So I was going to just make this a 10thoughts because I’ve written 6 recaps in two days, but then they showed the teaser for Shannon’s 70’s party and obviously a 10thoughts will not be enough.  All of this is to say, this may get posted later than I would have wanted.

We start off with the Beador family all at their local party store picking out costumes for Shannon’s party.  Talk turns to streaking (as conversation so often does) and Shannon explains that this was a frequent occurrence in the 70s.  Two things- really?  Was streaking a bigger deal back then? How much streaking did Shannon have to witness for this to be burned into her memory? Secondly, people definitely still streak today.  They may not be constantly running around naked like they apparently were in the 70s, but this hasn’t gone away.

Speaking of awkward conversations- Stella, and I would assume Adeline as well since they are twins, had to go to “puberty talk” (aka a health and development class) in school recently.  They decide to ask their father, on national television, if he has ever had a wet dream, and if so, how many has he had them in his lifetime.  Um, yeeaaah.

party storeHAHAHA! Remember when you were a little girl and you asked your dad about his nocturnal emissions?  No?  No.

Let’s break this down.  Presumably, Stella just learned about wet dreams which means she knows what they are and what happens when a guy has them.  Now, I’m all for children being comfortable enough to ask their parents about sex stuff, and I definitely had that kind of relationship with my mother, but never in a million years would I have asked my dad if he had sexy dreams that made him cum in his bed.  *shudder*.  And even if I was genuinely curious, (BUT WHY WOULD YOU BE) I certainly wouldn’t have asked him about it while the cameras are rolling.  So all of that leads me to question if Shannon may have coached the girls into talking about this?  In which case, that’s even creepier.

Kelly and Tamra also go shopping for their 70s outfits and Tamra gets Kelly to admit that she doesn’t care too much for Shannon.  I know I shouldn’t like Kelly because she’s super deliberate and an asshole later on in the episode, but I can’t help myself.  She’s like a calculated Kristen Doute with no real ties to anyone and a thirst for fame.  Reminder- Kelly came into the show as “Meghan’s friend”, which was bizarre enough, but now she’s all but leapt into Vicki’s arms.  Kelly wants a second season on the show, she knows exactly what she has to do to get it, and I can’t help but doff my cap to her.

Meghan is in no mood to give herself her shots today, so she’s headed over to Heather’s house because, after all, Heather is an “M.D.”, aka “Married (to a) Doctor” and that makes her qualified to give injections.  I can relate since I have an F.D. otherwise known as a “Friend (who’s a) Doctor”, and that qualifies me to judge people’s possibly fake medical ailments from the comfort of my living room.  Heather and I are very important people. We also learn that Meghan is going to Washington, DC to give a speech about colon cancer.  Um.  Sure.  Meghan’s totally qualified to do that.  No offense, but the Colon Cancer charity people need to up their celebrity game.

terryNo one understands how special you are Terry… Don’t let any Heather-centric holidays stand in the way of your stardom!

Superstar Plastic Surgeon Terry Debrow (his preferred title) comes home, and Heather immediately starts to give him shit for needing to leave town on Mother’s Day for work.  On the one hand, she’s totally right that Terry can reschedule whatever he has to leave town for.  My boss isn’t half as important or spectacular as Superstar Plastic Surgeon Terry Debrow, but he gets whole academic conferences moved around all the time to suite his asinine scheduling needs.  And what is Terry doing that he needs to be in NYC on a Sunday?  He could just take any number of direct redeye flights that leave Sunday evening.  So on the other hand, it should be noted that I’m just not buying this conflict.  Like, at all.  I think during the off season, some producer came to Heather and told her she was going to need a more personal story line this season, and this is what she came up with.  It’s fine, I get it, but I work for rich fancy people so I cannot and will not be fooled by this nonsense.

I like watching Vicki with her family.  It’s the only time that I really enjoy her.  Vicki tells us in a talking head that she didn’t respond to Shannon’s party-invitation/blunt-knife-to-the-chest text message, but since she is under contract and desperately needs screen time now that Briana is feeling better, she thinks she will attend the party in an effort to show how much she wants to move forward.  I said this in last episode’s recap, but if I had gotten a text like Shannon sent, I be much more inclined to leave a flaming bag of dog shit on her doorstep than to attend her party.

This is the second time we’ve heard Kelly say that the best part about having a kid is getting to hang out with a younger version of yourself.  It’s totally narcissistic but also completely something I would say if my son wasn’t such a carbon copy of his father.  Kelly tells us that the kids in the OC are spoiled but she tries to be a tough mom who’s also fun.  Dammit you guys.  I think I like Kelly.

meghan madHashtag NotCoolJimbo

Jimmy is headed back to the east coast and Meghan is left to deal with her IVF process alone.  I know I’ve said this before, but Jimmy just isn’t a reality TV guy.  Could he at least pretend to be excited while the cameras are on?  Oh, most definitely.  But his quiet demeanor reminds me a lot of Manfriend, so I’m inclined to give him a pass.  Also?  It stands to reason that Jimmy would not be as excited as Meghan is.  Jimmy got a vasectomy, remember?  He wasn’t planning on having any more kids.  Yes, he got his sperm frozen, but I’m guessing he was talked into that as an easier way for him to procreate down the line (if need be) than to get the procedure reversed.

I look at it like this- (and forgive me for comparing babies to puppies, but I think the analogy holds up for the most part) let’s say you have four dogs who you love very much and you’ve had these dogs since they were puppies.  You went through housebreaking them and obedience school and now the dogs are fairly obedient and low stress.  Then, your newer spouse tells you that they really want a puppy.  Specifically, they want to have a puppy with you so that it can be your dog together.  Sure, your spouse loves your other dogs but they really are your dogs at the end of the day so Spouse wants this new puppy to be something you both share.  I guess I can just see where you might think, yes-sure…let’s get a puppy.  Who doesn’t love puppies? And you do think that everyone should probably go through the process of raising a puppy of their own… But you also know how much work goes into raising a puppy and since it’s Spouse who pushed for the new puppy in the first place, you might drop the ball a little when it comes to effort and excitement.  Which is what I think is happening here with Jimmy and Meghan.

And that concludes your weekly installment of: Liz thinks raising babies and puppies are basically the same thing.

Does anyone else think David’s feelings towards Vicki are a bit much?  It’s way too aggressive, right? I think he is vocal about how much he dislikes her because it makes Shannon happy.  I don’t know why David would really care, otherwise.  Plus, If Shannon is mad at Vicki, it takes the heat off of David.  It just feels calculated.  I don’t actually care, but that’s how it looks to me.

tequilaThis is the shirt Michael chose to wear a few hours before berating another person for their costume choice.  Let that sink in.

Vicki wisely decides to go to the party with her one and only ally Kelly.  We also learn that Vicki was very popular in high school, which after years of witnessing her QueenBee catty bullshit should surprise no one.  I can’t help but point out how awesome Vicki looks in her dress though.

I really appreciate the different direction Heather always goes in with her costumes for these parties.  Remember the 80s bunko party where she dressed up like one of the girls from Robert Palmer’s Simply Irresistible video?  That was an interesting and clever choice.  For Shannon’s 70s party, Heather is giving us her best Roller Girl à la Boogie Nights.  I love this.  I love that she went with that character.  Boogie Nights is an awesome movie and if you haven’t seen it, stop what you’re doing right now…no, wait.  Finish reading the recap, leave your own comments and THEN go to the link below, pay the $2.99, sit back and enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLgDiBoKyqA

boogie

Vicki and Kelly show up and Shannon is instantly peeved that they are late.  Not sure why, since it’s not like this is a break-ground hoedown party or anything… There’s some Kim D.-esque character named Jaci that Shannon seems to have brought on as a soldier to antagonize Kelly.  Jaci brings up the guy Kelly dated while she and Michael were separated, right in front of him.  Yup, that was intentional.  Kelly, Vicki, and Michael are downing tequila shots and playing quarters so everything is headed in a good direction so far.  Heather just wants to have a good time but Meghan has grapefruit sized ovaries so she’s feeling cranky.

Sidenote- Terry did not push Heather.  She pushed herself off of him.  Oh, and Kelly tells David Beador that he looks like a pedophile.  HA.  That’s fucked up.  But he sorta does, so…

heatherterry

Also, from the “coming up on” preview, I thought Heather was the one to start this conversation with Terry because I know I like to have emotional talks with Manfriend when I’ve had too much champagne, but it was actually Terry who brought it up and opened the discussion.  Terry is at the height of his career, but Shannon’s right to try and bring Mr. Super Special Snowflake back down to earth every now and then.

Kelly and Vicki are getting completely shmammered and having a good time.  They haven’t started any fights (other than the pedophile comment which was mostly a joke) and they are keeping to themselves.  But that’s not how Shannon, or at least how her minion Jaci thought the night was going to go (she literally says as much).  Kelly and Vicki are wandering around looking for Vicki’s purse when they come upon Shannon, Jaci, Tamra, and a lady named Nina with a very thick accent.

shannonparty

Jaci was getting ready to tell Tamra some sordid story about Kelly when Kelly & Vicki show up, still in pursuit of Vicki’s purse.  Nina immediately starts shit while Shannon sits back looking smug.  Both Tamra and I are sober enough to see that this is a set up.  Shannon seems to have brought these women here to attack Kelly on Shannon’s behalf.  Nice.

Kelly is full of tequila and indignation (a lethal combination I know too well) so she and Vicki storm back into the room where Shannon & the minions are waiting and Kelly demand answers.  Unfortunately, Kelly is beyond three sheets to the wind, so she loses the upper hand almost immediately. Shannon’s plan quickly gets set into motion.  Kelly insults both Jaci and Nina (who is hilariously on her phone for most of this scene) for being basic bitches.  And then Kelly proceeds to call Shannon “Mrs. Roper” over and over.  An insult, surely but one that is spot on:

Mrs. RoperShannon later tells us this was her intention all along.  Sure thing, doll.

Michael is as hammered as his wife so he starts yelling that Shannon’s outfit isn’t 70s…or something.  It’s not clever.  Michael should leave the insults to his wife.

Someone who is NOT leaving the insults to his wife though, is David Beador.  David has decided to take this opportunity to attack Vicki, for basically no reason.  Vicki actually walked away from the conflict with Kelly and was seemingly trying to stay out of it until David decided to yell at her for “lying about cancer”, which…yeah, she did, but this is not the time nor the place.

cover

Wait- actually this is exactly the time and place, so well done David!  The hilarious part about this is watching David completely ignoring Shannon’s cries for help with the Kelly situation.  He’s so focused on attacking Vicki that he isn’t there to support his wife when she actually needs him.  David’s such a dolt.

shocked

There’s so much shouting that it’s hard to decipher exactly what’s happening, but basically Kelly makes a loud remark about David cheating on Shannon and Shannon fires back with some rumor that Kelly used to cheat on Michael with Shannon’s neighbor.  Kelly keeps shouting “WHO?!” obviously meaning, “Who was the neighbor I allegedly was sleeping with?” but Shannon keeps replying “YOU!”  It’s weird.  And then Kelly recycles her earlier insult of “you look like every other Newport Beach blonde” which she had previously tried to claim was a complement.  That’s okay Kelly, I’m bad at fighting when I’m tequila drunk too.  Kelly, Michael, and Vicki all leave together.  Thankfully, none of them are driving.

limo

Once in the limo, Vicki decides to call Brooks.  Because, why not.  Brooks doesn’t answer the phone because he is no longer on Bravo’s payroll. OH! I just remembered! My friends Angie and Rian ran into Brooks last weekend in Indiana.  They got a picture of him and apparently he asked if they were from TMZ and tried to buy Angie a shot.  Angie (who said he was a total creep, not that that’s shocking) really took one for the team to get me this photo and I will be forever grateful:

angiefacebrooks*I have blocked out Angie’s face because she has two young children who don’t need their mom immortalized on the internet as having taken a picture with Brooks.  I think you can all understand my reasoning here and we thank Angie for her sacrifice.

In an effort to salvage the evening, Tamra and Shannon dress up in flesh colored bodysuits covered in fake pubic hair and Shannon’s bodysuit has a penis.  Yes, a penis.  It’s…..odd.

Shannon set Kelly up, for sure.  And the fact that she was able to bounce back like that only confirms to me that the fight with Kelly was part of her plan anyhow.  For the record, I like Shannon.  Shannon makes an effort to bring the drama and she’s yet to disappoint.  But I gotta say…I’m crushing on Kelly and her brand of nutso right now…It’s like Sophie’s choice for me right now.

As always, you can find us on twitter and please sound off in the comments to let us know your thoughts on this week’s RHOC!

Recap written by Liz

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