1. SUR incest is out of control. Let’s do a quick and half-assed recap: Jax slept with most of the staff; Peter dated Stassi, Katie, and Kristen (remember that?); James has hooked up with Kristen, Lala, and Lauren; etc. etc….but they all live in each other’s apartments, too! Ariana is now in Tom’s pad where Kristen used to live and now we discover when Stassi left her apartment two years ago, Lala moved in and now Dani lives there too. Anyway. While I think it’s fine that they are hosting a “housewarming” after 6 months, I do think it’s cool that Lala mentions that it’s just an excuse to get drunk. She knows. She knows. I’m also obsessed with a Lala-Stassi friendship and think it was cool Lala was totally fangirl about Stassi liking her outfit that one time a thousand years ago. I also LOVE that Lala said to Katie literally the exact same thing Katie said to Lala about not being invited to her party (ok, Lala’s had some stank on the sentence, but well-deserved, amiright?) and Katie got pissed. Like that’s possibly rude or something? (sarcastic face.) Sidebar: How much weight has Dani lost? Like, a high amount, right?
2. Can we just discuss that I really, really, really dislike Kristina Kelly? More than any of the others combined. I don’t have a great reason, I’ll be honest. But here it is: way back in early season two, Kristina Kelly said in a talking head that Kristen “always stinks of coffee and cigarettes.” This is before we knew about Jax and all we knew was that Tom cheated on Kristen in Vegas. So, even though I know most people are off the Kristen train NOW, let’s remember that for a short while early in season 2, we all felt bad for her because Tom cheated on her. Because I have been unwavering in my love for Kristen (thus far), I have always remembered that comment and thought it was yucky. So now Kristina Kelly will always be yucky. Plus Kristina Kelly looks like she smells like Diet Coke, grease, and literally no food at all. Because I can’t waste an entire point on Kristina Kelly (everyone always says both names), I will briefly mention that Ariana and Tom1 wearing ridiculous hoops earrings to the party was awesome.
3. I like Ariana this episode. I never say that because I’m so far on Kristen’s side that I seriously equate it to me saying something nice about Trump when I really love Bernie. Aside from that, let’s dive into Tom talking to Stassi. I’m sure he had a point in there somewhere, but I cannot figure it out. Tom1 isn’t the brightest crayon in the box (sharpest tool in the shed, etc.). What was the point he was trying to make? What was the beef between Stassi and Ariana anyway? I digress. Tom1 said that because she lives with Kristen, the beef with Sheana and Katie doesn’t make sense. But it DOES make sense, Tom1, you adorable dumb dumb. Stassi thought Sheana showed around her sex tape (and for the record, I still think Sheana did because Sheana LOVES schadenfreude). Therefore, it makes TOTAL sense that Stassi would feel betrayed that her best friend Katie became close with Sheana – to the point Katie went on vacation with her. I get this is a reality show so Katie probably had to go, but that is some fucked up shit for a “best friend” to do. Stassi and Ariana seem to be the only people who really know what the term best friend means. Anyway, I get it that Kristen slept with Stassi’s ex. That is SOO not as bad as showing around a sex tape. Stassi forgave Kristen, and now she’s forgiven Katie and is trying to apologize for (RIGHTFULLY) cutting her out. Come on, Tom1.
4. Katie was so hard on Tom2 this episode. She put on a ring AND some pants, but, not unlike the romper from her fashion party, the pants just don’t fit. I understand Katie being pissed Tom2 invited Stassi to the engagement party. He shouldn’t have. I’ll also disagree with fellow #10Thoughts contributor Liz and say I thought Tom2 WAS harsh with Stassi. Not by any other cast member’s standards, but by his. I truly believe that’s the meanest he’s ever been to anyone, ever, and I believe he immediately felt badly even though he was right. That all being said, she knows who she’s engaged to, right? I mean, he didn’t just suddenly change now that they’re in day 20 of their inevitable 8 year engagement. She gave him shit about quitting the LVP Sangria thing (of course he quit that) and literally told him to give up his dreams. You know, because she had to. Tom2 correctly pointed out that Katie never really did modeling/acting and he actually is. (NOOOOOO do NOT say that to your fiancé.) Anyway, Katie needs to realize that she is marrying someone who is not motivated. I’m not saying that in a pejorative way; he just is who he is. He walked out of a job at PUMP that Katie got him literally the first day on the job; he gave up his medical school dreams (thank God for the general public). He’s modeling and it pays the bills for now. He’s not thinking about tomorrow. He never thinks about the next day. For example, he literally wore Ken’s charity shirt to an event where he should have known LVP would be, but he couldn’t think 2 hours ahead to know he would run into her. That’s Tom2. To quote the great LVP, “So predictable.” To everyone except his fiancé I suppose.
5. Ok, here’s the part where I’m going to have to disagree with something Kristen did. I completely agree with #10Thoughts contributor Liz in that Kristen would LOVE Lala (at least at this point in the series) if Lala hadn’t been fooling around with James. Kristen is being a “basic bitch” and hating on Lala just for being a pretty girl that James hooked up with. Stassi is doing her best to tell Kristen that Lala is actually a cool person and Kristen is having ZERO of it. Kristen is not above anyone, let alone many, many stories above someone. (Just like anyone isn’t above anyone except LVP. LVP is at the top floor.) I also am digging these 2012 flashbacks. Everyone looks so much different (not better or worse, just different)…except Stassi. Stassi is, and always has been, #1. Possibly even a few stories closer to LVP than anyone else.
6. Season 1 of PumpRules gave a lot of “aspiring so-and-so” storylines about the cast. We haven’t heard tooooo much about Tom2’s music since the festival in which he played. I’m liking that. I also agree Tom2 IS doing pretty good with the modeling thing, but how is it that Tom1 knows Katie’s reaction better than Tom2? Of COURSE Katie won’t understand, Tom2, you adorable dumb dumb.
7. Ariana correctly points out that “Kristen comes to another party that she wasn’t invited to, at a restaurant owned by a women who despises her, the DJ is her very volatile and VERY recent ex-boyfriend, with a guy on her arm who has no idea what he’s getting into. Just another night in the life of Kristen Doute.” God dammit I love Kristen.
8. James has a point that LVP loves Jax for an unknown and likely bizarre reason. But LVP ALSO loves James for whatever reason (his mother?) so maybe he shouldn’t diss that gravy train. I do not understand LVP’s obsession with Scheana, however. Scheana is the worst. Doesn’t LVP read our blog?
9. I love any excuse for seeing Scheana’s apartment and her shrine to herself. She said on Twitter it’s because production won’t let her show her normal art so she is forced to move in those life-sized posters of herself to fill in the blank space. Anyway, I won’t comment much on the fact that Jax tells Tom1 he is the “number 1 guy in the group” except to say that is a weird comment…but he kinda is, right?
10. Ok, I’ve been delaying talking about this. Jax, in his talking head, says that he’s buying Brittany boobs because she’s been so great in this whole Jax-stealing-shit-and-getting-caught-for-once scandal. However, in real life, Jax demands they be ridiculously large because if he’s paying for them, it’s going to be something he wants. Excuse me while I puke for a second. I also want to punch Brittany in the kneecap for allowing this behavior…but part of me is like, you get yours, girl. Dating Jax = free trip to Hawaii, notoriety on a reality show, and now, free boobs! But at what cost, little girl? It’s so gross. It’s also soon weird that they are modeling them off of Peter’s girlfriend. Right? Like they mention that so casually like I’m not supposed to think that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. Finally, am I allowed to legally ask what substances Jax is on? I mean, I know he was drinking straight liquor…but…
10Thoughts written by Kerry