Maci looks exhausted. I’m not totally sure what she does for work, but she has that to deal with, plus baby Jade, and according to the news, is possibly pregnant with another one in this scene (she’s definitely pregnant now, but I’m not sure when this was filmed). Bentley has to get his tonsils removed and will have to stay home from school for a week. Maci will “work from home” (again, what does she do? I’m sure I could google it but #lazy) and stay with him because she doesn’t trust Ryan to be responsible and help. Not sure I understand that since Bentley spends his time with Ryan at Ryan’s parent’s house and they are more than capable. Bentley says he isn’t nervous about the surgery and seems excited about all the ice cream he will get to eat. I remember being a kid and hearing about the ice cream you get after a tonsillectomy and actually praying that I would need to get mine taken out. I say this a lot, but kids are dumb.
Over at Casa De Terrible Parenting, Sophia has lost a tooth and has received $1000 for her trouble. Are we sure she is losing these teeth naturally and Debra isn’t helping her pull them out for a cut of the profits? In the morning, Debra, Farrah, and Sophia say grace before eating pancakes. I grew up in the south around a lot of religious people and I never remember praying before breakfast. At dinner? Absolutely every time without question. Sophia asks why the Tooth Fairy never comes when the dogs lose their teeth and Debra replies that it’s because “dogs don’t have souls”. Debra can go fuck right off with that bullshit. There is no way on God’s green earth that Farrah has a soul, but my dog Toby does not. See photo below for evidence.
Simon has been texting Farrah again and we see a screenshot of their conversation and Farrah is exactly the type of texter that you would expect her to be; emojis, lol, etc. Farrah asks how Sophia would feel about Simon coming to visit. Sophia requests that Farrah marry Simon, and that she make him “look like daddy Derek’s face”. Nope. Nothing creepy about that at all.
Over at Amber’s house, her dog has had puppies which means that either she has never seen an episode of Bob Barker’s The Price is Right, or she still doesn’t understand that sex leads to babies. Spay and neuter your pets, people. Approximately 1.2 million dogs are put to sleep each year in shelters. Don’t be an asshole and get your pets snipped. That said, PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amber and Matt set up their fake Christmas tree. Boooooo. I’m a firm believer in real trees. You just can’t get that real Christmas smell in your house without one. Amber wants to take Leah with her down to Florida to visit her brother. She hasn’t asked Gary yet but I see no reason why Gary would have a problem with his daughter traveling out of state with a man he doesnt trust on Christmas.
Catelynn and Tyler are back from their honeymoon and I’m really glad we didn’t see much of that trip because that means it was relaxed and low key and didn’t have enough drama to warrant screen time. Good for them. Butch apparently met a lady while they were gone and he keeps making sexual innuendos about her which makes me uncomfortable but doesn’t seem to faze Ty or Cate at all. Butch is eager to move out and get his own place (I would assume his new squeeze is the motivating factor there), but Tyler is scared that with no one watching over Butch, he will slip back into old patterns and destructive behaviors. Being the adult child of an addict sucks. I feel for Ty and Cate.
Maci is stressed out with everything going on her life. Look, I get it. When you are the more domestic one, it can feel overwhelming and frustrating when it seems like your partner isn’t doing his or her part. But you have to communicate or else it’s partly your fault too. No one is a mind reader. And while you might wonder how your significant other could just walk past a towel on the floor without picking it up, or not think to do the dishes, the truth is that some people just have blind spots with cleaning. If Maci sits down with Taylor and explains she is overwhelmed and needs help and he still doesn’t carry his weight? Then he’s an ass. But if she says nothing and just lets it build up inside of her, then she’s a fool.
Have we ever seen Simon and Farrah in a scene where they have any chemistry at all? Michael looked more in love with Simon when he talked about texting him (why on earth would they be texting) than Farrah ever has. Regardless of this complete and total lack of passion, Farrah wonders if Simon is going to ask to marry her (why on earth would he do that). Not much to say about this scene…just the usual bizarre behavior we have come to know and tolerate from the Abraham family.
Tyler and his best friend Ashley, who has the exact same hairstyle as Tyler, sit on his front porch to discuss Butch’s desire to move out. Ashley sees the same change Butch that we the audience see but Tyler worries that it might be too good to be true. Tyler says that Butch is not a normal adult (true) and he needs structure (definitely). I guess my question to Tyler would be, at what point would you feel comfortable with Butch leaving? After 6 months? A year? Or will Tyler never feel safe and trust that his dad can handle it? Nothing to snark about here. It’s just sad.
Amber and Gary are both really bad about discussing things in front of Leah that they shouldnt. Amber NEVER should have mentioned the Florida trip to Leah until she had it confirmed with Gary. That’s just bad parenting. Not to mention, if Gary hears about the trip from Leah first, that’s going to blow up in her face. I get that Amber is scared to ask because she’s worried he will say no, but you just gotta rip off that Band-Aid, as my mother would say. Matt highly doubts that Gary will say yes. I’m with Matt on this one. The chances of Gary being cool with this trip when he wouldn’t even let Amber hang out on Leah’s birthday are not great.
Bentley looks really cute in his Spiderman pjs. He also looks pretty good for the most part when he gets home from surgery. Then we head over to Ryan’s parents house to witness something amazing- Ryan’s parent actually calling him out for being kind of a shitty dad. This is especially shocking coming from Ryan’s mother who usually tries to stick up for him, but I think they are both fed up. Ryan should have absolutely been at the hospital during Bentley’s surgery. He is Bentley’s father and does not need to have an invitation to go. He should have just shown up. Ryan’s parents know that Maci is a good mom who tries to involve Ryan as much as possible so they aren’t buying his pity party about not getting a phone call telling him to come to the hospital. Ryan’s dad is still my favorite character on this show. I want to drink beer and watch football and eat BBQ with him.
Over at Tyler and Catelynn’s house, Butch types in “creigs list” into google and I say “aww” out loud to an empty living room. Tyler walks in just in time to stop Butch from downloading any number of viruses onto his laptop and immediately starts to poo-poo Butch’s move out plans. These guys are in a tough position. Tyler wants Butch to go to therapy and Butch says that the love and support that Ty is giving him is “like a blanket [he’s] never had”.
I think that Simon is really, really uncomfortable with the cameras. Or, like me, he hates baby talk and it makes him shut down. Or he just hates Farrah and Sophia and is only here for a check. I’m comfortable with any of thses options. Sophia seems to desperately want someone to be with her mom and she gives Simon a flower to give to Farrah. This poor kid is gonna be such a fucked up adult. A total product of her environment. If God ever sends another flood, it’s going to be partly because of this family.
Gary is talking to the producers and says that he doesn’t hate Matt, but he doesn’t trust him (yup, Florida is never going to happen) and thinks that he is lying to Amber. Gary says that his main concern (and damn is it a valid one) is Leah feeling abandoned and if Matt has this history of having and leaving kids all around the country, there is a very real possibility that it will happen again with Leah. Gary does say though, that he thinks it’s more likely that Amber will kick him out than Matt will leave on his own which is sort of a contradictory statement, but whatever. I think his concern for Leah’s wellbeing is genuine.
Tyler and Butch go to therapy and Butch says that when he got arrested in 2011, it was rock bottom for him and a real turning point. Butch had a fucked up childhood. He got beat to shit by his own father and wet the bed every night. To Butch, because he never beat his own kids, they had an all right childhood. What Butch doesn’t understand is that neglect is also abuse; but the wounds are on the inside and sometimes can take longer to heal.
Maci tries to talk to Taylor about needing more help but he suggests that they hire a maid. No, homie…no. Maci then offers blow jobs for laundry which Taylor agrees to. This is sad. Help your girl out, Taylor. Don’t make the mother of your child prostitute herself out to you for chores. You know what feels better than a bribe blowy? A blow job that you receive because your wife/GF is so happy that you helped out with chores without being asked that she wants to do something nice for you. There are less teeth involved in that kind.
Debra asks to speak to Simon alone and Sophia starts to get real shitty about it. Something more is happening here behind closed doors and I’m not sure I even want to know what it is. Debra wants to talk to Simon because she says that he reminds her of Michael who was apparently abusive? Simon is confused by this whole line of questioning because he hasn’t done anything to warrant this conversation. And frankly? Michael has always seemed to me like a hen-pecked push over. Debra strikes me as more of an abuser, just like we’ve only ever seen Farrah be verbally abusive to Simon; not the other way around. The whole thing is fishy. Sidenote- I love the porta-potty in front of Farrah’s house. Farrah makes the film crew use it because she won’t let them use her bathroom which is so hilariously bitchy.
Oh, Amber. She decides to ask Gary about the Florida trip via text message instead of off camera and in person like an adult. Then, Amber hilariously criticizes Gary’s communication skills. Even Matt has this look on his face like, “ummm you just asked to take Leah out of state during the biggest holiday of the year OVER TEXT”. Amber looks better than she has looked in years; really pretty and put together.
Butch is up for more therapy sessions and was surprised that he was able to open up so much in their first one. I think Catelynn is ready to have Butch out of her house but knows better than to say anything because Tyler is definitely NOT ready. Catelynn is a good wife and a good friend. I usually have zero faith in reality tv love but I’d bet the farm on these two.
And lastly, I am beyond excited about next week’s two hour finale (although not excited about recapping a two hour show) where producer Larry gets into a fight with Farrah. Maybe he used her bathroom or something equally unforgivable.
Recap written by Liz