On Monday night, one of my tweets made it into the “social edition” of the first episode of this show and I’m still riding a little high on that.  We started this blog back in February and it took us about 3 months to get up to 100 followers on twitter.  After that, it took 2 months to get to 500.  In the past few months, some fun things have happened: our recaps have been getting pretty decent page hits and retweets (something that we completely owe to all of you guys), we were recently offered a cool super-secret opportunity, and now one of our tweets got chosen for the social media episode.  It’s a good thing that Kerry and I don’t live in the same town, because if we did, I wouldn’t even be able to write this recap as I would be nursing a serious hangover from all the celebrating.  Anyhow, all of this is to say that we just want to say thank you to the readers for being so good to us and welcoming us into this crazy mixed up world of reality tv commentary.  You guys are the best.

social edition

Enough with the mushy stuff! We start off this week in Oklahoma City where Vicki has gone to pick up Briana and the kids to drive them back to the OC.  Briana tells us that she’s coming back mostly to be around her team of doctors that she’s had for over a decade, but she later admits that she’s also coming back because she knows how much Vicki hates to be alone.  I hate how many health complications Briana has had.  She’s a good egg.  I don’t really understand how Ryan can move though.  Isn’t he military?  Or wait…was he medically discharged for some reason?  I haven’t done my research.  Let me know in the comments section if you understand what’s happening here.  Later Briana tells us that he hasn’t officially retired from the Marine Corp yet, but I thought he had several years left?  BAH.  I don’t understand.

Vicki gives Ryan a warm hug goodbye and in her talking head she reminds us of the rocky start that she got off to with him (secret Vegas wedding, etc), but tells us that she’s completely on board now.  Ryan is a good husband, father, and probably most importantly to Vicki, a good son-in-law.  I know a lot of people don’t like Ryan (something about him shouting at people for putting their feet up and bossing Vicki around) but I like him.  I like him because I like Briana and Briana clearly adores him, and she knows him best.

meghan shots

We cut to Meghan’s home video were she’s starting her in vitro prep meds.  As we now know, Meghan’s biggest fear is needles, or more specifically, injections and we watch as she takes 11 minutes to work up the courage to give herself the injection.  Afterwards she starts to cry because she’s so proud of herself and I start to well up too.  I really shouldn’t recap while I’m on my period.  It makes me too sentimental and apparently all of my snark is held in my uterine lining which is currently being shed.  Like crazy.  Do periods on the Paraguard IUD ever get lighter or are they a horror show every month? Being on my period also clearly makes me over-share.  Sorry ‘bout that.

Over at the Beador casa, Shannon’s oldest daughter is covered in clown makeup.  Shannon felt the need to defend said daughter on twitter because apparently some genius-grant recipients thought that that was every day makeup instead of makeup for a stage show, which it clearly and obviously was.  I feel bad for the girl because if I were a teenager and I saw myself like that, I’d dig a hole and live out my high school years in it.

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The Beador home has been in escrow many times now and the current buyers are waiting for overseas money to come through or something like that, which is a familiar excuse to Shannon.  Again, we are reminded that the family is moving not for financial reasons, but to get a fresh start.  Shannon wants her new house to be green (environmental, not paint color) like the old one and would like to ideally stay in the same neighborhood for the school districts because Sophie (clown makeup daughter) is going to be attending the public high school.  This is the bullshit about the public school system.  The people who can afford to send their children to private school have the best public schools in their school district and the rest of us are left with oversized classrooms, crumbling buildings, and a lack of quality teaching staff.  But that’s a rant for another day.

On the road with Vicki and Briana, mother and daughter are enjoying their ride together past desert and cows as far as the eye can see.  Briana tells us that after her mom and Brooks broke up, their relationship bounced right back to normal.  And also, Troy poops on the side of the road.  Briana is frustrated with all of her health complications, but I’m mostly confused as to why she’s the one who is driving when the source of her pain is in her legs.  Seriously.  Why isn’t Vicki driving the car?  This makes no sense.  Later we see Vicki behind the wheel, but it isn’t until the screen tells us there’s 2 hours left until they hit the OC.  That whole drive was 21 hours.  When did Vicki take over?

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The IVF shots have knocked Meghan on her ass so she is unable to join Heather, Kelly, Shannon, and Tamra for drinks which makes Kelly nervous as Meghan is supposedly her in with this group. Still not sure I totally buy that.  Kelly is also getting over a head cold and Shannon judges her for having a shot of tequila.  I like Shannon, but she drinks vodka like it’s water so she really ought to cool it on the judgment.  Plus, alcohol kills germs.  That’s just hard science.

Heather and Terry have written a book or something and they want to throw a party but we don’t get to hear about it because Kelly interrupts to say that she is throwing a party.  This is completely contradictory to her what her tagline says.  Kelly is a liar.  A liar about throwing parties.  Kelly thinks these women have sticks up their asses but she was the one who was being rude.  Heather was talking about her leeches and she’s a very fancy person who should never be interrupted.  It is known.

it is known

Tamra asks Kelly about her lunch with Vicki, while Heather tries to explain that all of the women at their table have long history and used to love Vicki, but are going through something with her right now.  I said this in my recap for the last episode, but I think Kelly is making the right move here as far as her position in the show goes.  If she sides with everyone else, she’s one in a crowd.  If she defends Vicki and takes her side, she gets all that sweet, sweet Gunvalson screen time.  Shannon and Tamra have no interest in hearing Kelly’s defense of Vicki and Heather cautions Kelly to remember that she wasn’t here last year and doesn’t know the ins and outs of the situation.  I read that Kelly claims to have never watched the show.  Bull.  Shit.  Would you accept a job without at least googling the company?

After Vicki and Briana got to the OC, Vicki realized just how sick Briana was and so they packed the car back up to head to the hospital.  Now, Vicki is alone with two very young boys who are surrounded by breakables.  Should be a good time.

tamraskin

Tamra is having her loose skin measured (?) by her trainer Mia.  Mia was brought to Tamra by God, apparently.  I’ve always found Tamra’s come-to-Jesus plotline bizarre, but if religion is helping her in some way, more power to her I guess.  Tamra’s stressed out (understandably) about her relationship with her daughter and also with what’s going on with Ryan & Insta-Sarah.  Mia tells her to let go and let god and I guess that’s good enough for Tamra.  I’m interested in Eddie’s thoughts on Tamra’s religious conversion…I think Eddie is completely over this relationship, but has too much invested into Cut Fitness to lose the exposure they get from the show.

I like Heather Dubrow.  I know that’s not everyone’s opinion (cough cough Jeff Lewis cough cough) but I think she’s exactly what this show is supposed to be about; the very, very wealthy choosing what four types of ice their freezer will be able to make.  I like hearing about how desperately Heather needs a pizza oven, because she’s absolutely right to get one.  My boyfriend is the best home cook in the world and if we had the money, I’d make sure we had a pizza oven and whatever ice cube shapes his little heart desired.  If you are spending that kind of money on a house, why not build a pizza oven?  Does Lisa Vanderpump need two mini horses and swans out in front of her house?  Of course not.  But that’s the shit I watch this show for.

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Briana convinced her doctors to discharge her with some at-home IVs.  Briana looks and feels like crap and you’d think Vicki would realize the severity of the situation since she’s the one who got Briana to come home to the OC, but nope; Vicki has to go to work!  I’m a little surprised that they didn’t anticipate this issue sooner, since obviously Vicki would head to the office ASAP, Briana is seriously ill and there are two small kids to look after.  There isn’t some home care person they could have hired for a bit?  Where is Yolanda’s health care advocate Daisy when you need her?

I’m obsessed with Kelly’s marriage to Mr. Clean.  I think it’s completely bizarre and I’m pretty sure one of them is keeping the other hostage.  Not totally sure which one’s the hostage.  Kelly is mad at Michael for wearing a flowered shirt and board shorts to their “casual” beach party and gets further agitated when she realized the ice makers weren’t turned on.  I wonder what shaped iced Kelly has.  I bet it ain’t hexagonal.  I’m also obsessed with Kelly’s mom who wears high heels to the beach.

Everyone shows up to the party INCLUDING the Vickster, making this a very uncomfortable get together.  The trouble with beach parties is that the venue is so large that unless your group is equally huge, the party will feel very, very small.  I paused the widescreen shot and there aren’t any randoms at this party which is weird, right?  See for yourself:

BeachParty

Heather has decided that while Vicki is no longer a close friend, Heather will treat her as an acquaintance and will be polite and cordial.  Shannon, on the other hand, has no interest in speaking with Vicki at all and resents that she’s even being put in this position.  I’m fed up with Vicki’s bullshit as well, but they are all on a show and have a job to do so either make with the explosive fighting or just be polite.

Vicki sits down with Tamra who comments on how reclusive Vicki’s been lately.  As per usual, Vicki takes no responsibility and starts in on her “it goes both ways” speech.  Vicki is upset that Tamra wasn’t there for her but Tamra just wants Vicki to own up to the part she played in Brooks’ deception of the group, which of course, Vicki will never do.  Tamra tries to get Vicki to understand that if she were to just admit everything and acknowledge that she screwed up, everyone would embrace her again.  Not totally sure that’s true but Vicki’s continuous denial her part to play is frustrating for all of us.

I really don’t understand how Vicki thinks she can get away with saying she didn’t lie.  We all watched her sit there at the reunion and admit that she made up the story about Terry coming over with an IV.  It’s on tape, so I really don’t get it.  Where’s that Kristen Taekman “Delusional” gif when you need it?!

delusionalOh, there it is.  Thanks for always being there when I need you, K.Taek!

Vicki thinks she can act like a crazy person and get a big fat hug for it and the rest of the women are fed up.  I would be too.  Vicki had a real shot to get back into everyone’s good graces but she would have had to become a completely different person for that to work.  She would have to become the type of person who apologized profusely and sincerely and above all, she’d have to turn the other cheek for a long time.  Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and get on the “make good” train.  Vicki keeps asking her friends to shoulder the blame and that’s not the way to make up right now.  Everyone is too defensive.

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Tamra manages to get through to Vicki that she’s just being incredibly stubborn and Vicki breaks for a moment and asks for forgiveness.  And the trouble with becoming a born-again Christian, is that forgiveness is part of that package so Tamra doesn’t really have a choice but to accept Vicki’s apology.  Next up on the Gunvalson apology tour, Shannon and Meghan!  That should be fun…

As always you can find us on twitter and please sound off in the comments section with your thoughts on this episode and the season so far!  We now know that things turn sour with Vicki and Tamra (check out our Tweetin’ in the Shade article for the ladies recent blow up on social media) but how long do you think things will be okay before that relationship implodes?  One episode? Three?

Recap written by Liz

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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