Like I said in my #RHOD recap, I’m terribly behind this week due to the demands of my Real Job.  Things should die down soon enough and I’m hoping to get things out in a more timely fashion in May.  That said, as painfully long and boring as this season has been, reunion shows usually deliver, so I’m looking forward to this.  Although, typically the weakest stuff gets shown in Part 1…

full group

Let’s jump right in, shall we?  First things first, the couch order.  As I mentioned in my recap for the season finale, I was completely off base with my couch seating arrangement predictions.  On the Left Couch, starting from farthest out to closest to Andy, we have: Erika, Yolanda, Kyle, LVP.  On the Right Couch, starting from farthest out to closest to Andy, there is: Kathryn, Eileen, Rinna.  This clearly sets up the biggest battle to be between The Lisas, and also separates my favs from my least favs.  Although I will say that Kathryn has been mostly forgiven for her mid-season sins, thanks to her relaxed and breezy performance on the Dubai trip.

Things start off tamely enough with some softball viewer questions.  Things we learn: LVP wouldn’t have cared if the horse pooped on the jet; Eileen should spend more on bags; Kyle didn’t actually buy the $75k sunglasses and has never spent more than $600 on them in the past but LVP has spent more.  I have lost or broken every pair of sunglasses I’ve ever bought so I never pay more than $12.99 for ones I find at CVS or Walgreens.

patthepuss

Erika is awarded the first package and she says that today, she is neither Jayne nor Girardi but simply Erika.  After her video recap, Andy throws some shade LVP’s way for wearing a dress that is the same as Erika’s top in her interview packages.  I TOLD you these women are too similar for their own good.  Andy asks LVP about her initial judgment of Erika and Tom’s age difference and asked if it was hypocritical since Ken is 16 years older than her.  Both Erika and LVP down play this as not a big deal but Yolanda feels the need to jump in here in defense of Erika saying that LVP was rude and Erika laughed it off because “she can take it- but still…” Yolanda is clearly still pissed at LVP and that’s why in my mockup last week of the couch order I had them on opposite sides.  Yolanda also scolds Rinna for trying to get in on Erika’s tutorial for the “pat the puss” move.  Ease up, Yo.  Erika is the last person on that stage who needs someone to come to her rescue.

Some sad sap named Mary writes in and says she felt like she was watching porn when she saw Erika Jayne’s videos and asks if Erika doesn’t think she’s too old to be acting like that.  Erika responds with a “oh Mary, dear, I’m sorry that you’ve given up in life, but I haven’t” YES.  Andy calls Rinna out for calling the videos “raunchy” (especially since Rinna has posed for Playboy twice) and Rinna starts to do her obnoxious apology dance which Erika shuts down immediately saying she couldn’t have cared less.  Andy also comes right out and says that Erika seems very submissive to Tom.  She calls it “respectful, not submissive”, but I’m not sure what to call it.  I just don’t like how he seems to scold her like she’s his child.  But they’ve lasted 16 years so they’re clearly doing something right.

Andy changes subjects and asks Yolanda about Bella and Gigi becoming supermodels.  They both are having pretty remarkable careers right now and younger brother Anwar is starting to get into the modeling world as well.  A viewer asks Yolanda how she felt as a mother when Gigi posed nude for the cover of French Vogue.  A- Yolanda is from Europe, a which is a place that is typically less uptight about nudity than Americans are, and B- IT’S THE FUCKING COVER OF FRENCH VOGUE.  As a former model, Yo can appreciate what a big deal that is and I would imagine that if they had asked Gigi to be in a chicken suit for the cover, she would have done it, because again- IT’S THE FUCKING COVER OF FRENCH VOGUE.  Side note- I didn’t know that Yolanda’s walk-in fridge had a twitter account.  I ❤ the internet.

yolanda

Andy then steers the conversation to the deterioration of Yolanda’s marriage.  We see a video recap package of Yolanda and David’s time together and I still say it’s odd that right after their marriage, Yolanda got sick.  I don’t know what I’m trying to insinuate with that, but it does feel like suspicious timing.  Yolanda says that she was the one who changed in their relationship, not David, and she recognizes that it’s very taxing to be the partner of a chronically ill person.  Yolanda rejects the criticism that David has gotten for essentially leaving a sick person and says that it’s completely undeserved.  Eh, not so sure about that.  LVP and Andy ask if Yolanda saw it coming or if she was blindsided and Yo says that after she and David had a falling out on November 2nd (I’m only getting that specific because Yo did), they decided to go their separate ways.  Yolanda says that she did not expect this to be the end of the road and wishes that they could have waited until she was well again to work on their marriage.  Except there is no end in sight for her illness, so I don’t really see that as a reasonable timeline.

left couch yolanda kyle

Andy presses Yolanda and asks if she blames her illness on the divorce, but he means it the other way around and Yo says that she does believe if she had remained healthy that she and David would still be together.  Yolanda, to her credit, is being very respectful of David.  She also doesn’t think it’s fair for viewers to try to put together the puzzle pieces of this season looking for clues that foreshadowed their inevitable split.  Yolanda has no plans to remarry and just wants to get well and has laser beam focus on her health right now so that she can fly off to Paris & enjoy watching her girls walk in Paris Fashion Week.

Sidenote- we learn that Andy is a top.  So, that’s a fun piece of knowledge.  Yolanda has some hormonal “pallet in [her] butt” to help regulate her during menopause and when LVP asks Andy if he has a pallet in his butt, he replies that he’s had nothing in his butt.  So there ya go.

Kathryn gets her video recap package next and it’s a pleasure to look at SexyDonnie one last time this season.  I don’t think I’ve ever had such a turn around in my opinion of a housewife before because I really hated Kathryn, especially at Erika’s dinner party and after she ratted Erika out like she did, but something about her cool, calm, just-go-with-it attitude on the Dubai trip really turned me around.  I don’t adore her like I do some of the other women, but she’s skyrocketed out of the position of The Worst.  Here’s hoping she doesn’t blow that with her reunion performance.

kathryn

We revisit the Kathryn/Faye drama that really never really amounted to anything.  Kyle tells us that Faye was unhappy about how she was portrayed in the like…3 scenes she was in.  My guess is she was unhappy about not really being portrayed at all.  Kyle whines that the Faye she knows is a wonderful person, mother, pseudo-aunt to Kyle’s kids and while she understands that Kathryn has a separate life experience with Faye, Kyle would prefer it if they didn’t talk about her since she “didn’t sign up for this”.  Ummmm huh?  Faye takes every opportunity she can to butt into this show, so that excuse holds no water for me.  I love how Yolanda decides to completely ignore Kyle’s wishes and asks Kathryn to share what her experience has been.  Kathryn says that what Faye did by getting Kathryn & her husband (the first one, not SexyDonnie) involved in the media frenzy surrounding OJ took a serious toll on her marriage and her life and that’s the truth whether Kyle chooses to try to understand Kathryn’s position or not.

kyle defends faye

Kyle remains steadfast in her defense of Faye, and while Faye has done some shitty things that Kyle maybe shouldn’t have turned a blind eye to, I don’t feel like this is one of them.  Kyle didn’t even know Faye when the book was written, so it’s hardly her responsibility.  And this shouldn’t even be her fight!  Kathryn is upset with Faye, not Kyle.   But Kyle is here, and Faye isn’t, so she’s the one left to defend Faye who Kyle says has had it worse than anyone.   Kyle’s clearly very defensive over Faye.  However, we’ve gone about 5 minutes now without talking about Yolanda, so we catch some audio (that gets subtitled) where she says to Erika that she wished Kyle felt that strongly about her.  Ridiculous.  Love her or hate her, Faye and Kyle have been friends for years, and it’s actually nice to see Kyle be so loyal to someone who isn’t her immediate family.  Kathryn is annoyed because she also lived a really hard time, and not because she wrote a book but because she was written about IN a book.

Moving on, viewer comments that Kathryn is a bully and should have stopped commenting on Rinna’s eating habits when she asked.  I had forgotten about all that.  Kathryn she says she only make that joke with Rinna because she felt comfortable enough with her to tease, but she acknowledges that she went too far.  Erika gives us a quick health class lesson on the signs and symptoms of eating disorders and diagnoses Rinna as simply having a “ballerina body”.  Pay no attention to the rampant epidemic of eating disorders in the dance world….

kathryncry

Andy comments on how moving it was when Kathryn spoke about her father (who committed suicide when she was 13) and Kathryn gets emotional immediately.  Apparently she is hyper sensitive to everything right now because her nephew died of a heroin overdose 6 weeks ago.  That horrible.  I don’t know if I just like Kathryn more now than I did when she first shared about her father, but her reaction here seems very genuine and not at all like she is putting on a show or working an angle for a storyline.  I didn’t love it when she first talked about her father but in the interest of full disclosure, my own father died the same way and I very rarely if ever talk about it, especially with people I’ve only just met, so that may have been my own hypersensitivity coming out.

yosmallboxrinna

There’s about 8 minutes left of this episode, so naturally, we are just now getting into the mushy-shnowsens situation.  We watch a quick video recap of how it all went down with Yolanda’s pained face in the small box in the corner.  The sick-selfie/happy-selfie thing is addressed, which always felt stupid to me.  Who cares what Yo posts on Instagram?  Are sick people supposed to look miserable every second of the day or else they’re faking it?  Kyle says that no one ever doubted the Lyme disease (um, Rinna did….) but that they all wondered if there was anything else contributing to her illness.  Kyle is also annoyed that her name got brought into the Munchausen’s discussion at all since she wasn’t the one who brought it up.  Yolanda, quite fairly, grabs her hand and says “but you didn’t stop it either…”

Yolanda’s inconsistencies are brought up as well (saying she hasn’t walked in months, but we saw her at the park the episode before, etc) and most of the group agrees that that’s part of why people have been doubting Yolanda and I get it, but again chronic illness doesn’t mean constant illness.  “Chronic” by definition means persisting for a long time or constantly reoccurring.  I had chronic bronchitis for years, but that doesn’t mean I had the symptoms of bronchitis consistently for years.  Rinna tries to make the case that all Yolanda’s friends want is for her to be transparent with them, but I don’t think she hasn’t been.  Yolanda admits that she is very cautious about her relationships with the other women on the stage (excluding Erika, I’m guessing, and possibly Eileen) and calls what happened to her this season and all of the doubt that was cast her way, “scary”.

lvpkyle- no

The last bit of this episode is the clip that I shared last week all about how the Munchausen’s conversation got started.   Basically, Rinna blames the whole thing on LVP saying that at Rinna’s birthday party, LVP was the one who pushed her to bring it up in front of the cameras and to make it the storyline for the season.  LVP emphatically denies that this conversation ever happened and since the cameras were there all night and everyone is mic’d up, I’m inclined to believe her.  Well, that and my loyalties are clear and unwavering.  Rinna pulls out the phone records and Erika looks both shocked and delighted until Yolanda just can’t take anymore and gets up to leave.  Someone else who can’t take it?  Kathryn, who is physically shielding her own body with a pillow.  Awesome.

kathryn with pillow

That’s all for this week, and I’m surprised that we got to this topic so early on.  I would have assumed that most of, if not all of the Yolanda stuff would have been saved for Part 3, but it gives me hope that shit gets even more cray in the last two episodes.  Hold on to your pillows, folks!

Until next week!

Recap Written by Liz 

10thoughtsblog@gmail.com

@10thoughtsblog