The A-Squad (aka the cast members that Bethenny and Carole haven’t blacklisted) meet up to make and eat pizzas as well as discuss their vaginas. Bethenny is annoyed to see Jules also has a medi-vag issue and she makes a mental note to contact her lawyer to see if she can sue over stolen plotlines. Jules’ busted vagina is a cheater injury! The fun part about Jules’ messed up who-hah is that she has pictures. I love gross medical pictures. Bethenny is a good sport with Jules right now since she has two other enemies to focus on, but if Jules comes back next season (not likely) and Lu & Sonja are gone (possible but I hope it’s not), then Jules is going to be next on her hit list.
I have a theory as to why Bethenny doesn’t just demand her own show from Andy and it’s this- even though her Bravo spinoff was successful, B is still licking her wounds after the failure of her talkshow and she’s gun-shy about putting herself out there like that again. RHONY has a built-in following who will watch even if they hate her, but she’s pissed off enough of the viewers that I can understand why she’d maybe be nervous. I mean, I’d watch her show, but I’ll watch basically anything.
Anyhow, Jules is pissed with Carole for bringing up her eating disorder and feels like that happens a lot when she’s with these woman. Jules is tired of feeling defensive about her weight when she’s around them. I’d say she’s overreacting, but the second Jules and Dorinda go outside for a smoke, Carole and Bethenny go at her, picking apart her behavior and diagnosing her issues. They think Jules went out to have a smoke to avoid the food, or because she’s stressed out that it’s coming or something, but as a former smoker, I’m pretty sure I went out for a cigarette before and after every meal, and the only eating disorder I have is a portion control issue and severe beer bloat.
That said- Jules put utensils in her calzone. I’m guessing to prevent herself from having to eat it? Because I’m sure she’s playing it off like a joke, but it’s more weird than funny. And not to mention, a total waste of a good calzone.
Jules is also taking Adderall which is my favorite drug of all time. Carole is concerned because recreational Adderall can make you lose weight, but I don’t think that’s true if you actually need it for ADD. Not to mention, the way Jules acts would lead me to believe that she never actually takes it. That girl is all over the place. However, the bottom line is that Carole is not a doctor, Bethenny is not a doctor, and Jules is not a good enough friend of theirs for them to put her shit on blast the way that they do.
Later on, Carole and Adam go ice skating with last season’s Heather Thomson and I never thought I’d say this but I really miss her. I feel like she would have been a decent adversary for Bethenny this season. Heather would have lost, without a doubt, but at least it would have been more of a fair fight. However, since they aren’t on the same show, Bethenny isn’t threatened by Heather and has been texting her lately. Heather asks about Jules, whom she heard about via Bethenny’s text messages and Carole recaps Jules’ bizarre behavior that we witnessed at the pizza place.
Like I said earlier, what Jules did with the utensils in the calzone and the way she acted was indicative of a serious problem. That said, if you know your friend has issues with food, why would you invite them to food-centric activity? It sort of feels like a bit of a trap and that Jules was set up in this situation so that Dr. Carole and Bethenny Frankel, M.D. could collect evidence to further their claim that Jules has a serious problem. And again, I’m not denying that she does. But the way that all went down felt kinda crummy.
Dorinda goes to visit Jules and sure enough Jules is upset by Bethenny and Carole’s behavior. Jules wonders why Bethenny would be mean to someone who is so nice to her, and that’s the million dollar question of the season. Yes, Bethenny- why?! Dorinda is trying to get Jules to assert herself more, but that’s a dangerous game to play with Bethenny and could easily backfire. I’d hope Bethenny wouldn’t get defensive and attack Jules for questioning her motivation, but considering what we’ve seen this season, nothing would surprise me.
Jules, as we know, is going through much more than just a broken vagina and inappropriate interrogations into her health. Her marriage is falling apart on national television and since we already live in the future, we know that things are not going to end well. I really liked Michael at the beginning of the season, so it bums me out to hear how hands-off he is with the kids. How does he not know how to give them a bath? I’ll admit though, that Kerry and I are a bit spoiled since both of our kid’s fathers are stay-at-home-dads, which is about the most hands-on a parent can get. I feel for Jules. She’s dealing with a serious lack of support from the person who should be the most supportive and that’s a hard bummer.
Ya know what show I’d love to watch with Bethenny? A road trip show where it’s just her in the car with her driver Kevin. I’ve always enjoyed how Bethenny treats the people who work for her and this scene was no exception. My rich aunt who also lives in Manhattan had a driver like Kevin when my cousin was still in school. His name was John and he was the best dude ever. I wouldn’t see him for years at a time but he always remembered my name and would asked how my mother was doing. New York people can really be the best type of people sometimes. P.S. I’m sure his name is still John. He seemed like a healthy dude so I have no reason to assume he’s no longer with us, but my cousin is in college in Miami now, so there’s less driving for John to do for the fam and I don’t think he’s employed by my aunt anymore. But next time I speak with her, I’ll ask- because I know you all are concerned about John’s well-being.
By the way, up until the next scene we have with her, Bethenny refuses to take her situation seriously. Which is frustrating. I talked about this before, but I have no patience for sick people who refuse to go to the doctor.
Sonja is apparently a hoarder and Dorinda has come over to help her clear out her basement. Because we never see Sonja’s daughter on this show, I forget sometimes that she is a mother and is still mourning the loss of her family unit. It’s hard for Sonja to even throw out a stuffed animal because all of them are filled with memories of happier times. I love Sonja (and stuffed animals, frankly- I bought a ton when my son was born) so this is sad to watch. I think Dorinda is exactly the right person to be helping her though, because Dorinda is tough but sensitive and caring. We should all be so lucky as to have a Dorinda in our lives.
You guys….the further away from the slut shaming bullshit that we get and the more Bethenny alone and vulnerable, I remember all of the things that I loved about her. It’s really touching and heartfelt to see her so beside herself in the car, calling her friends and assistants because she doesn’t have family to speak to. I know that sounds weird, like I’m enjoying her suffering or something, but it’s more that I’ve always felt that the best version of Bethenny is the vulnerable one. The surgery that she’s having is supposed to be worse than a c-section and that’s no joke. Also, since any time a person goes in for surgery there’s a chance they might die, it’s important for that person to get their house in order beforehand and that’s always a scary thought. I bristle a little when I hear Bethenny so panicked about Brynn being left with “them” should something happen to her, because I assume she’s referring to Jason and his parents. And I know that she has a million and a half issues with Jason, but his parents always seemed like perfectly nice people who I can’t imagine have anything but Brynn’s best interests at heart.
Here’s a weird story that falls in line with both c-sections and what we learn from Jules which is that she doesn’t have to pee as much as she used to since her vagina injury: I had a serious frequent urination problem that was seemingly undiagnosable. I basically felt like I had a constant UTI, with that sense of urgency, but I always tested negative for it. I couldn’t go see movies in the theater because I would always get up multiple times to pee and I never got a good night’s sleep because I was up at least 6 times a night. This went on for years and my doctors were completely baffled. Cut to last November- I have my emergency c-section for the birth of my son, and I remember feeling like I never wanted to have my catheter removed because that frequent urination feeling was gone with it in. Finally, after they removed it, something magical happened- the sense of urgency disappeared. My theory (that is based on absolutely zero science and a total lack of even a basic working knowledge of anatomy) is that when they pulled my son out and the doctor “put everything back” so to speak, that he must not have put things back exactly where they used to be and there was enough of a shift that some pressure got alleviated. Who knows. But I haven’t had the problem since and now I am seriously considering never having a second child just in case things get shifted back during the next c-section. /EndRant
Luann is having a party and Ramona shows up pissed. Ramona has decided that if she’s getting along with everyone, than everyone else needs to play nice too. Good lord this woman is completely lacking in self-awareness. She’s decided to pull Luann aside at her own party to confront her on why she hasn’t made more of an effort to reach out to Carole. I’m guessing it’s because Lu doesn’t actually care all that much, and frankly neither does Carole. Those two women will never be friends again (if they ever really were in the first place) and that’s okay. I do take issue with Carole refusing to be in the same room or on the same trip as Luann because while that works in real life, this is a TV show and one cast member dictating the guest list for the cast trip is bananas.
Ramona pulls Luann aside to confront her about her poor standing with “the group” aka Bethenny and Carole. Luann does Not. Give. A. Fuck and she says as much and it’s awesome. Ramona feels like Luann dropped the ball on the repair of her relationship with Carole but Luann is over it and so am I. You guys, Ramona is The Worst. She’s just The Worst! She decides to that the reason Carole needs extra TLC from Luann is because she is single (she’s not) and she doesn’t have children (pretty sure that was intentional). Luann tries to explain that she’s been happy and focused on Tom, but Ramona doesn’t see how that information is applicable. Because Ramona is THE WORST.
Luann feels like she has extended herself as much as she possibly can when it comes to Carole, and for the most part, I agree. This is a doomed relationship. I think Luann has tried, but Carole is in no mood to play ball, which is her right. What I love most about this scene is that Luann has decided to take back the night and regain some control over the group by organizing a trip to Palm Beach. Luann will NOT be inviting Carole, and Bethenny might not be on the guest list either but Sonja is totally invited. I love it. I really do. Good for Lu.
And that’s all for this week. As always, you can find us on twitter and please sound off with your thoughts in the comments section!
Recap written by Liz