So the morning starts off with everyone on the bus ready to head off to meet Peter’s family except for Cynthia and Kenya. Cyn eventually arrives with her sister and an attitude, but Kenya and Matt are still at the hotel and decide to skip the group event to partake in the hotel’s spa options. Now that Kenya has been informed that Cyn is publicly denying their bestie status, she doesn’t have any interest in making nice, which I sort of get. She spends her next few scenes in a bubble bath with Matt. I am never comfortable with these bubble bath scenes (TAMRA), but at least Kenya has a bikini top on?
So Cynthia boards the bus with some signature Cynthia Bailey Sunglasses and a world of hurt. She’s pissed because some “super awesome person” spilled the beans about Cyn denying how Bestie her bestie-ness with Kenya is. She by She-told-on-yo-ass Sheree doesn’t have patience for Cynthia’s childish behavior and admits that she had a conversation with Kenya. Cyn is HARD CORE trying to pass the buck here and continues to deny that she and Kenya were ever more than people were maybe in the same room once, maybe. Phaedra and Porsha say that as far as they know, Cyn and Kenya were BFFs. I wonder where they got that from? I’m not saying that Cynthia ever referred to Kenya as her best friend, but Kenya definitely said it and Cyn never corrected her. I think Cynthia likes being Kenya’s bestie when that means she is chartering boats or setting up vacations for her, but when that title seems embarrassing or is called into question by a Queen Bee like Nene, she shies away from it.
For the record, I am no fan of Kenya. I think the way she treated Kim last week was obscene. But Cynthia definitely led her to believe that they were close. So in this particular argument, I am #TeamKenya. Kenya’s feelings are hurt and for good reason. Cyn starts to cry when she explains to the other girls what happened and She by Explain-yourself asks if she said that during her conversation with Kenya (she didn’t).
I think every iteration of this series has a character like Cynthia. The one who pretends to be above it all and says that she doesn’t want drama, but meanwhile is starting little fires all over the place. On RHOBH, it’s Kyle; on the OC version, it’s Tamara, and a more aggressive version is RHONYC’s Ramona.
Kenya is appropriately surprised that Cynthia has so quickly and surely embraced this new (for the 14th time) relationship with Nene. Cynthia says that she just “wants to be good friends with everybody” which is just not how it works on these shows. I think Cynthia is smart and looks to where the tide is turning. Kenya was top bitch for about 5 minutes and Cynthia attached her cart to that. But Kenya is too volatile to stay on top. She’s bound to fall or be overthrown. And Cynthia realized that and is now trying to distance herself while there is safety in numbers. Cynthia can really be a weak ass bitch sometimes.
Nene, oh so benevolently volunteers to knock on Kenya’s door and invite her out to the next group event. Cynthia agrees to this which is garbage. Kenya is not friends with Nene. Kenya was not hurt by Nene. Cynthia needs to handle this with Kenya, you know, like an adult.
The group heads to Peter’s childhood home and meet up with his aunt and uncle who think Cynthia’s sister Mal is Peter’s wife. Mal laughs this off with a face that says “not a chance in hell”. Peter’s wonderful family makes me question where he went so wrong. The group loads their plates with food and Porsha thinks the plantains are fish, which is totally understandable since plantains taste even less like fish than they look. Everyone is thrilled by the food, except for Kim who thinks it all looks lovely but she doesn’t even eat seafood. Turns out, Peter has always been trouble. His aunt says that he was a bad kid and rude. He was apparently called “Elvis” as a kid and was disciplined fairly frequently.
Kim invites Peter’s family to the shoot tomorrow and tells the group that anyone who wants to be in the ‘mercial needs to be there for the 8am call time. Kim asks them to dress fun and summery but to leave their thongs at home which Phaedra shrugs at since her booty is what sells.
Once back at the hotel, the women all go down to the waterfront for drinks and the men stay up at the hotel bar. Since they aren’t on the Bravo payroll, they seem to all get along perfectly. Nene shows up to Kenya’s room to try to make peace. She says she has no problem and wants them all to be friends. Kenya tells Nene that she has caused problems with her and Cyn’s friendship. Nene, to her credit, tells Kenya that Cynthia cares about Kenya deeply and that she had cried on the bus. Kenya is sufficiently placated and joins the other women down at the beach but is still clearly looking for an apology from Cynthia. Cyn says that she cherishes their friendship and if she hadn’t made that clear, her bad. Nene asks if this means that Kenya is coming to the ‘Mercial tomorrow. Kenya says that she will.
The men are getting to know each other and when Matt tells the other men that he is childless, they are shocked because they don’t understand how condoms work. The men haze Matt for his youth and Peter who desperately wants to be the 7th housewife and tries to manufacture some serious drama with Matt and it escalates to the point where he tells Matt to take a walk. Matt tries to go on said walk with Peter, but Peter sits down because walking is hard. And also because Peter is old and his walkin’ days are over. Kim’s husband Chris looks like he wants to get the fuck out of there. I really like Chris and he doesn’t deserve the treatment his is about to get from the women.
The ladies are talking about their day and the commercial and Kenya wants none of it so she redirects the conversation to Chris and the “tootie and the fruity” rumors she has heard. The ladies start starting shit about Chris subtle by speaking in really vague terms like “he has a lot of spirit” and “he’s got that fire” and then finally Kenya says that “in the industry” people call Chris, “Chrissy”. All the women question this, but since Kenya is such a titan in the business we call show, I guess she knows what she’s talking about except oh yeah she is just a real housewife, she hates Kim and she is mostly just a shit-talking garbage person. Not to mention, the person she SHOULD be directing her anger towards is Cynthia.
Cynthia realizes that a line has been crossed, so she decides to do
the right thing and stand up for Kim nothing. Nene says that Chris has been on Broadway and that he knows how to tap dance and she says it in this *wink wink* sort of way that makes me furious. I scream out “GENE KELLY” to the empty abyss of my darkened living room. She by If-he-wants-to-come-home-after-a-weekend-away-with-boys-then-that’s-his-business-Sheree isn’t comfortable with the women talking shit about Kim’s husband but she also isn’t going to stand up to them and say something either which is just as bad as talking shit.
This is really gross behavior of the women and I hope Andy rips them a new one at the reunion show. Kim is a decent women, a good friend, and a god damn professional. Kenya is a garbage person who has to spread rumors to keep acquaintances as friends. Kim clearly knows exactly what she is doing and it makes Kenya jealous. To clarify, Kim knows what she is doing with commercials, just not with life. If she knew what she was doing with life, she wouldn’t be on this show.
The next morning, Kim and her crew are already at the beach setting up. The rest of the group boards the bus to head down there and both Matt and I are uncomfortable when Phaedra tries to talk about his “eggplant and plums”. The call sheet is passed out to the group but it doesn’t have Kenya’s name on it or the information for the local hospital or a craft services schedule so Kenya decides that this is clearly a very unprofessional set up.
The rain is coming in and when everyone else shows up, Kim tries desperately to crack the whip and get everyone into their place for the shoot. Cynthia calls Kenya out for ditching the set and going paddle-boating with Matt instead. I think Kenya probably shouldn’t have gone to the shoot if she didn’t plan to be supportive, but I also feel like their friendship is probably pretty much over at this point, so whatever. The other women call Kenya out for not acting like a BFF, but Cyn already dissed Kenya, so why would Kenya be beholden to Cynthia at this point? And no, Cynthia, at this point, Kenya’s behavior isn’t about being salty that Kim is directing the commercial…It’s about you not stepping up and handling your friendship issues with her.
Kenya asks Matt how it’s been with the men, and he asks “what men”, you know, like an adult. He admits to having started shit with the older guys the day before. I guess it’s just these two against the world, right kids? Speaking of kids, I hope Kenya is on the pill because these two would make beautiful, horrible children
After the shoot, Peter thanks Kim and says that they need to have a wrap party. For a 3 hour commercial. Because we live in a world that celebrates literally everything.
Oliver from Miami has flown to Jamaica to see Porsha. He’s a delightful flavor of the week. Porsha tells Oliver that he will be sleeping in a guest bed. No, he won’t.
At the wrap party, everyone is super supportive of Kim. Oliver is also welcomed with open arms. Matt brings Peter a red stripe and all is solved between the men because men know how to be friends (Family Guy ™)
The women applaud Kim’s hard work and Cynthia thanks everyone. Nene asks Kim about Chris (you remember, the one they were all calling gay last night), and the other women are quick with the compliments. She by-that’s-not-how-I-remember-it says that the women are being phony and she decides to tell Kim that the other women were talking shit about her husband being gay. And she says this to Kim in front of the other women. Which, on the one hand, is awesome. And on the other hand, is also awesome. Can’t wait for next week! If Kim is smart, she will immediately get up from the table, grab Chris and get the fuck out of there. Tootie is too damn good for this shit.
Recap written by Liz