1. The season finale starts with Jax being a horrible boyfriend to Brittany. No surprise there. I understand Jax not wanting to live in a studio with someone…but he sorta absolutely asked her to move in. He demands she find them an apartment (why can’t he help?) and she claims she hasn’t had time because boob job. Sigh. Jax is a furious, stubborn person in an argument and Brittany is an airhead who can’t think on her feet. (That’s why Jax likes her though, right? She doesn’t stay mad because she literally cannot remember more than 4 minutes in the past…)

2. Stassi says she’s nervous about crashing the party at LVP’s house. Her taking head explains the only thing holding her back is her self respect and dignity.  Then she says an undeniable truth: “Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.”

3. Katie the fashion blogger is wearing a billowy shower curtain to her engagement party.

4. Scheana tells Lala to dress for the party like she’s meeting someone’s mother and grandmother for the first time. Lala decides to paint on a dress which starts and ends about three inches to either side of her belly button. However, I’m much more offended by that awful hair. Gross.

5. Kristen and Stassi look awesome. They walk in together and immediately James knows what to do: pit Lala and Kristen against each other to make them jealous. WHY DOES THIS WORK? Oh my God, ladies, this is The Game 101. I’m embarrassed as a woman that you both fell for this nonsense. What’s your prize? A human, misogynistic cigarette painted in grease? Anyway, Lala and Kristen are awful to each other at this point out. It starts when Kristen makes a 10-minute, drunkin, cringeworthy speech which is 90% about herself and Lala tells her to “wrap it up.” It ends with Kristen calling Lala a walking STD and Lala shoving Kristen. Sigh.

6. Everyone looks ridiculous at this party except Ariana, Kristen, and Stassi. Tom2’s family couldn’t be bothered to come (except his mom) and Katie says she knows for sure her Dad will be at the wedding because he couldn’t come to this. I HATE saying this, but Katie the fashion blogger looks like she’s gained 30 lbs this season. The only reason I say it is because I’m pretty sure it’s her choice in clothing that is making her look that way. (Did you see the aftershow?!)

7. Ariana and Scheana have a talk. Scheana wasn’t tooooo bad this episode up until this point. She basically tells Ariana she needs her back because it didn’t work out as well with Katie/Kristen/Stassi. I mean, that’s what the message was when she was trying to patch things up. To her credit, Ariana let that slide and talking heads that she thinks the friendship can be saved. Yawn.

8. Isaac can kinda sing, right? Tom1 way can’t. But that song is catchy as hell.

9. Stassi and Jax talk. This is very much so set up by the producers but it goes ok. Jax accurately tells Stassi she’s only weaseling her way back in because her perfect life with Cocktails with Patrick didn’t pan out as planned. She takes it pretty well and tells him not to fuck things up with Brittany. Yawn again.

10. Can someone explain to me why Stassi wants to be friends with Katie so badly? It’s because she wants to boss her around, right? I haven’t really seen any redeeming Katie qualities pretty much ever. I mean, I’d love to watch Tequila Katie in action, but sober Katie is always dressed like a K-Mart shopper, she’s not particularly nice or funny, and she’s the biggest sheep to ever star on reality television. I do not understand this attraction.

10Thoughts written by Kerry