Sorry for the delay on this folks. I watch these episodes on my computer so that I can work on the train, but itunes released the wrong episode this morning so when I went to start it, I quickly realized it was a repeat of episode 3. Booo, itunes- you owe me the $2.99 I spent buying a second copy on Amazon.
We pick up right where we left off, with Danny sneaking off behind the rocks with Tilted Kilt Girl (TKG) Morgan to make out. We can tell it’s a steamy sesh because Morgan and Danny high five after. We all agree that Morgan isn’t actually into Danny, right? But is doing this for the camera time? Jen approaches Danny to tell him she saw what happened and it is most definitely not just between him and Morgan. There are rules and codes in yachting, Jen tells us, and making out with the guests is not now, nor has it ever been, acceptable crew behavior. Up on the beach, Morgan is chatting with Julia before she decides to pull out her hair extensions and hand them too her. Ew. Keep your hair, real or fake, on your own damn head.
Back on the boat, Hannah and Ben flirt over making the dinner plans, which include greasing the boys up and having them serve shirtless with bowties on. On deck, Danny and Jen come back but Jen doesn’t rat out Danny to Bryan because, as she tells us, her family is very Italian and snitches get stiches. Danny is on Cloud 9 from a day full of jet skis and stolen kisses, and doesn’t seem to care at all that his job is in serious jeopardy.
Tiffany sets up the dinner service, impressing Hannah enough that she no longer wants to strangle her, so things are headed in the right direction with these two. The boys strip down to pants and a bow tie while Hannah greases them up. Depending on the scene I’m watching Hannah either looks exactly like Kate Winslet or like an Amy Shumer / Jennifer Lawrence crossover.
The girls arrive for their sushi dinner and immediately start chugging champagne. The Primary, Den mother Katie, is very touched that the girls had this set up for her birthday. ChefBen has made some delicious looking sushi which the topless deck crew serve to the ladies. Downstairs, Julia and Tiffany are making up the guests rooms and Tiffany admits to having a crush on Bryan, who she calls a “fit surfer boy”.
TKG Morgan starts to have a meltdown because of all the fish being served, even though she knew this was going to be a sushi dinner. Turns out, Morgan can handle some animal murder, but not all of it and she begins to cry, thinking about the dead fish having families. Finding Nemo clearly affected some people more than others. Morgan literally has a crying fit downstairs in her cabin about how even flies matter to her (but she’s already eaten meat this weekend, right? So it only matters a little bit, when cameras are on and she can make a scene. Primary Guest (PG) Katie tells Hannah that Morgan is very spiritual, so it’s hard for her to think about all the dead fish on the table. Sidenote- what are the odds that Morgan doesn’t end up doing porn eventually?
Morgan approaches Ben and asks if he has any more vegetarian sushi, but Ben is all out of sushi rice since he was told that Morgan eats fish- WHICH SHE TOTALLY DOES. Morgan says that she just tries to limit her fish intake. Fuck off, Morgan. You’re either a vegetarian for ethical reasons or you’re not. Ben talking heads that apparently the drunker you get, the more vegetarian you become. I’ve found the opposite to be true and the drunker I get, the more I want chicken tenders. Morgan is feeling very emotional and Ben makes Morgan a veggie dish to stop her tears.
Danny has decided that it’s his mission to cheer up Morgan, so even though Bobby asked him to grab a broom and get to work, Danny’s on a mission that chores will only get in the way of. Danny is a guy who likes to “make moments” and tells us a story about when his sister thought she couldn’t play tennis and so Danny got two rackets and played with her, or something. Did you guys see the drinking game Tiffany posted on twitter? Not getting to play this is the downside to recapping during the morning at work. That, and my actual work tends to suffer a bit.
Bobby has had enough of Danny’s love sick puppy dog garbage and rips away the paper Danny is writing a poem on (!), telling him that they have actual work to do. Danny insists that this is only going to take a minute and it’s happening either way so Bobby needs to call Bryan to yell at Danny or he needs to get over it. Bobby calls Bryan.
Bryan and Captain Mark come into the mess hall and things are heated between Bobby and Danny. Danny tries to explain that he was just going to give Morgan the poem to cheer her up, but Captain Mark (with the rest of the world nodding emphatically in agreement) shuts that shit down by saying it’s wildly inappropriate. Capt. Mark asks what’s going on between Danny and Morgan and Danny lies that they haven’t hooked up, but doesn’t think to lie more and says that there is a connection building between the two of them.
Bryan and Capt. Mark explain to Danny several times that what he is doing is wrong, and that it’s not his job to “connect” with the guests. Danny, like a fucking moron, just keeps saying “let’s agree to disagree”. WHAT?! And then Danny storms off. If Capt. Mark doesn’t fire him, then I would really like to stop watching this show. I won’t, because I promised to recap it, but seriously- Danny needs to be fired. #FireDanny
Ben asks Capt. Mike if Danny is in trouble and he replies “a little bit”. NO. Not a little bit. UGH. I miss Capt. Lee. Bryan says that when Danny gets emotional, it’s annoying and “not very manly”. Yikes. I mean, Danny is annoying but when Bryan says stuff like that, it makes me understand Jen’s frustration with him more.
Danny, always in the pursuit of “making a moment”, directly disobeys orders and gives the poem to Morgan anyhow. He says he feels bad about this, but would feel worse if he let someone take away part of himself. Huh? #FireDanny.
Julia skypes with her boyfriend Matty who is a dreamboat. Matty is also my son’s name, so I’m partial to him already and now I want my own Matty to date a British girl (or guy) someday because the way Julia says his name is really cute. Julia feels bad about having left Matty behind to manage her fashion line, but he seems like a cool, understanding dude who is supportive of Julia going on this adventure.
Morgan sits with two other TKGs and reads aloud her poem from Danny, which I have transcribed for you here:
“When fish die, they swim towards the light
As they journey to the afterlife, their souls will be filled with the light
So smile, because everything will be alright.”
Yikes. That is really bad. I’d say he should stick to his day job, but he sucks at that too. The TKGs squeal over their friend’s new boy toy, calling the note “soooo cute”. Up on deck, Danny is talking to two other TKGs about how he likes to create memories and moments (I’d be so drunk by now if I were playing Tiff’s game) and he tells them that he got a lot of shit for the poem. They tell him that he’s doing exactly the right thing by “feeling out the clients”, but these are NOT typical charter clients! Danny should be a bartender at a club if that’s the level of service he wants to work at. Bobby overhears this conversation and is furious.
Bryan confronts Danny who lies about talking to the girls and still doesn’t understand how wrong he is being. Bryan says “bro” a bunch of times and attempts to convey how angry he is, but Danny just says he’s angry too. #FIREDANNY. Also, does anyone else feel like Danny sounds drunk? He just keeps waving his arms around manically, talking about creating moments. Eventually, Danny admits that he did give Morgan the note and Bryan pulls him off deck, telling him he’s in deep shit and will face the consequences the next day.
Bryan tells the Captain what happened, and instead of sending Danny out on the first redeye available, he restricts Danny to crew quarters the next day and says that he “very well may be going home.” What on earth would be the reason he doesn’t go home?! What could he do to salvage the situation? Even when Bryan goes to tell Danny the inarguably good news that he’s not immediately fired but has to stay below deck, Danny has a hissy fit and throws his toothbrush, whining that he won’t be able to say goodbye to Morgan.
Bryan has not only restricted Danny to stay below deck, but is forcing him to stay in his cabin all day, which gives me 2nd degree claustrophobia. The crew all assume that Danny will get fired (AND HE SHOULD), but worry how the deck crew is going to handle being short-handed. Bryan is worried about having to rely on Jen more, which gives me a big eye roll. Danny’s been on boats for 6 months while Jen has been doing this for 7 (?) years. I get that they don’t get along, but she’s not unskilled.
Bryan doesn’t actually seem to be giving Jen any extra responsibilities though, because he has Bobby handling Danny’s “line” (I really don’t know what any of that means). Bryan feels confident that they will be able to get it done without any major hiccups. It’s exceptionally windy though, which Capt. Mark says can make docking much more difficult.
The biggest problem with the wind seems to be the radio interference. The crew can’t hear what Capt. Mark is saying so they give the lines slack when they should be tightening and in general the instructions are coming through all garbled. Ultimately, the crew deems it unsafe to dock, so the boat heads back out, drops the anchor, and the guests will disembark via a smaller boat.
The TKGs leave and they give the crew towels with their logo on them. For a minute, I think this is going to be the only tip, but PG Katie hands Capt. Mark the white envelope, and the crew makes out with some TKG calendars as well. They all note that the guests didn’t even mention Danny so he must not have made as big of an impact as he thought he did. Bobby is bummed that he won’t be able to go out with the group tonight since that’s part of Danny and his punishment from bringing girls onto the boat on the last night out.
Bobby gives Danny his TKG commemorative towel that has a note from Morgan tucked inside. Danny cries and says that he “really needed that”. I don’t have a problem with men crying, but when did Danny turn into such a little bitch? They keep building this up like Danny’s getting fired which in RealityTV world means he’s not, and it makes me furious. Bryan escorts Danny up to the Captain to face the music.
Capt. Mark asks Danny if he knows why he’s there, and Danny goes into his spiel about how even though disobeying direct orders was wrong, but he still believes that giving the note to Morgan was the right thing to do, etc and Capt. Mark tells him that if that’s the way he feels, he should go be a Walmart greeter. The Captain mocks Danny for thinking he had a real connection with Morgan since the TKGs are “professional flirts”. He tells Danny that he lost the respect of the captain and the crew and he lost his tip.
Capt. Mark has the same issue with Danny that I do, which is that no matter what Danny says, you know and I know that he believes what he did was right- and that’s the problem. He disregarded direct orders because he felt like he knew what was best, and that shit just does not fly on a multi-million dollar yacht at sea. There is a chain of command for a reason, and as much as Danny wants to cry and whine that he is “made for this”, I agree with the Captain when he says that Danny is most certainly NOT made for yachting.
So the Captain gives him another chance at his job and I’m flummoxed. I’m irrationally angry about what I just saw. I say “irrationally” because I know this is a TV show and I know that Danny is good for ratings or whatever, but I automatically doubt the integrity of the show itself when they let something like this fly. And yes, I know reality TV isn’t really real, but I can’t help myself. And don’t tell me that Captain Lee wouldn’t have sent Danny packing because you know he would have. Probably after the first incident. I respected that about the OG version of this show because yeah, they were making a reality show, but people’s real lives and their careers beyond TV were at stake.
Danny is naturally relieved and should be kissing Jen’s ass every single day, thanking her for not ratting him out. Capt. Mark talking heads that they actually need Danny because of the full charter season but I call bullshit. They fire people all the time on this show and somehow manage to bring in new deckhands to cover after a day or two. I’m pretty annoyed now and there’s still 18 minutes left in this episode. Anyone know why this one was 54 minutes instead of the standard 43?
Hannah pulls Tiffany aside and thanks her for all of her hard work on this charter. She explains to Tiff that on the first charter, she was just so stressed from starting things off in the hole and she took it out on the other stews. Tiffany is just relieved to not be feuding with the ChiefStew and looks forward to having a drink (in a wine bottle, ideally) with Hannah later.
Captain Mark gathers the crew in the mess hall to discuss the charter and he tells them that Danny is being punished, but not fired. Bryan talking heads that he respects the Captain and his decisions, but doesn’t understand this one. Me neither, Bryan…me neither. Whoever financed the Tilted Kilt Girls yacht trip was a high roller and tipped the crew $20k, although it would have been a mistake to cheap out on the tip considering they are a recognizable business. The whole crew gets a little more than usual because Danny is not receiving his tip from this charter. The general consensus from the crew (and the world) is that Danny should have been fired. #WhyWasntDannyFired
The second attempt to dock the boat goes down much smoother because Tiffany is on deck to help out. Tiff looks at this as an opportunity to get some experience and show off her non-laundry related skills to the Captain. Tiffany impresses Bryan and I hope she gets a chance to be on deck more this season.
Danny gets back to work, scrubbing down the boat with the rest of his team who all know he should have been fired. They give him shit for believing “professional flirt” Morgan actually liked him and Danny promises to try his hardest to regain their trust. Bryan talking heads that he wants to move on from this bad experience but he will never forget what Danny did. And he doesn’t even know the full extent of it! Quick poll, do you think Jen will hold the secret all season, or will it come out eventually if she gets mad at Danny? I think she would be smart to keep the secret because she has more power over him that way.
Everyone but Bobby and Danny head out to dinner, remarking at how much tamer this excursion is from the last one (at least so far). Ben makes fun of Jen for ordering chicken for dinner, calling it boring. Aw, poor Jen. She has no interest in any of the Grecian food or culture. It’s time to go home, Jen.
The gang heads from the restaurant to the bar and starts to get their drink on. Hannah and Ben make googly eyes at each other over the table. Ben says that he finds Hannah’s core to be “soft and nice” but he isn’t ready to disclose his feelings yet because he isn’t sure what they are. Bryan sets his sights on Tiffany who has also caught the eye of Ben. Hannah tells Bryan that she has a thing for Ben and appreciates that he’s a good flirt.
Back on the boat, Bobby and Danny have been tasked with going from top to bottom on the yacht, identifying and making an inventory of every safety item on board (fire extinguishers, first aid kits, etc). Unfortunately, the guys are using an extremely outdated inventory plan and will likely have to redo the entire thing since none of the safety equipment is where the plan says it’s supposed to be. Danny keeps fucking around with all of the equipment, telling jokes and trying to win over Bobby.
Danny is on a mission to make it up to his crew but he’s going about it in a very silly way. Instead of showing them that he can stay focused and get his job done, he’s trying to do cutesy art projects like hanging up pictures of Jen’s dog all over her bunk. At first I think the collage Danny makes in Jen’s room is stupid, but I forgot that no one loves their dogs more than the lesbians do, so Jen is actually very touched and forgives Danny for his behavior because she can see that he has a good heart.
The rest of the drunken crew heads back to the boat and a very drunk Tiffany asks a clearly sober Jen if she “needs an adult”. Jen’s response is, “no, do you?!” I know I’m not conveying how funny this moment was, but if you saw it, you know. Ben and Hannah share a moment in the kitchen, where it’s obvious that Hannah wants a piece, but Ben resists, knowing that the Chef and the Chief Stew have the hardest relationship to maintain and it’s important that they don’t fuck that up. Not to mention, Ben has a thing for Tiffany.
Speaking of Tiffany, she has drunkenly crawled into Bryan’s bed after he lends her some Neosporin for her wounded toe. The fun part about this is that Ben and Bryan share a room. Back in the kitchen, Hannah tries to figure out why Ben is rejecting her but they are both wasted that nothing comes from it. Hannah is upset that she’s being rejected and gives Ben shit for treating her “like this”. Ben tells her that she doesn’t need to be monitoring his behavior and he leaves. When Ben finally goes into his room and sees Tiffany on top of Bryan, he hostilely tells her to “get the fuck out” because he’s “not in high school”. This all feels like a bad modern retelling of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Next week, Tiffany falls out of Hannah’s good graces – jealous over the Ben situation, perhaps? And Danny fucks up…again.
Let us know what your thoughts on this week’s episode were and as always, you can find us on Twitter to be a part of the conversation as well.
Recap written by Liz