I’m hanging in there with this show.  I like it a lot, but I don’t love it the way I loved the original series, and I can’t quite put my finger on what the problem is- although I have a few theories.  The first of which is that the OG show struck gold with Chief Stew Kate Chastain, Chef Ben Robinson, and Captain Lee Rosbach and it’s really hard to recreate that kind of magic.  It helps that Ben is on this iteration of the show, but there needs to be more.  Danny has turned into Rocky-lite with his “making moments” antics and the fact that he wasn’t fired last week is still sticking in my craw.  My other theory is that two of the main girls are not Americans and Americans usually make for better reality TV stars.  I do not mean that as a compliment.  Let’s get started, shall we?

Bravo gives us a quick recap of all of our star-crossed lovers and who has been spurned by whom before dropping us right back where we left off with Ben walking in on Bryan and Tiffany and telling them to GTFO of his room.  Ben actually doesn’t have a problem with the bangin itself but doesn’t want to be in the same room while it’s going down.  The next morning, Ben approaches Bryan and Tiffany to apologize for swearing and to remind them that there are several much nicer locations on the boat to get their freak on.  Ben talking heads that while he’s a big believer in sex, shouldn’t he be the one to get with Tiffany?

Captain Mark, who I’ve been meaning to mention is a dead ringer for J.K. Simmons, calls Hannah, Ben, & Bryan up to discuss their next charter.  It’s a couple of Oklahoma millionaire brothers who are there for a one day charter and want a beach party in the day with a hoedown that night.  Hannah suggests they bring in “hales of bay” to really set the mood.  I just googled it and they do have hay in Australia- what gives Hannah?  Bryan briefs his crew on this upcoming charter and reminds Danny that he needs to be on his best behavior after what happened with the Tilted Kilt charter.

The crew readies the boat for this week’s charter guests and we see Bryan running around, demanding perfection from his crew before flirting it up with Tiffany in the mess hall.  Sidenote- I’m upset that I will likely never be real-life friends with Tiffany.  I feel like we would make for excellent drinking buddies so if Tiffany reads this- hit me up if you’re ever in the SF Bay Area.  Seriously.  Send me an email and we will get shmammered in the city.

The Hales of Bay show up (Julia doesn’t know what they are either despite England also having hay) and she asks Bobby to help her load them onto the boat.  Danny tries to goof off but he doesn’t have enough good will with his teammates for it to not come off as annoying.  Also- Bryan talking heads that he is pleased with Jen’s performance and appreciates how she has picked up Danny’s slack.  He even goes so far as to say that he likes her attitude.  Huh.  It seems like Jen is just keeping her head down and ignoring Bryan, but maybe that’s how he likes it.

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Hannah gets her stews together to discuss the events they are planning for the guests.  Since both Hannah and Julia don’t even know what hay is, they have put Tiffany in charge of decorations for the dinner.  Julia tries to suggest placemats made out of hay, but this falls flat and Tiff promises to come up with something.  Also- Julia’s country accent is about as good as my cockney one.

The guests arrive and Hannah takes them on the tour of the boat.  OH! I figured out another problem with this show versus the other one; the boat.  That boat is gaudy as hell and every time a charter guest talks about how “beautiful” it is, I judge them.  And the Okies think the boat is gorgeous, so there ya go.  One of the guests has ordered a pear vodka on the rocks but the bottle is in the storage space below their seats.  Instead of asking the guests to move, Hannah bullshits that she saw a dolphin which gets them to all get up to go outside and see.  Meanwhile, Julia slips in behind them and grabs the bottle while Hannah distracts them outside.  THIS.  This is the kind of stuff I like to see on this show.  The behind-the-scenes, this-is-how-shit-really-works, kind of stuff.

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Once again, Danny has decided that connecting with the guests and “making moments” is more important than his actual job as a deck hand.  Bryan repeatedly tries to get ahold of him over the radio but Danny either doesn’t hear him or doesn’t care.  Bryan and Bobby are getting more and more fed up, as they should, while they both agree that Jen has been doing much better and pulling her weight more.  Personally, I think Jen’s work has probably always been fine but now that they have shitty Danny to compare her too, her “stock has gone up”.

Ben asks Danny to take some plates of food downstairs and when Bobby is also heading that way, Danny asks him to take one.  Bobby reminds him that he has two hands and tells Danny that he’s being lazy and has been slacking all day.  Danny replies that he’s not being lazy and says that Bobby isn’t being a team player.  This is the wrong thing to say and the fight continues on as the guys load up the smaller boat that’s called something but I forget.  Tweet the name of it to me.

Basically, there’s nothing that Danny can do right at this moment.  I almost feel bad for him, but then I remember his behavior in last week’s episode and on top of that, Danny tells Bobby that he’s got a tampon up his pussy.  Which is fucking rude and misogynistic and I want Danny to choke on a bag of dicks.

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Bobby isn’t exactly acting like an angel here and keeps calling Danny “boy” which is equally obnoxious.  Fire them both for all I care, but get Danny off this boat.  Bryan barely manages to get a handle on the situation before asking Jen to sub in for Danny.  My favorite part about this whole scene is that we keep cutting to Capt. Mark brewing and then leisurely drinking some coffee.

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Nobody loves a fucked up stray puppy more than Chef Ben, so Danny seeks him out for advice on how to handle the situation.  Ben is more than happy to help so they head outside to talk.  Danny tells his side of the story and Ben calls him on it constructively by reminding Danny that he’s the one who let everyone down on the last charter so he needs to be on the make-good train with his teammates.  Danny appreciates how Ben talks to him, even when he cautions him to not be a “chippy little bastard”.

The guests are enjoying their lunch on the beach (did one of them go into the ocean to poop?!), and back on the boat Danny begs Bryan to let them handle the situation “man to man” instead of talking to the Captain.  Bryan’s miffed by Danny’s attitude and he should be.  #FireDanny.  Bryan ultimately decides that he won’t involve the Captain and asks the guys to hash it out after they’ve come back from the beach party cleanup.  Personally, I think Bryan didn’t like it when the Captain took charge of their punishments the last time and is doing this to retain a sense of control.

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The apologies start off well enough with both guys saying they are sorry.  But when Bobby tells Danny to watch his tone, Danny insists that his tampon comment was funny and that big tree do fall the hardest.  So basically nothing Ben said to Danny about stroking Bobby’s ego got through to him.  Bobby is understandably pissed.  He talking heads that trust is a big thing for him, because he comes from the firehouse where if you can’t trust a guy in a burning building, then you don’t want him there.  Bobby is pretty sure that Danny will fuck up again and soon.  It’s almost like he saw the trailer for this episode! #NostraBobby

Tiffany is going way too slow for Hannah’s taste.  This is understandably frustrating but I wonder if it wouldn’t benefit Hannah more to sit down and nicely walk Tiffany through how her time management could be better and give helpful multitasking examples.  While Hannah complains to Julia about what a shitty employee Tiffany is, she breaks a glass tray and throws it overboard, because fuck the ocean- AMIRITE?!

Tiffany has set up the dinner because as Julia says, she’s American, the guests are American so she knows what they want- which is apparently a plaid table cloth and decorative hay displays.  Tiff’s probably right on that one.  Danny has gone to help Ben in the galley which Bryan is fine with since that keeps Danny out of his way.  The Primary Guest (PG) has asked that the whole staff join them later that evening for their hoedown and plans to offer $200 to the winner of some embarrassing challenge that we know from the trailer is a sexy dance-off.

The stews are all dressed in daisy dukes and plaid shirts and once again I’m tempted to use my cartoon horny wolf gif when we see the deckhand’s reactions.  Ben has decided to say “fuck it!” to the country theme and is serving Asian inspired dishes in the hopes of broadening the guest’s horizons.  Hannah is worried that this won’t go over well but the guests love it.  I agree with Kate Chastain’s tweet though, where she said she was disappointed in Ben for not calling them “Oklahomies”.

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It’s time for the crew dance off!  Anyone else think a $200 prize is kinda weak?  Make it at least $500….Anyhow, Bobby is up first and as it turns out, his parents owned a dance studio so he knows some moves but isn’t in full form since he’s sober.  He isn’t great and neither is Danny although both give it the ole college try.  Tiffany is next and it’s….oh my.  Twerking is no bueno when you have no ass-o.  Hannah, on the other hand, looks like a god damn pin-up model and wins the prize.  Julia runs away because, as she says, she’s a stewardess- not a stripper.

Most of the crew heads to bed and the guests teach Danny how to line dance, which is, once again, Danny stepping over the line.  Speaking of stepping over the line, while Hannah can tell that the guests are about to have a threesome, Danny doesn’t get the clue and stays up there a little too long, prompting Hannah to ream him out when he gets back to the galley.  Ben decides to defend Danny, which I can only assume was some misguided attempt to distance himself from Hannah’s feelings for him, but Danny is just thrilled that someone has his back.  You’re betting on the wrong horse, Ben!  Hannah feels the same way and talking heads that since Ben has been in yachting as long as he has, he should know that Danny is in the wrong so backing him is a slap in Hannah’s face.

There seems to be a bit of a disagreement over whether there was a threesome or not, but the story has spread through the crew and Danny is going to catch hell for it either way.  Hannah is still upset that Ben backed Danny over her, especially considering their ranks.  Ben also makes the mistake of trying to talk about it while the charter is still going on, but Hannah wants to wait until after, like a professional.  Up on deck, Bryan asks Danny what happened the night before and after hearing the story, reminds Danny that they’ve addressed this issue before.  Danny has to stop getting so personal with the guests.  Actually, Danny needs to leave and go be a bartender at a place with a great ladies night.  I’m sure he would kill it in tips and “moments” there.

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Danny decides that he is going to clear the air with Hannah.  And his big plan for this is to pull her aside not to apologize but to insist he was doing things right and to judge how she does her job.  #FIREDANNY #FIREDANNY #FIREDANNY #FORTHELOVEOFCHRISTFIREDANNY.  Hannah has the good sense to walk away.  “He’s an 8 year old stuck in a 9 year old’s body”, she says.  UMM YEP.

It’s time for the tip meeting (they all make $1500 for 24 hours’ worth of work and again I’m cursing myself for never getting into yachting) and Captain Mark applauds his crew for coming together and giving the guests the best charter possible.  He is thrilled that nothing bad happened which makes me angry with Bryan for not confiding in Capt. Mark.  Hannah, however, thinks that Capt. Mark is playing this don’t-ask-don’t-tell game rather well and figures it’s in his best interest to ignore the petty bullshit happening amongst the crew.  She’s probably right, but I want Danny fired so it’s not in my best interest.

The crew gets off the dock to party and Danny has the audacity to pull Bryan aside to say that he feels as though his efforts aren’t being appreciated and my jaw hits the floor.   Bryan, ONCE AGAIN, has to remind Danny that what he is doing is inappropriate and that he’s been given direct orders several times that he has deliberately disobeyed.  There’s also a line in there about how if Danny has to pee then he needs to ask Bryan first and Bryan is being a bit of a frat bro during this scene but he’s not wrong.  Danny is THE WORST.

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Let us know your thoughts on this week’s episode in the comments or find us on twitter.  Recaps should be getting out in a timelier manner next week but we appreciate your patience in the meantime.

Recap written by Liz 

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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