As always, I’d like to start off by thanking Kerry for manning the live tweet last night. She did an excellent job and I know many of you joined us for that. Kerry had just had family in town so we appreciate that instead of her taking a well-deserved night off, she chose to play along with the rest of the twitterverse during last night’s episode. Let’s get started, shall we?
We jump back into it with Bethenny admonishing Luann for ever suggesting that she had anything to do with the Skinny Girl name. And like I said last week, Bethenny’s in the right on this one. It was 100% her idea, and for Luann to suggest that she was anything other than a casual witness is ridiculous. That said, something has clearly crawled up Bethenny’s asshole and she’s like a dog with a bone. Bethenny gets up to sit with Ramona, who is sitting DIRECTLY TO THE RIGHT OF LUANN, and begins to talk shit. I actually think if you measured it out, she moved closer to Luann than she was when she was across the table. Luann can obviously hear everything Bethenny is saying because diffraction of sound is a science thing that exists. #Physics.
Luann decides to confront Bethenny, because really what other choice did she have? Bethenny keeps repeating over and over that she thinks Luann is “full of shit”. Luann (correctly, I might add), says that it seems like Bethenny has to have someone she’s fighting with (YES) and if it’s not John, it’s Sonja, and if it’s not Sonja, then it’s her. Carole arrives and thinks she hears Bethenny fighting “with a man”. Enough with this. Luann has a deep voice, but Carole has plenty of actually things to hate on Luann for without going there.
Bethenny says that Luann is full of shit for dating Tom who went out with Ramona a few times or 7 times, or something. I begrudgingly agree with Ramona that if she had been currently seeing him (as in been on a date within a week), common courtesy would have been for Luann to clear it with her first. But according to Luann, Tom told her he had only taken Ramona out for dinner once. Regardless, we are talking about adults who can do what they want with the person they want and I’m not sure Luann even considers Ramona a good enough friend that she would need to clear it with her in the first place. Mostly I just feel bad for Luann that she’s getting attacked from both sides.
Meanwhile, Carole is having a fit upstairs with Dorinda because she feels upset that she has to sleep in under the same roof as Luann. Dorinda offers to get her a hotel room which Carole declines. Maybe Dorinda should get Luann a hotel room? Or a panic room…. Dorinda talking heads that she definitely told Carole that Luann would be coming, so it’s not like she was trying to be sneaky.
Back downstairs in the pits of hell, Bethenny is trying to recruit Jules to be on her side when Luann and Ramona walk back into the room. Bethenny is pissed that Luann keeps saying that they have similar hair (they do, but Luann didn’t invent the bob) and starts yelling about how she has no interest in being anything like Luann and proceeds to slut shame and party shame her for sleeping with different men, partying til 5am, and “playing Grey Gardens” with Sonja (which is actually a pretty funny line but B is being a total B so I don’t laugh the way I normally would).
Luann is desperately trying to keep this light, or seem like she is rising above it all, but no matter how many times she attempts to crawl out of this hole, Bethenny is going to drag her back down into it. Bethenny screeches at Luann that she’s not a “girl’s girl” and Luann snots that Bethenny is the one who isn’t a girl’s girl. What the fuck does that mean, anyway? Here is what I know. 10 times out of 10, the same woman who claims to be a “girl’s girl” with be the one to judge the shit out of another woman behind her back and has probably slut shamed another within the past 24 hours. I will never call myself a girl’s girl because to me it has more of a negative connotation than positive. I’m not a “girl’s girl” because “girl’s girls” seem to hate women.
Bethenny insists that she’s never “rolled up” on another woman’s man like Luann did with Tom. Bethenny screams that she’s never fucked a married man, or a young twenty-something, or blah blah blah #SlutShamingSucks. And the biggest head scratcher is that Bethenny keeps saying that Luann pretends like she doesn’t sleep around but that’s not true at all. After she and Jacque broke up, even a casual viewer of this show would know that Luann has been getting her freak on with half the upper west side (and good for her as far as I’m concerned). I feel like people have hung onto this perception of “The Countesss” from the first few seasons, but after her divorce, Luann’s completely let loose! She’s not my favorite person on this show by a mile but the way she’s being treated here is outrageous.
Bethenny is acting like a fucking maniac. She has completely lost control of the situation and while I agree with Dorinda that she is usually a sniper with her insults and personal attacks, right now she is carpet bombing the fuck out of Dorinda’s holiday sleepover party. Bethenny has the audacity to scream at Luann that she is “sick of the way [luann] live[s]”. Pardon my multiple f-bombs here, but how is the “way Luann lives” any of Bethenny’s fucking business?
Luann keeps repeating her tired line about how Bethenny copied her haircut and it’s not helping because it doesn’t matter. Bethenny heads upstairs to lay down and Carole, Dorinda, and Ramona follow her to her room. Bethenny says that since she has such an aversion to bullshit, she just can’t stand the sight of Luann. It’s maddening.
Outside, Luann approaches Jules because she’s desperate for an ally. Unfortunately for Lu, Jules’ father is dying so she’s a wee bit distracted. Every time Jules tries to give Luann a little perspective about how there are more important things in life, Luann interrupts to talk more about herself and the attack she just faced from Bethenny. I know a lot of people gave Luann shit for this, but put yourself in her position. She just had a grown woman scream “slut” and “whore” in her face and is understandably shook up. She probably can’t even hear what Jules is saying because her mind is going a million miles a minute. In the grand scheme of things, is what Jules is facing a bigger deal? Yes. Does that mean Luann doesn’t have every right to be distracted and gobsmacked about what she just went through? Of course not.
Luann is also very upset that Dorinda didn’t come to her defense and I’m inclined to agree with her. Dorinda, who joined them outside, feels like it’s not her responsibility to defend anyone and that these are “big girls”, but isn’t that exactly what she did with Sonja? Dorinda wouldn’t even let Sonja come on the trip at all because she wanted to avoid a blow up like this but Dorinda then just lets Bethenny steam roll over one of her other guests? Do the housewives get a bonus for hosting these shit shows?
Upstairs, Bethenny jokes about how “poor Dorinda can’t have a nice party” and we see a clip from last year when Bethenny flipped out on Heather for trying to feed her. Bethenny says that Dorinda should avoid the hospitality business because there some evil joo joo surrounding her events. I agree, and that evil joo joo is a skinny bitch with Luann’s haircut.
Jules and Dorinda head back upstairs where all the women sit on the large guest bed gossiping and giggling like there wasn’t just a massacre 10 feet below them. Luann walks in and announces that she’s leaving. This wasn’t what she had in mind and doesn’t know how she can stay after what happened. YUP. Ramona drags her downstairs to talk her into staying because I guess she’s over the betrayal she felt when Luann stole Tom out from under her. I DO. NOT. GET. RAMONA. One second she is tag teaming with Bethenny to drag Luann through the mud, the next she’s laughing it up with Lu in the kitchen, while Lu mocks Bethenny’s behavior.
And as if Lu didn’t have enough to deal with, she jokes to Ramona about how Dorinda refuses to admit it’s her birthday party while her birthday cake sits on the counter and Dorinda loses her shit. Apparently you can call grown women pejorative derogatory remarks at her parties, but if you crack one joke about the cake Dorinda’s mother made, you are going to get your ass handed to you. GO HOME, LUANN! YOU WILL NOT WIN HERE TODAY!
Dorinda, who obviously had that infamous third martini while we weren’t looking, begins to also unravel. She starts to scream/cry about how she decorated and cooked all day and says if these bitches can’t be nice, then they can all go home. Ramona takes it upon herself to run around demanding everyone get along. That’s rich. Luann has decided that she isn’t going to let Bethenny ruin her good time, so she will stay for Dorinda. First of all, what good time? Secondly, I think it would be in Dorinda’s best interest to not have Luann and Bethenny in the same room so leaving would be the right move here.
Jules has brought gifts for everyone because that’s just how Jewish Asian people roll during the holidays. She would really appreciate it if everyone could just calm down and play Cards Against Humanity, but nobody seems into it. Dorinda jokes that it’s a bad sign when she and Jules are the two sane ones (cue Outrage Face from Luann). Bethenny and Carole have already walked off in a huff and Bethenny says that she is too stressed out from work to spend any time with people she doesn’t like. I totally and completely understand that perspective, but guess what Bethenny- being on this show is your other job. And if you don’t like it, quit.
Sidenote- Ramona’s dog Coco has shit all over Dorinda’s house. I know I mentioned that in last week’s recap, but I feel like it’s important to bring it up again. I am completely and unabashedly against slut shaming, but firmly believe that bad pet owners should be mocked and ridiculed endlessly.
Upstairs, now that the rage fog has cleared a bit, Bethenny is starting to feel bad for attacking Luann but also feels like this was a long time coming. We get a series of clips from their relationship over the years and I’m reminded of how little I used to enjoy Lu. That doesn’t make what Bethenny said okay, but it puts it into perspective for me a little.
Carole and Ramona seem to congratulate themselves for staying out of the fray (for the most part) and Carole tells Ramona that Lu invited Carole to her holiday party but still hasn’t apologized for calling Carole a pedophile. Carole says that if she had gotten a simple “I’m sorry I called you a pedophile. Please come to my party” text, then she would have laughed and probably come. Dorinda walks up to tell them both that she is going upstairs to watch an hour of TV, but she will be back later. I love Dorinda. Dorinda just wants to snuggle up in bed and watch some Law & Order which I whole heartedly support.
Luann joins the group which prompts Carole to leave. Except Carole doesn’t go too far because she hears Luann start to talk about her with Ramona. Jules has already taken up a position in the hall to eavesdrop, so Carole joins her and the two of them decide to hide in a closet to better hear Lu & Ramona’s conversation. Carole says that it’s important for her to hear what Luann says about her behind her back because it’s different from what she says to her face. Or- because it’s just really fun to eavesdrop; ask Jules!
For the record, I have completely warmed up to Jules and never want her to leave this show. She is supposed to be acting sneaky in the closet but she found a cowboy hat to play with and is completely distracted by the fancy wallpaper in there. “You’re a terrible spy”, says Carole. Yes, she is. But she’s also a breath of fresh air.
Ramona advises Luann to apologize for her pedophile comment since that’s the one that seems to have stuck with Carole the most. Luann takes the bait and sends the text, but considering Carole and Ramona literally just had a conversation about this, Carole is going to know that it isn’t coming from Lu, so I’m not sure what good that will do.
I like how buddy-buddy Carole and Jules are during this episode. It’s cute. I also like how Jules has hard plastic wine cups in her purse as well as snacks. Jules is the type of friend you want to have around you in case of emergencies.
In the kitchen, Ramona gets everything started again by telling Luann that what she did (by not asking permission to date Tom) wasn’t cool and that that’s what Bethenny is so upset about (no, it’s not). Ramona also says that Luann never should have insinuated that Skinny Girl was partially her idea (that’s true) and that Bethenny is very defensive over it (also true). Luann won’t own up to either of Bethenny’s misgivings with her, which only pisses off Ramona more.
Finally, Ramona manages to get through to Luann that while she may not have meant to imply that Skinny Girl was partially her idea, that’s how Bethenny took it. Ramona has somehow turned into the peacemaker via text message this evening and convinces Luann to send one off to Bethenny explaining that Lu never meant to take any credit and is sorry if that’s how it sounded. Carole and Bethenny compare their Luann-apology texts and laugh about them. Bethenny, Jules, and Carole all say that they wouldn’t care if someone called them a slut and that they think it’s “sexy”.
You may be asking yourselves, considering that I was such a staunch defender of RHOBH’s Erika using the word cunt during this last season, so why is this any different? Well, for starters, to me the word “cunt” is similar to the word “bitch” and I think it’s applicable if a person is being a jerk or an asshole. But I don’t like it when it’s used to demean a woman who is in a place of power especially because if she were a man then he would just be considered strong and authoritative, which Erika never did.
Secondly, there is a difference between saying a word and using a word. The trouble with “slut” is it’s definition and the implication that there is anything wrong with that behavior. A “slut” is defined as a woman with many casual sexual partners. SO. FUCKING. WHAT. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and people are using protection, then why the hell is that considered a bad thing? Why are we still so puritanical in 2016?
And another thing- can you imagine what would have happened if Bethenny had shouted “faggot” in a gay man’s face on this show? By definition, a “faggot” is a homosexual male. Andy Cohen is a homosexual male, so does that make it okay for me or you or anyone to call him a faggot? Fuck NO. It’s offensive because it implies that there is something wrong with what it describes. I said this on twitter but I will repeat it here now- if you wouldn’t yell “faggot” at a gay person, or scream “nigger” to a black person, do not call a woman a “Slut”. Of course if you would call someone any of those things, then fuck you because you’re a terrible person anyway. There is no context in which any of these words should be used to hurt someone, ever.
Bethenny continues to say that she doesn’t care how many people Luann is sleeping with but that Lu should admit she likes sex and own it. What show has Bethenny been watching? I said this earlier but Luann has been very clear about her single-girl-in-the-city lifestyle now and hasn’t hidden anything. UGH. And furthermore, wasn’t that also part of her complaint with Sonja? I know for sure it was part of Ramona’s problem with her. No one owns loving sex more than Sonja Morgan.
Downstairs, Luann is catching Dorinda up on her argument with Ramona and seriously you guys I’m exhausted. The long and short of it is, Luann asks Dorinda why Bethenny cares so much about her sex life and wonders why she seems hell bent on destroying her friendships with people. Bethenny is, of course, coming around the corner at that moment and asks if this “monologue” is part of the apology text Luann had just sent to her. And then the screen changes to this:
I’m so tired. I can’t imagine another week of this. This has been the most intense season of RHONY ever and I’m not sure that I mean that in a good way.
Oh, and I guess I should mention that halfway through the episode, we cut back to NYC to watch Sonja get her vagina rejuvenated which looks like it was a hell of a better time than Dorinda’s party.
Who needs a shower? All of us, right? Well, whenever you dry off, please let us know your thoughts on this week’s episode in the comments or you can always tweet them at us on twitter. But you should know that I’ve already blocked two users this week who tried to defend slut-shaming because I’ve lost the resolve to argue about it anymore.
Recap written by Liz