First things first, as always I want to give a big thank you to Kerry for finding time during her work conference to live tweet last night’s show. My phone was blowing up with twitter notifications so I know a lot of you joined her for that. The interactions that the fans are able to make with the cast during a live tweet is truly part of the whole experience and I encourage all of you to tweet along with us. Let’s get started, shall we?
We kick off this week with Dorinda and Jules shopping together at Jonathan Adler (which always makes me think of Grace Adler, Adler designs), and apparently Jules doesn’t know what a tv-tray is?! I don’t understand this. It’s not like there’s some newer technology that came along to replace the TV tray, so when Dorinda says that Jules must be too young to remember them, I’m confused. Does Jules really not know things (like how to boil water for tea) or is this an act?
Jules and Dorinda are going to Bethenny’s house for a gift exchange (Secret Santa), and are shopping for the presents. Jules is Ramona’s Secret Santa which prompts her to ask Dorinda about what happened at John’s party. The long and short of it is, Dorinda’s done (except she was defending Ramona on twitter last night, so who knows). She says she is once bitten, twice shy and no longer feels love towards Ramona. Dorinda is over the Ramona-Apology-Train and plans to be cordial to her in public, but that their friendship is over. Except that Dorinda never tells Ramona that their friendship is over so Ramona has no idea. Dorinda jokes that maybe Ramona wants to sleep with John and that’s her problem. The world collectively gags at the thought.
Bethenny is getting ready for her holiday caviar party that I’m assuming is also the gift exchange. As her crew of Skinny Girls set things up, Bethenny notices that the caviar girl looks like a low-rent Elsa from Frozen. I agree with Bethenny on this one- the outfit is costumey and cheesy, no disrespect to Elsa. The ladies all begin to arrive, with Ramona demanding three drinks as she enters because boy oh boy does she have a story to tell them. I’m interested to hear the Ramona-spin on the situation from last week’s episode. Both she and John were shitty, but Ramona 100% started it.
Sonja and Luann meet up for drinks to do their own recap of John and Dorinda’s party. Luann tries to downplay the relationship she had with CreepyRey, calling him a one night stand, but she traveled to Ibiza with him, sooooo. My guess is it was a short fling but the dude ended up being crazy so Luann dropped him like a bad habit but he didn’t take it well. I broke up with a guy after seeing him for 2 weeks because something felt off, and he went so completely nuts that he stole his dad’s van, started driving from SF to LA, stopped in Santa Cruz for gas where he swallowed a bottle of ibuprofen, and punched a cop. Or so I heard.
Back at Bethenny’s, Ramona is giving her version of the story that of course makes John sound like a crazy aggressor and Ramona comes off smelling like roses. Bethenny feels like the story just isn’t adding up and Jules quietly comments that the real story is quite different. Jules talking heads that Ramona knows Luann left the part because Rey was making her so uncomfortable, but she’s not mentioning it because it makes her look bad. Jules tries to explain the side of the story that she knows, but Dorinda walks in right then so Ramona makes her shut up, saying that she needs to make up with Dorinda so she doesn’t have time (to gain any perspective on the situation).
Bethenny pulls Dorinda aside because she can see that Dorinda’s not okay. Dorinda tells Bethenny that she feels lost and scared and it’s all becoming too much for her right now. Bethenny advises that Dorinda spend some time alone, learning to love herself and never accepting less than she deserves, whatever that may be. Solid advice. Ramona has decided that the best way to make up with Dorinda is to not acknowledge that they have any problems in the first place but there isn’t a rug in the world that’s big enough to sweep their bullshit under.
Dorinda has invited the ladies up to her home in the Berkshires, but she won’t be inviting Sonja because of Bethenny’s issues with her. Carole requests to not have to sleep under the same roof as Luann, but Dorinda says that’s a problem and asks to speak to Carole alone. Dorinda wants Carole to come and says that if Luann tries to bring up their issues, she will stop it. But Carole never went to the Ramona Singer School of Ignoring-It-Makes-It-Go-Away, so it’s awkward for her to even be in the same room as Luann. Dorinda says that she and Bethenny will protect Carole from Luann, and jokes that she needs protection of her own from Ramona. Carole talking heads that she thinks it would be very sad if Dorinda and Ramona stopped being friends over “some guy”, but I think that any time someone removes Ramona from their lives, it’s a win.
Ramona embraces Dorinda and does her “I’m sorry” dance, but Dorinda isn’t really having it. She doesn’t come right out and say they are done, but she hints at it, saying that similarly Ramona and Sonja, she feels like their relationship has changed. Ramona refuses to acknowledge what her old friend is saying and insists that they are going to work it out and Dorinda can’t get rid of her. Sort of like an abusive boyfriend.
The next morning, Luann wakes up Sonja to talk about her night spent with her new mystery man- Tom. Luann tells us that some of the women know Tom (she met him through Dorinda) but that she’s keeping things quiet right now, to avoid being judged by the other women. Luann says that since she and Tom met, they have been inseparable and she likes to see where this is going. Spoiler alert, this Tom is none other than, Tom D’Agostino Jr, Luann’s current fiancé.
Sonja “forgot” to put the heat on, so the ladies are dressed in their nightgowns, wrapped in furs with fur slippers in the kitchen downstairs. Luann scans the paper and sees that the mishap from John’s Party (JP, from now on) is mentioned. It is not a favorable piece towards Ramona which makes me wonder who planted it, and if I can buy them a drink. I want to apologize for the shit I talked about the pairing of Sonja and Luann at the beginning of the season. I would MUCH rather watch hours and hours of The Countess and Lady Morgan boozing and sexing it up than see any more of Ramona and Dorinda fighting about John or Bethenny sticking her nose in everyone’s business and offering unsolicited advice left and right. I want this spinoff so desperately. Everyone needs to tweet at @Andy demanding it.
Dorinda and Sonja go for a walk together and Dorinda talking heads that it’s best to communicate with Sonja one-on-one because she’s easily distracted in a crowd. The ladies stop to sit at a bench and Sonja asks Dorinda how she’s doing since JP, but launches into her own issues with Ramona. Sonja is hurt that Ramona has been talking so much shit and saying that she’s “embarrassed to be associated with Sonja”, when Sonja’s the one who has had to apologize on Ramona’s behalf for years! Sonja also knows that Ramona has a lot of influence with the other women and when she wants to make them turn on Sonja, she will get in their ears and tear her old friend down.
Oh shit, I just realized that this meet up is happening just so that Dorinda can disinvite Sonja to the Berkshires. Ugh. Poor Sonja! She keeps having these horrible one-on-ones with people she considers her friends! Dorinda tries to spin it like she’s doing this for Sonja’s well-being because when all the women get together, they have a tendency to gang up on Sonja. Dorinda says that she’d like to have a separate trip to the Berk’s, just the two of them and Sonja handles it with grace in the moment but talking heads that it makes no sense for Ramona to be invited, but not Sonja. YUP.
Ramona is the one who Dorinda has a real issue with, and she should respect Sonja enough to say what the real reason is- Bethenny won’t go if Sonja is there and Dorinda is choosing Bethenny over Sonja. But Sonja is no dummy and can see the writing on the wall. She knows that the only person in their group who she is on the outs with is Bethenny, so it’s obvious that Dorinda is choosing sides.
Dorinda, Jules, Luanna, and a few other random couples all meet up at Empire Steakhouse for dinner. Dorinda has brought her boobs to the party and they look great. Luann and Tom arrive and this is Tom’s Real Housewives Coming-Out Party. Luann was the one who set up this dinner and she says that she only invited her girlfriends who she knew would be supportive. Where’s Sonja? Dorinda, by the way, does a SPOT ON impression of Ramona. Tom apparently went out with Ramona once, but they were never romantically involved and Tom considers Ramona a friend. Once again, I’m given reason to believe that my theory about Ramona is correct and that she’s a totally different person off camera. At her events, there are always all of these friends there that she’s had for years! But when she has to keep those friendships going on camera, they fall apart.
Luann and Tom tell the story of how they met- Dorinda told Tom that he needed to meet her friend and insisted that Tom speak to Luann on the phone right then and there. John makes an uncomfortably bad joke about the phone being moist, and I agree with Jules that no one should ever say that word. Tom and Lu met in person and liked each other but ended up dating other people for a while until they met back up and have been inseparable ever since. It’s cute the way Tom talks about Luann- you can tell he’s smitten. Luann tells the table that she hasn’t brought him around because some of her friends can be catty and agrees with Dorinda that their friends can sometimes be unsupportive of happiness.
Dorinda is thrilled to have been the matchmaker for her friends and says that when she was trying to set Luann and Tom up, she went through a checklist of compatibility that included: they both like to go out, they both like to have a good time, and they both like sex. It was a match made in heaven! (No wonder things didn’t work out with Ramona.) Dorinda mentions to Luann that Sonja won’t be going to the Berkshires and Luann is sad that her friend isn’t being included but Dorinda tells her not to worry about it and that it’s Dorinda’s responsibility.
It’s Christmas in the Berkshires and Dorinda is in her element because loves the holidays and says that she truly still believes in Santa Claus. Ramona arrives first and Dorinda says that she invited Ramona because they have a long history and she wants to treat that with respect and welcome her. I think Dorinda has a hard time letting people go and would rather be uncomfortable in her own home than end things with a friend (or boyfriend).
Dorinda tells Ramona that the Berkshires are her safe place and she doesn’t want any drama (oh, dear…) from the group. It’s important for Dorinda to have silence and peace in her home and Ramona says she’s all for it. Meanwhile, Ramona’s dog Coco is shitting all over Dorinda’s rugs. Why are none of the Housewives’ dogs potty trained?! It makes me crazy. Ramona and Dorinda gossip about Luann’s love life, with Ramona saying that there is more than one guy out there. Ramona has a good guess as to who Luann’s main squeeze is and tells us she also dated him (but we already know that).
Ramona is pissed that Luann is dating Tom without getting her blessing, because after all, what if Ramona was still involved with him? Sounds to me like Luann already cleared that with Tom himself, but Ramona has to make everything about herself. If Luann and Ramona were better friends, I’d say that Lu probably did owe Ramona a conversation, but all things considered I don’t think it was necessary. Sidenote- Coco the dog is turning Dorinda’s house into a toilet and Dorinda likens this to how Ramona has been treating her heart for the past few months.
Luann and Jules arrive and Ramona and Lu immediately get into a tiff about who should get up to greet who first. Jules notices that Dorinda has a piano and since Jules played for 13 years, Luann suggests that they put on a show for the girls. Ramona talking heads that Luann is tone deaf without autotune and begs to be spared from another Countess concert. I hate Ramona, we all know this. But she’s right. Luann is about as talented as Scheana, but with better song writers. Money Can’t Buy You Class is a dope song and a total earworm.
Luann approaches Dorinda to tell her how hurt Sonja is to have been uninvited to this trip, but Dorinda still thinks she would have been more hurt if she had come. I think it sucks that Sonja is being excluded but Dorinda’s not completely wrong. If Sonja and Bethenny both came, I think that it would not end well for Sonja. That said, I think Bethenny would have just not shown up, which does make it seem like Dorinda is choosing her over Sonja. Luann says that she feels bad about leaving Sonja in the city to come for this weekend and only did because she was under the impression that this was a trip for Dorinda’s birthday (and also contractually obligated). Dorinda says that no, this is not a birthday thing (but there’s a birthday cake that her mom made, so whatever), but she stands by the decision because Sonja does not need to be around “alcohol and tension”. And that’s probably true, but Sonja is a grown woman and Dorinda is not her mother. It’s Dorinda’s home and she can invite or uninvited anyone she wants, but be honest about the reason.
Bethenny arrives and Luann comments that her hair style has been very countess-y lately. She’s not wrong. Bethenny makes a snotty comment about Luann’s “statement necklace”, and I wonder what @Stassi’s opinion would be since that’s really her area of expertise. Talk once again turns to Sonja, who Bethenny says is blowing up her phone (Ramona calls Sonja a stalker because Ramona is a cunt), and she thinks it’s “creepy” that Luann is living with Sonja when she’s in the city. Luann says that she know she could stay at a hotel but she thinks that Sonja needs her right now. Luann tells Bethenny that she’s trying to mentor Sonja (which admittedly was a dumb thing to say) and Bethenny starts hysterically giggling, calling that “the blind leading the deaf”. Whoa. Obviously this offends Luann who reminds Bethenny that for something so funny, she’s the only one laughing.
It seems to me like Luann is trying to get out of this conversation by acknowledging that Bethenny and Sonja clearly have their own issues, but Bethenny laughs this off too. She says that she really doesn’t care about Sonja and was never worried about Tipsy Girl hurting her brand, but that she was upset by Sonja trying to get one over her and use her name to get press. Bethenny repeats what she said last week about Sonja needing to figure out if she’s dumb or smart. But don’t most dumb people THINK they’re smart? Seriously, look up the Dunning–Kruger effect.
Bethenny says that people try to copy her all the time, but other than Diddy, she’s the only one to have been this successful (lol). Luann tries to give her a high five for this, but Bethenny mistakes it as Luann taking credit again for the Skinny Girl name (if you remember, we first heard about the “skinny girl margarita” on an episode of RHONY when Bethenny and Luann were at lunch together). Luann seems desperate to pump the brakes on this conversation and tries to laugh it off with a “we had fun and then you ran with it- good for you!” but Bethenny is in kill-mode. Look, getting into a verbal sparring match with Bethenny about her baby (the brand, not Brynn) is like trying to fight a land war in Russia in the winter. You will not make it out alive. And I actually agree with Bethenny that it’s ridiculous for Luann to ever take any credit for Skinny Girl. I remember that conversation very clearly (damn you, elephant memory!) and Luann’s total involvement amounts to having her ass in a chair across the table from Bethenny when she explained to a waiter how to make one.
So I was trying to figure out why fellow recapper Kerry is so angry with Bethenny and while I think the “blind leading the deaf” line was completely unnecessary, I didn’t know what inspired her twitter rage. And then I watched the trailer for next week’s episode. YIKES. Enough with the slut-shaming, Bravo women! And furthermore, DORINDA DECORATED! Have some respect! Dorinda needs to stop inviting assholes into her safe spaces.
This is the last recap for the week, but I hope to see you all on twitter and we will pick things back up on Sunday with the Shahs of Sunset. Also- make sure to check out Kerry’s #10thoughts on this week’s RHONY as well-
Recap written by Liz