We catch back up with the Charmers right where we left off with Thomas spinning out of control at his dinner party.  Cooper tries to calm everyone down while Kathryn tries to blame Thomas’s behavior on Tennessee Williams, or something, and JD thinks T-Rav just saw red and lost control.  Anyone who reads the blog knows that we’ve been pretty staunchly in Kathryn’s corner all season and I’m not backing down from that now because even if Thomas was horrible (which he was), she has no reason not to back him.  She already decided to ditch #FriendJen for him, so at this point all of her eggs do seem to be in the Ravenel basket.  It would also have been nice if Cameran and everyone else could have seen a softer, mature side to TomKat, but I’m betting they both received a fat bonus check for that performance.  Also- Kat stays the night after Thomas asked her to.  I have mixed feelings on this because for the sake of the kids, I want them to be together and we had some really nice moments with them this season, but they are also a train wreck.

Back at Landon’s (after having escaped on her golf cart), the rest of the Charmers decide to order a pizza and sit down together still shocked by what just happened.  Cameran is convinced that this was a planned attack, and yeah… it does seem that way.  That speech was not off-the-cuff.  It’s not like we had that moment in the movie where the guy giving the speech puts his index cards back in his pocket and speaks from the heart instead.  Thomas invited all of these people over, spent all that money on what looked to be delicious food, and then insulted and berated them before the salads hit the table.

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Shep thinks Landon is more like TomKat than she wants to admit, and he says none of them can ever confess to any wrong doing.  Shep is always completely willing to forgive Thomas if he apologizes.  I’d like a comprehensive work up done on Shep’s blood pressure because I feel like it never raises above 90/60.  The dude just never lets anything get to him, and even if something does irritate him, it’s completely fleeting.  Also- Shep didn’t fight Thomas because he hates paying for dry cleaning (STARS!  THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!).

The next day, Craig decides to quit his job.  From what I understand, Craig paid the $15k to get equity in JD’s company, while also accepting a position there to receive a paycheck.  I don’t really understand equity and guessing doesn’t particularly make for good recap writing so I’m just going to ignore that and move on.  JD seems a bit relieved since Craig’s head and heart pretty obviously hasn’t been in the business.  So that’s the end of that plot point and now we get to watch another season of Craig pretending to become a lawyer.  Yipee!

We get to see another therapy session with Cameran and I just don’t care.  Have a child, don’t have a child, it’s just not important to me, the viewer.  Perhaps if we met Jason and knew him even a little bit, we’d feel more invested in this plot point and the stakes would feel higher?  Cameran says that hearing how much Jason does want a child has made her more open to the idea, and she recognizes that her fear of losing control is a major factor in her anxiety about child-rearing. Yawn.

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I’m officially putting The Commodore on the list of destinations whenever we take our 10thoughtsblog field trip.  I love how much Shep loves dive bars.  Not enough people appreciate all the components that have to come together to make a good dive bar.  One of my favorites from my hometown didn’t even have a real door handle- it just had this hook you had to pull on and they had karaoke almost every night.  Anyhow, Landon comes over to check out Shep’s new bar and they address the elephant in the room- Landon’s love confession.  Shep hates hurting people’s feelings but ultimately he just doesn’t feel the same way about Landon and believes she deserves more from a guy than Shep could ever deliver.  Like I said a week or two ago, I don’t believe in the Person A suddenly realizing that Person B, who has been there for them the whole time is really The One.  At least not in Shep’s case.  I think he is going to stay a playboy indefinitely unless he randomly meets The One and becomes so consumed by her that he hangs up his playa’ hat for good.  It’s not going to be a friend-turned-romance, and I’m willing to put my hard earned dry-cleaning money on it.

Speaking of reformed playboys, Craig helps Naomie pick out a back-up dress for the Founder’s Ball before sitting her down on the couch to tell her he quit his job.  Except he builds it up with an “I haven’t been 100% honest with you” line, making Naomie (quite understandably) panic a little.  She’s relieved to hear that all of Craig’s stress is work related and that things are still hunky dory with the two of them.  Brilliant strategy on Craig’s part there, making her worry that he had been lying to her or possibly cheating only to reveal that he quit his job.  Also- Naomie plans to wear a helmet to the Founder’s Ball after hearing that Kathryn and Thomas still plan on attending.  Naomie’s the best.

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Thomas meets up with Whitney and JD to face the scolding he deserves.  What’s ridiculous is that Thomas seems….surprised? He seems surprised that everyone left before the first course even though he was insulting them.  Whitney reminds Thomas that it’s not very southern to invite someone into your home only to scold them publically for dinner.  I’m not sure that behavior is normal for any culture, but I’d agree that it’s about as opposite from southern custom as possible.  Whitney feels like it’s hard to even be friends with Thomas these days, which seems to resonate.  T-Rav feels like his heart was in the right place, but that his delivery was wrong.  Um…what place what his heart trying to be?  Thomas also admits to having been “in the cups” or very drunk before that dinner, which I’ve always felt was the major issue in Kathryn and Thomas’s relationship.  If they both stayed sober, I think they’d actually have a shot.  But when they’re both drunk, it’s just a maelstrom of destructive behavior.  Also- I’d completely forgotten about the phrase “in the cups” and plan to use it liberally from this moment forward.

Shep, JD, and Craig all meet up to get themselves shaved and gussied for the Founder’s Ball and when talk inevitably turns to DisasterDinner, Shep makes a really good point in that there was no reason for Thomas to bitch at Landon in defense of Kathryn (and ya’ll know how I feel about Landon, but he’s right).  If Thomas wanted to sit Landon down and say “our friendship makes Kathryn uncomfortable and she needs to be my priority right now, so it would be best if we distanced ourselves”, that would have made sense and been appropriate.  It also, of course, wouldn’t have been great television so it’s a good thing T-Rav continues to be unhinged.

For some reason, Patricia has decided that Landon is her new pet, and like all good pets, Landon gets treats; specifically, she gets to wear Patti’s sparklies and get her hair done by a professional stylist.  Landon still seems to think that deep down Shep wants real commitment and as much as I love Shep, I just don’t think his pond goes that deep.  Ladies- if a man tells you he has no interest in a real relationship, BELIEVE HIM.

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Kathryn sits down with T-Rav, looks him squarely in the eyes, and asks him to explain his relationship with Landon and to tell her what’s been going on between the two of them.  But instead of being a man and admitting what happened, Thomas decides to throw Landon under the bus by claiming that she’s been going around undermining TomKat’s relationship.  I don’t care for Landon- everyone knows this.  But I don’t think for even one second that Landon has been wasting her precious wine, art, and starving artist hummus eating time by attempting to mess with T-Rav and Kat.  She doesn’t like Kathryn, certainly, but that’s a super conspiracy theory to spin and its manipulative of Thomas to get Kathryn all riled up about it.

Watching Thomas manipulate Kathryn makes my stomach turn.  He tells her that she has a “great intuition” about people and promises to cut Landon out, while telling us in a talking head that he’s just saying this to placate Kathryn.  It’s really gross.  Especially since as we later see, Thomas called Landon after the party to apologize for his behavior; which, for the record, he should have done, but to then lead Kathryn to believe that he is cutting ties with Landon is just shitty.

Speaking of gross, Patricia is lending Landon a purple sable coat for the ball.  Fur is murder, plain and simple, and all furs look best with their original colors on their original owners.

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At the ball, Landon gets all bent out of shape because Shep showed up with her friend Robyn.  I will give Landon that based on her recent confession to Shep, for him to go to the ball with a friend of hers was a little insensitive, but I’d have to know the extent of these friendships to really make a judgment call (who knew Robyn first, how long have they known each other, etc).  On top of all of that, Shep made it very clear to Landon that he wasn’t interested, so she can hardly lay claim to him.  We are also treated to a talking head where Landon cries, apparently from a broken heart, and my eyes get stuck in the back of my head from rolling them so hard.

Kathryn and Thomas show up to the party and I feel transported back to seasons past.  Kathryn is always fantastic to watch on screen, but she hasn’t always been defendable.  AngryDrunkKathryn is a force to be reckoned with and it does not surprise me in the slightest to see her fly off the handle when Thomas simple greets Landon politely.

Kathryn pulls Landon aside and what follows is the most bizarrely edited argument to ever happen on this show.  I would really like to see the unedited rough cut of this because it seems to go from 0 to 60 in less than 2 seconds, making it difficult to recap. Mostly it’s a lot of Kathryn sticking her finger accusatorily in Landon’s face and mocking her every time she tries to speak.

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I’m guessing this was supposed to be the big thing that turns the audience around and onto Landon’s side?  If anything it just makes me angrier with Thomas.  I think he has played both women but Landon is older and supposedly wiser than Kathryn so I’m not letting her off the hook for this either.  The truth is, I don’t care if Thomas and Landon hooked up, in fact I think they’d make a great team because I hate both of them.  But Kathryn is a ball of booze and hormones (pregnancy hormones stick around for weeks/months post partum) and if Thomas cared about her at all, he would have removed her from that situation immediately and sheltered her feelings better.  But he doesn’t, so he didn’t.

Shep and Craig divide and conquer with Shep going after Kathryn and Craig trying to wrangle Landon.  Again, this whole scene is choppy and the fight feels like some Frankenstein created in the editing room.  Kathryn just wants Landon to admit she slept with Thomas, but if Landon does that, she loses what little high ground she’s ever had, and Thomas will never admit it because Kathryn is scary as fuck and would grind his balls into a fine powder.  So I guess we’ll never know….

Enter Robyn… Sweet, unassuming Robyn (Shep’s date) is new to the reality TV game and I’m guessing she didn’t remember that she had her mic on, OR- she is making a big play to be cast on Season 4, in which case I say sign that chick up!  What little background we’ve been given on Robyn is all centered on her being Landon’s friend.  That’s why Landon was so hurt by Shep taking Robyn to the ball.  And it’s also why Robyn is one of the only people who could credibly make the claim that she did which was:

robyn

BOOM.  And now I want to sleep for a week only to wake up in time for the Reunion Part 1.

Recap written by Liz

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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