This week’s episode starts things off with my personal idea of hell; a charity spin class at soul cycle. A- I hate large groups of people. B- I hate it when people try to “inspire” me. C- I hate exercise. D- I hate when I’m asked to do anything but just write a check for charity. The ASPCA has never asked me to jump on a bike for 45 minutes and that’s why they get 25 of my hard earned dollars every month.
Everyone seems to have a good time, except for Lisa Vanderpump who showed up in sky high pink pumps and complained through the whole thing. Atta girl. After the class, Erika, Kathryn, LVP and Kyle all head to lunch in a limo. Yolanda and Eileen are supposed to meet up with them as well but Yo is running late. Eileen regales the ladies with tales from the soap opera set and LVP is disappointed to learn that sex scenes are more technical than thrilling.
Yolanda finally arrives looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and brings flowers to LVP because it’s apparently her birthday, which none of the other women seemed to know. Yo is throwing a dinner party at a restaurant instead of at MyLove’s house in a few days and she says it’s because her place is too far away but that’s never stopped her in the past. I’d like to know more about Yo and David’s relationship status during filming but that isn’t part of Yolanda’s Lyme-Disease-Awareness storyline so we aren’t getting any of the good info.
Everyone’s favorite shit-stirrer, Kyle, asks Yolanda if she and Lisa Rinna are “good now” and Yo says that they are fine and she doesn’t want Kyle to start it up again. Has Yolanda met Kyle? Kyle says to LVP that she doesn’t think Yo knows about Rinna knowing about the bipolar comment, and then she hilariously mumbles that she’s not going to get involved. Cut to- Eileen asks what Kyle’s talking about and Kyle immediately spills the beans because Kyle can’t not get involved.
Yolanda says that if you look at the facts, which are that Lisa Rinna threw a glass at Kim, sent threatening texts to Kim and then accused Yo of having Munchausen’s disease, then she could potentially say that Rinna is bipolar, but she would never actually do that. A few things; the first of which is someone needs to get everyone’s favorite Health Advocate Daisy to explain to Yolanda what being bipolar actually means because none of her examples have anything to do with it. Secondly, and I said this last week, but by even mentioning the word bipolar, Yolanda is doing the EXACT SAME THING as Rinna except its actually worse because Rinna was only repeating what someone else said, and Yolanda is the one “putting it out into the universe”.
Yolanda snaps at Kyle that she and Lisa Rinna have worked it out and Kyle doesn’t need to keep bringing it up. Kyle snots back that she was having a private conversation with LVP. Which I totally get because I know when I need to have a private conversation with someone, I like to do it a table full of other women at almost full volume. Yo talking heads that her children have better table manners than these women and that’s probably true. Yolanda tells Kyle to calm down and have a glass of wine and while I think Kyle (as always) was out of line, Yolanda’s tone is pretty condescending.
Jenny McCarthy is an evil twat who is the arguably most dangerous celebrity of our time and I’m including Ted Nugent in that list. So I mostly want to just fast forward this scene. Duty calls, however, so I will carry on. Lisa Rinna is cohosting Jenny McCunt’s SiriusXM radio show and Rinna calls her fearless and honest. I think Jenny is science-denying fear monger who needs to shut the hell up, so clearly Rinna and I have a difference of opinion on this one. Lisa implies that she and Harry have tried pegging? It’s weird. They talk about dildos and gay men wanting Lisa’s husband. Whatever. I like how candid Rinna always seems to be but Jenny McCarthy can fuck right off.
Back at lunch with Yolanda and the other girls, Yolanda tells Kyle to stop talking about her and Lisa Rinna when Rinna is not here to defend herself. Yolanda also feels like Kyle and LVP are only friends when it’s convenient, which is 100% true. LVP says that Rinna has residual feelings regarding the bipolar comment and Yolanda replies that she too has residual feelings regarding both the Munchausen’s comment as well as LVP’s comments regarding Bella and Anwar’s Lyme disease. You guys- I am so so sooooooo tired of this whole storyline. LVP says that she has never talked shit about Yo’s kids and she really resents the implication, and then she just gets up and leaves. Kyle wishes that LVP had stayed since Yolanda was mad at both of them, but I think leaving was the right call.
Kathryn and Erika meet up at Erika’s house allegedly to work out together, but mostly they just sit and eat baked goods. Kathryn is trying to get to know Erika, who questions Kathryn’s motives. Erika says that she has never been well liked by women and that she never has groups of women friends. I’m with Erika on this one. I am not a girl’s girl by any stretch of the imagination. Mostly because every woman I’ve ever met who claims to be a “girl’s girl” usually hates women. I think Erika is right to not trust women. I don’t trust them either. Typically, the only girls I become very close to feel the same way I do.
Erika was very close to her grandmother who passed away and you can tell that Grandma was an important person in Erika’s life. Her icy exterior cracks for a moment and she lets some real emotion show on her face. Kathryn says that she will be Erika’s first true woman friend and I immediately do not trust her at all. Erika asks Kathryn what she thinks of LVP and when Kathryn tries to say that she thinks LVP is sweet, Erika laughs. We all get it, right? Erika and LVP are actually super similar which is why Erika doesn’t seem taken with her.
Speaking of LVP, she and Ken meet up at Villa Blanca. She starts to tell him about the Soul Cycle event but then the show quickly cuts to Kyle’s house where Lisa Rinna has just shown up. This is the second week in a row where I feel like the editing is really choppy and weird.
So Lisa Rinna is at Kyle’s because Yolanda (who if you will remember, is the queen of integrity and she just wants people to stop talking about her business) decided to send a scathing email to Kyle and cc all of the other ladies. That’s the kind of email I dream about getting cc’d on, so I’m wildly jealous. Kyle starts to talk about what the email said and suddenly we are zipped over to Yolanda’s apartment. Seriously. This editing is wonky as hell. Yolanda says that in stressful situations, she is unable to say what she really wants to say so she got up in the middle of the night and wrote an email to Kyle.
In a bit of editing that I actually adore, we hear the contents of the email read aloud by ALL of the women. Kathryn reads the last line which says something like “your lack of compassion is not a pretty look” and Kathryn gives an AWESOME face (see photo below).
Lisa Rinna correctly identifies Yolanda’s behavior as passive aggressive and full of projection. Yolanda also basically threatened Kyle at that lunch when she said that she had lots of things in her vault, implying that she knows where all the women’s skeletons are buried. Rinna talking heads that “A good friend doesn’t store secrets to use them at a later date”. Word. Up. Little Miss Integrity Hadid Foster is spiraling and I don’t think she realizes that it’s not Rinna or LVP or Kyle’s “lack of compassion” that’s not a pretty look, it’s Yo’s behavior and wild accusations. Telling someone that you could do something horrible to them but you are just choosing not to, doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you look pathetic, petty, and threatening. As Rinna says, “only pussies do that shit”.
Back to Erika and Kathryn’s conversation (which I really don’t understand why this needed to be broken up and couldn’t have been one long scene), Erika says that LVP IS sweet, but that she is also calculating and “engages from the side”. Erika thinks LVP manipulates situations to her advantage, which is probably true, but all the women at least try to do that too. LVP is just one of the only ones who can do it well. Again, I think Erika is very similar to LVP and that’s why she’s uncomfortable with her. Typically what you don’t like about someone is their qualities that are most similar to your own.
Over at Villa Rosa, LVP is lounging in her pool on her awesome pink flamingo float that I covet desperately. Eileen is the first to arrive for their lunch and the two women go down to LVP’s wine bar which I also desperately covet. Actually, to save time, just assume that I desperately covet everything that LVP has. Katheryn and Kyle arrive and we meet Schnookie, LVP’s new puppy (see my previous statement).
Kyle being Kyle, immediately brings up the email. Eileen tries to defend Yolanda but it’s not easy to defend her on this one. Kathryn brings up her lunch/boxing session with Erika (you remember, the one where she told Erika that she would be her first “true woman friend”), and she immediately spills the beans that they were talking about LVP behind her back. Ladies? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS and more importantly, this is why girls like myself and Erika do not trust other women at all.
Not only does Kathryn completely misrepresent what Erika said about LVP, she misquotes her by saying that Erika was telling Kathryn to not get “caught in [LVP’s] web”. LVP is appropriately offended. Here’s what I think- Kathryn thought that her big storyline this season was going to be the Faye Resnick OJ book thing and when that fell completely flat, Kathryn started to get desperate for something to bring to the table. Eileen talking heads that she thought Kathryn was smart enough to know better than to stab Erika in the back like this, but I think Kathryn knows exactly what she is doing. This move gives her conflict. It gives her more inevitable screen time because this will absolutely blow up on her and I think she knows that. Mostly I’m just grossed out by her actions and personally furious on behalf of women. Again, I am reminded of the “Men- we know how to be friends” line from Family Guy.
Eileen, who is also DESPERATE for a storyline, decides that Erika must have said what she said (or actually didn’t say) because she picked up on Eileen’s frustration over LVP’s line of questioning back at the beginning of the season. Come the fuck on, Eileen. You are AT LVP’S HOUSE FOR DINNER! That is unspeakably rude. Eileen feels dismissed by LVP, and she is being dismissed but it’s an appropriate dismissal. LVP is annoyed that Eileen is at her house for dinner, the day after LVP’s birthday, Eileen doesn’t even bring a card, but now she wants to bring up shit that happened weeks ago? Obviously, I am #TEAMVANDERPUMP all the way on this one. Kathryn talking heads that if Eileen has asked for this apology three times but it’s only gotten worse every time, she needs to let it go. I agree with Kathryn, but I’m still annoyed with her for doing Erika dirty so I’m not giving her any more credit than to say that yes, she is correct.
LVP sort of tries to apologize again and Eileen says they are good, but everyone knows its bullshit. Eileen says that she doesn’t think they are going to see eye to eye on this one and LVP agrees and says that maybe they just don’t get each other. Eileen talking heads that she doesn’t care about the apology and that she is beyond the apology but what she wants is LVP to take responsibility, which means that she absolutely still cares about the apology, but whatever. I’m tired of Eileen and Kathryn and their desperate behavior. #Desperados.
Recap written by Liz