1. This season of RHONY has been the “the show that cried Vacation!” The trip was supposed to be in Mexico but that got canceled because Bethenny has been bleeding like a stuck pig for weeks, and now Dorinda’s Hawaii trip has also been voided for the same reason.  Dorinda decided on a trip to Miami, since it’s only a two hour flight.  Um, no it’s not.  It’s 3.5 hours, which I recognize isn’t that much more, but an hour and a half is a lifetime if you aren’t feeling well.  Also- for the first time in a decade, I agree with Ramona that Miami is a lamesauce location for a show this established.  And normally, I would also agree with Ramona (I KNOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER) that Luann should be able to leave Tom for a night or two and stay with the girls, but considering the last overnight trip Lu was on, why the hell would she want to stay with them?  I know everyone is good now, or whatever, but I don’t blame her for preferring to stay with Tom.

2. I’m so glad that Sonja is no longer ostracized, you guys. It’s been a long season without Lady Morgan. I’ve missed her sexually charged sage advice like, (I’m paraphrasing) “you can sleep with a guy on the third date, but lunch and dinner can count as two dates so there’s ways to speed it up”.  I need that kind of stuff in my life and on my RHONY.  Ramona is outraged that Luann mentioned her name in the press regarding Tom and the reporter got the facts wrong and referred to Ramona as one of Tom’s “friends with benefits”.  Ramona does NOT give benefits.  I 100% believe that’s true.  There is definitely no benefit to being with Ramona.

3. Just as Bethenny’s assistants predicted, her trip to Aspen was a mistake, at least health-wise. Bethenny started bleeding again (worse than that time in Home Goods) and now she is going to have to have surgery. But for some reason, she still thinks traveling to Miami is a good idea?  And then later she wants to have a Mexican themed party with tequila shots?  Who is Bethenny’s doctor and why aren’t they doing their job?  Also- I don’t think it was sneaky of Luann to set up an engagement party in Palm Beach and to ask the ladies to attend.  It makes sense.  If everyone was going to Miami anyway, why not tack that on?  Also- I’m glad Bethenny got a “hall pass” and won’t be going to the party.  She’s not Luann’s friend and so she shouldn’t be there.

4. I’m oddly okay with Carole going since she’s been kind to Luann (at least to her face) recently. I don’t fault her for being curious about Tom, as I think we all would be if we were in Carole’s position. Serious question though- what has Carole done this season?  Other than play Gretchen Weiners to Bethenny’s Regina George the whole time, Carole has made vague plans to write a vegan cookbook with Adam and she helped put on a dog wedding.  That’s literally it.  Jules has had a decently heavy storyline this season and it’s been all but confirmed that Jules is getting the boot.  I think we can all agree that Carole will only be on season 9 because Bethenny will insist on it, right?  And by that I mean I don’t even think Carole wants to be a part of the show anymore.  But she will be.  Because Bethenny will insist on it.

gretchenweiners

5. We get to meet the proverbial Asian and Jew who walked into a bar when we head to Boca with Jules. Her parents seem really sweet. I got a pit in my stomach when Jules called her kids and Michael wasn’t home with them.  Hearing Jagger cry for his dad made me really sad.  Michael can go fuck himself.  I’m not of the belief that you should stay together no matter what just because you have kids, but he’s handling this whole situation like a total douchebag.  Don’t cheat, people.  Just break up with someone if you don’t want to be with them anymore.  Learn how to have a difficult conversation and break up.

6. Ramona is THE WORST, but Dorinda is a bona fide shit-stirrer. Obviously, both women are integral to the show for these same reasons, but it really cooks my goose to watch Ramona in the car on the way to Luann’s party strategizing Dorinda and making her plan of attack. Who goes to an engagement party to admonish the bride-to-be?  RAMONA SINGER DOES.  Ramona also does this shit All. The. Time. She picks the worst possible moments to “clear the air” and then she always acts shocked when the conversation blows up in her face.  I hope Luann kicks her off the boat.    Begrudgingly, I recognize that everything I just stated is exactly why Ramona is great TV.  I just hate her so much.  Also- Sonja is a grown ass woman who can toast to Luann’s engagement if she wants to.  Fuck off, Ramona.

7. I’m upset that they couldn’t figure out a way to combine #BelowDeck with Luann’s engagement yacht party. I want to hear Kate Chastain’s talking heads after dealing with Ramona.

8. Dorinda spills the beans that Ramona is looking to start shit (Jesus, Dorinda…what have you become) and while I can only assume Luann was expecting Ramona to be a dick, Lu is still annoyed. Luann seems to have no interest in putting up with Ramona’s shenanigans, but then she says “bring it on”, so who knows.  I’m guessing that ultimately, if Luann truly didn’t want her engagement party to implode, she wouldn’t have invited the whole cast, right?  Also- all these bitches put out stories constantly so I don’t care who said what in the press.  They are all culpable in that regard as far as I’m concerned.  Also- Ramona has a conniption fit because Luann won’t share her guest list.  UGH.  She exhausts me.

9. Here’s the thing about Bethenny and her “friendships” on this show. I absolutely believe that she and Carole are truly friends.  And as such, if Bethenny had received some salacious texts about Adam, you can bet your sweet ass that she wouldn’t have shared that information on TV first.  She would have gone to Carole in private and shared what she knew with her first and possibly kept her mouth shut forever.  I think she probably would have done the same with Ramona, but who knows.  But Luann is not her friend, and that’s why Bethenny has decided to  air this dirty laundry on national TV under the guise of “concern” for Luann.  I’m not buying it.  I want Luann to quit the show and I hope she does.  It’s toxic.

10. I also want Sonja to quit, but I know she needs the paycheck. Sonja is too good for this show and these women. Sonja was doing just fine on this trip and holding herself together so gracefully before getting henpecked by Ramona and Carole.  Honestly, I’d probably be upset if my on again off again fuck buddy of 10 years suddenly got engaged, and I can’t say that I would handle it as well as Sonja is, but I applaud her for how she’s been so far.  The other ladies ought to leave it alone, but if they did, we wouldn’t be headed into the “4 best episodes in RHONY history”, according to Andy Cohen.  I’m learning that Andy and I have very different ideas of what the word “best” means.  I miss the days when they would argue over fashion week runway show seats and tennis matches.

 

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10thoughts written by Liz

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