First of all, a big thank you to fellow recapper Kerry for manning our twitter account last night for the live-tweet, and thanks to all of you who joined her.  We got a lot of fun responses (even from Queen Pat!) and we hope that Kerry’s husband will watch the baby more often so that we can get her snarky (yet fair!) commentary on the regular.  Check out @10thoughtsblog to get caught up.

We start things off this week with our usual quick montage of Mornings With The Charmers and I never usually comment on them, but Naomie put reddi-whip in her coffee and now my plan is to steal her away from #NewCraig with the promise of breakfast time desserts and a Real engagement ring.  #PromiseRingsRDumb.  Also- Naomie agrees with me that while packing a house to move totally sucks, unpacking is the best because you get to decide where everything goes.

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Turns out, the awesome house that Naomie’s parents were letting her and Craig live in has been sold so the lovebirds have to move out.  The good news is that Naomie already has a fixer-upper house in Mt. Pleasant (the same neighborhood as Kathryn’s new rental) that they can move into.  While packing up some schmancy looking dishes, Naomie asks about the party and Craig cops to sort of starting all of the drama from last night, although I think it was all pretty innocent and out of concern for his friend Kathryn, rather than an attempt to stir shit up.  I heart #NewCraig.  Although I’m not sure I totally go for his theory that Whitney hates Kathryn because he felt rejected when she started seeing Thomas.  Mostly because I think Craig was the one who was butt-hurt initially about Kathryn not being interested in him, so this feels like a bit of some projection.  That said, Whitney strikes me as an insecure dude so there’s a chance Craig isn’t totally off base here.  For the record, I think Kat wasn’t invited to Patricia’s party because Patricia hates her, not because of Whitney.  But we saw the scene with Patricia and Thomas where he asked for her to be invited and the notion was soundly rejected, so we have a deeper insight into Patricia’s feelings regarding Miss Dennis than Craig does.

Do you guys remember that season of Entourage where Johnny Drama had that French girlfriend who he would Skype and act all gross and cutesy with?  No?  Yeah, that show really sucked after a while, but I have undying loyalty to shows that I start watching and I will keep watching them until the bitter end, even if they’ve become steaming piles of garbage long before then.  Anyhow, Whitney and his foreign girlfriend Larissa remind me of that.  Whitney tells us that they are at the “shit or get off the pot” stage in their relationship and I am just as creeped out by Whitey calling Larissa “babe” and “baby” as I am when he calls Patricia “Mother”.  Maybe Whitney should just avoid speaking affectionately to people in general.

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Kathryn meets up with Cooper for lunch and I’m shocked to see her with a new Birkin Bag before she tells me to chill in a talking head explaining that it is “faux-real”.  Awesome.  Cooper tells Kathryn that before the Flamingo Party, which he deems “tacky” (WATCH IT, COOP- THAT’S MY DREAM PARTY), QueenPattycakes called him to tell him that it wouldn’t be in his best interest to continue seeing Kathryn publically.  I’m with Kat on this one- it’s ridiculous that someone of Patricia’s alleged status would care so much about our Carolina-Wild-Cat-Single-Mom-from-Moncks-Corner.  My theory is that Patricia is pissed about Whitney sleeping with someone like Kathryn on national tv who is now a single mother.  I think she feels like it reflects badly on her precious Whitney, and Mother can’t have that…

Speaking of Mother, Whitney comes over the morning after the Flamingo party sporting a “beard” (half-past 5 o’clock shadow at best) that greatly offends QueenP.  Patricia sneers in her talking head that beards are for men who work down at the DOCKS.  And she says “Docks” in this way that is so grossly privileged and hateful, but ultimately not surprising, considering.  Patricia wonders if the party photographer got any pictures of Shep jumping in the pool, which she deems “cute”.  Anyone else think that’s code for “dumb mother fucker who almost ruined my party”?

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Whitney asks about Cooper pulling Patricia aside and then Whitney calls Coop a “drama queen” which I wouldn’t have paid any attention to, but did you guys see Cooper’s tweet last night that said, “Careful with the word Queen, Whitney. Drama is as drama does.”  Does anyone else feel like that may imply something about Whitney’s sexuality?  #WouldntBeSurprised #ButInFactWouldLikeHimMore

Patricia makes some grand statement in her talking head that Cooper won’t be welcomed in her house again and it’s absolutely ridiculous.  All because he is friends with her perceived enemy?  And for the record, pots should not call Kettles dramaqueens.

Back at lunch with Cooper and Kathryn, Cooper expresses concern about FriendJen’s intentions.  Full disclosure, FriendJen retweeted the blog last week and my loyalty is pretty easily bought and paid for, but I don’t think I’m wrong or blowing smoke when I say that I very highly doubt that FriendJen’s intentions are untrustworthy, and we now know from social media that Kat, Jen & Coop are all friends so this conversation is a bit outdated.  Cooper questions if FriendJen is just telling Kathryn what she wants to hear, but ultimately it’s not about FriendJen’s words.  It’s about her actions, which always speak much louder.  FriendJen has physically and emotionally been there for Kathryn, and not just what we’ve seen on camera, but consistently off camera as well.  That’s a lot of time and effort to put into someone for what, a guest spot on a reality tv show?  As they would say on network tv crime procedural, what’s the motive?  FriendJen is legit.

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Bailey comes over to Shep’s house to paint a portrait of him and Shep talking heads that while he and Bailey have yet to Define Their Relationship (a talk that he refers to as “DTR”), she is DTF.  I think we can all agree that that’s pretty gross and childish and definitely gave me serious PSTD flashbacks of The Situation and Jersey Shore, but the thing about Shep is, even when he’s awful, he finds a way to make up for it.  On a special Bravo blog, before the episode even aired, he made sure that an apology note was posted.  You can see it here: http://www.bravotv.com/southern-charm/season-3/blogs/shepard-shep-rose/shep-rose-i-want-to-apologize-to-her-and-to-anyone but I have screenshotted it here as well:

shep apology

DO YOU HEAR ME REAL HOUSEWIVES?!  THIS IS HOW YOU APOLOGIZE.

This is a beautiful apology from someone who I genuinely believe is remorseful for his actions.  It’s surprising to see this level of maturity from a reality tv star and I’ve always felt that it’s not a person’s mistakes that define them, but the way they handle and recover from those mistakes that truly make a person who they are.

Whitney meets up with Landon who is picking out vintage outfits for the skating party that she has arranged to get more airtime on tv for Shep’s birthday.  The roller rink is in the middle of nowhere, and it doesn’t serve alcohol.  This only further proves my theory that not only would Landon and I never be friends, we could very well become mortal enemies after about 30 minutes spent together.   Shep wants Kathryn invited, because Shep is the best (forgive me, after that apology, I’m going to have moony-eyes for Shep for a bit), and Landon is highly irritated by the notion.

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Whitney and I agree that Landon didn’t plan this party for Shep, but for herself, although I don’t love his suggestion of a Steakhouse & Strip Club birthday party either.  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good steak and have been known to Make It Rain in a strip club or two, but it all seems a bit contrived.  Side note- the thrift store Whitney and Landon are at serves while-you-shop beer.  God dammit, I miss The South.

Shep is rich as fuck, yes?  Yes.  But Shep lives in an up and coming neighborhood instead of the richy-rich part of town and when looking to invest in a place, Shep decided to become an owner of his neighborhood bar.  Shep is definitely getting the angel-edit this episode (minus the DTF comment, which he obviously well redeemed), but it feels quite deserved, so I’m fine with it.

Hey- who wants to organize a #10thoughtblog Recapper/Reader trip to Charleston?  We can take a tour of all the best Charm sights and get drunk at the Palace Hotel every night!

Cameran comes over to the Palace Hotel to make a deal with Shep regarding a listing she just received.  Cameran stands to make $21k in the deal (WHAT?  WHY AM I NOT A REAL ESTATE AGENT?!), and offers to split the commission with Shep if he brings her a buyer.  They spit in their palms and shake on it because Cam is a guy’s girl who is mad chill, yet even Shep is grossed out by this.

Cameran does her little dance with Shep where she pressures him into moving into the next stage of his life before he is ready for it.  I find this ironic since Cam is so against having kids and seems irritated by people pressuring her into it (although we’ve never actually seen anyone pressure her at all) and actually I apologize for even bringing that comparison to the table because I’m so exhausted by that storyline.

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So, Shep apparently told Craig a couple of weeks ago that his ideal scenario would be living on the beach, married with a couple of kids and for Cam, that means he needs to get the ball rolling now.  But unlike women, men don’t actually have a biological ticking time bomb and can technically start families whenever they want, so I really do feel like a lot of the pressure Cameran puts on Shep is just a projection of the pressure she feels about her own life.

Next up, we head over to two dueling scenes of movers loading up Kathryn and Thomas’s respective houses.  Before watching this scene, fellow recapper Kerry had texted me to say that she had forgotten to mention how inadvertently rude both Thomas and Kat were to their movers and I promised to say something but I definitely would have even if she hadn’t mentioned it.  Whining to your movers about how small your downtown historical three-story home is, or even in Kat’s case, your two-story “smaller” home is, is pretty ridiculous.  Especially when your next line is about how you are begrudgingly going to have to turn the “hers” closet into extra storage space.  Oh, boo hoo.  I’m so sorry that your wallet’s too tight for your 50s and your diamond shoes are too tight, Thomas.

#NewCraig doesn’t want to pack anymore.  #NewCraig just wants to do “couch stuff” today instead, which for #NewCraig means wearing pajamas, eating ice cream, and watching romcoms with girlfriend Naomie, who I have just deemed: #NaomAZING.  I cannot say this enough, I ❤ #NewCraig & NaomAZING.  Work is going really great for Craig and he is excited about how much responsibility JD is entrusting in him.  AW!  Craig is working hard in JD’s hotel business, but hopes to break into the bourbon division more as soon as he proves himself.  NaomAZING just wants him to be happy.

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I’m sure I will get sick of them eventually, but I’m cuckoo bananas for this couple.  I’m also feeling very emotional in general because my cat, Catmissioner Gordon, brought a baby bird into the house and in our attempts to get said bird away from the cat, the baby bird died.  And now there are Mom and Dad birds flying around outside trying to figure out what happened and I’m crying.  #NatureIsAnAsshole

Now that she’s living downtown, Kathryn is excited to reignite her relationships with the people she once considered “genuine friends”, including SkinniDanni.  Danni immediately sort of shames Kathryn for not reaching out to her, and I have to wonder how much Danni reached out to Kat?  Danni does give some decent advice though, telling Kat that she should try to meet up with people one-on-one to regain her friendships and to prove that she’s no longer this powder keg that is wrapped up in the “Kathryn and Thomas Show”.  Kathryn seems receptive to the advice and thankful to be reconnecting with an old friend.

Landon comes over to Thomas’s house that is all set up and looking gorgeous.  I think Thomas is gross but I’m a sucker for old houses and actually appreciate his “old world masculine” decorating style.  Landon asks Thomas if he’s available for the roller disco party (he’s not), and he asks if Kathryn has been invited.  “Why do you care if she’s invited or not” asks Landon, with the air of a jealous girlfriend.  Thomas says that he just wants Kathryn, the mother of his children, to feel included, and Landon whines that if Kathryn wants to be included to the party that Landon threw for herself under the guise of Shep’s birthday then Kathryn needs to be nicer to Landon in public.  Thomas says that Kathryn is upset about the picture that was taken of Landon and himself when they were in London and Landon balks that this would upset her, since she takes pictures with all of her friends.

Hmm, let’s see if Thomas will admit that he told Kathryn that Landon propositioned him while they were in London….aaaand Nope.  The answer to that is a resounding, NOPE.  Also, for the record, I DO think that they hooked up.  Or, possibly, that nothing at all happened and they never hooked up.  But I do not believe, for even one second, that Landon propositioned Thomas and that he turned it down, like he told Kathryn he did.  Not. A. Chance. In. Hell.

landonThomas

Landon has decided that the new thing she wants to do this week is start a travel magazine, because, and I quote, “I get to travel so much and do so many cool things”.  But Landon’s dad Michael is no fool and has pulled the plug on financing her nonsense dreams so she’s now looking for investors. Ohhhhh, Okay, I get it now.  She did sleep with Thomas and hopes that he will help her financially with her INSERT-RANDOM-LANDON-DREAM-HERE.  Sadly for Lando, Thomas isn’t a complete and utter fool and recognizes the complete and utter vagueness of her goals and talking heads that he is unlikely to invest.

So I’ve pretty much completely turned around on Cameran this season and am basically fed up with her nonsense at this point, but I must say that I adore her house.  It’s the house I’d be most comfortable in with this group.  Her kitchen is great and the breakfast nook booth thing she’s got going is super cute, plus her porch is bomb.  And that concludes our Nice-to-Cam portion of the evening.

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Okay here’s the deal.  Cameran has every right to not be friends with Kathryn.  I get that, I see that.  But I don’t think she needed to drag it out or say what she said about Kathryn being volatile or needing to just take care of herself and her children (more on that another time).  Kathryn is clearly trying to make an effort and to kick her while she is down seems pretty cruel to me.  A simple, “I’m sorry Kathryn, but I’m not interested in pursuing a friendship with you so if that’s what this coffee date is about, then I am going to have to decline”, would have maybe been a bit blunt, but at least it would have been quick.  Like pulling off a Band-Aid.  I also agree with Fellow Recapper Kerry that the giant bitch face from when Cameran first got the call was unnecessary.  What face, you ask?  This face:

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It’s the night of the big SHEPIC (really, Landon?) roller skating party and Shep tells us in a talking head that he was never much of a roller skater, but instead much more of a skateboarder/kicked the asses of roller skaters type.  Well done, Landon.  This party is clearly a tribute to your dear friend Shep who doesn’t even know how to do the activity you planned.  And again- NO ALCOHOL!   Shep could have invested in anything and he chose to become part owner of A BAR.  Landon is a stupid person with stupid dreams who plans terrible parties.

Shep shows up first to the party bus pick up location that Landonhas  arranged and he is pissed.  For starters, he is wearing a polyester shirt, and those things do NOT breathe.  Secondly, he is on time but everyone else is late.  Jesus, Landon.  Thirdly, he is waiting for a party that won’t even be serving booze.  While Landon is busy picking up “disco cupcakes” (aka, cupcakes with what is I hope edible glitter on them), Craig and NaomAZING  (plus a rando named Matt) show up.  Landon finally gets there and that’s when Shep decides to drop the bomb on her that he has never roller skated before, which is a piece of info I feel like he maybe should have shared earlier.  Yes, it’s Landon’s fault that this party is a giant bucket of bad ideas, but it’s Shep’s fault for not reining her in when she first suggested it.

Quick side note- Shep says that he wanted to invite Kathryn because “unlike Whitney and Cameran” he’s a man.  There have been a few things tonight that are backing up my Whitney-may-not-be-straight theory (although for the record, yes, of course gay men are “men”.  In fact, Gay men are so manly that all they want to surround themselves with are men).  Shep says that he has a soft spot for Kathryn because when she’s not around Thomas, she’s a lovely and fun person.  I agree.  All scenes with Kat this season that lack Thomas have been great.  Landon wants to get the party started because even though she was late, she doesn’t care that Kathryn and Bailey are late and this ship is sailing without them.  Bailey does finally show up and Landon smiles through an “I’m sorry Kathryn didn’t make the bus” apology to Shep, but says “little white lies” in a talking head.  Fuck.  She didn’t invite Kathryn, did she…

All together now: LANDON. IS THE. WORST.

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For the first time this season, I am emphatically agreeing with Cameran when she says that it’s just not American to with Shep a happy birthday without a beer in hand.  Or really anyone for that matter.  Everyone is pretty bad at skating except for Craig who is outstanding at it.  True story- my 5th grade end-of-the-term party was at a roller rink and I decided to wear my new Christmas dress and ended up clinging to the carpeted wall the whole time to avoid flashing my undies because I’m possibly the world’s worst skater, or at least I share that title with Shep.  Shep is clearly annoyed with this whole event and calls it “textbook Landon”, meaning that it’s all Big Idea, but no attention to detail or decent execution.

Sweet, sweet #NewCraig is still trying to bring Kathryn into the fold and asks Cameran if Kat reached out to her after the flamingo party.  Cam admits that Kat did, but says she didn’t see the point in meeting up.  Craig feels that Cam is being catty and is disappointed by her attitude.  Me too, Craig…me too.

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It’s time for presents and Landon admits she didn’t get Shep one, but feels like this party is her present to him, which is a terrible present.  Ya know what’s NOT a terrible present?  Bailey’s painting.  It’s hilarious, and something that Shep wanted.  Quite unlike this stupid dry roller disco party.  JD and Elizabeth show up and I am reminded of how much I like them.  Even when I don’t agree with them, I truly believe that they have their friend’s best interests at heart and I genuinely appreciate all JD has done for #NewCraig.

So earlier, Craig had called Kathryn to see where she was, but only got her voicemail.  When Shep calls her again, Kathryn answers and she tells him that Craig’s voicemail was the first she heard of any party and that fucking sucks.  What a horrible feeling.  Apparently there was an email that went out that Shep denies getting (which, come on, we can all believe that Shep doesn’t regularly check his emails, can’t we?), and Kathryn wasn’t cc’d.  Shep is horrified because he “intensely hates excluding people” and definitely wanted Kathryn to be invited.

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So as if I didn’t feel moony enough about Shep this episode, he confronts Landon on Kathryn’s lack of an invite and she never really directly answers his “did you actually invite her” question but rolls her eyes and saying she sent out some mystery text to “the whole group” and “who cares” if Kathryn doesn’t show?  Shep says that HE cares and reminds everyone that the high road is right there, and very easy to take, so when you turn tail and go down the low road, you just end up looking shitty.  Fuck. Landon.  I know she keeps spouting on via twitter about how she is going to be vindicated and redeemed this season, but I really don’t care.  She sucks balls and is a complete and total waste of space.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Recap written by Liz 

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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