First thing’s first, my apologies on the delay in getting this out. I had a baby who refused to nap yesterday so that made things much harder. AC sent me her 10Thoughts last night, but I like these things to go out together so it’s totally my fault that they are late. Now that that’s out of the way-
So the Fat Lady who Yells at Children ™ is back and the moms bring their girls to the ALDC LA studio, not because Abby called and asked her junior elite team to return, but because the moms saw on social media that Abby has been teaching classes. Huh? I don’t like LA Abby. Pittsburgh Abby is a bitch, most definitely, but LA Abby is a frazzled nightmare who is even more unpleasant to watch than ever before. The moms ask Abby if she is back for good and if she wants to keep doing the elite team. Abby says that she does not want to do it but her lawyers need the money. I 100% believe her. Her heart is just not in this anymore, if it ever was. Some people just aren’t built for fame. Jess brings the girls in to rehearse and Holly says that the moms are loyal and committed to being on tv the team, even if Abby is not.
Abby starts ripping on the girls performances from last week which is a giant pile of bull since most of the dances took first, and the one that took third, Kendall and Brynn’s dance, got the highest score of any of the duets. Jill and Ashlee start in on their petty middle school bullshit and at this point it’s just old news.
Abby starts the pyramid which includes the minis this week. Peyton is at the bottom which makes sense since she struggled the most last week. But Abby says it’s due to her mother’s dirty mouth. The other minis- Areana, Alexus, and Alysa round out the rest of the bottom of the pyramid. Jojo is the lowest junior elite girl on the next level but Abby only compliments her so I’m not sure what that’s about other than Jojo didn’t have a solo or a duet last week. Brynn and Kendall finish out that pyramid level for finishing 3rd in their duet. Nia and Kalani are basically tied for 2nd place with Kalani getting a slight edge on Nia for “being more African” in their dance. Holly, quite appropriately, flips the fuck out. Holly says that Nia is not African, she is American and that Nia has had exactly as much training in the style of African dance as Kalani. It’s a pretty nonsense thing to say. Abby tries to backpedal a tiny bit and says that all she was trying to say was that she wants Nia to be her best. She just said it in the most racist way possible. Mackenzie is at the top of the pyramid for being Maddie’s sister embracing the theme of the Bollywood dance.
Abby tells the mini’s that she is bringing in a 5th member who is late, and then tells the girls that they will be performing a lyrical routine which is the bread and butter of the ALDC. The girls question doing a lyrical routine without Maddie and Abby says that Brynn will be taking the lead. Jill gives a look that could burn a city to the ground. Mini Alysa is given the only solo for the week.
Abby runs through the junior elite team’s lyrical piece and I think the stress of the impending court hearing is working wonders for her because she looks the thinnest she has in years. Back in the viewing room, Jill and Ashlee go at it again. Ashlee starts in about how Kendall doesn’t care anymore and she pulls up the comments section of a bootleg video from the duet to prove her point. Because I know whenever I’m trying to win an argument, my first move is to pull in the idiots from the internet to help build my case. Jill accuses Ashlee of having her friends at her old studio write the comments. Jesus Christ, you guys, I just don’t care. Why is it that grown women squabbling on a real housewives show is entertaining, but this is just gross? Oh yeah, it’s because there are children involved. It’sso petty. Jill tells Ashlee to fuck off and to not insult children (because she’s completely forgotten about her “if Brynn had a brain in her head” comment from a few weeks ago). Jill calls Ashlee fat and Ashlee calls Jill old. These are Grown Ass Women. Nonsense.
The 5th mini strolls in super late but even worse, her name is Kendyl which makes Jill very uncomfortable (although she fakes nice about it). NewKendall and her mom Lynn interrupt rehearsal and Abby is having none of it. This whole scene feels really fake, like Lynn and NewKendall are straight from central casting. I’m just not buying it. Abby says there are 12,000 kids in this country who want to be in this group which means that there are 12,000 horrible stage moms in this country who are fine with a fat lady screaming at their child just for a bit of fame. Lynn and NewKendall are asked to leave for the day.
The next morning, Ashlee cries to Holly and Jess and asks for the same respect that the other women give each other. Which amounts to roughly 2% respect. Holly and Jess tell her to just be quiet and stop coming in like a tornado. I think Ashlee can be a little petty and snobby about Brynn, but she’s right that by Abby telling the moms that Brynn is Maddie’s replacement, they were set up to fail.
Lynn and NewKendall are back and I guess their alarm clock worked this time. The other mini moms actually want a 5th dancer because apparently, with a 5th, all of the mistakes that are being made will be more easily hidden? To me, it seems like a 5th would just be one more girl who could potentially be out of sync with the group (spoiler alert- I am right about this).
Alysa’s performing a jazz routine and NewKendall’s mom Lynn decides to interrupt the rehearsal she is having with Abby to “ask again” if they should stay. Lynn’s roots say she is not a natural blond, but her behavior would lead me to believe otherwise. Abby kicks her out of the room. Areana’s mom Sari (who clearly picked up some makeup tips from famed drag performer, Divine) goes to comfort Lynn and tells her to stick it through so that they can have their magical 5th dancer. Lynn is all whiny and crying and Melissa tells her to suck it up. I agree. There is no way Lynn hasn’t seen this show. She should know better. For once, I would love to see a new mom come in and be super smart about it. Be uber nice to the other moms, know where you and your daughter stand on the pecking order, not talk shit to Abby, basically I want a new mom who is like the smart person in a horror movie who has watched horror movies before and knows not to go into the basement, and to wear sensible shoes.
Commercial Break Side Note- The Mother Daughter Experiment (which sounds like a fetish movie) Celebrity Edition is something I am very, very excited about. A- Heidi! And B- Krazy Kim! I don’t really care about the others but I’m all for any excuse to extend Heidi Montag’s 15 minutes of fame. Plus, it’s always fun to see what new work has been done to her face. Anyone remember Heidi 1.0? She was super cute. I think we are on version 7 or 8 by now and I can’t wait. PLUS- Kim Richards is Reality TV gold. I feel horrible for her daughter (also named Kimberly), but hey, she signed up for it so she’s partly to blame. I’m guessing that Kimberly figured the only way she could get her mother to agree to therapy would be if it were on TV.
The next morning, Lynn bizarrely takes offense to the other mini moms saying that they are fighting for her and NewKendall to stay. Then, Lynn says that she just wants NewKendall to be safe and Melissa tells her to rid that word from her vocabulary because you’re never safe at the ALDC. Lynn then has the nerve to tell Melissa (MADDIE’S MOTHER) that they can just do things different ways and see which one works. I will give you three guesses as to which way is going to work. Because I’ve read the names of the 5 girls on the mini team and NewKendall isn’t one of them. Melissa, for her many faults, has played the dance moms game flawlessly. She almost never argues with Abby, her oldest daughter is a beloved super star, and her youngest routinely gets solos and is, for the most part, spared from Abby’s rage. I’d mimic everything that Melissa does if it were me. Side note- sometimes I think Melissa looks like a cocker spaniel. I mean that in the nicest way possible. She looks like a lovely animated cocker spaniel. Think Lady from Lady and the Tramp.
So mere hours after Jess told Ashlee to cool it with the other moms, she tries to stir shit up and asks if Ashlee thinks Brynn will still be a part of the group when Maddie comes back next week. Ashlee, who seems to have tried to learn her lesson at least for the moment, says that it all depends on if the group wins since Brynn is the lead dancer. Melissa, who is still spitting mad about Lynn and needs to direct her anger somewhere, says that a group win is a group win, not a “Brynn win”. Ashlee agrees with her, but she says that if it’s a group loss, it will definitely be a “Brynn loss”. Jill says that they won’t look at it like that (bullshit).
The following day at the competition, the moms arrive to a seemingly empty auditorium. They say that Abby’s negative press has affected their fan base so much that no one wants to be a part of this. Again, I call bullshit. This is LA. People will show up for any excuse to be on television even if it’s in the background of a lifetime show about horrible people and their children.
Jill throws Lynn under the bus by saying that she is too relaxed and doesn’t care, just like Abby. Lynn says that she decided that aggressively advocating for her daughter was a mistake and to be more respectful. Abby agrees that this was the right move to make and that that’s why she and NewKendall is still there. Melissa doesn’t like Lynn, but for all this talk about “your way and my way”, what Lynn is doing right now is exactly what Melissa does. And it’s the right move to make. This is some Manufactured Nonsense Drama. Melissa also says “I’ve been here for 6 years” which doesn’t make sense….The show has been on for 6 years, but I thought Maddie and Mackenzie had been with Abby for much longer than that?
Alysa’s gets some good advice from OGKendall before going on stage, namely – “Don’t look at Abby, she does crazy stuff with her hands. Whatever you do- DON’T LOOK AT HER”. What stuff?! Alysa’s dance seems a bit mature for a 7 or 8 year old, but she totally sells it. Her facial expressions remind me of Asia. The other moms are supportive of Mary and Alysa. Jess comments that the dance seemed a little immature (wha?), and Lynn for no discernible reason other than to start shit, asks Melissa how often Abby puts Mackenzie in dances that are too immature for her age (true, but not the time to say it). Melissa shuts that shit down and says that she isn’t going to get into it with Lynn. Peyton’s mom Kerri scolds Lynn for attacking Mackenzie, which isn’t really what she did, but it was a stupid comment regardless.
The fight continues and Holly is still salty that Lynn tried to accuse the OG moms of having lost their identity (again, I think this is sort of true in Holly’s case, but damn Lynn. Slow your roll). Lynn and Melissa continue to bicker and it’s just pretty tedious. Kerri, very wisely I might add, rushes to take Melissa (The Godfather of the ALDC)’s side and berates and belittles Lynn while complimenting Melissa and Maddie.
The mini dance is cutesy but wildly out of sync. Peyton messes up repeatedly and NewKendall make an obvious mistake with a dropped prop which prompts Abby to say “good bye!” from the audience. Maybe I’m just used to the Junior Elite team knocking it out of the park, but this felt very sloppy. Even for girls so young. Seems like having a 5th member didn’t hide their mistakes after all.
Look, it’s basically impossible to replace Maddie. But I think Brynn does a nice job in this dance. Her lines are clean, her transitions are smooth, and she blends nicely with the group. The rest of the girls also look lovely. Lyrical dances are what the ALDC is known for and I think they did a really nice job, even without Maddie.
Alysa’s solo gets 2nd place and Abby is not happy. Mary looks terrified. The mini group gets 1st place, so I can only assume that there were no other groups competing. The Junior Elite team also takes first place and Abby is thrilled by that win.
Outside, the OG moms ask the mini moms how they think it went. Alexus’s mom Tiffanie says that she thinks it was good and Jess laughs at her and tells her to cut the shit because that dance was not good. I agree with Jess, but that’s bitchy as hell. Jess says the dance was a wreck. And it was. Abby joins the other women and says that the dance was fun, entertaining, age-appropriate, and the audience laughed. In a talking head she admits it was sloppy. The OG moms want to know if the minis and Brynn are coming back. Abby, snorts that they should be more worried if she herself is coming back. When they ask if she is, she shrugs. In a talking head, she says that Brynn did great and will be sticking around.
Holly, who is just itching to work with Debbie Allen more (and she should because Debbie Allen is the shit), says that this Junior Elite team is what made Abby famous and what is she without them?
Eh…I sort of agree. I think they all made each other famous, but there are 7 girls and only 1 Abby, so if they left it could hurt Abby. Abby leaving the girls will do less damage. And I second fellow 10Thoughts writer AC when I say that I miss Chloe. Sweet Chloe-bird, where are you and your crazy mother?
Until next time!
Recap written by Liz