1. We start with Soul Cycle. In case you missed it, Vanderpump showed up in designer work-out clothes and Barbie-style, bright pink patent leather pumps. She proceeds to bitch the entire time and I SOOO do not blame her for this. She is wealthy enough to write a check so I say God Bless. Sign on the dotted line and get that 1980s banana clip out of your hair. Meanwhile, the instructor (who definitely did NOT have a banana clip in his hair) and Erika Jayne are loving the bike-riding-hair-flip.
2. Kyle is wearing some pretty questionable make-up in her talking head.
3. The ladies go to lunch, and Erika Jayne looks as beautiful as ever. She’s definitely Erika Jayne in this scene, because the way she bit that chip and gave a side-eye that rivals Ariana’s when she said, “about bipolar?” was ALLL Erika Jayne and zero percent whatever else she goes by. The lunch revolves around Yolanda and Kyle. Yolanda (or Yolaunder as LVP calls her) is apparently upset that Kyle was whispering about her to LVP right in front of her. How strange, right? Yolaunder is correct when her talking head said that children are taught not to do that. Yolaunder was also being bitchy to Kyle by telling her to have a glass of wine and laughing when Kyle called LVP a good friend. She was downright evil when she told Kyle she held a lot in the vault. Yolaunder said she wasn’t trying to be rude, but it WAS rude. Mostly to me because I want her to open that vault.
4. While this bizzaro lunch is taking place, Rinna is on she-who-shall-not-be-named’s radio talk show. I refuse to name this pile of plastic because she will pump her face with literal paralyzing toxins and fillers while simultaneously using her 1990s voice to discourage life-saving vaccines (even AFTER her son’s diagnosis was changed from autism, but that doesn’t fucking matter, because the two are unequivocally not related). I like Rinna less because she associates with that dangerous garbage pail. Anyway. The two act like teenagers who have just learned the words pussy and dildo. That’s pretty much it.
5. Erika Girardi and Katheryn have lunch. Katheryn desperately begs to be Erika’s first genuine woman friend because Kathryn wants to stay on the show. This is a weird move, because Kathryn should befriend an OG to stay relevant (though I do think Erika has serious staying power). Kathryn realizes this later in the episode and relays the message to Vanderpump that Erika doesn’t trust her. LVP was going to see this footage anyway, so why not?
6. Let’s get to the email. Yolaunder writes an email scolding Kyle and wisely Ccs the other women. This is wise because if she hadn’t, it would have been a big reveal (with evidence!!) at the reunion. This email is VERY well-written for someone who is in a mental cocoon. Rinna is right, this is some misplaced aggression…but I only know she’s correct because we all now know about Yolaunder’s divorce.
7. Eileen wears another terrible outfit with terrible shoes and terrible hair and terrible, awful, terrible accessories to LVP’s house. Sigh.
8. LVP tells Ken Todd to serve the ladies the cheapest shit they need to get rid of. I love it. I’ll offer right now to drink their expired wine any day so long as I am a guest in their palace. LVP and the ladies accurately discuss that Ken Todd looks like each of their animals.
9. At this lunch, Kathryn makes her move. She said after Erika cried 6 tears, they discussed Vanderpump. Katheryn smiles while she relays the message that Erika said not to get caught in LVP’s web. Was that edited out? That’s a specific phrase and Erika did not say that. Erika carefully chose her words (“selectively honest”) so I’m glad Kathryn acknowledged those weren’t her exact words…at first… But, as Kathryn knows, you can’t unring that web bell. Erika also did not tell Kathryn to “watch her back.” However, I do agree she had the sentiment correct.
10. Eileen takes this opportunity to AGAIN bring up her issues with LVP from forever ago that had already been resolved. Twice. Lisa is much more concerned about her ponies getting in her wine bar. (And LVP is correct, that is a GD emergency.) This whole storyline is boring me, probably because Eileen is involved in it. Everyone knows about this damn affair, Eileen. Just because you’re ashamed about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You’re on a reality show; in my opinion, LVP was helping her stay relevant. God knows she needs it.
10Thoughts written by Kerry