Thankfully, my life this week got busy enough that I forgot about Danny and his bullshit for a while, so it was almost like watching it for the first time when we picked back up where we left off with Danny telling Hannah to go eat makeup because her personality is so ugly.  Or maybe I just repressed that memory?  I have no idea but I’m instantly thrown back into outrage-mode and it’s been less than a minute.  Even the people who typically have Danny’s back (namely Jen and Ben) are trying to tell him to reign it in.  I have to wonder if the producers all offered bonus checks to the rest of the crew as hush money to suck it up and put up with Danny because otherwise, WHY IS HE NOT FIRED?!  #FIREDANNY.

Back on the boat, in an effort to cheer up Hannah, Julia and Jen decide to leave a cucumber with a condom on in her bed.  The single funniest thing about this is how bad Jen is at putting on condoms.  It makes total sense, all things considered, but it’s funny all the same.  Shouldn’t she have at least learned that in health class?  Thanks again, America’s public school system.


Hannah pulls Ben up on deck to finish the conversation without the wood-nymph version of Bruno Mars flitting around.  Hannah, as per usual on her nights off, is trying to have a serious conversation while intoxicated (which, let’s be honest, is when everyone tries to have serious conversations but it never ends well).  She asks Ben if they should be friends or work acquaintances to which Ben replies “which is easier for me?”  Hannah is bummed because she felt like they were friends but I think Ben just wants to get away from this conversation.

The next morning, Hannah asks Bobby to come into her room and she isn’t wearing a shirt, so I guess that’s happening now.  Hannah has decided that since her relationship with Ben is a no-go, she is moving on to Bobby who she deems as a “shiny toy”.  Bobby, having recently been scorned by Julia is all for getting a new playmate. Hannah has also decided that Bobby is the best ally in her pursuit of destroying Danny, and she gets confirmation from Bobby that Danny took photos of the Tilted Kilt girls and showed them to the other charter guests. This should truly be a fire-able offense, but since Danny never gets fired for anything he does, why would this be any different?

Bryan, like all of us, is very frustrated by Danny’s behavior and he’s at his wits end with trying to find some management method that will get through to him.  The plan this time is to have Danny write a list of things he think could help make their working relationship better.  Danny’s list consists of:

danny list

And if you can’t read his ADHD 3rd grader handwriting I will transcribe for you here:

  • Be less chatty with guests
  • Focus more on my team than the guests
  • Keep my phone away (no sharing photos)
  • If a heated argument arises in a different department, do not jump in
  • Focus on the deck department duties rather than other areas unless otherwise is stated

This is actually a pretty brilliant management style.  I’ve been told by some of our twitter friends that Bryan acts like a douche in this episode, but I’m not there yet so until then, I have to say that by asking Danny to acknowledge where the trouble areas are, Bryan is making him accountable for his actions.  The rules have been clearly stated and Danny is aware of them enough to write them out himself, unprompted.  Do I think it will actually work?  Nope.  But I applaud Bryan for giving it his best shot.

Hannah makes her way up to the Captain to spill the beans on Danny, and rightfully so.  I get that this is out of revenge, and the crew for the most part tries to avoid snitching, but Daniel-san has it coming.  After hearing that Danny shared the photos of previous charter guests with the others, Captain Mark says in a talking head: “I’ve never met anyone who is as ethically and professionally challenged as he is”.  Neither have I, Captain Mark…Neither have I.  #FIREDANNY


Capt. Mark calls Danny up to the salon to talk to him and apparently, the reason the Captain has given Danny so much leniency is because he is a rookie and “didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to do that”.  Bullshit.  That does not fly in any other profession, and I’m sorry, but didn’t the Captain tell Danny and Bobby that they only had three strikes?  First strike was bringing the girls from the bar on board, the second strike was when Danny gave TiltedKiltMorgan that stupid fucking poem even though he was directly ordered not to, and so how is this not the third strike?  THAT DANNY IS STILL NOT FIRED IS COMPLETELY MADDENING TO ME.

So I have mixed feelings on the Bryan/Hannah/Julia crew mess showdown.  On the one hand, Bryan was told by the Captain that it needed to get cleaned, and we already heard that it was Julia’s job to handle it.  By midnight, it was not cleaned, or at least not cleaned up properly, so Bryan was right to try to get it handled.

hannah bryan fights

After that, he goes from driving on Good Intentions Ave, to veering a hard left onto Brutish Asshole Blvd.  By standing in that small space with the girls, leering over them, he was asserting some sort of primal dominance that was completely unnecessary, and he should have gone to Hannah in the first place, and asked her to handle it with Julia.  Hannah was completely right to stick up for Julia and I appreciated how she didn’t back down and even placed herself physically between Bryan and her 2nd stew.  Everyone has clearly been drinking, but Hannah was obviously trying to deescalate the scenario by asking Bryan to walk away or suggesting the girls leave and come back in 5-10 minutes.  Bryan following the girls and crowding them was ridiculous and unnecessary. Bryan tells us in a talking head that if he has to, he will be a dick.  Eh…I don’t think anyone acts like a dick unless they sort of want to.  My golden rule is:


The next morning, Danny is staying in bed because he’s ill.  None of the crew is buying it, but Daniel does seem to have a legit fever, and being sick is the worst, so I’ll allow it.  Bryan gets confirmation of Danny’s fever before jokingly asking Tiffany in the laundry room why she got Danny sick.  Tiffany replies “Somebody had to…”  We have had a SERIOUS lack of Tiffany in these last few episodes.  I need her to hook up with Ben or something so that she gets more airtime because I miss her snarky goodness.  Also- Ben thinks Hannah put a hex on Danny and that’s why she’s sick.  I love that and hope she did.

To Bryan’s credit, he pulls Jules aside and apologizes for his behavior the night before.  I’m a sucker for a good apology and I feel like his was genuine.  Jules was great in this conversation as well because she clearly expressed what the problem was- no man should stand over a woman like that.  And really, it’s less about gender than it is about physical stature.  Bryan is much larger than Julia, so when he stood over her like that, it was aggressive and threatening, even if he didn’t mean it to be.  Like I said, I appreciate people apologizing and taking responsibility for their actions, so this whole interaction hasn’t made me anti-Bryan just yet.  I also think Jules is right that when Bryan’s had a few drinks, his management style goes from competent to antagonistic which could be a detriment to him professionally down the line.

I just have to say that it’s been less than a minute and I adore these charter guests.  They are smart classy older ladies who are down to drink and Jet Ski.  I love them.  They also order tequila shots right out the gate, which is the fastest way to my heart.  The ladies have asked for a beach bbq with s’mores, so Ben is excited to get the chance to actually see the full Mediterranean landscape instead of his usual obscured porthole view.


The whole crew seems to be enjoying these women as much as I am, and the women are loving every minute of their pampering without being divas.  Speaking of divas, Ben has tried to create fancy s’mores by using strawberry flavored peeps for the marshmallows which seems kinda gross.  I applaud him for attempting to elevate a simple dessert, but s’mores are what they are and you’d think any tinkering around would ruin them, but as per usual, Ben knocked it out of the park and the guests loved it.

Everyone is thrilled that the guests decided to go to bed before midnight.   You could blame this on being an old lady, but last time I was in Vegas, I repeatedly fell asleep before 1am, and I was barely 30 (although, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was 4 weeks pregnant so it’s probably good that I wasn’t out all night) . I’m guessing I got all my good partying days out of the way in my early 20s and now I’m barely able to make it past 10 if it’s not a special occasion.  Also- Bobby asks Jen for advice on how to score with Julia and Jen reminds him that in two weeks they will be miles apart and Jules will have likely forgotten all about him, which is totally true, but way harsh.


So I hate Danny, but I adore Ben, and I’m delighted to see him snap to action when he hears how sick Danny has become.  Anyone who’s first thought is “get that man a cold compress!” is a true nurturer/caregiver and a solid person in my book.  Ben rallies the troops (or troop, as in Captain Mark) and makes it his mission to make Danny feel better.  From what I’ve read on twitter, it seems like Danny thought this episode would endear us to him, but it’s only endeared me to Ben, whom I already very much liked. Oh, also- in an effort to avoid Danny and his plague, Bobby has decided to make out with Hannah for a while.  Seriously though, Bobby shouldn’t be sleeping in that room.  It’s a tiny space and Danny has a fever of well over 100.  Quarantine that asshole, or better yet…take him to a doctor?  The Med has doctors, right?

Bobby seems to really think he has a shot with Julia at some point and time, so he figures it’s in his best interest to tell Jules about kissing Hannah.  Which I’d be okay with except he gets real shitty about it and tries to make it seem like Hannah was this big aggressor and he was super innocent in the situation.  Not to mention, Hannah and Julia are friends and Hannah likely already told her all of this.  Lame sauce, Bobby…lame sauce.

The whole staff loves the guests which makes them want to give even better service than they normally would.  This is what assholes don’t understand- it costs you nothing to be nice to people and you get so much out of it.  Speaking of being nice to people, Captain Mark radios the crew and asks that someone go check on Danny.  Obviously, Ben is the one who volunteers for this task, and we learn that Danny’s fever is back up to 102.  It’s actually pretty negligent that they haven’t sent him off to a doctor already.


So even after Dr. Ben gives Danny a series of cold compresses, a few atta boy’s, and loving pat or two on the knee, Danny’s temperature still ends up rising to over 103.  Finally Captain Mark and the crew seem to realize the severity of the situation, but then the episode ends.

Next week seems to bring some real asshole charter guests which is what we all like to see because jerkoffs bring the crew together.  I’m looking forward to it.  Although I feel like I’m always looking forward to the next episode and am routinely disappointed.  Could the solution be more Tiffany?  Yes, yes it could.  MORE TIFFANY.

Recap written by Liz