The title of today’s recap is what my boyfriend calls this show. Unfortunately, it looks like the fat lady has “resigned” and won’t be coaching the girls this week.  This is no big surprise since every time Abby goes to LA, she freaks the fuck out.  Jill is pissed off that she isn’t there for the girls, and also that she apparently kept eating their snacks.  #HandsoffJillsFritos

Right off the bat, the women gather outside the 3rd street studio to talk about whether Abby will return (yes, duh, obviously) and if they will be competing under the ALDC name (verdict=yes). Holly, who used to be the reasonable one, doesn’t even notice that her daughter isn’t standing with the group.  Nia is around the corner crying because she posted a video showing how to do turns, and the assholes in the comments section did what comment section people do and talked shit.  Holly says that the stress of Abby being gone is clearly bothering Nia.  Um, no.  Nia is bothered because people on the internet were mean to her.  She is probably relieved that Abby isn’t there because Abby is the Queen of Mean-to-Nia Land.

Gia is there to start the rehearsal with the girls. She doesn’t do a pyramid because that ain’t her thang.  There will be no solos this week but three duets.  The first of which is for Kalani and Nia who are thrilled.  The only truly redeeming thing about this show is the real love that those girls have for each other.  The next duet (a repeat of the “don’t be afraid of the dark” dance where a little girl’s creepy doll comes to life) goes to Peyton and Alexus, two of the new minis who I couldn’t pick out of a lineup if you held a gun to my head.  Peyton I only sort of know because she was the one who had a crying fit an episode or two ago.  Brynn and Kendall get the final duet and Brynn’s mom Ashlee is working extra hard to make me hate her because she asks, in front of the children, which part of the duet is the harder part.  Gia doesn’t fall for that shit because Gia is the true MVP of the ALDC.

The group number is being choreographed by Nakul Dev Mahajan who is the Bollywood choreographer from my personal all-time favorite competition show, So You Think You Can Dance. I’ve never been a huge fan of the Bollywood numbers though, so I’m not as excited as I would be if say, Travis Wall was the guest choreographer.  Regardless, the dance is complicated and Nakul explains that the hand motions they are performing are ancient and it’s very important that they do them correctly or someone familiar with the style could be offended.  The moms are nervous about the minis picking up this complicated choreo on top of remembering the hand gestures. This proves to be a warranted concern because some of the minis can’t quite seem to keep the routine memorized, specifically crybaby Peyton.

The moms split off into their viewing room and immediately the OG moms start questioning why the mini team moms even bothered to show up since Abby has resigned. Um, the same reason that you bitches showed up.

Nia and Kalani have been invited to take an African dance class with Debbie Allen which is fucking awesome. I loooooove Debbie Allen.  Debbie offers up her studio for the girls to train at while Abby is MIA.  And that, my friends, is what we call an “upgrade”.  Debbie is awesome.  She’s warm, and inspirational, and Holly notes that everyone is replaceable- including Abby.  Holly gives the good news to the other moms and all of them are thrilled, except Melissa who has a different “opinion in her brain”.  Melissa is loyal to Abby to a fault.  But considering Maddie’s incredibly success, I can kind of see where she’s coming from.

Kendall has been asked to be the spunky punk rock girl in her duet and since that would require her to do something other than be pretty and smile, she is failing with this character. Full disclosure- I strongly dislike Kendall.  A lot of that stems from her mother’s horrible behavior, but Kendall strikes me as pretty catty and not as open and welcoming as the other girls on the team.  Plus she cries a lot when she really has no reason to cry.

At the competition, Holly and the OG moms check in with the mini moms and ask how their rehearsal went last night. Everyone is clearly very tense and Tiffanie (Alexus’s mom) mutters that it didn’t go very well.  Which is an understatement since apparently Kerri (Peyton’s mom) threatened to call the cops on Tiffanie.  I don’t really get exactly what happened but I guess Peyton struggled again and…and…and yeah I still don’t really get it.   Gia has Peyton and Alexus run their duet one more time and when Peyton still has issues, Kerri grabs her daughter and leaves the room because she refuses to let her daughter be taught get bullied. The producers try to get Kerri and Peyton to stay and the girls try to comfort Peyton who clearly is in over her head.  Mackenzie sees a lot of herself in Peyton so she takes her under her wing and it’s pretty cute.  It’s nice to see Mackenzie in more of a mentor role rather than always being Maddie’s Little Sister.

Peyton and Alexus perform their dance and it’s creepy as hell. The music has little kids giggling in the background and there is nothing I find scarier than creepy little kids. From my novice eye, it looks like they nailed it.  Kalani and Nia adorably pep talk themselves before their duet saying that they are smart dancers and they’ve learned dances in a day before.  They totally KILL it.  It’s nice to see the two more mature girls dancing together.  Kendall and Brynn’s dance is….not good. Their turns are out of sync and Kendall has no idea what to do with her face if she is supposed to be anything other than sweet and pretty.  When the moms meet outside, Ashlee tells the group that she thinks Kendall could have “played it up more” which goes over exactly how you think it would.  Jill retaliates that Brynn looked boring.  They both, super hypocritically by the way, yell at each other to not talk shit about the kids.  And they should really take their own advice because there is nothing as gross as grown women insulting children.

On the group dance, the minis definitely are not as polished as the OG girls. Especially Peyton who is about a beat behind the other girls for much of the performance.  Bollywood is hard though so for the most part, and considering the pressure they were under, I think they did great.  Peyton and Alexus take first for their duet.  Kendall and Brynn’s dance takes third which is way better than I would have expected.  Kalani and Nia get first place in their division and I’m not surprised because they were awesome.  The group dance places 1st!  Later outside, Kerri admits that she made an ass of herself and seems unsure about staying.  Oh, and in the next week previews, Abby is back.  Because of course she is.  How else would she be able to pay her lawyer fees?

Recap written by Liz