1. I prefer to call this episode “The Bitches are Back.”

2. We start off in Bethenny’s apartment, where she is visited by Dorinda. I did not know these two ‘old bitches’ were buddies so I am very happy with this as I adore them both. Dorinda says she hasn’t been drinking so her skin is looking better. However, Bethenny quickly loses points when her talking head calls her out for drinking this summer. It read to me as Dorinda had drinks in front of Bethenny once and got sloppy, so now Dorinda is trying to apologize without saying she’s sorry by proclaiming she’s turning over a new leaf. Whatever the case may be, Bethenny loses 2 points for calling her out in her talking head but not in person. She loses another point for making it seem like she was judging Dorinda for being boozy. I don’t like it when people who are not alcoholics and have their ish together are disparaged for drinking.

3. I looked up Bethenny’s apartment price point. 4.2 million for anyone wondering. Also for anyone wondering, that is absolutely not a small closet, Bethenny. I am left wondering where the old Bravo is – they would have told us the price point right off the block. (More on “old Bravo” later.)

4. Next, on to Carole. I am a dentist and Carole’s mouth has always bothered me. Again, this is completely petty and weird and I shouldn’t mention it. However, she’s on the show so here we go. Does she have bad veneers? Or is she just SUPER skinny so her cheeks look sunken in? Both? Those maxillary (top) teeth are too big for her face and I think they’re fake.

5. Carole is dating Adam. I’m still uncomfortable with this relationship. Any relationship with that large of an age difference makes me uncomfortable for reasons I cannot grasp. Normal, straight-thinking me knows this is a great relationship between two adults. (Not like, barely 19-year old adults. Real adults with real problems.) Carole has a new dog named Baby and I desperately hope she adopted it rather than buy it. She seems like the kind that would do the right thing and adopt though (subtle shade to dog buyers intended. Sorry, Lizzo, if your adorable pup was from a breeder).

6. Ramona at the bar with her daughter was my favorite scene and easily the hardest to watch. She’s so so desperate and needy for attention. It makes me cringe and want to see much, much more of “how to lose a guy in 10 days” by Ramona. Ramona goes to two lunches this episode; during the one with Bethenny, she talking heads that she is distancing herself from Sonja because she doesn’t want people to think she’s like her: slutty and boozy. I now hate Ramona.

7.  It’s later. We meet New Girl Jules and she reminds me of “old Bravo.” Very rich, very spoiled, very clueless. She has no idea she’s coming off as a brat; she thinks she’s cute. She has live-in help even though she is a stay-at-home mom. You know what? I absolutely would too if I could afford it. No judgement from me on that front. Kids are a lot of work! I estimated Jules to be 47 or 48. She said something about how she met her husband in her 20s and they’ve been married 10 years and I was thinking BULLSHIT the entire time. However, we learn later in the episode she was telling the truth because she’s only 34!!!! She’s very skinny, but no looks no more unhealthy than Bethenny so I don’t know who Bethenny thinks she is talking about ‘naturally thin.’ They’re BOTH naturally thin in that they naturally eat nothing.

8. Speaking of Bethenny and Jules, Bethenny had her back turned to her during the lunch and was gossiping about her to Dorinda. It was so f’ing rude. It actually pissed me off when I was watching it, which is a weird emotion to have about people I don’t know.

9. This episode also could have been named, “Start spreading the news…we all hate John.” I get it. They all hate John. Yeah, he’s boring, but so what? We can’t all be witty. He knows dry cleaning so that’s what he talks about. Don’t hang out with him – that I understand; what I don’t understand is the hatred. I was starting to feel sorry for him until Bravo added that creepy edit from last season.

10. Finally, we leave with Bethenny doing the ONE thing Dorinda made clear: Do NOT make fun of Jules’ husband’s height. We all knew it was coming, and Bethenny did it brilliantly by suggesting he go as R2D2 for Halloween. Sigh. Bethenny was pretty insufferable this episode, but she got a lot of thoughts from me so she’s doing her job properly! I can’t wait until the Countess does something cool/dumb enough for me to mention her. I love the Countess.

10Thoughts written by Kerry