We start off this week with Sonja and her infamous facialist Satoko Yamazaki. Can we please get this woman on WWHL or the reunion or something? I need more Satoko. Sonja went through an expensive divorce and bankruptcy, but she knows the age old adage, if all you’ve got left is a penny to your name, go get your shoes shined. Sonja is still going to splurge on her beauty regime. Money well spent, I’d say. Sonja is the youngest looking one of the bunch. Her skin is glowing. Probably due to the black-market placenta that Satoko uses in her facials.
Satoko is not invited to Sonja’s birthday party because Luann hates Satoko. Boo, Luann. Boo. If Carole should get over everything you said about her and Adam, then you really ought to let your beef with the facialist go. Because seriously- I need more Satoko. #MoreSatoko. Speaking of the party, Bethenny hasn’t RSVPd but Sonja assumes she will be there. (Spoiler alert, she won’t be, denying us the awesome reaction shot we all know we’d kill for.)
Jules comes over to Carole’s because Carole is having a psychic come to her house to do readings on some of the girls. After the coffee grinds reading last season, she’s an almost believer. Dorinda is excited to come to Carole’s because she’s never been. Kim Russo is the psychic and Dorinda is a huge fan so she fan-girls hard. Bethenny shows up and is both skeptical and cautiously optimistic. Jules says it isn’t very Jewish to see a psychic but she didn’t want to be rude.
Kim starts her reading with Jules and says that she is a role model for women and will be a champion for women’s rights. Jules connects this with her eating disorder struggles, of course. This session is interrupted though but an older man “coming through” named John who Dorinda says is her grandfather. Bethenny is concerned that the afterlife is just a waiting room where the deceased hang out waiting for psychics to call. I’m fine with that, but I hope there’s good snacks in the vending machines and the TV’s get Bravo.
Ramona shows up late and is completely disruptive, of course. She talks loudly, interrupts Kim and in general, just bugs me. UGH. Who do I speak with to get off of the Ramona-coaster?
The psychic session continues with Kim saying she sees an “R&R”, who are two brothers. Dorinda gets emotional, saying that her late husband was Richard and his brother’s name was Robert. Carole thinks this might all be fake but she hopes it’s not. The psychic says that her own deceased husband sends her coins and that Richard is doing the same for Dorinda who freaks out because before Richard died, he told Dorinda that he would leave change for her and the next day on the subway she saw a pile of pennies. Dorinda is a true believer. DeadRichard says that John is good for now but can’t give Dorinda “safety”.
A note on the penny thing. I went to see as psychic once who told me that she was able to see my own deceased dad and she mentioned the coins thing as well. It’s like saying “every time you see a butterfly, that’s your dead grandma waving hello!” What’s more likely is that people in this country don’t value their wealth and so we have loose change all over the place and butterflies are everywhere. It’s an easy pull for a psychic. Now, my lady said she saw my dad wearing an Air Force uniform, which was totally freaky since he was in the Air Force so that resonated with me much more. I’m like Carole on this. I’m not really much of a believer, but it would be nice if it were true that when we’re gone, we aren’t really gone.
Kim says she a man has come forward for Bethenny and this man died around this time of year. The man says that Bethenny looks just like her mother. Bethenny stonewalls and says she doesn’t know who that would be. Kim says Bethenny blocking her, but not intentionally. Bethenny had to look it up, but the anniversary of her father’s death was Monday. (Cue gasps from Dorinda!)
Kim says that Bethenny’s dead dad is a bad communicator and isn’t being any more intimate than someone would be with the cashier at a grocery store. Bethenny is unimpressed and wants the psychic to guess how many times a year she masturbates…like a carnival game (speaking of, a carnival just got set up in the field a few blocks from my house. I’m FREAKING Out with excitement. I love carnival food).
BethennysDeadDad tells Kim to tell Bethenny “don’t say you’re never getting married again”, to which Bethenny replies, “Well I’m never getting married again so you can tell him to fuck off.” YES. For the record kim doesn’t see Bethenny getting married again either. Kim doesn’t see Dorinda getting married to John which prompt the eternally rude Ramona to say “thank God”. Ramona immediately covers her mouth, knowing it was a dumb thing to say, but doesn’t bother apologizing, mind you.
Dorinda tells her to cut it out and says that she could talk shit about the men Ramona brings around but she doesn’t and for the record- John doesn’t like Ramona either and thinks she a bitch, so there. Ramona deflects and asks Kim if she sees Ramona getting married again, but Dorinda tells her to stop acting like a bitch. Fair enough, Dorinda. Ramona is The Worst. I’ve said it for years.
Kim tries to carry on with the session, but Dorinda is on a tear. She keeps spitting vitriol at Ramona who in turn keeps trying to spin it and does that thing that I hate where she doesn’t have a real defense to make so she just gets mad back at Dorinda for the way she’s saying what she’s saying. Dorinda is working herself into a tizzy and keeps telling Ramona to shut her mouth. And then at some point Dorinda brings out the big guns and snots that Mario left Ramona for someone else. I get how frustrated and angry Dorinda is, but I think we can all agree that that was way too low of a blow. Even as a card-carrying member of the “Fuck off, Ramona” club, I cringed when Dorinda said that.
Carole calls the fight crazy and remarks that while Ramona lit the match, Dorinda fueled the flames. The rest of the group is desperate to get back on track and Kim tells Ramona that she will be getting married again. Bethenny gets the fuck out of there to go pick up her daughter and talking heads that the cheese platter was great and she appreciates the advice about not getting married, but all in all this was a bust..
Kim tells Ramona that her dad is there now and Kim guesses that he died suddenly of heart issues. I hate Ramona and the only thing I like about this is that she is crying, but they are happy tears so, meh. Ramona’s DeadDad says that he was there with her (from the other side) through the divorce and mentions something about pictures that they took and its all generic psychic stuff but Ramona is floored.
But Dorinda isn’t done with their fight and so she comes back over to Ramona, gets emotional, and tells her that she needs to give Dorinda a break about John because it’s breaking Dorinda’s heart. Ramona FINALLY apologizes for what she said. Dorinda says she needs Ramona to be her friend and wants to go forward. Dorinda should really apologize about the Mario comment, but doesn’t, or at least she doesn’t on camera because we don’t see it.
Carole goes to Jules apartment and Jules has set out a huge spread again- even though it’s only two people. This is, actually, pretty classic eating disorder behavior. Sidenote- Jules has never seen an ipod before. How is that possible? Jules offers Carole tea or coffee but she doesn’t know how to make tea – which I will remind you is just boiling water and dropping a teabag in said water. The girls recap the psychic event and the Ramona/Dorinda conflict. Carole says that she wanted to burn sage after to cleanse her house of bad joojoo.
Carole asks Jules what she thought the psychic meant about Jules being a role model. Jules opens up to Carole about her eating disorder and how it would have been helpful for her when she was 23 and in rehab to have had a 30-something year old woman as a role model. Carole says that it’s important to “articulate your suffering in a way that emancipates you and empowers other women.” Jules says she gets called skinny all the time and she knows that it’s not a compliment.
In her talking head, Jules throws some subtle shade, saying that Carole is also a skinny girl and maybe she can relate- implying that perhaps Carole has also had her troubles with food. Carole and Jules do actually seem to bond in this scene though, and it’s nice to see Jules getting in better with the other girls. Hopefully that will make her a little calmer because she always seems like a tightly wound bundle of nerves.
Dorinda meets up with John for dinner, and John has already had tequila and orders a bottle of rosé. Even though she seemed to make up with Ramona there at the end, Dorinda talking heads that she’s walking into this dinner still angry with her friend. John gets creepy and gross at the table, talking to the waiter about how beautiful Dorinda is.
Look- if Dorinda enjoyed it at all, it might be sweet, but she clearly is very uncomfortable with the lovey dovey talk and when John asks for a kiss again Dorinda admonishes him, saying he seems desperate when he acts like that.
John and Ramona have beef and Dorinda wants them to squash it but John feels like he is only ever a gentleman with Ramona, where as she has been rude to him on multiple occasions. So, Dorinda wants Ramona and John to be good, but she goes ahead and tells him about Ramona being negative at the psychic party? This is not how you unruffled feathers, Dorinda. Dorinda feels John and Ramona are being narcissistic and not taking Dorindas feelings into consideration. Dorinda also feels like John keeps making this about him (which it sort of is), when it’s really all about Dorinda. This conversation goes round and round and the biggest problem here is that both of these people are very drunk.
Everyone knew This Couple in either high school or college depending on how early you started going to parties with booze. They are the pair that hang all over each other at the start but never fail to get into an explosive fight by the end of the evening. All of their friends beg them to break up because how on earth is this healthy? But they never do and instead will lash out at anyone who they deem a threat to their “love”. If you don’t know this couple, you’ve been a part of this couple. They are drunk and volatile and I don’t mean to be the party police but God dammit- Bethenny really does know everything, doesn’t she?
Back at Sonja’s Townhouse of Indentured Servitude, Maya (Sonja’s makeup artist) was also not extended an invite to Sonja’s bday, but the makeup artist doesn’t care. Sonja says the last thing she wants to do is throw a party (yeah right) but she needs to debute her new business venture. What happened to the Nigerian soccer team she was starting, or buying, or coaching, or whatever? Sonja says she took Bethenny’s advice and decided not to tell anyone about this idea to keep away the haters.
Speaking of Bethenny, she is hosting a tasting where it’s raining but people have shown up anyway. Love her or hate her, Bethenny is a P.I.M.P. She is a hustler baby, I just want you to know… Second only to Brynn, Skinny Girl is the love of Bethenny’s life. Bethenny is very proud of her team of assistants who she says have to have a lot to have what it takes to work for her. Bethenny knows she isn’t easy to work for but seems very appreciative of the help she has. She does seem like a tough boss, but compared to my own CEO boss, she seems like a dream because she clearly knows the words “thank you” and uses them more than once a year. #NotBitter #HireMeSkinnyGirl
Sonja is getting ready for her birthday event and she’s working with the guy that Ramona brought around last season. You remember him, the restaurant guy that she was supposedly investing with and as it was implied sleeping with. Well Mr.RestaurantGuy (MRG), fancies himself a Slade Smiley and has now cozied up to Lady Morgan. Personally, I’d call that an upgrade.
Sonja looks awesome. She looks young and fresh-faced and if that’s the skin and body of a pill-popping alcoholic, somebody get me a prescription (I got the booze covered). Sonja sees Jules and automatically comments on how thin she is which reminds me that the camera adds 10lbs. Jules must look like a skeleton in real life.
All of the women are wearing black. Was that planned? Do they all liken a Sonja Party to a funeral? Ramona shows up and Sonja is happy to see her because Sonja doesn’t know any better. Ramona starts telling the story about Luann and the necklace and part of it confuses Sonja, or she doesn’t get the timeline right, and Ramona flashes on her. Snapping that Sonja JUST DOESN’T LISTEN. Sonja, credits this to the closer you are to someone, the more hurtful they can be to you and it makes me sad that Sonja feels like it’s okay or normal for a friend to speak to her like that. This friendship has run its course and I want better for Sonja who also makes a good point in her talking head when she says that Ramona is here at Sonja’s birthday party, telling this story about a birthday gift mishap, but where’s Sonja’s gift? Fuck off, Ramona.
Luann shows up with HotEric (one of Sonja’s dates from last season) but Sonja is a chill bitch so she DGAF. Lu pulls Ramona aside immediately to ask her why she tried to tell Sonja not to live with Lu. Ramona calls the two women living together a “brothel” and then cackles at her own joke, to which Luann replies “so what is it to you?” Fuck yes, Luann. What is it to Ramona? How does it affect her and why does she care? Luann is peeved that Ramona called her a bad influence considering her well documented love of Turtle Time.
Hilarious Sidenote- Jules is standing right up to the Ramona-Luann-and now Sonja huddle with her back turned and we see her demand that Michael stand there with her so it isn’t obvious that she’s eavesdropping. This is me, literally every time I’m in any social situation. Party drama is a spectator sport, and I’m a season ticket holder.
Luanna is throwing the smackdown on Ramona and tells her that this “bad influence” talk is total nonsense. Ramona talking heads that sure, she goes out but she doesn’t stay out like Sonja and Luann do. So what?! Why does Ramona feel like she needs to police the social activities of two other grown women? Ramona says that the group is supposed to be trying to get Sonja to quit drinking and stop hanging out with random men. Wait- when was that decision made? Did I miss the intervention episode where Sonja agreed to change her lifestyle to fit Ramona’s standards? We all know I didn’t, because I watch this garbage religiously.
Moment of note- Ramona jokes that Sonja is copying her hairstyle and Sonja says “I copy the people I admire”. Waump waump. That’s some foreshadowing if I’ve ever heard it. And that comment is going to bite her in the ass if she tries to go for the “I didn’t realize Skinny Girl and Tipsy Girl were similar” defense.
Remember that HILARIOUS story that Ramona told about the necklace and Luann “regifting” it? And remember how she said she was going to give Luann shit for it? Well, while they are all standing there, Dorinda asks Ramona to tell Luann about her issues with the necklace (and by the way, Dorinda says this in a totally joking way), and Ramona immediately scolds her. How DARE Dorinda! (lol) “that’s not very nice”, Ramona says, scolding Dorinda for no good reason other than she doesn’t want to go for round 2 with Luann.
Ramona begrudgingly gets into it though, saying that her feelings were hurt that Luann had the inconsideration to come to Ramona’s birthday, regift her a necklace, all while giving Bethenny a beautiful bag right in front of her. Okay, so this is really all about the bag, right? I have no idea, but I have never loved Jules more than I do in this scene. She is tucked in the corner and can’t help herself from cracking up at all of this nonsense.
By the way, and I’m glad that Luann brings this up- what Ramona experienced with this necklace is not what is considered a “regift”. A “regift” is when Person A gives Person B a gift, then Person B gives that gift to Person C. Person C is the one who received the “regift” and Person B is the one who regifted it. This scenario does not at all apply to Luann giving Ramona a necklace, the necklace being broken or faulty or whatever, Luann fixing said necklace and then giving the correct version to her again. That’s what we call “fixing a mistake” or “doing right”. Luann bluntly asks if this means Ramona didn’t like the necklace, which Dorinda jokingly calls “a technicality”.
Sonja casks for everyone’s attention and gives a speech where she thanks all of them for sticking by her during her struggles and says that she wants to take this opportunity to announce her new line of Prosecco called…… Tipsy Girl.
Obviously, this is a problem. Everyone can see that this is a problem. Does Bethenny have the monopoly on everything “____ Girl”? No, of course not, but Sonja is, at worst, an associate of Bethenny’s, if not someone who would be considered a friend, so based on that relationship- it does seem a little shady. If the brand was just called “Tipsy”, this wouldn’t be a problem. Sonja says that she didn’t come up with the name (I actually believe that), but that her partners did and they’ve already trademarked it.
Jules is nervous for Sonja. You don’t have to be Bethenny’s bosom buddy to know how defensive she is over her company. Sidenote- Jules also makes a slip where she calls herself “subservient” due to her Asian heritage. Oh, Jules. You were doing so well at this party. Dorinda thinks Bethenny won’t care, because “there’s room for everyone”. Yeah, that’s not really how business works.
As we now know in real-time, Bethenny immediately tried to go out and trademark the name Tipsy Girl, but she wasn’t able too. At least for now, though, it seems that Sonja is choosing friendship over business in an episode of Kocktails with Khloe she commented on this, saying:
“I have to do something about the name. My girlfriend Bethenny wasn’t thrilled with that. It didn’t hit me, and then Bethenny was like, ‘Uh, I don’t like that.’ And I was like, ‘Oops, OK. We need to go back to the drawing board and figure something out that doesn’t come between my friendship[sic]. You know, I love the name, and I want to work. I’m just trying to work.”
I like Sonja. She’s the one out of this group that I would want to hang out with the most because I think she’s in her own little awesome world and it would be a trip to be in it with her for a day. That said- Bethenny is right to want to protect her brand and the name thing is a problem. Again, not even because the name is so similar, but because of Sonja’s association with Bethenny. The SkinnyCow / Skinny Girl thing would have been a much bigger deal if Bethenny had been on a television show with the SkinnyCow dude, was friends with him, went on trips with him, and they had another brand that they were associated with together, like Bethenny and Ramona are with The Real Housewives. Anyhow. Those are my thoughts on the matter. Next week we see Bethenny lay the smack down. Can’t something go right for Sonja? Just once?
Until next time!
Recap written by Liz