Aaaand we’re back. This recap may feel late to those of you who watched Saturday’s #SpoilersByBravo, but I didn’t participate in that shenanigans so I’m going to be watching the shows during their usual lineup. A big thanks to Kerry for manning the live-tweet of last night’s episode, and as always I highly recommend following @10thoughtsblog to take part in all the fun. Let’s begin, shall we?
So if I didn’t completely adore #NewCraig and Naomie, my laptop would be covered in vomit from how cute these two are. We start things off with the pair waking up in their new home (Naomie’s fixer upper that needs….what? paint?) and Craig asks Naomie to help him pick out his watches. He brings out a jewelry box, inside of which he has placed the “promise ring” he bought a couple of episodes ago. I like how Craig did this. Instead of keeping the ring in a normal ring box, he put it in the jewelry box next to other jewelry for her to just find it. Because even if you just started dating, if a guy whips out a ring box, you automatically think it’s an engagement ring. The way Craig did it, it’s obviously just a present and a beautiful one at that.
Also precious? Craig says that he’s seen every romantic comedy and he wants to be “that guy”. Craig tells Naomie that the ring is a token of the fact that that he wants to be with her forever and eventually they can get “married and stuff”. It’s sweet except that he goes into baby talk there at the end and I’m having serious TeenMom2 Chelsea and Cole flashbacks. Unless you are speaking to a baby or a puppy, talk like an adult. Craig leaves for work where he is pretty sure he’s going to get named the head of the Bourbon division of JD’s company. JD is a good friend, but no fool, so I’m thinking Craig-y is getting a little bit ahead of himself here. (Spoiler alert- I’m right)
The house that Cam and Shep are going to be selling is ridiculous. It’s gorgeous and I want it. Someone buy it for me. Shep is, of course, running late to seeing the house with Cameran, and as he rushes to get there, he tells us that despite Landon’s god-awful plans, he ended up having a good time at the after party. Shep’s a little hungover today, but then he’s always a little hungover so NBD. Cameran asks about how the night ended up and Shep says that he doesn’t know who to believe (regarding InviteGate), but feels like the whole thing is beneath him and he’s just trying to figure out everyone’s motives.
So the house that they are going to be selling is basically my dream house. The porch is enormous, it’s 5 bedrooms, 4 baths, 6000 sqft and is just dripping in history. They are pricing it in the mid to high 700s, and I’m reminded of the two bedroom bungalow that I recently saw for sale at the same price point in the bay area. Every time I look at home prices out here, it sends me into a tailspin of emotions and I start demanding to move back home to the south.
Kathryn is feeling discouraged. She’s been trying to reach out and make amends with the group, but she keeps hitting brick walls (Cameran won’t have lunch with her, Landon doesn’t invite her to Shep’s birthday, etc). She’s decided that she needs to reconsider who she’s reaching out to and makes the best decision in the world by calling Elizabeth, JD’s wife and Kensie’s godmother. Kathryn distanced herself from Elizabeth after the breakup with Thomas because Thomas’s best friend is JD, but I’m glad to see her reaching out now because I truly believe that Elizabeth doesn’t have a bad bone in her body and Kat needs more friends like that.
Over at Lan-Idon’tgiveashitaboutthisbitch’s house, Landon calls her dad to tell him she has decided to focus on the travel magazine website and will be heading to NYC to speak with investors. I don’t care. I hope everything she touches fails because suck as much as she does.
Craig gets called into JD’s office for a meeting to catch up on everything Craig’s been doing with the hotel business. Craig is doing well here, but feels much more passionate about the bourbon side of the company and wants to expand his role. JD pumps the breaks a little bit with Craig’s bit bourbon flavored dreams, but does ask him to help set up an intimate tasting with some close friends and investors. Craig is giddy and jumps at the chance to be involved. Danni will also be helping out since she has over 15 years in liquor sales. Good. More Danni.
Kathryn shows up to Elizabeth & JD’s house where Elizabeth is outside with her three little boys who are all tiny, cute as a button, and wearing matching clothes. The boys head inside and the ladies sit down to catch up. Elizabeth, who is a freakin saint, doesn’t yell at Kathryn for the distance she put between them, but instead calmly asks what happened, and if Elizabeth did anything to make Kathryn stay away. Kat talking heads that she was essentially going through her Season-3-Stassi phase and was removing everyone from her life without discrimination. Kathryn says that she cut people out in an effort to be safe because she didn’t know who she could trust. Pregnancy hormones really up the ante on a person’s paranoia.
Elizabeth tells Kathryn that the promise she made to her at Kensie’s christening stands; she will never turn her back on them and Elizabeth says that she never breaks her word. We all start to choke up a bit (Kathryn, Elizabeth, and myself), and Kathryn apologizes profusely for making Elizabeth think she ever did anything wrong. The women promise to stay in better touch and look forward to raising their kids together. Part of me wants to get Elizabeth off of this show because I think Reality TV can turn people evil, but it’s just so refreshing to see someone who just radiates goodness and has no hidden agenda.
Shep comes over to Thomas’s house and Shep talking heads that he finds Thomas very interesting because you never know what you’re gonna get. I’d also say that never knowing what level of drunk Thomas is going to be at keeps things interesting as well. Thomas tells Shep that he spoke with Kathryn about his birthday party and she was very hurt and upset about not getting an invite. Landon still claims she invited her (NOT A CHANCE IN HELL), and Thomas hopes that she really did, especially after they spoke about it and Thomas made it clear to Landon that Kathryn needed to feel included. Thomas wants to keep Kathryn calm because when Kat is calm, the world is calm and the baby stays healthy. Shep feels like Thomas is being a little mellow dramatic, and I have mixed feelings on this. Yes, stress and getting yourself all worked up is bad for the baby, but it’s Kathryn’s responsibility to try to avoid people and situations that aren’t good for her, and she seems to be doing the opposite.
Landon is in New York City and landed a meeting at Vox. WHAT? WHY. HOW. This makes no sense and is an obvious producer set up. Landon has decided to focus on the travel aspect of her magazine as the main pitch point to the Vox exec (Lockhart Steele) since they don’t currently cover travel. But about 5 minutes after she tells us that’s her plan, she goes back to her PassionADD ways and starts spouting on about film reviews and style blogs. Mr. Steele is not amused and asks for Landon’s “elevator pitch” (aka- explain your idea in a couple of sentences).
“Yeah well I mean it’s just sort of an online magazine, really, that will cover, you know, arts and travel…and the arts, um you know. Kind of covering the best of what’s kinda going on out in the world”
Mr. Steele shuts this shit down immediately by telling Landon she’s a basic bitch whose ideas are uninspired. Okay, he doesn’t exactly say that, but in my head he did. Mr. Steele asks Landon what it is that only she can provide since what she’s talking about is already all over the internet. Landon doesn’t really answer this and proceeds to completely bomb in this meeting. Is anyone shocked that this prissy wanna be is failing hard here? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so… Landon didn’t even make a prototype heading into this meeting, and she talking heads that while this meeting is embarrassing (it really, really is), she’s always seen herself as being successful, so she hopes that her passion will help bring this to life (it won’t- it really, really won’t).
The illusive Whitney meets up with Cam and Shep for Bloody Marys at what looks like a very cool oyster bar. Shep invites them to his parent’s home in North Carolina for a hiking/outdoor adventure vacation and for the first time all season, I agree with Cameran that that doesn’t sound like much of a good time. However- Shep’s family is loaded, so I bet that house is awesome and if you take out the hiking part, I could see getting into it. Cam asks who is getting invited to this trip, and Shep says that he is planning on inviting Kathryn because he wants to give her another shot with the group.
Cam and Whitney are whiny little snots and refuse to come if Kathryn is going to be there. (Seriously?) They claim they have no issue with her but just don’t want to be around her. If Carole and Luann can co-exist in the same room, then Whitney and Cam should be fine with Kathryn. Now, Kathryn and Landon on the other hand- I think having those two on vacation together is a recipe for disaster. And by “disaster”, I mean, “something I desperately want to see and demand to have on my TV”.
Craig, JD, and other members of Gentry Bourbon are getting ready for the tasting and JD tells us about how important this brand is to him. The bourbon is named after JD’s grandfather who was into horse racing, bourbon, and according to the pics we see, wearing awesome hats. We discover that while Craig is a very excited eager beaver, he knows next to nothing about the business. Craig had no idea that the company had so much initial inventory and starts whining to JD that he isn’t being included in this part of the business.
Shep, Cam, Whitney, Naomie, Elizabeth, Danni and the rest of the friends and family who have been selected to be tasters all arrive and Shep rolls his eyes in a talking head about Craig’s bourbon empire aspirations. The tasters are split into two groups and JD puts Danni in charge of her table, much to Craig’s chagrin. Just a reminder, Danni has FIFTEEN YEARS of experience and Craig knows….well, nothing. But that doesn’t stop Craig from getting exceptionally pouty.
Whitney, who loves to kick a man when he’s down, especially if that man is Craig, starts peppering him with hard questions like the chemical makeup of the bourbons they are tasting. Craig, of course, doesn’t know any of this. Much like Landon (although I hate comparing the two), Craig could have strongly benefited here with a quick google research sesh and some prep work.
Craig also seems to be channeling VPR’s Tom1 & Tom2, in that he seems to think running a bourbon business is all about getting restaurants to supply it. Danni drops some knowledge on him by saying that it’s a billion dollar industry that runs on more than familiarity with the local bartenders. Craig doesn’t even know the difference between whiskey and bourbon. You know what? I didn’t know the difference either, so what I did was head over to my trusty google search, and:
Danni is trying to give Craig good advice, based on her wealth of knowledge and experience but Craig has whiskey-colored dollar signs in his eyes and talking heads that, sure…Danni knows a lot of stuff, but Craig is basically a genius, so he should be fine. Hey genius- www.google.com is your friend. Love it. Use it. Live it. Learn it.
OOooh, so this week, Naomi told us via twitter to look for the “moody drama”. She CLEARLY was not talking about herself, because I’d say moody drama is a pretty fitting description of how Craig is acting here, but it’s really not all that obnoxious. He’s just like a little kid who is super excited about something even though he knows basically nothing about it. Ask a small child to explain science to you someday. It’s the same thing.
Shep can see that his friend is feeling wounded and pulls him aside to congratulate him on all that is has done. Craig whines that he feels “slighted” and thought he was a bigger part of the bourbon business. Oh, Craig. Shep, proving that he is literally the greatest dude who ever lived, restrains himself from slapping Craig across the face, and instead encourages him to find a way to contribute and add value to the company. This is excellent advice.
JD offers the position of Vice President of Gentry Bourbon to Danni, who politely declines having just gotten out of the liquor biz. She kindly asks JD if he’s spoken with Craig to let him know how little his involvement is going to be, and JD realizes that he should probably be more transparent about his intentions with Craig and the business.
JD, really quite decently I might add, explains to Craig that he just got into the bourbon business himself and he isn’t comfortable with passing it over to Craig right now. JD tells Craig that he does not have the historical knowledge or experience to run a bourbon division, and that currently, Craig’s job is to make JD’s life easier. As everyone packs up to leave, Craig keeps making comments about his pride being hurt and needing to go lick his wounds, which draws the attention of Naomie who is confused by this whole thing. It sort of seems like Craig led Naomie to believe that he was a shoe-in for running the bourbon company and Naomie is really disappointed to hear otherwise. I can’t really tell if she’s disappointed for herself, or if she’s just really sad for Craig but I think (hope) it’s the latter.
Overall? Not enough Kathryn & Co (#FriendJen and Cooper), but thankfully very little of Thomas.
Recap written by Liz