife” is; someone to dump things on. I feel like this explains a lot about Vicki’s relationship issues. Vicki asks Tamra to be her wife, but Tamra is too busy. And probably a little offended on behalf of all wives. Also- Tamra chooses not to gossip about Shannon’s marriage with Vicki and I fall out of my chair. Is this Jesus’s fault?
Tamra brings up the 70s party and says that between Kelly and Shannon, she isn’t sure which one is more “cuckoo”. That’s fair. Vicki is pissed that David jumped into the fight since she never had an issue with him before. I agree with that. David went after Vicki for no good reason. David’s a flaming trash bag of a person.
Shannon is touched that David went after Vicki in defense of Shannon (although not really, right? David mostly just yelled at Vicki for her role in the Scamcer ™). And actually, Shannon was begging David to help her with the Kelly situation but he was too busy shouting at Vicki to really notice.
Kelly feels set up, and she should. I can’t say for a fact that Shannon brought Jaci and Nina to her party to ambush Kelly, but it certainly looked like that. Even Tamra could see that something fishy was going down. Should Kelly have said what she said about David’s affair? Probably not. But she was drunk and in a fight with a woman she barely knows and likes even less. I’d probably go there too if I were drunk and trying to cause the most damage.
Meghan’s headed off to DC to give her speech about colon cancer. The group she is working with focuses on trying to get a bill passed that helps make colon cancer screening more affordable. I know I sort of mocked Meghan for this but that’s a cause I can get behind. I’m all for more preventative health care measures. Heather’s grandmother Beatrice (One of my favorite Old Lady names for those of you playing the #10thoughts trivia game at home) died of colon cancer at the age of 82.
Heather admits that yes, Beatrice had a long life, but she wishes that NanaBea could have met her kids. Also- Meghan has 10 fertilized eggs and briefly considers having what could only be referred to as a litter. Also Heather looks flawless. She always looks flawless, but its 4am when they are having this conversation on the way to the airport, and no one is supposed to look flawless at 4am.
Oh good. We get to see more of Shannon’s bizarro medical procedures. Today it’s cupping- which according to Shannon, brings the toxins to the surface of your skin. But then what, you ask? Well, I will tell you. Then Dr. Moon pokes holes in the skin so that the toxins can “come out”. I’ve been feeling less into Shannon this season, but I will always watch her get poked, prodded, and cupped. As long as it’s by Dr. Moon.
Heather and Meghan touch down in DC just in time for a few quick pics of some monuments before getting dinner and drinks. Heather asks about Jimmy’s lack of involvement in…well, basically Meghan’s whole life. Jimmy had two days off during Meghan’s egg retrieval but didn’t fly back to CA from FL for it, and he was pissy with her for calling him and interrupting his golf game. It’s getting really hard to keep defending Jimmy as a guy who loves his wife but just hates reality TV and doesn’t know how to act on camera. I know it’s his fifth child, but he was certainly there for the conception of the first four, so it would be nice if he could put in some face time for this one. That said, as someone with family in Florida, that’s not an easy flight. You lose most of the day just traveling, so I’m gonna give him a pass on that one.
Heather proves yet again that she’s probably one of the better people to ever grace these shows (calculated and polished, absolutely; but a good person nonetheless), and gives Meghan exactly the right advice. Heather says that she doesn’t even remember now if Terry was there when her eggs were implanted, but she knows he was there for the birth and every other milestone. Meghan has seen how hands-on Jimmy is with his other kids and feels confident that he will be there for her when their baby is born. I hope so.
I’ve said this before, but Kelly’s house is probably my favorite Housewives Home ever on the franchise. The only thing that gives it a leg up on Villa Rosa is the beach access (and lack of swan poo), but it’s so white and pretty and I want it. Kelly is advised by her family to try and patch things up with Shannon since they are on the same television program have friends in common. This scene feels a wee bit manufactured to me, as if to make it seem like Kelly is walking into her meeting with Shannon with good intentions, but ultimately I don’t really care. Not only am I becoming more and more on Kelly’s side with this argument, but this fight between her and Shannon is sooooooooo refreshing. It has nothing to do with a faked illness or anything that was said off camera. It’s just an old fashioned no-good-reason housewives fight and I love it.
Considering my idea of fitness is lifting the remote, I’ve felt pretty meh about Tamra’s storyline. That said, I love all things sparkly, so seeing her pick out a bathing suit was fun. I’m confused about the can’t-walk-in-high-heels thing though. Tamra has been in heels for years, hasn’t she? And she walks just fine in them. The last time I wore high heels, I got drunk to numb the pain and made my date essentially carry me any time I needed to move. I looked like an intoxicated newborn baby deer.
I wanna snark on Meghan for not really having her speech fully prepared but I know that speaking in public isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Overall, I’m just glad she’s putting a pretty face on an ugly disease.
I’d like to second what Kerry mentioned in her 10thoughts, which is that Vicki’s jubilation over “getting her family back” is a steaming pile of garbage. Vicki repeatedly chose Brooks over Briana and it wasn’t until Brooks left Vicki that she was able to get that relationship back. Vicki could have broken things off with Brooks at any time and Briana would have come back into the fold. It’s shit like this right here that makes Vicki The Worst. Is that the first “The Worst” crowning of this season? It feels premature, but necessary.
Briana has moved into Tamra’s neighborhood (albeit outside the gates) and is in the process of a big renovation. I’m a little confused by the financial aspects to this arrangement. I get that Vicki bought the house, and it looks like a fixer-upper, but the cost of a home in the OC (gates location notwithstanding) is far more than whatever Briana is going to be able to sell her OK home for. I know that Briana is a nurse and makes a decent living with that, but how is she affording this? And isn’t $50k for a renovation nowhere near enough money?
We also learn in this scene that out of respect, Tamra pulled away from Briana when Tamra and Vicki weren’t speaking. Who is this no-gossiping, “out of respect” person and what has she done with Tamra Judge?
Back in DC, Meghan “JUSTICE” Edmonds and Heather get a call from Tamra inviting them to a boozey last-hurrah for Meghan and Tamra before they can’t drink anymore (due to pregnancy and fitness competition, respectively). What’s important about this scene, is that we get to see a previously before unaired clip of Shannon asking Nina and Jaci to come with her to the back room at the 70s party, implying that she was getting ready to launch her attack.
Tamra thinks it was a setup, Meghan thinks it was a setup, Kelly definitely thinks it was a setup, and I do I. Too many bizarre things happened for that to have been an organic throw down. If Meghan wasn’t so distracted, I feel like she would have already gotten to the bottom of this. Where are your priorities, Meggo?
Shannon and Kelly will never be friends. I’m fine with that, I’m sure they are fine with that, and you should be too. I’m tickled pink by this conflict though. Kelly is there to get to the bottom of SetUpGate and starts off asking Shannon how well she knows Jaci, and what they talk about. Shannon thought she was meeting up to get an apology, but that’s not really how this is going. First of all, I don’t believe for one second that Shannon didn’t know that Jaci & Kelly knew each other. I don’t believe that because it doesn’t make any sense, and I think that’s what Kelly was trying to get to the bottom of. If someone is your friend who you see a lot, then they know things that are happening in your life. This show is the biggest thing happening in Shannon’s life, outside of her family issues, so it would stand to reason that a friend of hers would ask about the cast for the new season. So let’s just put that to bed now, shall we? Shannon knew.
Next, Shannon tells Kelly that she “looked like an Indian”. What. The. Fuck. Has Shannon apologized for that? No, she has not. She keeps saying on twitter that what she meant by that was that Kelly’s outfit wasn’t “70s”. Um, yes it was, but this is a stupid defense. It’s also a stupid argument, but I’m digging it so keep going, ladies!
Neither of these women is buying what the other is selling. Kelly sort of, kind of, tried to apologize but Shannon has no interest in it and she shouldn’t, because it’s clearly pretty false. Shannon is insisting that she didn’t set Kelly up, but that’s bucket full of shenanigans and Kelly knows it. I legitimately like both of these women so for me this is like putting Oreos in ice cream. Great on their own, but together? Shout-y, accusatory, perfection.
Ultimately, I’m #TeamKelly when it comes to this argument, but only because Shannon tipped the scales for me on twitter last night when she tried to call out Kelly for drinking a “whole bottle of wine”. For starters, that was clearly a half bottle and we’ve seen Shannon drink more vodka when she’s been out to dinner with her kids. Not to mention, Shannon got severely party-shamed her first season, so it’s gross to watch her throw that back at Kelly. Also, next week Kelly calls someone a cunt and that’s my favorite curse word.
As always you can find us on twitter and don’t forget to leave your thoughts on this week’s episode and the Shannon/Kelly kerfuffle in the comments section!
Recap written by Liz