1. Because the producers of VPR (or maybe it’s the cameramen winning a bet?) are probably male, we start the show watching Katie, Scheana, and Ariana trying on underwear. I get that this show is about sex to a large degree, but it seems too obvious. Plus, I’m pretty sure the target audience would rather watch random guys trying on bikini bottoms. (Sidebar: why does AARP always advertise on Bravo Now??) Anyway, Ariana states three obvious things: you can see her nipples, the black bra was too girly for her, and that pink thing was NOT sexy. I mean, on her it was, but still. That’s all that warranted Scheana’s comment that she bitches about everything?? Sigh. More on Scheana later. Also, I don’t want to waste an entire point on the fact that Katie and Tom2 STILL haven’t consummated their relationship because I’m SOOOO bored. However, I guess it’s surprising. Sorta. Not really though. It’s a bit telling she could have bought anything to turn him on and settled on a robe.
2. Ugh, James. He’s not the white Kayne West, he’s the male Scheana. They are both just the worst. What he said to Richardson was basically the Bethenny-Kelly RHONY scene. Apparently, James is up here, Richardson is down there. Richardson is nothing, and James Kennedy is JAMES KENNEDY. Speaking of Richardson: one of the case members said that Faith was added because Lisa wanted diversity, but she hasn’t gotten much airtime other than her fake (but brilliant) relationship with Max, sooooo I immediately nominate Richardson as diversity tribune.
3. Tom1 is always so surprised when Jax does something to Tom1 that a good friend wouldn’t do. I am not even going to bother counting the ways in which Jax ALWAYS does this other than Jax ratted Tom1 out about Miami girl (you guys, that totally happened), he slept with his then-girlfriend Kristen while Tom1 slept in the other room. I’ll stop there but there are so many more examples. Just say you have to hang out with him because you’re paid to. But he won’t, because Tom1 is apparently a badass fucking friend.
4. “I’m pushing 30 and I just bought a Sega Genesis.” This is Shay trying to explain who is he and always has been to Scheana, and truer words have never been uttered. However, it probably made Shay feel MUCH better that Scheana assured him that she CLEARLY didn’t marry him for money.
5. Stassi’s chin job is really good. Definitely the best plastic surgery job on any Bravo show. Anyway, am I the only one that doesn’t think what Kristen did to Stassi was that bad? She and Jax were broken up! Keep in mind, I say that coming from Stassi’s point of view; not Kristen’s. I would have never behaved like Kristen did. It breaks girl code at the very least. However, if I was Stassi, there’s approximately a zero percent chance I’d ruin a friendship with a girl I was close to for years over some horrible male. I’ve had friends “pull a Kristen.” A grown up tells said friend how uncool that was, then both move on. Years later said friend was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and she’s truly a badass fucking friend that I’m glad I didn’t feud with for years over a loser.
6. I talked about this last week, but Brittany stating she wanted a size C to the doctor and then 1 second later agree to something bigger because her boyfriend wanted her to have circus boobs is an insult to women everywhere. But hey, that’s the same thing as wanting a 40 inch TV and settling on a 70 inch. They are EQUAL.
7. I’ll ignore Lala’s architecture comment and say I totally agree with her when she noticed that the men at SUR need someone wholly committed while they cheat every 5 minutes. I will disagree with the fact that Lala thinks James & Kristen still hook up. No. Not at this point anyway.
8. Tom2 needs to get over not wanting to do the engagement photos. Yes, they were so cheesy and yes, he probably felt silly. However, it’s what his future wife wanted so SUCK IT UP. He’s a model for Christ sake. How is this shoot any more embarrassing than modeling boxers and having Katie commenting on his Dad bod? Kati’s bathing suit didn’t fit bit she looked super cute. The pictures they showed turned out really well.
9. Ariana at the beach: This is probably the first time I’ve seen Ariana truly salty. Even in Season 2 when she told Scheana she was smarter and prettier than Kristen, it somehow didn’t read as petty. Ariana got really jealous that Kristen did something she would have liked to do, which is perform in a sketch comedy show. Ariana got up on her high horse and preached that she takes sketch comedy very seriously and is VERY offended by people who think they can like, just, like, do it. Ariana asked, “Is she trying to be be me, or what is she doing?” (Because when I think sketch comedy, I immediately think Ariana.) I don’t know if Kristen is funny and I don’t care. When Ariana went in for Rachel, a stand up comic, it was too much. She was reaching for something to say. Rachel handled the entire situation really well, but Kristen flew off the handle. That all being said, I think said freak out was warranted for once. If someone insulted my friend like that, I’d be pretty damn pissed too.
10. What was that last scene with Jax crying to Peter? I literally did not listen to any of it.
10Thoughts written by Kerry