My apologies for this recap being so late.  It’s been a busy week at the Real Job but things should slow down in a week or two.  Now that Potomac is over and we’ve finally gotten to the reunion episodes of RHOBH, all the shows left that we recap are a pleasure, and ya’ll, I am so excited to see my girlfriend Brandi Redmond again.

Speaking of Brandi, we start off at Marie’s house (Marie was the one who hosted the No Tie dinner event at the end of last week’s episode) where Brandi has come over to teach Marie’s daughter some dance moves.  My favorite bit of advice from this dance lesson is “when in doubt, just throw your hair.”  Noted.  Brandi tells us that she always wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader but her family couldn’t afford all the coaching and cheer camps so she found a steep hill and chucked herself off of it backwards until she figured out how to do a back handspring.  And this is exactly why Leeanne is a total hypocrite jerk-face…

brandi dance teach

Leeanne has completely prejudged Brandi by referring to her as some floozy who’s had it easy and “married well”.  Brandi has worked hard for what she wants and again, she’s been with her husband since middle school.  Also, I tweeted at Leeanne yesterday regarding her “Plano” comment and she liked it and quoted it because she clearly doesn’t get my sarcasm and I just don’t have time for that kind of person.

Brandi takes the time to apologize to Marie for causing a scene at her event, which Marie accepts graciously.  Marie says that there are two sides to Leeanne, the Charity side and the personal side and while both are lovely people, they are very different.  Stephanie thinks that eventually Leeanne and Brandi will bond over humor because they are both funny.  This will literally never happen.  Ever.

Cary and Mark are at home cooking dinner (well, Mark is…Cary didn’t know she couldn’t touch the inside of a hot oven, which that speaks to her culinary prowess). So as turns out, Mark was a huge fixer upper.  They show photos of him from back in the day and I’m having trouble understanding how such an unattractive guy was able to make a living as a plastic surgeon.  To me, that’s like getting your hair done by someone with a terrible haircut; it just speaks to their judgment or something.  Mark lost 80lbs and Cary credits herself as his inspiration.  We meet their super cute daughter Zuri, who knows bits and pieces of different languages and that’s really the way to do it.  Teach them young.  Kids are like sponges for knowledge.  Check out the before and after photos of Mark:

This week’s Charity event (remember that Charity is the 6th housewife and as such we respect her with proper noun capitalization) is Mad Hatter’s which benefits the Dallas arboretum (google image search that junk – it is ridiculously beautiful).  There is some sort of hat contest (because, of course) that Leeanne has won last year with this Chiquita Banana-esque monstrosity and she plans to win it all again, god dammit!  These hats are thousands of dollars, because of course they are, but Leeanne gets photographed and talked about a lot so she gets her hook up for free.  Ya know, I’d like Leeanne if she weren’t such a thirsty bitch because I can usually appreciate a girl who loves her free stuff.

That said, I can always appreciate a girl who loves her some arts & crafts… cut to MyGirlfriendBrandi and her BFFSteph who have rolled out the Michaels Store-bought fake flowers and the hot glue guns to make their own.  YAS.  I also completely sanction the poop hat, if only because I know it’s going to drive Leeanne insane.  Stephanie loves the poop hat but can’t go with Brandi on this crazy train because her husband put her in charge of “charitable contributions” for the house and she feels pressure from the community to behave respectfully.  Anyone else get a shiver up their spine when Stephanie talks about her home life?

Stephanie asks Brandi if she plans on apologizing to Leeanne (Brandi isn’t and doesn’t think she has anything to apologize for) and then admits she wrote Leeanne an apology email because she doesn’t want to be at war with her.  Brandi says she isn’t miffed about Stephanie’s people pleasing behavior but she clearly is.  She asks Stephanie to stay out of it from now on and again refuses to apologize on her own behalf.

Leeanne and Rich having a bbq at their home with Tiffany and Aaron and we learn that Leeanne and Tiffany met on a lingerie modeling shoot in what looks like the 80s.  Aaron regales the group with stories about the dairy farm and artificially inseminating cows, and cracks a joke about Tiffany and anal sex.  It’s actually a cute fun joke, but Leeanne is Leeanne and she wants to have  cutesy fun time too so she tries to get Rich to talk about their sex life and “the leg thing” (Rich won Best Legs in college).

leeannebbq

Rich is in no mood for this conversation and he is really in no mood to discuss getting married to Leeanne.  Tiffany thinks her friend might not go so overboard with Charity events if she had the security that marriage brings.  I don’t know about all that, but she might be less of a jerk to the other married women if she was married herself.

Back at home, Tiffany and Aaron discuss their past and their future.  Tiffany made a killing as a model in LA but snorted all her money up her nose so she’s rebuilding.  Aaron also used to live it up in the City of Angels, but now he’s living in Dallas for Tiffany.  Tiffany wants to build a house and hopes that setting up a home studio might keep Aaron happy in the Lone Star State, as his 10 year plan involves making 5 more records.  Aaron seems like a really nice guy who loves Tiffany enough to put aside what might be best for his own career just to keep her happy.  I desperately want to give him a makeover, but otherwise he’s adorable and wins Best Husband for this series.  Tiffany asks if he wants to grow old with her in Dallas and Aaron pauses before saying “well, I want to grow old with you.  I know that.”  I hate it when people use this show to promote their music career, but I sincerely hope that this exposure leads to good things for Aaron so that being in Dallas is more productive for him.  Clearly, I’m turning into an old softie.

tiffanytub

Later on, we catch back up with Tiffany and Aaron who are house hunting.  Their realtor takes them to a very LA-looking home and it’s massive with all the modern updates Tiffany is looking for.  Aaron looks like someone punched him in the throat and you can see “we can’t afford this…we can’t afford this…” repeating over and over in his mind.   The couple heads outside to talk it over and Aaron skirts around the issue as long as he can by saying the house is too big and that they shouldn’t rush into anything, but then finally admits that he isn’t even sure that he likes Dallas that much.  Aaron says that he is trying really hard to like Dallas but his dream is to write music and perform and he isn’t sure that those opportunities are in Dallas.

Brandi and her two little gingersnap kids are making a chocolate cake for a tea party they are throwing for Brandi’s mom.  Brandi remarks that she is no Martha Stewart, and the end result of the “poop pie” does look pretty gross, but also looks like little kids made it, so it’s perfect for a grandparent’s birthday.  Stephanie comes over to escape her abusive husband and ungrateful children to hang out and Brandi tells her that Brinkley (Gingersnap2) has been getting up late at night when Bryan comes home just to spend some time with him.  Aw, that’s sad.  Stephanie’s husband travels a lot too, so both women bond over being the sole parent most of the time.  Stephanie tells us that Travis is very “hands on”.  Hmm.  Side note- we see later that Travis owns fur coats.  Who IS this guy?!

brandi at home

Because Bryan and Brandi have been dating since middle school, she is very close with her in-laws and says that she actually sees them more than she sees her husband.  Brandi’s parents had her brother when they were 15 and a year later, they had Brandi.  DAMN.  Brandi’s grandfather abandoned her mom emotionally and financially and Brandi’s never even met him.  I know I’m on the Brandi-train all the way, but I just find her story so fascinating.  Brandi’s in-laws come over for the tea party to celebrate her mom’s birthday and they all go around the table and say what they love about Brandi’s mom.  It’s clear the in-laws are close with Brandi’s family and it’s all very sweet.  Brandi says that because of the judgment her mom felt from her own family and the community, Brandi learned not to give a damn what other people think and to stand up for herself.  Also- Brandi’s brother is named “Scooter”.  I’m hoping that’s a nickname, but 15 year olds named the kid, so who knows.

Over and Rich and Leeanne’s house, Leeanne further proves that she’s The Worst by doing that thing where she asks Rich for his opinion but then doesn’t take his advice because didn’t actually want his opinion- she just wanted him to affirm to her that she’s right.  I agree with Rich, btw… three pearl necklaces are about two too many.  And I guess Leeanne and I have different definitions of “simple” and “elegant”.

leeannehatpearls

Leeanne tells Rich that Tiffany is driving her, so she plans to party- that is, party for a purpose.  This is clearly a dig at Steph and Brandi because Leeanne hates anyone who doesn’t take Charity as seriously as she does.  Jesus.  Leeanne is the most resentful, bitter, and desperate woman I’ve seen on tv in a while.  She basically only hates Brandi because Brandi has the luxury of not taking everything so seriously and that offends Leeanne on every level.  #pathetic.

Brandi’s hat is insane.  I love it.  I know these recaps are just becoming a love-fest for Brandi, but it’s so refreshing to see someone on tv who truly has zero fucks to give.  She clearly doesn’t care what other people thing and I agree with her that as long as she’s donating money, why not have fun?  As we now know, Stephanie is a bit more of a people pleaser (otherwise, why on earth would she have sent that apology email to Leeanne) and so she has a much more conservative and reserved hat.

At the Mad Hatters event, Leeanne tells us that tickets start at about $350 but tables can go for over 30 grand.  Everyone is all dressed up with these ridiculous hats on and it actually does look like a fun event, so I’d say Brandi’s hat fits right in.  She immediately gets compliments on it and I think in general people are enjoying it.  She made it herself!  With her young children!  And there are some real pieces of work on the other women’s heads….

greathat

But of course, Leeanne takes great offense to anything and everything that Brandi does, so she is livid.  She says that the women here are all living examples of graceful perfection, and Brandi has just bitch slapped all of them with her poop hat.  Um, no.  And as predicted, when Brandi and Leeanne greet each other, Leeanne fakes like she likes it but talking heads about how offended she is.

Cary encourages Brandi to put a poop on the empty chair at Tiffany’s table (which you just know is Leeanne’s chair), but Brandi refuses so Cary does the deed herself.  I like Cary.  MORE CARY!  Leeanne immediately rats out the girls to some dude who is crazy connected in the charity world but she puts all the blame on Brandi.  In her talking head Brandi shrugs and reminds us that she and Bryan donate thousands of dollars so she really doesn’t care.

In closing, Brandi’s hat was awesome.  It looked like something from Fraggle Rock.  Leeanne is The Worst and has a stick up her ass.  Tiffany seems sweet but is still mostly boring, like a grown up Katie Maloney from VPR.  Stephanie at one point in her talking head said that everyone could go “fuck themselves” if they have a problem with Brandi’s hat, and I want more of that Stephanie, not the one who immediately followed that up with, “I shouldn’t have said that…”  And lastly, I really want more of Cary.  She hasn’t really made much of an impact so far and I think she’s smart and cool.  Again I say- MORE CARY!

Until next week!  (And hopefully sooner than 3-4 days late)

Recap Written by Liz 

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog

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