This is the last episode of Below Deck Med, and I do mean last because those pricks over at Bravo HQ have decided not to give us a reunion.  I will never understand the reasoning behind no reunions for shows (have you noticed MTV only does them for Teen Mom, but not The Real World or AYTO? Utter shenanigans).  The only reasoning I can see is that it’s probably expensive to get all of those people in the same place especially since they likely have new jobs in all parts of the world, but I feel like Bravo is a successful enough network that they should pony up and try to make it work.  Allegedly  the 2016 Olympics have something to do with it.  I understand that everyone at NBC Universal is distracted right now, but I am going to be bitter about this for a while.  Let’s get started, shall we?

So I don’t really know why I’ve stuck up for Bryan for most of the season.  I think it’s because in maybe ways, he seems like he’s be the easiest one to work with.  Wait wait wait, don’t tweet at me just yet.  What I mean by that is Bryan seems….simple.  He likes baseball caps, bros, and yes, he has a problem belittling women.  But he’s also completely predictable.  You know what you’re getting with Bryan as a boss.  You might not like it, but the rules are clearly laid out.  And that is the type of boss/coworker I like.  In general, they get their shit done and you know exactly what they expect from you.

The real trouble with Bryan is that he’s a bad drunk.  I do not condone his language or his behavior and if I knew him in real life, we definitely would not be drinking buddies.  When Bobby and Bryan are both drunk, they appeal to lowest parts of each other’s personalities.  In other words, they “bro-out” to the extreme and it’s difficult to watch.

tittyEW. This is the kinda shit we’re talking about Bryan.  Why not choose to NOT be a douche when you talk to or about women?  Mmkay?

And that’s where we pick up with this episode.  Bobby is piss drunk and feeling scorned.  The rest of the crew has managed to stop him from bringing a girl back to the boat, but after Bobby proceeds to tell basically everyone to go fuck themselves, he hops off the tinder and is joined by Bryan who sides with his broseph even though Bobby is 100% in the wrong.  Bryan also asks Bobby if he got any “tongue” and “titty” from the girl he was trying to bring back to the boat.  Just putting this out there, Bryan…but a public twitter apology would have gone a long way here.

Back on the boat, the girls are not happy.  Julia is upset that Bobby called her boyfriend Matty a “pussy” on national TV, especially when he’s not here to defend himself. Hannah comforts her and is shocked that Bryan sided with his drunken crew member.  It’s fucked up, but not surprising.  Jen, on the other hand, seems almost pleased that everyone is now seeing what she’s had to deal with all season long.  The next morning, Tiffany asks Jen why she got so upset, but instead of answering, Jen replies, “why did you make out with Ben?”  HA.  According to Tiff, Ben is a good kisser and she’s interested to see where it could go.

Bobby has woken up and is feeling the bitter taste of “what the fuck did I do last night”.  He opens with an apology, and ya’ll know how much I lvoe apologies.  Bryan, on the other hand, does NOT apologize or say anything about how wrong HE was, but instead, tries to make light of the situation.  Bobby is doing exactly what he should be doing, which is jump on the I’m Sorry Express.  Jen and Tiffany forgive him easily but warn him that Julia is still very upset.  After getting the door slammed in his face, Bobby waits to apologize to Jules and finds Hannah instead.  Hannah doesn’t believe in going to the captain to rat out crew mates and she is able to forgive Bobby.  I’m guessing no Danny supporters read our blog, but if you do, no- I do not consider this to be hypocritical.  I think you protect your crew up until a point.  Danny never apologized and repeatedly fucked up which means he lost the crew’s unspoken protection long before Hannah & Bryan went to the captain.

juliabobbyJulia’s not here to make friends…who endlessly hit on her and disrespect her relationship

Julia is in no mood for Bobby’s apologies, but she leaves her room and joins Bobby in the crew mess to hear him out.  Julia’s biggest issue is that Matty never signed up for this (“this” meaning the show, I assume) and it’s not right for Bobby to bring Matty into their fight when he isn’t there to defend himself.  Bobby is sincere but Julia isn’t ready to put it all behind her just yet.  She tells him that things are different now between them and in a talking head, she tells us that she doesn’t need any more friends.  Ouch.

I like these charter guests.  They remind me of my dad.  Yes, all of them.  Hannah considers these guys to be quintessential Americans, which I’ve decided to take as a compliment.

I can’t imagine that there will ever be a point in my life when I am staying on a super yacht, but should the situation arise, I will be forever torn when it comes to beach picnics.  From a guest perspective, they look totally awesome and I can’t imagine missing out on that kind of experience.  But from an “I’ve worked in the service industry for years and write a blog about this show” perspective, they look like a huge pain in the ass for the staff and I wouldn’t want to put them out like that.  Yeah, yeah, I know it’s their job, but still.  I appreciate how easy going the charter guests are when it comes to not having the picnic due to the wind.  My dad would have been cool with that too.  Also- everyone (i.e. all the women on the boat) are getting fed up with Bryan’s attitude and I don’t blame them.

Everyone is feeling relieved that the charter season is coming to an end and Julia just wants to get back to some sense of normality.  Ben asks how she’s feeling about Bobby and Julia explains that she was just shocked to see him treat the women like that. While she understands that everyone was way too drunk that night, Julia doesn’t get why Bobby singled her out.  Really, Julia?  I can’t believe you are that naïve.  And neither does Ben who reminds her that Bobby has real feelings for her.  Julia shrugs it off like she has all season.


Hannah asks Ben what his thoughts are on Bryan’s behavior, seemingly to look for an ally that she doesn’t find.  Ben likes Bryan and thinks he’s a loyal hard worker.  But, as Hannah points out, Ben hasn’t had to deal with the CrazyEyesBryan because Ben doesn’t have a vagina.  Ben agrees that Bryan’s approach with female coworkers isn’t up to snuff and while Ben considers Bryan a friend, he knows Bryan has some work to do in this department.

The awesome guests love Ben’s awesome food, as they should.  The Primary Guest tells Ben that if his food were music, Ben would be Jimi Hendrix.  This delights Ben.  The crew also gets their biggest tip of the season, $2000/each.  So let me get this straight….we got THREE weeks with the Charter Guests from Hell and only 15 minutes with the nice old guys?  Lamesauce, BelowDeckMed….Lamesauce.

The women on the boat have all had their fair share of issues with Bryan and feel like the best course of action is to confront him on it.  Jen calls Bryan into the skydeck for their talk while Tiffany, who is inarguably the least controversial crew member, takes the lead by letting Bryan know that they aren’t here to attack him but want to offer some constructive criticism when it comes to working with women.  Bryan handles it about as well as could be expected.  He’s defensive and dismissive.  Oh, Bryan.  Haven’t you ever heard the saying “pride goeth before a fall”?


What frustrates me most about Bryan is that even after the weeks/months since this conversation, he hasn’t managed to reflect and decide that an apology is owed.  I totally get him being defensive in the moment, because that’s a pretty typical response of anyone suddenly being critiqued.  As much as we all want to say that we would be patient and absorb what we’re being told, I think most of us would feel flustered and upset.  I don’t fault him for that.  What I DO fault him for is not taking the time to rethink his position and recognize that if every woman on the boat is telling you that you have a problem talking to women…..that’s worth looking into.  You all know what a sucker I am for a public apology and it would have been really nice if Bryan had said something on twitter or some other form of social media.

I still think I’m the type of person who would work well with Bryan as my boss and I also think that a majority of Bryan’s issues with the crew were alcohol fueled.  The worst things he did (in my opinion) were (1) to stand over Julia and Hannah in the crew mess and block their escape (2) everything involving Tiffany and that hot tub (3) side with Bobby when he was trying to bring a girl back to the yacht.  All of these things happened when he was drunk.  In our interview with Tiffany, she told us that while she and Bryan are good friends now, she doesn’t hang out with him when he’s been drinking.  That’s pretty telling to me.  You have to be a pretty bad drunk for another drunk to not want to hang with you.


The owners set up an end-of-the- charter-season beach picnic for the crew and Capt. Mark joins them on their night out for the first time.  Since Captain Mark is the world’s most pleasant and oblivious fellow, he thanks the crew for all of their hard work and applauds them for coming together and avoiding the drama.  I want to live in Captain Mark’s head.  I bet it’s a beautiful world in there.  Ben raises his glass back to the Captain, thanking him for being such a great person to work with.  I have desperately missed Capt. Lee all season but I can’t imagine anyone walking away from that experience not loving Mark.  Captain Mark is the kind of boss I would want to have, but Capt. Lee is the kind I need to have.  I’ve walk all over Mark because I’m the type of person who needs boundaries.  Just ask my mom.

I know fellow recapper Kerry was confused by the burning of the uniforms, but I’m guessing on a luxury yacht, they don’t recycle those.


Hannah makes her last big play for Ben and it makes me cringe.  I love Hannah but it’s hard to watch this, especially knowing now that Ben will be hooking up with Tiffany.  For the record, I think if Hannah had been a regular stew, and not a head of staff, Ben would have gone there.  They definitely have chemistry, but Ben’s an old pro at this yachting thing by now and he’s hyper aware of the importance of separating business from pleasure.  I’ve always liked this about Ben.  He’s an affable goofball, but he takes his job very seriously.

Oh, Bobby.  Oh, sweet, sweet Bobby.  It’s hard when you fall in lust with someone who is already taken.  And for the record, I’m of the firm belief that you can never truly be in love if the other person doesn’t love you back.  That’s the whole concept of being “in love”.  In order to be “in” it, both people have to be there.  True Love will not seat your table if all parties have not arrived.  But I do feel for Bobby here.  And he’s right to give it a shot.  The regret of never knowing if will last much longer than the painful sting of rejection.  Bobby tries here.  He really, really tries.  And to Julia’s credit, she lets him down easily and lovingly.  Ah yes, youthful unrequited love.  The pattern of life indelible.

Bobby and Bryan have a “who is more ripped” contest that results in Bobby running off to puke, and Bryan declaring himself to be the winner.  This pretty much sums up everything douche-y that Bryan and Bobby have done all season.

bryanbobbyFurther proof that man and apes have a common ancestor…

By all accounts, Tiffany and Hannah are good friends now from what we hear.  But at the time, Hannah was simply Tiffany’s boss and they never seemed particularly close over the season.  All of this is to say that Tiffany did absolutely nothing wrong here.  I can see how Hannah would be bummed, but it’s one of those fleeting bummed situations where you go “aw man…I wanted to have the drunken hook up with that guy…”  In other words, no big deal.  I feel sorry for Tiffany that her dad watches this show because that was probably awkward, but I am also jealous of Tiffany because Ben is sexy and I would have totally done the same thing if I were in her shoes.

We all agree that Bryan was trying to start something when he kept asking Hannah where Ben was, right?  I don’t necessarily think that Bryan was jealous, but I do think he was trying to get Hannah worked up.  Also, and please correct me if I’m wrong, Tiff, but at one point it sounded like Ben laughed, then you shushed him and told him to “focus”?  If so- awesome.

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Absolutely any issues I ever had with Jen are gone and I will tell you why.  The morning after Tiffany (who is giggling like a school boy who just saw a penthouse for the first time) has sex with Ben, Jen asks her three questions and they are as follows:

  1. You had sex with Ben? (Tiffany answers: Yes)
  2. Did you use a condom? (Tiffany answers: Yes)
  3. Was it good? (Tiffany answers: Yes)

Ladies and gentlemen, these are the only questions that could ever and should ever be asked of a woman who has possibly just had sex (not the Ben part, obviously, you can sub in whoever else’s name is appropriate), with particular focus on “did you use a condom” and “was it good”.  A+++ Jen.

Could someone make me a mashup of all the scenes of Captain Mark drinking coffee?  I need and want this in my life so that when times get tough, I can just ask myself WWCMD? And then I will calm down long enough to make myself a hot beverage.


Hannah calls Tiffany “low maintenance”, which I take as a compliment.  Being “low maintenance” and being a “proper woman” are not mutually exclusive.  And normally I would rip all over Hannah for what she said, but Tiffany is cool with her now, they’ve made up, and it clearly came from a place of jealousy so I see no point in getting into it.  In their cabin, Jen & Tiffany hug and say they will miss each other.

Tiffany is the first to leave and she tells us that she was glad to have learned so much as a third stew, but she never wants to be a stew again.  As we now know from our interview with her, Tiffany is now a first mate and her new captain gives her lots of chances to drive the boat and learn captain-y stuff.  Tiffany started off with the “I’m too good for this edit” but quickly turned into a delightful cast member.  My only complaint is there just wasn’t enough of her.

Julia is next to go and she hugs Bobby goodbye first, telling us in a talking head that she doesn’t hold any grudges and hopes he’ll find the right girl someday, but it won’t be her.

Bobby is still bummed about not getting together with Julia, but he’s happy with the work he put in and the friendship he made with Bryan.

Jen leaves next and decides to drop a fire bomb on her way out.  I think Jen’s been furious with Bryan for a long time and now that he’s not her boss, she feels free to say whatever she wants to him, but her delivery is bizarre.  Especially the part about Tiffany having sex with Ben.  I honestly don’t think Bryan cares and I know for a fact Tiffany didn’t sleep with Ben to get Bryan’s attention.  Glad you got to speak your mind, but that was a weird move, Jen.

Bryan says his goodbyes and I worry that Jen’s Last Stand is going to muck up the good advice Tiff, Hannah, and Julia gave him earlier.  Yes, I think Bryan has issues working with women.  But I don’t think he’s a lost cause.  Ultimately, I think there’s a lot that both Bryan and Jen could have done to fix their working relationship but neither of them wanted to give an inch.  It’s a shame.

Hannah and Ben leave last and Ben tells us that he feels like he never really connected with Hannah. I think Hannah was a good chief stew.  I’m partial to Kate only because she’s one of my favorite people to ever be on Bravo (and she’s also a tough boss who I know I’d thrive under), but I liked Hannah.  Ben is the best, period.  I’m glad he’s stayed on this show and remains the thread that ties all of the seasons together.

Here’s my Fantasy Below Deck Crew:

captlee gif

Captain: Capt. Lee (Mark was nice, but he’s no Stud of the Sea)

Ben gif

Chef: Ben, obviously.


First Mate/Bosun: Eddie – although he’s on thin ice with me after hooking up with Rocky and actually making me feel bad for her when he was such an asshole (with Tiffany as an alternate because I think it would be interesting to shake up the gender dynamics)

Deckhands (3): Kelley (mmm Kelley), David, and either Connie or Tiffany (Tiffany, if she isn’t 1st mate and Connie if she is)


Chief Stew: Kate (I love Hannah, but I’m obsessed with Kate)


Stews (2): Kat & Amy (although neither of them are inexperienced enough to be considered 3rd stew – but it would be interesting to see Kate, Kat, and Amy all work together again.

And that’s it for this season!  We want to thank all of you for sticking with us during those grueling weeks when it seemed as though Danny would never be fired (#FireDanny #NeverForget) and we’d like to give a special thanks to Tiffany Copeland for becoming our best Twitter Buddy and granting us that awesome interview (link below).  Let us know what you thought in the comments section and tell us who would be in YOUR Fantast Below Deck Crew!

Recap written by Liz