It’s been two weeks since we last saw the ladies of Atlanta. A beautiful, calm, Kenya Moore-less two weeks. This week, we check back in with Kandi who was unable to go on the Jamaica trip, so we haven’t seen much of her lately. She is due to have her baby in 7 weeks and is getting a checkup at the OBGYN’s office. In other news, it’s a boy! Yay for boys! Dr. Jackie tells Todd and Kandi that they can still have sex, just not “man on top” sex. By the way, Mama Joyce has joined them for this appointment and she looks appropriately horrified. Dr. Jackie reminds Todd that he needs to get Kandi a push present, ideally diamonds- and real full carat diamonds, not chips. This reminds me that I was never given a push present and I make a mental note to use this information during a future fight (it’s good to store these things up). Mama Joyce and Todd seem to really get along now with is good news for the Burruss-Tucker family.
We meet Kim’s manager Art via skype and she calls him her “directing” manager, so I’m guessing he isn’t the one to blame for her saying yes to this gig, but somebody really needs to come forward and take responsibility. Art has lined up some advertisers that want to work with Kim, so he requests her current work and also asks if she will be working on Kenya’s “Life Twirls On” project. Yeah, not so much. Art is surprised that Kim won’t work with someone just because she doesn’t get along with them socially, but what Art doesn’t know, and we are all too aware of, is that Kenya is a juvenile garbage person who should be stripped of her SAG card and people should only work with her if they are being punished. Kenya is, of course, perfect for RHOA, and Kim’s professionalism and overall class, dignity, and grace are what make her a less than ideal fit.
Over at Phaedra’s international house of prayer, Ronne, Phaedra’s friend and divorce attorney, comes over to visit and do a little business and she brings a menorah. Ronne tells Phae that her divorce can be filed as soon as they get Apollo’s signature. Apollo has changed prisons and where he currently resides is much more child friendly, so Phaedra is considering taking the boys for a visit. Phaedra is concerned about the all-too-common ‘pipeline to prison’ that so many African American boys especially have to deal with. She doesn’t want her sons to see prison as something that is normal, or acceptable. I applaud Phaedra for bringing this topic up as frequently as she does. As the mother of a white male, I don’t take for granted the racial/gender lottery win that he got straight from birth and I see it as my responsibility to teach him tolerance and acceptance from a young age. But while I, like all parents, will have to have some hard conversations with my son, I don’t kid myself that it’s comparable.
At Moore Manor, which has really come a long way in 5 months, Kenya and Matt swing by to check out the progress. Matts asks for a parking space in the garage which Kenya says is code for “I want to move in”. Is it though? Kenya’s aunt Lori arrives and Kenya talking heads that she has been introducing Matt to her family because she is taking him seriously and she wants him to put a ring on it. Kenya tells us that the house is almost finished- she just needs to do the plumbing, electrical, kitchen, bathrooms, and oh yeah, the walls aren’t up yet, so really it’s soooooo close. Aunt Lori doesn’t care so much about the house and wants the dirt on Matt. Both women are concerned about Matt being younger and with a less established career (read: not rich), but ultimately it seems like he does really care about Kenya so mazel tov to the both of them.
Porsha’s dogs are shitting on her floor and I can’t help but wonder WHY ARE NONE OF THE REAL HOUSEWIFE DOGS HOUSE-TRAINED? I’ve tweeted LVP to see if at least Giggy is, but all of the other dogs keep having accidents and eating baked potatoes off of dinner plates and with all their owner’s money and access to decent trainers, I just don’t get it. It looks like Porsha and her sister Lauren have moved past their rough patch and are getting along again. My guess is that Lauren is in her 2nd trimester which is supposed to be a magical time of pregnancy where the sickness goes away and you feel awesome. I say “supposed to be” because this did NOT happen for me and I was basically miserable from week 6 to week 41.5 when I finally had to be induced because lil homie showed zero signs of wanting to exit.
Lauren and Porsha are working on setting up a photo shoot for Naked Lingerie, which is an offshoot of Naked Hair, from Porsha’s Go Naked company. Porsha says that Lauren will be going on maternity leave and won’t be at the photo shoot, but I don’t even see a bump on Lauren, so either she is taking the world’s longest maternity leave starting halfway through her pregnancy or this photo shoot is months and months away. On the phone with Johnnie, the Creative Director for Go Naked, both Lauren and Porsha are confusing the phrases “it wasn’t a concrete decision” and “written in stone” by saying “it wasn’t written in concrete” (or “semen”) and Johnnie tells them that neither of them have the brains of a paper cup. HA. Although for years, I used to say “straight as a whistle” instead of “straight as an arrow” or “clean as a whistle”, so I too can be envious of the brains of a Dixie cup.
Cynthia arrives at a studio downtown to check up on her ‘mercial for Cynthia Bailey Eyewear. Kim shows her the rough cut and it looks like….a very regional campaign. It’s cute, it has all of Cynthia’s friends in it, but it doesn’t strike me as a national advertisement. I don’t say this to discredit Kim at all, because I think she did what she could with what she had to work with. It’s Kim’s voice for the voice over of the rough cut and Cynthia is fine keeping that way but wants Kim to play it sexier. Kim can’t… So Cynthia will handle it in a booth downstairs. Cynthia also takes this time to apologize for what was said about Kim’s husband Chris. Cyn tells Kim that she didn’t “partake” in the conversation, but as well all know, she didn’t stand up for Kim either, which in my mind is worse. Kim also says, when asked, that she is over the whole Kenya situation. They will never be besties, but she’s moved on. Oh Kim, how many times a season can I reiterate that this is just not the job for you. True Housewives hold grudges for YEARS.
Phaedra comes over to Kandi for a visit and I just have to sidenote here and say that Kandi is a ridiculously cute pregnant person. Ya know how they say that pregnant women have that “glow”? Kandi totally does. I, on the other hand, had more of a grimace. Phaedra talking heads that her relationship with Kandi has definitely changed, but at the end of the day they still try to come together and stay friends. I respect that. I also respect how Kandi seems less than excited about breastfeeding. She says that she tried it with her daughter but after a month gave it up, which is about two weeks longer than I was able to go. I have all the respect in the world for women who do exclusively breastfeed for months onto a year plus, but lord have mercy I hated it. Maybe it would have been better for me if I used the nipple cream that Phaedra brought to Kandi’s house.
Phaedra fills Kandi in on the trip and I’m not going to recap it since I’ve literally already recapped it. Kandi is surprised about Cynthia denying Kenya as her bestie and also that Sheree and Nene got along on the trip. I’m glad that these ladies have been able to stay friends. I like them together.
Cynthia is going to be a part of Porsha’s photo shoot because as Porsha says, “she’s a woman of a certain age and she still has a great body”. Both girls admit in TH’s that their relationship had a bump in the road this year, but they are in a good place. Porsha tells us that Lauren is 7 months pregnant and I call bullshit. Lauren looks 3.5 months preggo at best. The shoot is running two hours behind schedule and they are losing the light. I’m actually impressed with the lingerie and as a woman who absolutely still has her post-pregnancy body, it looks like a line that flatters all body types.
Phaedra and the boys head to New Jersey to go visit Apollo at Fort Dix. She hasn’t seen him in person since the infamous garage incident from last season. Phaedra hasn’t told the boys that they are going to see their dad because on the off chance their visitation day gets snowed out, she doesn’t want them to be disappointed. Phae’s mother is there as well and Phaedra calls her her rock. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. I think before I had a kid, my attitude was “of course you take them to see their father, regardless” but now that I do, I can see how seeing Apollo and then having to leave him could be so detrimental to the boys. I really don’t think Phaedra has been keeping the boys from Apollo out of spite, but instead trying to do things that are in their best interest.
Matt and Kenya go get fondue at The Melting Pot and Kenya tells us that she tried to keep her relationship with Matt casual, but they have gotten very close. Kenya’s scenes with Matt this season are the easiest ones to watch her in. She is cute and sweet in them and doesn’t seem like a crazy wacked out bitch like she does with the women. Matt says that while he used to have a problem with the thought of settling down, but that he doesn’t have much party left in him and he absolutely wants kids within the next year or two. Kenya gets real about her age and fertility and Matt seems to be on board. I hate Kenya, but I sincerely hope Matt’s genuine because he does seem like a calming influence in her life I don’t wish a Brooks-like situation on any woman.
Phaedra and the boys are getting ready in their hotel to go to Fort Dix. The boys don’t know that that’s what they are doing yet because Phae doesn’t want to build their hopes up in case they can’t see Apollo. She’s a very good mother who calls her boys “innocent bystanders in a tsunami of craziness.” Her boys are adorable. Phaedra reminds us that everyone and their brother has had an opinion on her reluctance to bring the boys to see Apollo. I’m with Phaedra on this one. No one else is in her house, raising her kids, and their views on the issue don’t really matter.
After 2.5 hours, Phae and the boys come back to the car (cameras were not allowed inside the prison). When her mother, Pastor Regina, asks Phaedra how it went, she calls the visit “interesting”, but immediately shifts focus to how the boys felt about it. They say they were excited about the surprise but Phae tells us that the boys got antsy without toys and she thought they would have been more into it. The boy were ready to leave after an hour, and Phaedra says that while she’s happy that this visit went okay, she’s not sure when she’s going to go again. Apollo is also refusing to sign the divorce papers.
Next week is the finale and I for one, couldn’t be more ready. Also, Kenya gets dressed up as the Grinch, which is perfect.
Recap written by Liz