We start things off with what is possibly the least interesting subplot in Housewives History. Kathryn and SexyDonnie are renovating their San Diego house. The stonework above the stove is made from Jerusalem stone and the island top is Calacatta marble that is from Italy, not Calcutta, India (now known as Kolkata). This scene lasts two minutes and makes me concerned about the rest of the episode. There wasn’t another 2 minutes from a fight or something that could have been used to fill time instead of this drivel?
The rest of the women on the San Diego trip head to Kathryn’s house on Erika’s tour bus. They all take a quick tour of the place before settling in for what looks like a lovely lunch. But these women can’t just have a lovely lunch.
So remember last week how I was liking Eileen more? Yeah, well, she decides to ruin all of that good will and brings up the “who told Yolanda about LVP saying that Muhammad said that Bella and Anwar don’t have lyme disease” thing about 2 minutes into what was previously known as, “the lovely lunch”. This situation doesn’t even involve Eileen. I think Eileen knows that she has no plot line this season and is desperate to try and stir things up. Lamesauce, Eileen…lamesauce.
Erika admits that she told Yolanda and then compliments Kathryn on the salad. And I guess that’s that for the moment. I love Erika. In a weird non-sequitur, Lisa Rinna basically gets accused of having an eating disorder and that becomes the topic du jour for about two minutes. This topic was also part of the Amsterdam fight from last season where Rinna threw the wine glass at Kim after Kim accused Rinna’s husband of…something? It was never really said. The conversation steers quickly to Kim and all of her issues and all of Lisa Rinna’s issues with Kim.
Kyle is understandably uncomfortable with this line of questioning and says as much. Rinna DGAF about how Kyle feels and keeps going. Even Erika tries to get the table to move on with a “let’s be in the present”. Erika also says that she and Kathryn weren’t there so they shouldn’t be commenting in the first place and that everyone needs to stop talking about Kyle’s sister while Kyle is sitting there. Lisa says “Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it so it’s very hard for me to talk about it”, but I guess it isn’t that hard because she continues to talk about it. So Kyle gets up and walks away. LVP gets up to follow her but she should have said something at the table. Erika barely knows Kyle but she knows enough to have said something.
My theory is that Kathryn, Eileen, and Lisa Rinna all know they could be on the chopping block for next season so they are trying to stir shit up to keep their place. It’s pretty gross. I think Kim is a nutbag and I would have no problem with them all talking about her if Kyle weren’t there and also so clearly uncomfortable with it. It’s beyond rude.
Lisa Rinna clearly gives zero fucks and keeps going. LVP and Kyle are sitting on the couch about 15 feet away from them. Kathryn is insisting on involving herself in this and then just starts crying when she’s asked by Eileen what her story is. Her dad was an addict and killed himself when she was 13 which is why she says she’s very sensitive when addiction is brought up. I guess Kathryn is trying to defend Kim, but it feels a little self-serving considering that they are on TV. The footage of the trip ends abruptly and we see a quick montage of the women back at home. The editing on this episode is very wonky.
Back home with Erika, she and Tom are getting ready to have dinner with LVP and Ken that evening. Erika is also planning a “Beverly Hillbillies” themed party (well, just the food, not the clothing) and plans to invite all of the women. LVP is immediately smitten with Erika’s gorgeous dog, because that is just who LVP is. LVP talking heads that while Erika and Tom look like an unusual pairing, they’ve been together for a very long time (I think 17 years?) and when something works that well, you don’t question it. Too true, LVP…too true. LVP asks for a tour (well, technically she asks if she can go “look around” but Erika decides to not let LVP loose in her home without a chaperone) and comments that this house feels like “Mrs. Girardi’s home” and wonder’s if its more “Erika Jayne” in the basement. Like me, LVP enjoys the random ass chapel that Erika had put it but says she doesn’t have time to stay and confess all of her sins.
At dinner, Tom seems delightful, at least at first. LVP calls him “Sparkly”, and I agree until he starts to scold Erika like a child. Erika says that Tom is “always the boss” and I guess this dynamic works for them (#daddyissues) but it makes me uncomfortable and sort of embarrassed for Erika. I think LVP is with me on that one. Tom calls LVP a formidable opponent and someone who can intimidate others. Ken says that LVP is only intimidating to people who are weak. Tom keeps complimenting LVP and while she seems to be digging it, Ken looks annoyed and like he’d rather be at home having a fashion party with Giggy.
Blast from the past, Adrienne Maloof comes over to Kyle’s house to catch up. Adrienne and ex-husband Paul Nassif are working on a skin care line and getting along, although I hardly believe it. The getting along part, that is, because those two are like oil and water. Adrienne asks Kyle about Kim and Kyle talks to her about it because Adrienne is apparently on the approved short list of people allowed to bring it up. Kyle is sad about the holidays coming up and not being able to spend them with Kim.
Lisa Rinna sits down with her daughters to talk about her sister Laurene. Laurene died young from addiction and was also a poet. Rinna says that it’s hard to watch Kim because she reminds her of her sister. Okay sure, but frankly this whole thing feels exploitative. I don’t think for one second that Rinna gives a shit about what happens to Kim. And she doesn’t have to give a shit- but she should stop talking about it. Kim isn’t on this season and the other women need to stop making her the 8th housewife when she isn’t even there. I was looking forward to a Kim-free season and I’m not getting it.
At Erika’s party, which is more carnival themed than hillbilly, she plans to show the women what a real BBQ looks like. I love Erika, but I think we aren’t going to see a real BBQ until the Dallas housewives season starts.
Lisa Rinna and Eileen share a car (limo?) to the party and Eileen tells Rinna that she saw Yolanda recently and Yo is not happy. Apparently Daisy, everyone’s favorite Health advocate, looked up the wiki page for Munchhausen’s and told Yolanda what that word meant and now Yo is livid. In a flashback with Eileen and Yo, we see Yolanda saying that she could have called Rinna bi-polar for throwing the wine glass in Amsterdam, but that she “would never do that”- except that by saying it at all while cameras are around she is absolutely putting it out there, and doing the exact same thing that Rinna did, except technically worse because Rinna was repeating something that was said and Yolanda is saying it directly. But you know, she’s all about integrity. Maybe she should get Daisy to look up the definition of that word too.
Erika’s idea of a BBQ is booze, carnival games, and several sexy gay men in their skivvies in the pool. As always, I would desperately like to be a part of #TeamErika. It’s basically my dream life. Also, I could have gone for a full two minutes of Erika’s gay dancer squad living it up in her pool instead of that Jerusalem Stone conversation from the start of the episode. Rinna is dreading her inevitable talk with Yolanda. The tension is mounting and Eileen can’t handle it because unresolved issues that don’t involve her makes her itchy.
In other news, Kathryn has made an enemy for life with me because she told SexyDonnie not to bring a swimsuit thus denying everyone the opportunity to see that. Not cool, Kathryn. LVP tells him to just skinny-dip because LVP is wise and wonderful. Sadly, SexyDonnie doesn’t go for it
Yolanda calls court and makes all the women sit down to hash things out. Rinna takes a page out of last season’s issues-with-Kim-book by making it seem like the only reason she was all up in Yolanda’s business in the first place is because she cares about her. She says that she heard Yo was upset with her and she wishes that Yo could have called her directly about it. Yolanda balks at the suggestion, especially after what Rinna “put out into the universe”. Yo says that when Rinna first came over, she didn’t even know what Munchausen’s meant, so she laughed it off. But after finding out more, she is deeply insulted and hurt. Yolanda also mispronounces Munchausen’s several times except for once when she slips up and says it perfectly which both confirms to me that she is really playing this up and only makes me more suspicious of her in general.
Briefly in the background we hear SexyDonnie tell Ken that he is “not a fan, he’s a player” and that he “loves the action” and it sounds oddly like the speech Emilio Estevez’s character gives Ally Sheedy’s character in The Breakfast Club that goes, “I’m not a winner because I wanna be one… I’m a winner because I got strength and speed. Kinda like a race horse.” He was hitting on her character in that scene and I like to think that SexyDonnie was hitting on Ken. Because everyone should hit on Ken. Because Ken is the best.
Lisa reminds Yolanda that she wasn’t the one who “put it out into the universe”. She was repeating what some other unnamed person said. Rinna reiterates that she doesn’t believe that Yo actually has Munchausen’s and that the women aren’t questioning her (except that Rinna sort of was in that scene where she talked to LVP and Kyle, but I don’t fault her for not mentioning that to the crazed, WNBA-sized Dutch woman in front of her. Even sick, I would pick Yolanda in any fight).
Yolanda starts to read out the definition of Munchausen’s-by-proxy, and the rest of the women jump in to say that that is very different from what Rinna was talking about. Yo is extra pissed that the women seem to be defending Rinna. Yolanda says that she’s not even upset about people doubting her, but she’s upset that she has been “labelled” with Munchausen’s….which would mean that people are doubting her, so I’m not sure where she’s going with this. She labels Rinna as a Labeler who labeled Brandi (as what, I have no idea) and Kim (as an addict, which is an accurate label).
Lisa Rinna refuses to admit who said the Munchausen’s thing and Erika flips out and curses at her. I appreciate Erika defending her friend, even if I’m not totally on Yolanda’s side with this issue. LVP says that the reason anyone has ever called her illness into question is due to the little discrepancies in Yo’s story. She’ll say that she hasn’t run in a year, but the women know they were running around Beverly Hills in Yolanda’s scavenger hunt within the last year. Small things like that add up and make the whole thing confusing. Yolanda wants unconditional support but then says things that don’t make sense. Once you start to feel like your friend is an exaggerator or at worst a liar, it’s hard to come back from that. But I also think Yolanda, when she is feeling terrible, probably says exaggerated things like that- the way we all do when we are feeling sucky.
Rinna and Yolanda hug it out. Rinna likens this to a Band-Aid on a bullet wound and if the current twitter feud between these two is any indication, I’d say she was right.
Next week, Rinna goes on Jenny McCarthy’s podcast. I think Jenny McCarthy is the most dangerous person in Hollywood and I kind of hate her so I’m not looking forward to that.
Vaccines don’t cause autism people.
Recap written by Liz