We start off with Sophia starting her first day of school, not with her mother who is off “working” in London, but with BOTH of her grandparents Michael and Debra because that nonsense from last week got resolved.    Farrah calls and they all talk and its completely normal and if I were watching this for the first time, I would think ‘man, this family really has it together.  They talk in baby talk like it’s the local dialect, but still.  Nice job everyone’.  Sadly, this is not my first time at the Farr-bear rodeo, but I’m glad they could not shout at each other in front of Sophia for once.  Sophia is wearing her best clubbing outfit for her first day of school, just in case anyone doesn’t know who her mother is.

Catelynn  and Tyler are preparing to leave for a week for their honeymoon.  Butch jokes about his time alone in the house as being “party time” and while Catelynn giggles nervously, Tyler spits out a “go ahead, I know you’ll be sober”.  Aw, poor Tyler.  He’s had to be the adult in his relationship with his dad for so long.  I hope for everyone’s sake that Butch keeps his shit together.  Cate says that she needs to see her doctor to get more anti-depressants so that she has enough for the entirety of their trip.  She worries that she will need to be on them for the rest of their life, and Tyler says she won’t.  I’m hesitant to make a judgment call on this one.  On the one hand, hormones are a bitch and for months after a pregnancy, you can still feel the effects of your whole system getting whacked out.  On the other hand, true depression is not a circumstantial thing, it’s a chemical imbalance issue that I would hope MTV could work at to destigmatize.  Some people need to be on anti-depressants their whole lives.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Nova is cute as a button and looks so much like Carly.  Tyler worries about Cate having an anxiety attack during their honeymoon and she warns him that worrying about one is a great way to make on occur.  Man, do I relate.  Not postpartum like Catelynn, but during the first 6 months of my pregnancy, I had extreme social anxiety and could hardly leave my house.  Hormones are a bitch, for real.

Maci is excited that since everything has gone so well with Ryan and Bentley, they are all going trick-or-treating together for Halloween.  Taylor jokes that he is going as an MTV reality TV star, while admitting that he is more of a sideshow bob than an actual star.  I like Taylor.

Over at Ryan’s parent’s house (where does Ryan live?) they are carving pumpkins and Ryan throws pumpkin guts at Bentley.  Bentley plots to get ryan back by dumping the whole bowl of pumpkin guts on his dad, with help from the producers and his grandparents.  I LOVE Ryan’s parents.  I actually love this whole family, Maci’s side included.  I worry a lot about how most of these Teen Mom kids are going to turn out, but I think Bentley is going to be just fine.  Everyone loves him and always seem to put his needs and wants above their own.  10 points for everyone involved and an extra 5 for Ryan’s dad who is my fav.

Over at Amber’s house, everyone is concerned about the accusations of Matt having more children.  Amber, admirably frankly, still has Matt’s back on this whole thing.  She says that maybe some of the kids aren’t his, but there is a chance some of them are since Matt has a real past, but she says that she has to deal with her past every day in the public eye and that’s her choice.  Amber says that Matt doesn’t deserve to have his past put out there in the open.  I don’t agree.  Only because Matt kinda clearly targeted Amber and I don’t think he shies away from the fame aspect of this relationship at all.  Unlike, for example, Cole from Teen Mom 2, who I think is pretty genuine in his wish to stay out of the spotlight.

Matt says that everything shitty that happened in his life happened 25 years ago and was drug induced but that Gary is a bad person, currently.  Okay, I get that he is mad.  I really do.  And Gary could have handled that waaaaaaay better.  But Gary is not a bad person.  If the father of my child was hanging out with some new woman, you can guarangodamntee that I would run a background check on her.  Gary was a little malicious about it, but he has every right to look into who his daughter is spending time with.  Amber is probably right that by Gary confronting Amber with this info on camera helps him with the custody battle but Matt is right by saying that this news only really hurts Amber and potentially Leah, who from what I can tell has a lovely relationship with Matt which is all you could ever ask for from a potential step father.  Amber says that she doesn’t want to give this any more attention than she already has and she’s already bummed out because she doesn’t get to spend the day with Leah tomorrow when it’s her birthday, because it’s not Amber’s day to have her.

Back to everyone’s favorite personification of the term Hot Mess, Farrah sends her DAUGHTER some pics from her low rent photo shoot where she is dress appropriately slutty for a 7 year old.  Sophia correctly identifies Farrah’s boobs as “really big” and Debra just ignores this and baby talks about getting ready for school.  Later, she facetime’s Farrah and after some pleasantries, Farrah calls her mom out for a massive increase in her water bill which Debra shrugs off as a “broken hose” and “too bad”.  Dammit Debra.  I try to defend you and then you act like a huge spike in a water bill is no biggie.

Catelynn is in bed and so stressed about having an anxiety attack during the honeymoon, that she has given herself an anxiety attack.  Girl, I know that feel.  I refused for months to have a baby shower because the thought of being around anyone other than my boyfriend made me want to hurl.  Until finally, the only wealthy family member I have reminded me that I am no wealthy and that I HAVE to have baby shower and to refuse one would be insane.  #ThanksAuntRobin

Cate decides to see a counselor to help prevent an attack on her trip.  She says that Tyler has been stepping up and helping out more which makes me happy.  Cate talks about how much she hates the anxiety and how she’s scared to have it forever because it’s miserable.  I don’t think I’ve ever related to Catelynn more than I do right now.  I had never had anxiety until my pregnancy.  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It’s terrifying.  And no amount of people telling you that it will get better makes you believe that it will get better.  The therapist suggests that it’s something deep inside her that’s causing the anxiety and Cate will have to work hard to move forward.  I just hope it’s hormonal, but there’s a good chance this has something to do with Carly.

It’s Halloween and Maci is stoked that Ryan will be joining them for a family when they go trick-or-treating.  It kicks off with a lack of Ryan, but his parents are there (BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE, thank god).  Bentley is dressed as the killer from Scream (huh?  Wha?  Bentley is 7…) and Maci asks where Ryan is.  Ryan’s sweet mother says he will be there, defending him like she always does.  Ryan does not deserve the type of mother that he has.  Finally, she asks if she can admit on TV to wanting to beat his ass.  She loves her son, but she also loves her grandson and it clearly hurts her heart when Ryan disappoints Bentley.

So Ryan never shows up.  And Maci wonders where the hell he is.  He has no job and no other kids.  Taylor suggests that maybe he does and has a whole other life and family.  Maci, with the good humor of a saint, hopes that he treating that family better than he is treating this one. My dearly departed father had a million faults.  That whole thing is a long shitty story that I will get into a different day, but at the very least, I can say that my dad always showed up.  That was his great strength as a father.  He was there for anything that was asked of him and I will always respect him for it.

Over at Ambers, it’s Leah’s birthday and Gary is being a horrible person.  I rarely say that but he Is having a party for Leah and only allowing Amber to drop by and give Leah a present.  Bullshit.  That is horrible parenting.  Amber should 100% be invited to this party.  Matt is right that they should be able to do this stuff together.  His Day, Her Day, it shouldn’t matter with major holidays.  Gary has all the power now, but what if later on, Father’s Day happens on an Amber weekend?  Would Gary be okay with only seeing his daughter for an hour?  Of course not.

Catelynn and Tyler take Nova trick-or-treating before they leave on their honeymoon.  They say goodbye to Nova and both cry.  I totally get it.  Haven’t had to leave my kid yet, but damn.  I am not looking forward to it.

Farrah has been in the UK for 4 weeks now and everyone seems to be handling it fine because why would you ever miss Farrah.  Unfortunately Farrah misses Farrah so she is coming home and thinking about moving to LA so that she has more porn job opportunities.  This decision hinges on Sophia, the seven year old, being comfortable with the idea and since Soph likes the beach, we are a go.  Farrah’s parents put up decorations to welcome her home.  Debra is wearing what I would have later regret having worn to a club in 2005.  I really feel for Michael.  He strikes me as the only slightly normal person in this group.

Ryan finally shows up to his parent’s house in full Halloween garb and I’m desperately trying to see a clock in the background to figure out exactly how horrible he is.  Just how late is he?  Ryan asks Bentley if he wants to go back out or if he is done.  Bentley is done.  Ryan tries to put this on Maci and Taylor, but to his parent’s credit, they don’t let him.  This is Ryan’s mistake.  And then Ryan decides to ask his SEVEN YEAR OLD SON why they didn’t wait for him.

Catelynn and Tyler head off to Hawaii.  They immediately facetime Nova when they get to their hotel which has a dolphin pool right outside their window.  I make a mental note to look up this hotel and book a reservation because dolphins are the humans of the sea (seriously, they have social politics and are shitty and actually commit rape).

Amber and Matt head to Gary’s for Amber’s birthday even though Matt doesn’t want to be there.  After they get there, Leah opens her gift and Matt generously tells Gary that the work they’ve done on the house looks really good.  10 points to Matt for trying to #MakeItWork.  Later in the car, Kristina texts Amber to thank her for coming and tells her that being there made Leah’s night.  Three cheers for step parents!  Way to be the adults in this situation.

Now that I’m a mother, I get the importance of being with your kid on their birthday way more than I did as a child of divorce.  My son’s father was there, absolutely.  And thank God that he was.  But he wasn’t there getting his stomach ripped open (it was a c-section for me) or like other moms, pushing a watermelon out of a pinhole.  It was your kid’s day of birth, but you the mother went through some serious trauma either way.  You deserve to be with the fruit of your labor on that day.

In Hawaii, Catelynn hasn’t had any anxiety, which is how anxiety works.  The buildup is always much worse than the actual experience.  Tyler asks if she is okay and adorably admits that he is going to step up more and that Cate should never have to wonder if he is going to handle things at home.  According to him, Catelynn always wins the race on “who’s going to take care of Nova when she cries”.  Catelynn correctly asks him to say “I got it” and go take care of it so that she’s not the only one handling things.  Tyler tries to say that he lets Cate have these moments with Nova because she missed out with Carly and Catelynn reminds him that he missed out too.  They both credit the experience they had with Carly as why they are so bonded and now married.  I love these two.  I don’t know that they will once the cameras disappear, but I hope that they do.

Farrah is home and has to tell her parents that she is moving to LA.  She’s worried about how that will go down, but haven’t her parents dropped everything and moved for Farrah already?  They are pay-roll parents.  Why would they care where the money train moves?  At dinner with Debra, Michael, Sophia, Farrah approves of how Deb handled a school situation regarding Sophia wearing makeup (obviously Deb told the principal that makeup was just how they do in their family and the school could fuck off with their discouragements).  Farrah then tells everyone that she has decided to move to California.  Debra is stoked because she can finally live out her LA dream that means Farrah and Sophia are only a 2 hour plane flight from Seattle.  Michael is sad she is leaving Texas.  Why?  Obvi Michael is moving too.

For the record, I strongly believe the 90% of what’s wrong with Farrah and her family has to do with their insistence on speaking in baby-talk.

At Maci’s, they are making Mimosa’s and talking shit about Ryan.  The true breakfast of all Knoxvillians.  Maci wonders if Ryan’s absence is even something that Bentley misses.  Ryan has so consistently been inconsistent. But she worries that at some point he will look back and see how much his father hasn’t been there.  Tayler expresses that Bentley still had fun without his dad being there, which only gives weight to Maci’s argument.  Bentley doesn’t expect his dad to show up for things, so he has a good time without him.  Ultimately, Bentley seems really well put together.  He will be fine.  All of this is Ryan’s loss.

Amber is still bummed about missing Leah’s birthday so she plans a big to-do with a limo.  Leah pisses Gary off by bringing the magic kit onto the limo.  Amber follow up on the magic theme by bringing Leah to a magic show.   It’s perfect for a kid.

Aaaand we are into the final credits.  So ultimately, I think Farrah is, as always, a disaster- although less of a disaster this week than normally.  I still like Matt and am waiting for the big betrayal when I start to hate him.  Catelynn and Tyler at their honeymoon is very cute.  I couldn’t be happier for them.  And as always, I think that Maci and all those involved with Bentley are doing the best they can with the usual caveat of “ryan needs to step it up”

Until next week!

Recap written by Liz