1. I’m surprised that Jax is so worked up about seeing a disappointed look on his girlfriend’s face. Surely this is old hat by now?  And am I alone in feeling like on the scale of Terrible Things that Jax Has Done, this really hardly registers…?  Yes, shoplifting = bad, but let’s not blow this out of proportion.  As always, I agree with Lala’s sentiment which is that it’s mostly just lame as fuck.  I also agree with Kristen that this whole thing is a result of Jax’s complete and utter lack of impulse control.

 

  1. Scheana says that she feels weird talking about Tom and Ariana with Kristen. That makes sense because it IS weird.  And out of respect to her friendships with T&A (um, I just came up with that and I love it), she should definitely not talk about them to Kristen.  Good job Scheana!  Oh, wait…whoops.  There you go talking about it.  Scheana calls Ariana “spiteful and angry” which is complete and utter bullshit, to be expected because- what’s that kids?  Say it with me now!  SCHEANA IS THE WORST!  I know that fellow #10thoughts recapper Ashley Clark hates Ariana, but I have to say that I think Ariana is right that Scheana is probably a little resentful of the T&A relationship and that that is playing into her issues with Ariana.  T&A are a team while Scheana and Shay have a real “hero-sidekick” dynamic to their relationship which is incredibly unhealthy.  Not to mention, Shay’s supposed addiction and Scheana’s abysmal handling of it.

 

  1. I love that creepy gap-toothed Kevin is squatting in Kristen’s apartment. I also, for the record, really like Kristen’s apartment.  It’s much, much nicer than that shithole that Tom and Ariana live in.  And I don’t see any words hung up on the walls which is a decorating pet-peeve of mine.  You know what I’m talking about- that “love, laugh, live” in script garbage.  Katie and Scheana come over to said apartment and Kristen passes along the message to Katie that Stassi misses her and wants to talk.  Katie shuts that shit down with a quick “no” and Scheana, in what I can only describe as the epitome of hypocrisy, tells Kristen that she and Jax “and others” don’t want Stassi around, so that’s that.  Hmmm…I thought we were all about being the bigger person and letting shit go?  Oh wait, does that only apply to people Scheana has forgiven and moved on with?  Of course it does.  Because Tom and Ariana not wanting to hang out with Kristen is crazy, but Stassi is blacklisted because Scheana says so.  You guys, I hate Scheana so much.  So, so much.

 

  1. I’m proud of Stassi for realizing that maybe she might be the asshole in her relationships. I also love that she broke the news that Jax has been a legit thief forever.  I love even more that she has been using a wallet that Jax stole for her for all this time.  I do not love that apparently Jax stole her dad’s girlfriend’s stockings because what the fuck is that about.  Confession?  I want Jax and Stassi back together.  They are a train wreck, but they are MY train wreck.  That said, I sort of agree with Tom2 that Jax and Kristen are probably soulmates.

 

  1. Stassi is wearing WAY too much makeup in this scene at Kristen’s house. OMG I WANT A SHOW OF JUST STASSI AND KRISTEN AS ROOMMATES!  It would be like a bitchy estrogen-fueled revamp of Perfect Strangers.  Stassi later tells us that her credit was wrecked by the damage that Jax did in her previous apartment, which, um, I am calling bullshit on.  Because you know her parents would have paid for whatever damages there were.  Stassi also keeps reminding us that her life must be in a fucked up place if she is cohabitating with Kristen, the girl who fucked her ex.    But I think Kristen is so desperate to have a friend that she doesn’t see that Stassi is only her friend because she is desperate herself- desperate to be back on this show and Kristen is the easiest route for her to take.

 

 

  1. “You’re either a liar, you’re a drunk, or you’re a thief, which is it Jax?” –LVP. Oh Lisa, the answer is (d) all of the above.  Lisa is dead-on though about Jax feeling like he can take things that aren’t his without repercussions.  Okay, fine.  I’m getting why this sunglasses thing is a big deal now.  It speaks to a greater problem.  Damn you Lisa Vanderpump!  You always cut to the core of the issue at hand.  You brilliant, saucy pink minx.  That said, I would steal a million pairs of sunglasses if it meant that I could go to Villa Rosa for even 30 minutes while LVP yelled at and shamed me the whole time.

 

  1. 20 points to Brittany for her face during Kristen’s denial of knowing that Kevin has a girlfriend. An extra 4 points for her “dun dun duh” sound effect when he walked up.  50 points to Kristen for using this “revelation” as an excuse to kick Kevin out of her apartment.  If this was the “are you a good human game”, I would dock her points, but this is not that game.  10 points to Jax for the assist because this was clearly a set up.  (Side note: Brittany at Hooters is a perfect example of what a good bra can do for a girl.)

 

 

  1. oooOOOOooo! So we finally get the backstory on the StaXXXi ™ tape which is this:  Stassi M-worded herself via a facetime conversation with her ex-boyfriend who then demanded $900 (randomest blackmail price ever) to not show the tape which LVP later paid- in cash, without making the ex-BF sign anything, much to Stassi’s chagrin.  However, Stassi is no fool and realizes that on the Great Apology Tour 2015, she has to start at the top which means kissing the pretty pink ring of LVP.

 

  1. HAHAHAHA! Apparently Scheana (aka THE WORST) thought that she and Shay had the strongest marriage ever until Shay’s addiction problems reared their ugly head.  We are hearing about this on their one year anniversary, which is July 27th.  But the addiction issue hit its peak in December.  Which means that Scheana at most thought that she and Shay had the strongest 4 month marriage ever.  So that’s fun.  And thank you Scheana for admitting that you feel “contradicting” for telling Shay not to drink so much and then telling him to drink more.  I mean, admitting it is the first step, right?  And then after that maybe you can, I dunno, stop this garbage person behavior?  I’ve said it before, and I am now going to say it again for what is probably the 30th time:  Either your husband has a serious addiction problem or he does not.  And if he does, I do not care if it is your anniversary, or the day he discovered the cure for cancer, it is never acceptable to encourage him to drink.  But if he isn’t actually as bad of an addict as you insisted on having a plot line about, then let it the fuck go.  Also- I’m confused that Scheana didn’t insist on a huge party to celebrate her sham of marriage.

 

  1. Thank you Stassi for teaching me that green is an apologetic color. I used to associate the color green with envy, or getting shit-faced on March 17th, but from now on, it’s my apology color.  And because my eyes are green (okay, technically they are hazel), I will tell people to stare deeply into them instead of actually saying “I’m sorry”.  All that said, usually my watch-and-recap style is to write as I am watching the first time.  I can’t rewatch reality tv without getting super bored and giving up so it’s a lot of pause-play action on my remote.  But I watched the whole first part of the Stassi LVP conversation without pausing because I was just so into it.  Stassi trying to say she is sorry and trying to pay the StaXXXi ™ tape money back, and Lisa having none of it and then Stassi trying to leave and Lisa ordering her to sit back down- this is the reality tv gold shit that I live for.  You DO NOT walk into a sit-down with mother-effing Lisa Jane Vanderpump thinking that you have the upper hand or that you are going to control the conversation.  No ma’am.  Finally, Lisa gets to the core of it and asks Stassi what she wants, which results in a big ole bag of tears from the girl who was once the queen of this show. Stassi allegedly just wants her friends back.  Lisa doubts that any of them will welcome her with open arms.  Stassi says that all she can do is apologize and try to prove herself.  “I’m sure you’re sorry because it suits you now to be sorry” Damn, LVP, DAMN.

 

I love this show.

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