Okay, so I guess Cameran has always narrated the “previously ons”, but I still don’t like it.

This week’s episode starts off with #NewCraig who is officially a 10ThoughtsBlog favorite because he retweeted our Wonka-suit tweet last week, which brought us several new readers and followers.  Thanks again, #NewCraig!  #NewCraig is marveling at the fact that just a few weeks ago, he was unemployed and living with his parents in Delaware, and now he’s back in Charleston, living with his gorgeous girlfriend (shout-out to Naomi who also liked the tweet), and fully employed with JD’s hospitality company.

Shep facetimes his mother, who seems a bit confused by the concept, as mother are wont to do.  Shep’s been in his new place for about 6 months and is thrilled to be out of the bachelor pad beach house that he shared with Whitney last season.  Shep also has big plans to turn the roof into a bar.  In my next life, can I come back as Shep?

At work, #NewCraig even has his own office and it’s adorable.  JD comes in to give him the rundown of his day, which will include a whiskey tasting and if I can’t come back as Shep, can I come back as an employee of JD’s?

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Cameran comes over to visit Shep and tries to hassle him about sleeping late, but there’s a very short list of reasons why Shep would wake up early and “to answer Cam’s texts” is not on that list. (Surfing, skiing, duck hunting and sex, if you were wondering.)  Cam has so much real estate work coming her way that she’s decided to let Shep handle a few clients. What? Why?  This feels exceptionally forced.  If Cameran was making that much money, she would hire someone to help and they would split commissions- not give them away to slackers with rooftop bars.  Also- Shep doesn’t need money, hates working, and “selling homes” is not on his wake-up list.   Boo, production…boo.  Cam tells Shep that she only does residential real estate and she only works with buyers, many of whom have children so they will need to see homes in the mornings or evenings.  So clearly, Cameran has decided that Shep is her project this season, and plans to get him passionate and invested in his future.  Good luck with that, doll.

Bravo must have heard our prayers from last week and we are about to get Kathryn and T-Rav in the same room at the same time, although I’m disappointed that Thomas seems only mildly intoxicated.  Kathryn has found a house that she likes and wants Thomas to pay for it look over the photos and information for it.  To Thomas’s credit, he’s decided to take Patricia’s advice and wants to attempt to co-parent peacefully.  Kathryn was conveniently in the neighborhood, so she stops by T-Rav’s not-so-humble abode.

Thomas looks over the house that Kathryn is planning on renting and balks at how fancy it is, which Kathryn finds hard to swallow as she’s sitting in his turn of the century downtown mansion.  Kathryn will be paying for the house herself, but needs a co-signer and assumes since the original plan was for Thomas to pay for the place as well as co-sign, he should be fine with that.  He is, predictably, not fine with it.  Thomas says “it’s not really about the money, it’s about the love” which prompts this awesome face from Kathryn:

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Kathryn puts on a good show about how she wants to have a decent home for the kids to be in while they are with her, so that she doesn’t fall short by comparison to everything that Thomas can provide.  Thomas doesn’t really buy this act, but he wants to see his kids so he signs on the dotted line, and also invites Kathryn (but mostly Kensie) to his polo match and then to the beach the following day in a clear game of tit for tat.  You want your house?  Give me time with my kid.

Everyone’s favorite tertiary cast member, party planner Luke comes over to Patricia’s to help plan her Flamingo party (which will go down in history as the Bravo party I’m most upset about not attending).  Luke already has a book of ideas put together and speaking of books, Patricia has been offered a book deal on Southern entertaining, so everything Luke does will be photographed and documented.   I want Patricia’s book almost as much as I want Luke’s Flamingo Party Idea book (did you see that green fabric?  WANT. WANT. WANT.)

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Shep has managed to roll out of bed to meet Danni and Cameran for lunch and is a looking a bit haggard since he was out late having met a “cute girl that [he] really likes” (Danni and Cam say this in unison).  Both Shep and Cam are excited about working together and I’m excited to see Danni eating fried chicken.  For the record, I feel rotten saying that, I really do, especially since I give the RHONY ladies a hard time for how they are treating Jules, but there’s just such a stark difference between season 1 Danni (who was already thin and gorgeous) and season 3 Danni that it’s hard to not comment on it.

Landon’s dad Michael is in town and they go golfing together.  Landon tells us that her dad has never been particularly hard on her and just wants her to be happy.  Speaking of, remember last week when Landon Big Dream was to start a magazine all about her “things” (wine, art)?  Well, this week’s Big Dream is to open a member’s only bourbon bar, which actually isn’t a terrible idea except that I don’t know how much Landon actually knows about bourbon.  Or, you know, running a bar.

landon golf

Michael isn’t into his daughter’s flighty behavior and advises that she “pick one thing”.  Landon, is not a “one thing” kinda gal though and wants to do everything and dammit she is really tired of people telling her that she can’t have “50 dreams”, DAD!  And this right here is exactly why you don’t tell children that they can have anything or be anything they want.  Do you want your kid to end up with a Landon?  Of course you don’t, because Landon is The Worst.  I do like her dad though, who tells Landon that while he doesn’t want her to stop dreaming, a person can’t live off their dreams.  He also tells Landon he isn’t going to just give her money because it wouldn’t be fair.  Landon looks shocked and humbled.  #TeamMichael!

Kathryn is still on a tear about not getting invited to Patricia’s flamingo party (ME TOO! ME TOO!!) and she tries to enlist the help of Thomas since they are on frenemy terms at the moment.  Thomas tells Kathryn that her absence on the guest list might just be an oversight (of course he knows it’s not) and promises to talk to Patricia about it.  Kathryn is on “get more flies with honey” kick that I can appreciate but I miss Drunk Ragey Kathryn (not to be confused with irrational hormonal Kathryn who we see later on this episode).

#NewCraig calls Cameran (everyone’s surrogate sister) to enlist her help with ring shopping.  Good for #NewCraig.  Naomie is a total catch and locking that shit down is the right move.  #NewCraig walks us through the abnormalities of his relationship with Naomie (long distance for 8 months and then moving in together) and says he loves that she’s well-traveled and knows more than him.  I love it when guys say that the women they are with because being humble and full of adoration is incredibly sexy.  Even though they’ve gone about things in a different way than most couples, #NewCraig says everything with Naomie just keeps getting better and better.  It’s cute.

promisering

Okay, I take it all back because Craig is talking about a “promise ring”, not an engagement ring, and I think promise rings are stupid.  Just say you’re buying her a piece of jewelry, not a “promise” anything.  Although I do discourage men from buying their girlfriends rings that aren’t The Ring because opening the box can be a bit of a let-down.  Cameran agrees with my theory that #NewCraig knows he needs to lock it down with Naomie because she’s way out of his league and he will never find another girl like her.

We see Thomas, aka Dead-Man-Walking, get all gussied up to go over to Patricia’s house with a plan to beg on Kathryn’s behalf for an invite to the Flamingo Party.   Man-Servant Michael answers the door, and I can’t decide if I find him to be incredibly creepy or a treasured relic from the past.  As in, he might end up murdering Patricia, stuffing her body, and moving it from couch to cough all propped up,  but the house would remain looking spotless and her morning cocktails, even if untouched, would still arrive promptly.

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Thomas has brought Patricia a giant fancy candle, which is the single most generic gift that a man can give a women.  Patricia, of course, sees right through this and recognizes that this man and his fancy candle aren’t just here to say “thanks for all the great parties over the years”.  Thomas puts up a pretty decent defense of his baby mama, saying that she’s always felt left out and just wants to have the opportunity to repair her relationships with people, including Patricia but Pat is in no mood and says she’s heard about Kathryn’s explosive behavior and can’t risk having her party ruined.  Thomas keeps trying but Patricia takes a big swig from her GIANT martini and puts her foot down.  She doesn’t buy that Kathryn is “stressed” about not getting an invitation to a party and says that Kat ought to be at home taking care of her born and unborn babies.  Final answer.  I still say this is the safest time to invite Kathryn to anything since she is sober, but Patricia insists on pulling a Cameran and says no to the drama and no to Kat.  #SorryKat

FriendJen goes to pick up Kathryn and Kensie to bring them to the polo match and Kensie is in no mood to get into her car seat.  Kathryn looks exhausted just trying to get both herself and Kensie on the road and she worries about how much worse it’s going to be when there’s a second baby for her to deal with as well.  Kat says that God gives a baby to two people because it takes two people to care for it.  Agreed.    Kathryn has agreed to let Thomas have some more time with Kensie as a thank you for cosigning her lease, but she will be there as well and does not plan on sleeping in the same bed.

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JD and Elizabeth are also at the polo match and Elizabeth is still a bit salty that Kathryn hasn’t been returning her calls, but she hopes to squash whatever beef they have today and to bring Kathryn back into the fold since Kensie is Elizabeth’s God Daughter.   Godmother or not, I think Kathryn just doesn’t trust anyone who was friends with Thomas first, although she tells FriendJen that Elizabeth hasn’t reached out to her, so it’s unclear exactly who is snubbing who here.  Kathryn talking heads that since JD is Thomas’s best friend, she feels like anything she says or does around Elizabeth will get back to Thomas and considering that they are having custody issues, she can’t take that risk.  I mean….that actually sounds pretty smart to me, but I think Elizabeth deserves that explanation.  Unfortunately, calmly handling things like an adult is not part of the (Kathryn)DENNIS system.

When Kathryn sees that Elizabeth and JD are at the Polo match, she Freaks. The. Fuck. Out.  Kat starts whining about how this was supposed to be a “family day” but Thomas has invited “all of these people” and she wonders what she’s “walking into”.  Obviously this is a ridiculously overblown reaction from Kathryn, but pregnancy paranoia hormones are real and they are a bitch, so I was reluctant to go hard on her here, but then…

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Kathryn gets out of the porta-potty, sees Elizabeth helping the nanny put Kensie’s shoe on and she loses her damn mind.  She starts shouting (to production, I think?) “No! NO!  WE’RE DONE!”  She talking heads that Elizabeth hasn’t been out to visit her in months and she considers all of them to be as fake as Thomas is.  Um….your daughter’s God Mother was helping her get her shoe on.  That’s the big betrayal that’s happened here today.  I feel horrible for Elizabeth and JD, and ya’ll know how much I adore Kat and her shenanigans.

Everyone can tell that Kathryn is spiraling and FriendJen warns that it’s best to just let Kat “simmer” when she’s like this, but Elizabeth, who is truly one of the nicest people on reality tv, tries to fix it.  Kathryn has decided to use the alcohol at the event as her reason for leaving (raise your hand if you believe that…no one?  That’s what I thought) and Elizabeth tells her that they will get rid of anything that is upsetting Kathryn, but since the booze isn’t really the problem, Kat’s decided to pack up Kensie and leave.  My heart is breaking for Elizabeth and JD, who just politely say to FriendJen that they will have to try again at “a better time” to get everyone together.  Seriously.  Nicest couple on reality tv ever.

Thomas, who is also having no-so-great of a day, has lost his polo match and at first doesn’t seem to understand when he’s told Kathryn’s leaving that that means Kensie is gone too.  The niceties that existed between Thomas and Kathryn in the beginning of the episode are gone since Thomas has decided to hit back where it hurts ($$$), and will not be cosigning on Kathryn’s new home.  And this is why adults who ACT like children, SHOULD NOT HAVE THEM.

Recap Written by Liz 

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