We start this week’s episode with Craig and Shep getting brunch after what looks like a long evening (at least for Shep). Shep teases Craig for ordering a fruit plate before asking about what happened after the bourbon party. I love Craig. He and NaomAzing have supported the blog in the past, and as we know my loyalties can be easily bought, but at least the way things have been presented on TV, it does make Craig seem a little too big for his britches. Maybe off camera JD actually has led Craig to believe that he would have more responsibilities with the bourbon side of the business, but I think it’s far more likely that Craig just misinterpreted what was said. That, plus a little wishful thinking on Craig’s part, seems to have resulted in this miscommunication.
Shep tells Craig that what he really needs to be doing is studying for the bar- but first, he should spend the weekend with the gang at Shep’s parent’s mountain home! For a moment Craig is concerned that Shep is lying and made up the trip to make him feel better. Shep balks, because who would ever do that? I will tell you who- an ex-boyfriend of mine who shall remain nameless. One year for my birthday, he bought me a French press coffee maker and a nice cutting board. These would be lovely gifts if I drank coffee or cooked at all, but I did not. Sensing my confusion over the presents, he told me that he had also gotten me concert tickets for a band I really liked. The concert was a few months away and when it came closer to the show, I asked him about specifics and he goes “oh, you still wanted to do that?” Yep. He had never actually gotten me the tickets. So yes, Shep- sometimes people make up nice things to make someone feel better.
Craig asks about the guest list and says he is fine with JD coming if Shep wants to invite him. Good! He should be fine with it, since as far as I can tell, JD has done nothing wrong. Craig wants to know if “TeamInclusion” is still a go (meaning is Kathryn invited), but Shep now has reservations after his lunch with Whitney and Cameran.
In a talking head, Craig calls Whitney the “dark one” and the “evil one” and is concerned that Cameran drank Whitney’s kool-aid which is why she now also hates Kathryn, even though Kathryn has done nothing to her. I agree. Seriously, what has Kathryn done to Cam? And if this were real life, I would say- Sure Cam, avoid Kathryn all you want. But this is not real life. This is Reality TV. And in the world of Reality TV, you go on trips with people you hate because that’s what you are contractually obligated to do. Why do the rules just not apply to Cameran? Did InvisibleHusbandJason save Andy Cohen’s life in ‘Nam or something, and that’s why she only has to show the parts of her life that she wants to?
Craig tells Shep that chances are Kathryn won’t even be able to go on this trip since she’s so far along with her pregnancy and will need easy access to a hospital; so what’s the harm in inviting her? The invitation will make her feel warm and fuzzy but won’t result in Cam and Whitney ditching the trip. Shep decides to call Kathryn right then and there and as predicted, Kathryn is on modified bed rest so while she thanks Shep for thinking of her, she won’t be able to go. Problem solved!
Thomas comes over to Kathryn’s new house and he makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s been there, which I find a bit odd. His daughter lives there on the regular so wouldn’t he have seen it before this? Is this just dialog the producers have asked for? Thomas has come over to put together the crib, which is a quintessential Dad thing to do. Not that moms can’t put together cribs (my mom built mine), but Kathryn asking Thomas to do it instead of a friend or hiring someone is a step in the right direction to properly co-parenting.
Thomas asks Kathryn about the Shep-trip and she tells him she was happy to be invited but can’t go. Thomas says that he won’t go if Kathryn doesn’t go because he doesn’t want to start any trouble. Kathryn tells Thomas that he should go on the trip without her, which is a very nice gesture. As a thank you for this olive branch, T-Rav calls Kathryn a “T-Rex” in his talking head. Kathryn seems like she is really trying here with Thomas and he is being very sweet back to her but all of that is tarnished by his talking head where he is, once again, cruel to her. Hmm…I wonder why Kathryn has trust issues.
Someone apparently told Cam that we are all sick of her lack of transparency, so she’s decided to go down a road that many reality stars have gone, called the “Therapy Session on TV”. This reality TV trope is a favorite for shows like Teen Mom and any show featuring Bethenny Frankel. Cameran tells her TVtherapist that she is struggling with the decision to have a baby. TVtherapist must be a fan of the show, because she looks about as bored as we are by this conversation.
Speaking of tropes, Cameran clearly has never seen a movie or TV show with a therapy session in it and is instantly put off when her therapist wants to revisit childhood traumas to figure out where the source of Cam’s anxieties lie. Oh Cam… for someone who portends to be so real, you have such a hard time with honesty and vulnerability on camera.
Landon bikes over to her sister Bam’s house. Bam? Really? Have I been transported back to 2004 MTV? Landon says she had a “really good meeting” in NYC and I bark out an audible laugh on the train. People are staring at me. Landon tells Bam (nope) about her online travel magazine and Landon’s ideas must usually be real losers because Bam calls this one great by comparison. Lockhart Steele (the Vox dude) will be in town soon, so Landon needs to get her prototype on. Bam asks if Landon is going to have the website ready, but Landon sees herself as more of a “content”/ideas person.
Have you guys seen Tom Segura’s stand up bit where he talks about his cousin who is an “inventor”? If not, click on the link below (skip to 0:33) and think of Landon:
Landon asks Bam if she knows Naomie, but this is really just a lame segue (Naomie and Kat are the same age) because no one on this show can go more than 5 minutes without talking about Kathryn. Landon really bitches it up in this scene. ENOUGH WITH THE SLUT-SHAMING! It’s so gross and anti-woman and Landon is basically bitch-slapping an entire generation of women who worked their asses off for even a tiny piece of equality every time she talks like this. Landon has said repeatedly on her blog and via Twitter that she will get redeemed at the end of this season but I have no idea what she could possibly do to dethrone herself as The Worst.
Craig comes over to visit Kathryn, and he talking heads that people change and he is pleased to see how Kathryn has developed emotionally- after all, for once she isn’t the one causing the drama! And it’s true- other than that little mishap at the polo match, drama has just happened to or around her. Not being drunk does tend to help a person curb their dramatics.
Craig fancies himself a Sherlock Holmes and wants to get to the bottom of Whitney’s hatred for Kathryn, so he has come over to do a little investigative work. Kathryn says that no one really knew the extent of her relationship with Whitney but gives us a timeline:
So originally, Kathryn hooks up with Thomas once, but it was NBD and Thomas avoided her afterwards. A week or so after that, she started seeing Whitney. Kat says she was spending lots of time over at Whitney’s house (aka QueenPat’s house) and it was definitely more than just a physical relationship. Kathryn says she hung out there a lot and we see clips from Season 1 with Whitney bragging to his “houseguest” Robert about Kathryn’s lineage. Ultimately, Kathryn really had eyes for Thomas and was mad that he hadn’t called her after their initial hookup, so when there was an opportunity for her to go to a pool party with Whitney where she knew Thomas would be attending, she felt like it would be a good bit of revenge to show up with his best friend.
Shit. This is all really coming together and actually making sense. Kathryn left the party with Thomas, which prompted Whitney to wig out. I will admit that this very much looks like Kat did Whitney dirty a little, especially if she actually had clothes at his house and went to the party with him. That said, I don’t think he still holds a candle for Kathryn. I think Whitney likely felt very used and got his pride wounded a bit, but his hatred for Kathryn evolved from this initial wound into something deeper with their interactions from last season. Yes, this “spurned lover” incident was the catalyst for their fallout, but much more has happened since then. Kathryn tells Craig that she didn’t bother to tell the full extent of her relationship with Whitney to Thomas and that makes sense too, if you think about it. Kathryn was trying to establish a relationship with Thomas, who might have rejected her had he known that she and Whitney were more than just a one night stand.
Craigy is feeling Pretty Good about himself right now and thinks he finally got to the bottom of why everyone has all of these issues with Kathryn. Which again, is not really the case. I love Kathryn and this show wouldn’t exist without her, but she burned a lot of bridges last season that have nothing to do with some fling she had with Whitney. Anyhow- I really need to watch Season 1 over again with all of this in mind.
Next up, we see the Charmers are all getting ready for Shep’s Mountain Excursion. Cameran calls Andy Cohen who has disguised his voice with a southern accent InvisibleHusbandJason to say goodbye and let him know that the crew will be headed to NC on the party bus that Shep rented for the occasion. Cam just hopes there isn’t a stripper pole or loud music. Uh, Cam, what you are looking for is a “regular bus”. As it turns out, there isn’t a stripper pole, but there is a bar. Craig asks for a beer, because he knows that the rule is- once you are in the car/airport/train station/etc- vacation has begun.
The gang makes it into Ashville, NC for a bit of an “urban excursion”. Ashville is a great city and I’m jealous (#LizMissesTheSouth). Shep is also jealous because Whitney called ahead and asked for a nicer room. Thomas shows up, and for the first time in the history of ever, I agree with Landon when she says Thomas is “already at a 10”. The Charmers head out onto the streets of Ashville and are on their way to a brewery, when we see Thomas kid on A CHILD. I mean, I’m guessing the producers checked her ID but she looked younger than Shep’s date at the Flamingo Party.
Whitney and Thomas are bonding over their shared hatred of bluegrass music and in general both being creepy mother fuckers. JD and Elizabeth show up, as well as Shep’s childhood friend John and everyone proceeds to get good and shmammered. Shep gives a toast where he jinxes the crap out of the crew by commenting on how well everyone is getting along so far. Cameran asks FriendJohn what kind of woman would be best for Shep and notices Landon perk up at this conversation. Cam gives us a *wink wink* in her talking head and divulges her super-secret “theory” that Landon <3’s Shep. And in other breaking news- water is wet and my mother is disappointed in me for squandering my potential.
Thomas tells Craig that he won’t be staying at the same hotel as the group overnight out of respect for Kathryn who doesn’t want him sleeping in the same building as Landon. Whitney is livid that Kathryn’s name was even uttered in his presence, and he asks Thomas why he is enabling “this behavior”. Craig and T-Rav remind Whitney that Kathryn is PREGNANT with Thomas’s BABY and is prone to having emotional freak outs that endanger the life of herself and the child so maybe making certain concessions at this time is for the greater good. Whitney doesn’t care and doesn’t want to hear about it (and yet he always engages in the conversation whenever Kathryn gets brought up, but whatever).
The group heads out to an actual night club and Thomas promptly hits on a woman with a half-shaved, half-pink hairdo, complete with multiple piercings and a full sleeve. I appreciate that Thomas does not have a type, and will creepily hit on any woman available- assuming she is at least 20 years his junior. Thomas ditches the alt-rock chick for another tattooed girl with a braid who threatens to cut him after he grabs her ass. Tattoo-Braid-Lady ditches T-Rav and moves on to Shep, cleverly getting Thomas to leave her alone by asking him to buy her a drink. Sidenote- clubs are gross and no one in this group knows how to dance.
The next morning, the crew gets ready to head out the mountain house, but before they go, Thomas meets up with Shep to explain why he didn’t stay overnight at the hotel with them and won’t be going to the mountain house. You see, Dear Readers, at first Thomas thought that Kathryn was being irrational about Landon, but as it turns out Landon did NOT invite Kathryn to Shep’s birthday party (no shit). Last night, Landon still tried to say that she did invite Kat, but when Thomas asked to see the invitation, Landon couldn’t produce one because, of course, she never actually did. Shep is disappointed to hear this and asks why Landon would lie when the truth is so easy to tell? I agree, but I also know that Landon is The Worst, so I’m far less surprised than Shep is to hear all of this.
Cameran and Whitney (everyone’s favorite Mean Girls) have decided to skip the party bus and rent a car instead. Could someone please explain the difference in Whitney & Cam’s Bravo contracts verses the ones for everyone else in the cast? These two are the only ones who refuse to share any of their real lives with the cameras and they are the only two who feel the need to refuse to film with other castmates. Bitches, man…bitches.
As expected, Shep’s parent’s house is redonkulous. Everyone compliments the place and Shep gives a shout out to the ones who made it all possible: “Thanks! Keep working hard, Mom & Dad”. JD and Elizabeth arrive and joke about what a dump the place is. It really is crazy beautiful. JD approaches Craig and tries to make small talk. Craig is in no mood but similar to last week, it’s just coming off as whiny. JD has given Craig a real opportunity here to prove himself and he is acting childish about the bourbon thing. JD just hopes that Craig can help him convince Danni to get on board, since she has a wealth of knowledge and experience in this field. Craig agrees, begrudgingly.
Back in Charleston, #FriendJen comes over to see Kathryn at her new house where Kat is frustrated by being on modified bed rest since that means she can’t leave the house. Fortunately, my girl Kat knows about the magic that is amazon.com so she’s put her time to good use with some online shopping. When I was on maternity leave, depressed and bored out of my skull, packages were showing up to our house every day. It’s why I now have a beautiful collection of vintage Pyrex casserole dishes. FriendJen wrinkles her nose when she hears that Landon and Thomas are both out of town on the same trip together, but Kathryn is fine with it since she got the update from T-Rav about Landon confessing her involvement in #InviteGate. Kathryn is happy that Thomas has had her back for the past couple of weeks. FriendJen is more apprehensive about Kat and T-rav buddying up again but she doesn’t go so far as to say anything about it.
Here’s what I think: FriendJen can see that Thomas is only making an effort right now because Kathryn is pregnant and she’s worried that her friend will get hurt again if she begins to rely on Thomas for support; emotional or otherwise. That said, on the off chance this is a truly genuine move on Thomas’s part, FriendJen doesn’t want to risk damaging the progress that could get made between these two co-parents. Ultimately, FriendJen is right to be apprehensive. Thomas has made it clear on this show that he is just biding his time until the pregnancy is over and then he plans go back to being at war with Kat. Don’t tweet at me or email me- there is nothing you can say that will convince me that FriendJen’s motives are bad here.
While Craig is making dinner for the whole group (gotta love a man that cooks), Shep joins Landon on the porch to ask her about #InviteGate. Landon at first tries to say that she invited everyone, but when Shep tells her that Thomas told him that she admitted to excluding Kathryn, she goes “yeah, I didn’t send it to her.” Because I guess to Landon, “everyone” means “everyone except Kathryn”. Shep greatly disappoints me here by not holding Landon’s feet to the fire, (like, at all) but then I guess if he had, he wouldn’t be Shep. In fact, he even apologizes by saying “I guess I just wanted to talk to you about it, I’m sorry”. Huh? Fuck Landon. Be Cool or be a Bitch. But don’t be a Sneaky Bitch. Landon ought to take the advice of fellow The Worst trophy holder, Lisa Rinna, and “own it.”
At dinner, Whitney seals his own fate for the evening by giving Craig a hard time about his cooking style and possible cross contamination from a dirty spatula. The steaks look like they are cooked perfectly, so well done Craig. The conversation naturally turns to Kathryn, because this group really has nothing better to talk about, and Whitney goes on a rant calling Kat a “lying, psychopathic, insane woman”. Craig goes by the age old rule of, “If you insult a man’s cooking, you deserve what’s coming to you” and decides that this is the appropriate time to call Whitney out. Cue everyone’s reaction shot:
Aaaaand that’s it for this week. I think I said all I wanted to about Craig’s accusations earlier so I won’t rehash it here, but I’m looking forward to Whitney’s rebuttal. I would also like to say that I really hope Elizabeth at least tries to stand up for Kat because if she doesn’t, their teary reconciliation from last week will go from sweet to sour for me.
Until next time!
Recap written by Liz
Also check out Kerry’s #10thoughts on this week’s episode: