When last we left our heroes, Tiffany was trying to make two women who hate each other kiss and make up.  Why, Tiffany?  Why.  Look, in case this is your first #RHOD recap with us, let me tell you right now, I am no fan of Leeanne.  I think she is desperate and petty and I do not believe for one second that she does all of that Charity* work out of the goodness of her heart.  All that said- what Tiffany did to her at that party was awful.  She knowingly led her supposed best friend into a situation where she knew something explosive would happen.  Did Tiffany’s actions make for good TV?  Hell yes, they did.  But good TV does not equal good friends.

*As always, we capitalize the “C” in Charity, as she is the 6th housewife of this series

We start this week right where we left off, with Leeanne storming out and Tiffany racing after her.  For some reason, Tiffany is mad at Leeanne.  Huh?  Tiffany put her in this position in the first place, knowing her friend has a temper and a sore spot when it comes to Brandi, so I’m not sure how she gets off thinking she’s the one who gets to be mad.  Leeanne screams that Tiffany doesn’t have her back which sets Tiffany off even more.  And then- in what can only be described as maddening passive aggression, when Tiffany tells Leeanne that she’s always sticking up for her, Leeanne shrugs and says “don’t bother”.  EXCEPT SHE JUST TOLD TIFFANY TO HAVE HER BACK.  This is why Leeanne is The Worst.  There is no passivity to Tiffany’s aggression, though, as she shoves Leeanne and screams in her face.  Yikes.

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Leeanne is clearly unhinged but has enough self-awareness to know that it’s in her best interest to just go home.   Leeanne keeps walking away while Tiffany grabs at her and tries to scream in her face some more and you guys, an awesome thing happens- as Leeanne makes it clear to Tiffany that she doesn’t want to do this in front of the cameras (um, honey, that’s sort of what you signed up for) and Tiffany (who doesn’t care) keeps yelling, Leeanne, like an injured and angry lion, leaps into the street and shoves the camera that’s filming her.  I LOVE it when the housewives break the 4th wall, and it almost never happens.  It’s like getting cash in the mail.

Back inside, Stephanie is still reeling from the verbal assault Leeane unleashed on her moments before.  In a talking head, Cary says that Leeanne went after Stephanie because she is the “injured baby gazelle” of the group.  Leeanne knows she can’t go toe to toe with Brandi or Cary, so she went after Stephanie so is like a delicate little flower.  Cary calls the whole thing embarrassing, especially for Leeanne.  And I’m sure it’s not lost on any of you that considering Leeanne’s big complaint with Brandi is her behavior in social settings, this was a pretty hypocritical display to the nth degree.

Tiffany storms back inside to throw her friend under the bus a bit more and asks “should I not have brought her over?” Nah, girl.  Brandi doesn’t even bother to answer and instead says she’s had just about enough and is gonna go home to her family.  Tiffany offers a “blanket apology” to everyone.  Everyone except Leeanne, that is.

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The next day, we catch up with our wounded baby gazelle, Stephanie who is getting ready to celebrate her 7th wedding anniversary with hubby Travis (you remember him, he looks like an extra from Friday Night Lights and owns several fur coats).  Stephanie apparently cried all night and hopes she can cheer up before the evening on the town that Travis has planned.  Stephanie is also worried that in Leeanne’s quest to bring Brandi and her down, Travis’s family and company will be hurt in the process.  Travis, on the other hand, is not concerned about what some broke carny kid could possibly do to him and I agree.  Stephanie and Travis are loaded.  What moronic Charity would refuse money from rich people?  Leeanne is all bark.

Speaking of Miss Looney Tunes, Leeanne tells Rich that she isn’t ready to talk to Tiffany yet because she’s sure that neither of them are done “processing” what happened.  Rich thinks she’s just avoiding the problem like she does when the two of them fight.  Leeanne is mad that Tiffany didn’t jump in between her and Brandi and stop their fight, but why would she when she was the one who orchestrated the whole thing?  Leeanne tries to tell Rich about how aggressive Tiffany was being but he just sort of throws it back in her face that she can be aggressive too.

Again- Leeanne is a crack pot, but Tiffany was definitely the one escalating things all across the board.  Leeanne talking heads that she is extra sensitive about this because her childhood was very unstable.  Much like Dorinda with Ramona, Leeanne saw Tiffany as a “safe place” and that got violated a bit.  Unlike Dorinda, Leeanne has no other friends so she needs to get Tiffany back, stat.

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Over at Tiffany and DietKeithUrbanAaron’s apartment, Tiffany is feeling fragile and very distant from Leeanne.  Aaron asks Tiffany if she thinks this is the worst fight she and Leeanne have ever had, and she doesn’t really answer, which piques my interest.  Aaron suggests that Tiffany just let the dust settle and avoid Leeanne for a bit, but they are both working on a clothing drive and have to see each other later that day.

MyGirlfriendBrandi breaks my heart a little bit when she tells us that much like Jules from RHONY, she is a big believer in bribing children.  Brinkley is offered $10 to not go into the garage, which she accepts, even though she wants to “play on the ramp thing”.  Brandi’s grandfather, who she has never met, will be coming over to dinner and Brandi is understandably nervous.  Brandi’s husband Bryan is away on business and won’t be there which is a big-time bummer for Brandi.  She feels like he just doesn’t understand what a huge deal this is, and I’m guessing he’s still a little mad about the strip club incident.  Even more than Brandi, her mom is feeling overwhelmed and nervous and is guzzling the Jesus Juice in anticipation.

Leeanne has painted a smile on her face and is helping sort clothes for the clothes drive that benefits HIV positive women in Dallas (again, I love the spotlight on HIV AIDS charities that this show provides).  The organizer of the event tells Leeanne that Stephanie recently visited and took a tour of their facilities, and to Leeanne’s credit, she smiles and says that’s great and she‘s glad Stephanie is helping out.

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Tiffany shows up, blows past Leeanne, and then talking heads about how mad she is that Leeanne didn’t say hi.  Tiffany kinda sucks.  I mean, Leeanne is obviously The Worst, always and forever, but Tiffany is working hard to dethrone her here.

Travis and Stephanie own a vintage Rolls Royce.  It’s gorgeous.  It’s the same car that was featured in their wedding photos and when it came up for sale, Travis bought it as a token of their love.  Okay, okay, Travis is growing on me a little this episode, but I’m also a sucker for old cars.

Tiffany tries to man up and calls Leeanne who doesn’t answer.  Tiffany leaves a message saying that she hated how the Charity even went that day, with both women ignoring each other and tells Leeanne that if she is ready to talk, Tiffany would love to go to lunch or coffee.  Tiffany is worried that if this feud goes on too long, she runs the risk of Leeanne shutting her out for good.  Apparently, when Tiffany moved to LA, Leeanne didn’t talk to her for two years.  (TWO YEARS!) Because she felt like Tiffany had abandoned her.  Whoa.  Those are some serious issues.  Remember when Brandi said that Leeanne needed psychological help?  Mmmhmm…

Really quickly, I want to touch on the issue that people had with Tiffany using her phone while driving.  Was it the best idea?  No, definitely not.  But it’s legal to be on your phone while driving in Texas and it’s not like she was blatantly texting with her kids in the backseat, a la Leah from TeenMom2.  Speaking of kids, why don’t Aaron and Tiffany have any?  I get why Leeanne doesn’t (she’s crazy and only recently found someone willing to tolerate her and he already has children), but I’m surprised that Tiffany and Aaron don’t.

The first stop on Stephanie and Travis’s anniversary extravaganza is a trip to de Boulle, the premier jewelry store in Dallas.  YES.  Seeing these women and their husbands spend ridiculous amounts of cash on frivolities is what fellow recapper Kerry and I like to call Classic Housewives. (More this, less possibly fake diseases, please.)  Travis has called ahead and arranged for a variety of bracelets to be displayed so that Stephanie can choose one as a gift.

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All of her options are insanely gorgeous, but she decides to go with a 23 carat white diamond cuff bracelet that sets Travis back a cool 75k.  Stephanie calls it a “beautiful distraction” in her talking head and tells us that Travis likes to spoil her rotten.  The adorably British jeweler (because of course he is British) teases Travis saying that their upcoming 10 year anniversary is the big one and lets Stephanie try on a 20 carat diamond ring that is priced at 2.5 million.  Travis has a minor heart attack and begins to form the giant to-do list that Steph will have to perform to make that worth it.

Mark (who is fighting super hard for the title of Best Housewives Husband) has made Cary a beautiful looking fish dinner and expresses concern for her dress that got doused in champagne by Leeanne, because you know Mark was the one who bought that dress in the first place.  Cary is less than amused by Tiffany and Leeanne’s childish antics and looks forward to spending the summer in Switzerland.  She and Mark have plans to expand the practice and buy a house there someday.  I have big plans too.  I plan on expanding this recap blog and buying….a six pack of Lagunita’s Lucky 13 on my way home today. Because that’s basically the same thing.

Mark has decided that since Cary got champagne thrown on her dress, he must give her a replacement in the form of a shimmery Roberto Cavalli.  Cary is sort of like his real life doll that he gets to dress up, which could come off as creepy, but Cary says Mark spends hundreds of thousands on clothes for her per year, so that cuts out the creep factor quite a bit.

Brandi’s grandfather and his wife arrive and Brinkley is not having it.  She does not come to greet her great grandfather, and instead runs off to what looks like the garage, meaning she is in danger of forfeiting that $10 she was bribed with earlier.  This whole get-together is about as awkward as you would imagine it would be when you have family members who’ve never met each other due to a tumultuous past all sitting around a table together.  Brandi is just grateful that this is happening at all, and I’m sad for her that Bryan isn’t there for her right now.

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Brandi asks for a one-on-one with her grandfather so they out on the back porch and she chokes up as she thanks him for coming.  Brandi apologizes for the misconception she had of him when she was a child.  Grandpa John tells her that the past is the past and he’s put it behind him.  Brandi feels so comfortable and familiar with him already, mostly because he looks so much like the other men in her family, and she calls it “easy” to be with him.

NEWFLASH- Grandpa John asks, and we learn from Brandi that Bryan is in real estate.  Hmm.  Not totally sure that explains the extensive travel, unless he is in international real estate?  Someone tweet at Kyle Richards and ask how often Mauricio leaves town.  Grandpa John attributes Bryan’s travel to him not being “grown up”.  I kinda feel for Bryan here**.  He clearly has no interest in this show and only signed on because it was important to Brandi, but so far he’s not getting the best edit.

**this was written before I saw what an ass he is later in the episode.  I do not feel for him any longer.

Side note- Cary administers her own botox and gives it to Mark as well.  She says she does this so that he won’t look mad at her when he’s mad at her.  Cary is who we all should aspire to be.

Brandi comes over to visit Stephanie who tells her friend about the anniversary date and the bling-bling that Travis bought her.  Brandi laments that while Bryan and Travis are so similar with their interests and hobbies, Bryan missed the memo on “how to romance your wife”.   On Brandi’s 30th birthday, Bryan decided to get her 30 of her favorite things, which included Ketchup and French fries.  It’s a cute idea, but one that would have likely gone over better if one of those things had been sparkly and expensive.

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Stephanie asks about Brandi’s grandfather visiting and Brandi says that she’s excited for Bryan and John to meet when Bryan gets back into town because she feels like they are very similar.  Brandi says that she’s happy she planned for her grandfather to be in town because he’s only getting older and this time spent with him is precious to her.  Brandi is planning a BBQ for when Bryan comes back into town to meet Grandpa John, and she invites Stephanie and her family to come along.

Tiffany is getting ready to meet up with Leeanne and plans to apologize for her behavior.  Good.  Tiffany should apologize because she acted like a maniac.  Leeanne heads into the restaurant and she really should wear more red, as it’s a good color on her.  Leeanne has no interest in facing Tiffany and owning up to her behavior, but she knows that she has to.  Leeanne approaches Tiffany who is already seated, cozies up to her, and repeats over and over that she’s sorry and that she loves Tiffany.

Leeanne talking heads that this is not their first fight, and I’d wager it won’t be their last now that they are both on this show, and also because they are both kinda shitty people.  The women own up to their actions very quickly and get incredibly weepy with their apologies.  Okay, I’m gonna call bullshit on this whole thing.  I am going on record as saying that I do not believe the whole fight and I do not believe this make up lunch.  The extremes are too heavy.  You don’t go from screaming in someone’s face to over the top maudlin apologies.  I’m just not buying any of it and I say shame on both women if I’m right.  Actual reality is always more dramatic than manufactured bullshit.  I’m not recapping the rest of this conversation, but I promise that you’re missing nothing.

So, good news- Brandi’s brother’s Christian name is “Don”, and not “Scooter”, like we were led to believe a couple of episodes ago.  BrotherDon and a bunch of other friends and relatives (including Stephanie and her kids) have come over for the BBQ, and Bryan is flying back in today so he will be joining them as well.  Stephanie calls Travis to see when he will be getting there and we hear that Bryan and Travis have played a round of golf and decided to get drinks before coming over.  Yeah, that’s pretty fucked up and Brandi is understandably hurt by this.  Boo, Bryan….boo.

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Bryan finally waltzes in, tipsy, and immediately remarks that one of the gingersnap kids is sunburnt- snarkily asking “who forgot to put sunscreen on you?”  He doesn’t even acknowledge Brandi and we can see BrotherDon seething a bit on his sister’s behalf.  Bryan makes the most basic bits of small talk with Grandpa John before breezing past him and going outside.  This is horrendously embarrassing for Brandi and my heart is aching for her right now.  Bryan ices her out every time she tries to approach him and in general acts like a giant dick.

Stephanie sees her friend is upset (even though Brandi maintains composure) and talking heads that Bryan can be very ignorant when it comes to the “right thing to do” with marriage.  She says that Brandi is deeply hurt and Bryan should have known to take this event seriously.  I agree and I feel literally sick watching this.  The trailers for next week don’t lead me to believe that any of this gets resolved and I’m actually bumming pretty hard about it.  UGH.  Brandi is supposed to be my good-time happy housewife to recap and I gotta say, the trivial bullshit that Leeanne and Tiffany have going on just feels so irrelevant to me.  And on that sour note-

Until next week!

Recap written by Liz 

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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