So the big question this week is- Will Bethenny be as big of a judgmental prick as she was last week? If Dorinda Medley’s tweets from Wednesday night are any indication- YES. Did you guys catch that? Dorinda was on a tear. It was awesome.
Anyhow, we start things of at Newbie Jules place where we see her up at 6:30 (I’m assuming a.m.) making breakfast for R2MichaelD2. Did she realize the error of her “this is the hardest job- meet my live in help” ways and decide to try to appeal to viewers a bit more? I think so since she freely admits that she has no idea how to make coffee when R2MD2 requests it. Jules tells us that morning time is family time (so live-in nanny gets to sleep in? That’s a sweet gig) because she to be the first thing her kids see when they open their eyes in the morning. But if you remember from last week, Jules has a firm grasp on the parenting secret that is “bribery” so she wakes the kids up with the promise of a morning dip in the Jacuzzi. As a result, the kids are always an hour+ late to school which is no biggie since its private school and they won’t reprimand the kids and risk losing the tuition money. I’m sure whatever Jagger and Rio are missing out on learning during that first hour isn’t important. It’s probably just math or something…
Bethenny and Dorinda meet up at a jewelry store that I think kicks back money to the Frankel house because I’m pretty sure this is the same store that was featured in Bethenny Ever After. Dorinda isn’t feeling well but accepts a glass of free champagne offered by the shop and she has no idea how much Bethenny judgment she just brought down on herself by taking that first sip. Bethenny is having a party at her Hampton’s house to celebrate her birthday but it’s mostly just an excuse to play with her new fire pits. Dorinda and John will be staying with Ramona which makes Dorinda nervous because Ramona is a bitch hasn’t always been super warm to John.
When Bethenny tries to get the salesman at the store involved in the story, Dorinda starts talking about John’s good qualities which Bethenny takes as Dorinda’s trying to sell John to her again. But considering the context of the story was “Ramona doesn’t like him”, it makes total sense that she would be sticking up for John. Dammit. I’m already over Bethenny and it’s only been 5 minutes. Carole meets up the girls and fills them in on her Ramona-filled lunch from last week. Bethenny starts to talk shit about Ramona and to Dorinda’s credit (yup- seeing where the vitriol for all those tweets came from now), she defends Ramona as a good friend who in over 20 years has never hurt her. Cut to a look from Bethenny where she’s remembering her own lunch with Ramona who didn’t seem to have a problem talking smack about her good friend Dorinda.
We learn that Dorinda has, several times, Nair-ed off the hair on John’s back. Bethenny is horrified. Dorinda says that “love is love” and I completely agree. I’ve clipped boyfriends toe nails, shaved their backs for them, helped to determine if what they had going on downstairs was a hemorrhoid, and I just think that when you truly love someone, you don’t get grossed out but any of that stuff. Or maybe I’m just less squeamish than the average bear.
Over Sonja’s crumbing townhouse of frozen interns, she and Luanne are still livin it up, Laverne & Shirley -style. This pairing is growing on me, mostly because I think that Sonja has the ability to pull the fun side out of anyone but it does feel like having Luanne live with Sonja is a desperate attempt to get a spinoff (which I would totally watch, btw). Both Ramona and Luanne agree that they are ready to settle down whereas Ramona is just now starting to go out on the dating scene and while Sonja didn’t see much of her once bosom buddy this summer, Ramona apparently recently called her up and (the way Sonja tells it, at least) begged to reconnect.
Luanne tells Sonja that she saw a lot of Bethenny over the summer, but she feels in direct competition with Carole for Bethenny’s time and attention. #HIGHSCHOOLNEVERENDS! Luanne feels like she and Carole with never be close again even though Luanne holds no ill will towards Carole and is fine with her relationship with Adam. I’m kinda with Carole on this one. Her relationship with Adam is more important to her, at least for right now, than her friendship with Luanne especially since Luanne was such a harsh critic of them and said some pretty nasty stuff on social media. I think a lot more time needs to pass before these two will ever get chummy again. I do agree with Luanne and Sonja in regards to John, though. Dorinda loves him and everyone else needs to leave it alone.
Dorinda goes to visit her perfect and loyal friend Ramona, whose apartment looks much better than it used to. Who knew that Mario was the one keeping it so dark and shitty in there? Ramona gets a call from Sonja while Dorinda is there and Ramona ignores the call (this casts a bit of a shadow on the rosy story Sonja told earlier). Ramona sucks. Dorinda, bless her sweet face, talking heads that she hopes Ramona and Sonja can patch things up and be friends again. Dorinda just wants everyone to be happy. This Dorinda on my computer screen is not the same Dorinda who was on Twitter at the Bravo clubhouse watching the show in real-time. I really enjoy both versions though.
Dorinda is trying to kick daughter Hannah out of her house but is still wary of letting John move in right as Hannah’s uhaul drives off. I’m all for living alone so I agree that she should take a transition period and walk up by herself for a bit. Dorinda is having a lingerie party and tells us that 60% of women don’t know their real bra size. YUP. Ramona is disappointed that there won’t be sluttier bras for sale at this party because she’s a bit of a slut-shaming slut.
Carole and Bethenny meet up for dinner/drinks to gab about Carole’s relationship with Adam. Carole explains that she only has 5 good summers left. Huh? She says that she will probably be in a different phase of her life in five years and so she’s very careful about how she spends her remaining fun time. I sympathize with Carole because a woman very close to me has, for almost 20 years now, been in an on again off again relationship with the same much younger man. It was more scandalous when it started, obviously since everyone was much younger (all legal, of course), but they went through years of endless conversations about the same things Carole’s talking about. If the younger man wants kids, or is even remotely considering kids, the women in these types of romances often feels guilty about keeping that man from some potential future that she can’t offer him.
Bethenny demands a state of the union address from Carole about her feelings regarding Luanne which are that she’s still hurt and really wants nothing to do with Luanne. And while Carole may have fantasies of throwing drinks in the Countess’s face, she recognizes that she will probably just politely ignore her whenever they end up in the same room again. This is a clear case of one person in a friendship being “over” the feud and the other person being very much still in it. Luanne isn’t upset at Carole anymore so she doesn’t understand why Carole is still upset with her. Luanne needs to take more ownership of the part she played and not just repeat her line of “I wish them well” and instead publically apologize for repeatedly insulting Carole and bashing her new relationship.
Bethenny, because she’s sitting with Carole at this moment and not Luanne, starts to talk shit about Lu and says that she was “frantic” this summer and very needy. Is there anyone on this show that Bethenny hasn’t already talked shit about this season? I’m 17 minutes into the 2nd episode and I know she hasn’t said anything about Sonja yet, but she spent so much of last season bashing Sonja that it just sort of carries over. Does Bethenny like any of these women? (No.) Is she just buying time until Andy gives her a Bravo talk show or her own spin off again? (Yes.)
Dorinda goes to visit John at the dry cleaners to pick up her skull t-shirt (You say, “What did you do with him today?” And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray/’Cause you’re my fella, my guy/Hand me your Stella and fly…Have you guys watched the Amy Winehouse Documentary on Amazon? It’s awesome and so sad) and fills him in on the lingerie party that is happening that evening. Luanne and Sonja won’t be able to make it (which makes me wonder if there’s some sort of contract dispute since they seem to only be filming together) but the rest of the gang will be there including newbie Jules.
Ramona calls Bethenny to wish her a happy birthday and to talk shit about Dorinda’s boyfriend. Are you guys ready for a big John-bomb? Here’s goes…apparently at a party of a mutual friend, John went downstairs to smoke a cigarette and told the group outside that he likes to get buzzed, take Viagra, and fuck……….Dorinda. I KNOW CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OR WHAT. So these bitches are all worked up because John likes to have sex with his girlfriend and takes a pill to make himself last longer so that he can have what has already been reported as great sex? And they’re made because he shared this information with the group of smokers outside? This is stupid. This whole thing is stupid.
Bethenny goes on her “don’t sell John to me” rant again but frankly I think Dorinda is doing what any woman would do if it was obvious that her friends didn’t like her boyfriend. Wouldn’t she always being trying to cast him in a sunny light? Again, I’m completely #TeamDorinda on this.
By the way, from what I can tell, the bra party doesn’t have anything to do with Charity which is a nice break after RHOD. And I would totally go to a bra party because I know my tits are way different post-baby even though I hardly breastfed at all. Carole doesn’t wear bras but Luanne isn’t coming to this party so she figured, why not?
Jules accidently touched shrimp which is send-you-straight-to-hell-not-kosher. I thought Jewish people didn’t believe in hell? She has to take a “mikvah” which is a purification bath, and the closest thing she can find is the ice bucket. Which is…gross. Yes, definitely. BUT- she is constitutionally protected from ridicule as it’s her sincerely held religious belief.
Carole and Jules have a skinny-off and Carole jumps on the bandwagon to say that Jules isn’t just skinny- there’s something else going on. Enough already. Even if there is, it’s nunya biznus. Jules also only has mosquito bites for breasts and she gives herself an “A for effort” when it came to breastfeeding her kids (girl, preach. That shit is the worst. Like razor blades on your nipples).
By the way, it’s Bethenny’s birthday which is a holiday that she hates. We flash back to a clip that I totally forgot about where Bethenny completely wigged out on her 40th and cried like a little bitch in the bathroom. She’s thrilled to just be at the bra party and to not have any attention on her (for the moment at least). Dorinda asks the women to write down what they think their bra size is and the ladies working the party will tell them how close or far from their actual size they are (just based on sight- no measuring- it’s pretty impressive although it reminds me of a carnival act- Someone ask Leeanne Locken if I’m right). Dorinda also mentions that she ran into Luanne who implied that she would see her over the weekend at Bethenny’s birthday party even though Luanne hasn’t actually been invited (mostly because of Carole and apparently because she was “shifty” this summer). Carole is indignant and asks “why would you invite her to your house if I’m staying there?” And I’m pleased to see a flash of Old Fun Reasonable Bethenny who replies, “Well, it is MY house.” But just like that, the Bethenny I know and love is gone because when Dorinda tells her that Luanne definitely considers Bethenny to be a close friend, Bethenny snots that, “we are friendly, but she never misses an opportunity to do the wrong thing.” Which is a shitty thing to say about someone even if you are just friendly with them. Even Carole makes a “wow, really?” face to that comment.
Carole makes the massive mistake of teasing Ramona for talking all throughout their lunch together and you just can’t jokingly insult Ramona. She immediately will go on the offensive and bring up stuff that has nothing to do with anything and is mostly invented inside her head. In this case, Ramona has decided the Carole abandoned her in her summer of need. Carole has no idea where this is coming from since she did reach out to Ramona as well as saw her multiple times over the summer. Carole- it’s coming from nowhere, and yes- Ramona DOES talk too much. This is just what Ramona does. And it’s why she is The Worst, always. Well, that and what’s about to happen.
Dorinda adorable tries to diffuse the situation and says that Carole and Ramona shouldn’t even be having lunch at all since Ramona is an uptown girl, Carole is a downtown chick, and never the twain shall meet. For some bizarre reason, Bethenny (who is fighting hard for a 2nd place finish of The Worst), decides to take this as an opportunity to bring up her issues with John. AT DORINDA’S PARTY. Even newcomer Jules is horrified by this behavior. (The newbies are always horrified. I love it.)
Bethenny brings up her issues with John trying to pitch her business ideas and Dorinda tries to squash it by saying that she will bring it up to John and ask him not to do that- problem solved. Oh no Miss Medley, problem is NOT solved because Bethenny has an axe to grind and dammit you will listen to her tell you about how shitty your boyfriend is at the party that you are currently hosting. Dorinda starts to get heated and tells Bethenny to quit it with the “selling John” comments. Dorinda makes a lot of good points about how she’s at a stage in her life where she can be with whoever she wants to be with. And until John does something legitimately horrible, they all need to back the fuck off.
Remember Dorinda’s good and loyal friend Ramona? Well, she has decided that this is the perfect time to also dump on Dorinda and spill the beans about the Viagra comments John made. Maybe, just maybe, if you see your friend getting upset and feeling attacked, you don’t pile on more garbage. Even Bethenny who was leading the charge a moment ago can see that this is very bad timing on Ramona’s part. Dorinda dismisses the story as bullshit and repeatedly thanks Ramona for jumping on the bandwagon while Ramona keeps saying nonsense like “I’m just putting it out there…”
And then Dorinda Blows. The. Fuck. Up. She bellows at Ramona that as her friend for 20 years she should have spoken with her separately and not in front of the group while she was already being kicked around. PREACH. This pretty much shuts Ramona up (noted), and Bethenny decides to put on her Party Police hat and start in about how Dorinda and John booze it up too much.
Who. The. Fuck. Cares. Dorinda is an independently wealthy woman with an already grown up daughter. John owns and runs a successful business. It is not now, nor will it ever be Bethenny fucking Frankel’s business what those two do or do not consume. Is it Bethenny’s business to decline invitations to party with them? Yes. Can she never invite them to stay with her again? Yes. Is she in any position to tell them that they drink too much? Nope.
Ramona talking heads that she is shocked by Dorinda’s behavior and calls her a “caged animal who has been caught” which is repetitive, but true. Dorinda held an event that ended up being an ambush. Dorinda grabs a glass of wine and tells Ramona that she certainly will NOT be staying with her this weekend. Dorinda says that Ramona crossed a line and it has irrevocably changed their relationship, but that’s fine with her. I have this theory that Ramona is a better person to her friends that aren’t on this show. Because every time we meet an “old friend” of Ramona’s, it’s someone who really likes her and knows her for decades, but after a year or two of that friendship being on tv, it implodes. Jill, Sonja, and now Dorinda are all casualties of the Ramona-Coaster and her bad behavior. Dorinda cries in her talking head that Ramona was like family. Ramona was a sanctuary for Dorinda and a place of safety, but now?
Channeling her very best Michael Corleone, Dorinda says “She broke my heart.”
Recap Written by Liz