We start off this week’s episode with Erika and her glam squad getting ready for Erika’s dinner party.  She’s having the party so that all of the women can meet her hubby Tom at the same time and also because she doesn’t know any better.  Yolanda facetimes Erika and we can tell from the moment we see Yo in her bathrobe of lymey-illness that she will not be attending tonight’s festivities.

1. Sad sick yolanda

I always wonder about the black car pair ups that we get for these dinner parties.  Who decides them?  It’s based on potential drama, and not the geographic location of the women’s houses, right?  Anyhow, Lisa Rinna is paired with Kathryn and even though Rinna is dangerously close to hitting her leopard print quota for the month, she says screw it and wears a whole mess dress of it.  Kathryn is nervous to meet Tom, but she should be more nervous to be on Erika’s home turf after their little “miscommunication”.

2. rinna and kathryn in car

Kyle will not be attending thanks to Yom Kippur, and Eileen is attending a soap opera arson, so she won’t be there either.  I’m thrilled because that means we shouldn’t get a rehashing of the Eileen/LVP issue, but I’m also curious as to who will take Kyle’s place and ask leading shit-stirring questions.  We know Kathryn fancies herself a Kyle-ish type, but she doesn’t possess the same manipulative grace of the brunette Richard’s sister. (Spoiler alert:  It’s Kathryn, and I’m right about how sloppy she is.)

With Kyle, Yolanda, and Eileen missing-in-action, that leaves just Erika, Tom, Kathryn, Rinna, LVP, & Ken for dinner.  The Vanderpump-Todds also have to leave early for a “charity event”.  Smart, LVP…It’s always a good idea to have an exit strategy when visiting the home of your would-be enemy.  Kathryn, who is desperately trying to make everyone hate her (it seems), decides to make fun of Rinna’s alleged eating disorder, and jokes with the cater-waiter that Rinna won’t be having any appetizers because she doesn’t eat.  Lisa Rinna has had just about enough of these rumor/jokes and scolds Kathryn for it, telling her to drop it, permanently.  Kathryn will likely admit to “misunderstanding” this comment when she inevitably brings it up again later.

3. kat meets tom

Tom finally comes out and meets all the women (he calls LVP “kid”, which I think tickles us both pink).  They all head outside for dinner and Kathryn SLAPS LISA VANDERPUMP’S ASS.   Fellow recapper, Kerry and I were discussing this via text last night and we both find it highly irritating when someone (other than the respective fathers of our children) do this.  Kathryn plays everything too familiar and it bugs me.  Tom tells the women that became a lawyer because he watched the show Perry Mason and Rinna shares that people tell her hubby that they also became attorneys because they watched him on LA Law.  This is a normal conversation until…

Kathryn can’t let a minute go by without talking about herself, so she says that whenever she has taken those career placement tests, they always tell her that she should be a lawyer.  She admits, in front of the whole group, that she is an argumentative manipulator who likes to spin fights around so that the person she is arguing with always feels like they are in the wrong.  And that is why Kathryn would be a terrible lawyer.  A good manipulator never shows their hand.  Kathryn is weaksauce and I strongly dislike her.  She’s too eager, too familiar, and fancies herself to be much smarter and far more interesting than she actually is.  Go home Kat (but leave SexyDonnie here with us).

4. Kat at dinner

Kathryn, who as I predicted, forgot about (or blatantly ignored) Lisa Rinna’s request to zip it on the “you need food” joke, tells Rinna that Tom said she needs to eat two breadsticks (he didn’t).  And then she does that thing that all assholes do when you call them on their behavior; she starts to belittle everyone’s feelings with a whole lot of “come oooon” and “it’s a jooooke”.  Rinna calls her a shit-stirrer and Kathryn tells her “it’s called a sense of humor, try it on”.  Erika (who is in full on Girardi mode) just goes wide-eyed and raises her eyebrows.  LVP is mostly silent through all of this exchange but is grinning like the Cheshire cat when she reminds Rinna that Kathryn has had a “pop at [her]” twice now, and calls Rinna a “people pleaser”.

5. erika at dinner

After a commercial break, LVP and Rinna both say that they want to know more about Erika, who says it’s not that she doesn’t want to share, but it takes her a bit to warm up.  Kathryn makes some crack about only being into so much foreplay before getting bored.  Is Kathryn drunk?  Or high?  Or just horrible?

Kathryn makes some comment about people having to go above and beyond to prove themselves worthy of being Erika’s friend (huh?  Maybe just don’t tell her one thing and then do the exact fucking opposite).  Tom tries to interject in his wife’s defense and Kathryn rudely cuts him off with an “I’m still talking”.  Erika talking heads that Kathryn needs to relax and not hit us over our head with her personality.  Yup.

Kathryn talking heads that because she feels like Erika is shutting her out, she is now on a mission to be her friend.  Good luck with that darlin’.  Kathryn then proceeds to insult and berating Erika, you know, how you do with people you want to be friends with… Erika calmly explains that it takes her a little more time than it make take others to warm up, but that she is not an “ice queen”.  LVP is just delighted by all of this and uses the situation to say that what Erika is being accused of (cold, distant) may not be how she really is and that this is similar to what Erika has said about LVP being controlling.

6. lvp dinner

Erika can’t believe that these women are sitting in her house, treating her this way, and she’s right.  It’s totally abhorrent, but also sort of how this show works.  But usually, the women are on better behavior in front of the husbands.  I don’t remember anyone berating Yolanda in front of David and The Three Tenors.

I know that not everyone likes Erika but I adore her.  She explains to Kathryn (AGAIN- because Kathryn clearly doesn’t get it) that she was disappointed with the fact that Kathryn came to her house, said she wanted to be her friend, Erika confided in her, and then she ran off and told LVP what Erika had said.

Kathryn: I didn’t think you were confiding in me

Erika: Well, I did

Kathryn (to the whole group): I was really happy that Erika opened up with me (cue eye roll from EG).  Don’t roll your eyes.

Erika (calmly): Why shouldn’t I roll my eyes

Kathryn: Why are you?!

Erika (again, calmly): Why are you yelling at me in my own home? Why are you being so aggressive?

Kathryn: Well, let me clarify…

Erika: Do you feel bad? No

Kathryn: No.

And that’s the thing.  Kathryn hasn’t apologized once for what she did.  And even if she truly didn’t realize that what Erika was saying to her wasn’t meant to go back to the whole group (yes, I realize this is on TV and there were cameras, but still), the second Kathryn realized that she had hurt Erika and that she was upset, she should have apologized.  Maybe not even for doing something wrong, but for clearly misjudging the situation.  But Kathryn isn’t going to say she’s sorry because she’s not sorry.  People are talking about her and to her and she’s got her storyline so woopie-dee-doo for her.  It’s cunty, to say the least.

Kathryn: But there’s a misunderstanding.

Erika: What’s the misunderstanding?

Kathryn: well, if you would listen to me, you would understand.

Erika: Okay, go ahead.

Kathryn (flustered): You’re losing this argument right now, you are.

Tom (awesomely confused by this behavior): Do you guys do this all the time?

I love it.

Lisa Rinna asks Kathryn why she told LVP what Erika said, and Kathryn admits that part of her did it because she wanted to get a reaction.  You know, like a child.  Erika (the adult in this situation) explains to Kathryn that the reaction she got wasn’t from Erika, but from LVP.  It hurt LVP, and damaged Erika and LVP’s potential friendship.  Kathryn baulks that any rift was caused, but she’s wrong.  Erika tells Kathryn that she sees no reason to ever talk to her again considering what’s happened here.

7.lvp dinner 2

Ya’ll, as much as I am horrified by it- this dinner is awesome.  Kathryn is digging a deeper and deeper hole for herself and since I am on #TeamEveryoneButKathryn, it’s really enjoyable to me.  I am, however, definitely disappointed that the “You have to leave” line from Tom in this week’s teaser wasn’t him kicking anyone out of the Girardi home, but instead referencing LVP and Ken, who actually did have to leave (to get to the “charity” event).  Erika is mortified by the women’s behavior in front of her husband and Rinna is not a happy camper about having to take the same car home with Kathryn who clearly doesn’t realize the damage she did.  Erika rates tonight’s dinner party as a -5, but I give it a 7 (better than any dinner at the Foster’s Malibu Compound, but not at the Scary Island or Prostitution-Whore dinner level)

The next day, Kyle and Erika are playing “Pickleball”, but the whole time, I thought they were saying “pick-up ball” which is a pretty accurate description of what they were doing since they couldn’t ever get a good volley going (BOOM- sports joke).  The ladies have a quick nosh while they chat about building homes for the poor as well as how fabulous Dubai is.

8. erika Kyle lunch

Erika describes the previous night’s dinner as “horrible”, and the scene flips over to Kathryn who when asked by SexyDonnie if she had a good time, says “yeah”.  My mouth drops to the floor when Kathryn tells SexyD that LVP WAS THE ONE GIVING ERIKA A HARD TIME.  And I mean, I guess a little at the end, but it was NOTHING compared to how Kathryn acted.  That girl does not know her own truth.

9. kat and donnie

Erika says that Tom is PISSED at her this morning and Kyle is shocked to hear that Tom expects Erika to behave a certain way because Mauricio has no control over what Kyle says or does.  I see this both ways, sorta.  I don’t love the way that Tom talks to Erika sometimes, but I also see how he would be angry with his wife associating herself with the drama of the housewives.  Obviously, Tom never saw the show before his wife signed up, because he never would have been okay with her being on in the first place.  Tom is a respected giant in his field.  I would imagine that Mrs. Girardi being a Real Housewife is far more embarrassing or damaging to his own brand than her Erika Jayne performances.

Kathryn is fucking delusional.  Her recounting of the evening to SexyDonnie is so far off base from what actually happened, to the point where what she got out of the evening is that the other women want her to be more feminine.  At no point in time was anything even remotely similar to that said.

Eileen and Rinna meet up at the beach and my knee jerk reaction to this was, oh I like these two together.  But then, right before I remembered that Eileen sucks balls this season, she hands me a reminder in the form of “so let’s talk about the other night”.

10. Eileen beach

Lisa Rinna is a self-admitted “people pleaser”.  And the “people” she is in front of right now, is Eileen.  So to please her, she decides to throw LVP under the bus.  She says that LVP and Kyle were giggling back and forth about Yolanda’s illness and gossiping about if Yo’s been faking it and that LVP was the one who convinced her to bring up the Munchausen possibility.  Ugh.  To be honest, I can totally see all of that being the truth.  I really can, because I think there is no love lost between LVP/Kyle and Yolanda.  I can also absolutely see them getting Rinna to do a little dirty work for them.  That said, Rinna is hitching her wagon to the wrong (emmy-winning daytime soap) star.  LVP and Kyle were here long before Eileen and they will be here long after.  Even Eileen talking heads that what Rinna is saying is pretty inflammatory.

11. rinna eileen beach

So remember earlier when Yolanda facetimed Erika and was wearing her Lyme-Disease Awareness costume?  Well, as it turns out, her sickness must have just come on in a flash because she was at lunch with Brandi and Kim earlier that day.  I’m with Eileen on this one that really the biggest crime committed here was that if Yolanda knew she had a commitment that evening, and she is soooo weak, then maybe she shouldn’t double book her day with activities.  But Rinna is on a warpath and now has “trust issues”.  Rinna also says that while she does believe that Yolanda is sick, she feels like that illness paints everyone else in a corner and that Yo uses it to her advantage.  DING DING DING!  Whoa.  When did Lisa Rinna become the most astute person on this show?  To Eileen’s credit as a good friend, she refuses to engage in this conversation and defends Yolanda in her talking head.

12. instagram

We head back to a Kathryn segment and I realize that her evil plan worked.  I don’t give two shits about Kathryn’s possible hearing issues and I’m guessing you don’t either, but this scene would have been on the cutting room floor had she not stirred up some shit with LVP and Erika.  Damn it, Kathryn!

13. dr houes

Kathryn’s Neurologist is named Dr. House, and I get really excited for about two seconds before my brain separates reality TV from scripted drama.  Kathryn has no hearing in her left ear and is concerned that she may be going deaf in her right ear as well and I really couldn’t care less.  She tells us that sometimes when people sit to her left, they think she is rude because she doesn’t respond to them.  Little do they know that they are the lucky ones because it’s when Kathryn is engaged in the conversation that she’s her rudest.

Kyle comes to visit Yolanda (and Daisy!  Don’t forget about everyone’s favorite Health Advocate and maker of espressos, Daisy!) and Yo is wearing Lyme green and has her best pity-me-imma-sick-girl face on.  Yolanda has invited all of the women to watch her receive some award in NYC for spreading awareness about Lyme.  Kyle is all, “yeah, yeah that’s great, so let’s talk about this email garbage…”

14. yo lime

Yolanda tells Kyle that she felt attacked which was why she wrote her the email.  And she cc’d all of the other women since they were there during the “attack”, and just in case the ladies felt like twisting the story around when it eventually got to Rinna, who was not there, she figured she’d cc her as well.  Considering this group- that logic actually works for me.  Kyle doesn’t love Yo’s response but seems okay with putting it behind her.

15. kyle talks

It’s Giveback Homes day!  And despite LVP’s whining about the soulcycle charity ride, she’s happy to be doing something practical for charity.    Kyle is wearing white painter’s pants and she looks like a cartoon.

16. givebackhomes

LVP and Erika are helping paint the house that the group is working on and LVP tries to make jokes about the disaster dinner and the web comments but Erika isn’t feeling it.  Now THIS is a miscommunication.  This is LVP’s way of trying to move past it and Erika isn’t biting at all and seems to actually be taking offense to it.  Kyle and Rinna also make jokes about spiders and webs and that only fuels Erika’s indignation.  LVP, although she was the one who started it, tells Kyle that she thinks Erika’s had enough of it and to stop with the web jokes.  She’s right, but it’s classic LVP to be the judge and jury on when a joke has gone too far.

17. lvp erika

Eileen asks Erika about her dinner and she and Rinna gab on about how rude Kathryn was, especially in front of Tom.  Eileen, under the guise of despising gossip, asks if she can call Kathryn over so that Erika and Kathryn can talk it out.  Kathryn plays the extreme denial game again and Erika is having absolutely none of it.  She scolds Kathryn for her dinner etiquette and accurately accuses her of talking the “whole fucking time”.  YUP.

18. eileen erika kathryn

And then.  Oh, sweet, sweet readers, and then Erika does what I have ALWAYS wanted one of the real housewives to do on this show.  As Erika is ripping Kathryn a new asshole, because what she’s saying is factually accurate, Kathryn has no other choice but to attack back by scolding Erika for the way she is saying it.

Kathryn: Don’t talk to me like that

Erika: Don’t talk to you how?!

Kathryn: The way you’re like this (mimics Erika’s hand gestures) in my face, please don’t do that

Erika: Oh, or what?!

YAAAAS QUEEN.  Oh. Or. What.  Commercial break.

DAMMIT.  We come back from commercial and don’t get an answer.  Oh well, 10 points to Erika for at least asking.  Erika and Kathryn hug it out, but I don’t see these two ever really talking as friends again.  Erika strikes me as a one-and-done kinda gal who reserves her forgiveness for people who actually matter.  I’m with Rinna, who has 100% been the voice of reason on this episode; Kathryn is full of shit and was playing the “tattle tale game”. Fuck Kathryn and her “tired, LA Bullshit”.  That said- at least she’s doing something.  Come on, Eileen.

Recap written by Liz