FULL DISCLOSURE:

I just started watching this show full time this season.  I watched a little bit of the first season but then moved and didn’t have cable so I’m not as fully versed in RHOA history as I probably should be to recap.  That said, let’s throw caution to the wind and begin.

What’s the under/over for Cynthia and Peter’s marriage? One more season? Half a season? And yes Cynthia and Peter, not telling anyone Nene is coming on the trip is a brilliant move.  Surprises always go down so well on these shows.  Seriously though, good call Cynthia with picking Kim Fields for the commercial.  Kim is professional.  And that’s literally all she is.  And Kenya didn’t even show up to the pitch meeting.  Cynthia is SHOCKED that there is tension between Kenya and Kim. SHOCKED.

Kim is bringing her kids on this trip. On this Work Trip. Because that makes sense.  Nothing says Business Time like bringin’ the whole fam.  And she didn’t clear this with Cynthia?  Makes total sense.  I hope the children enjoyed that adult bus ride.  Now look, I have a baby so I sort of get it.  It’s hard to plan travel without the kids.  But at the very least you clear it with the host if you are bringing the under 4 foot crowd.

Porsha and Phaedra are solo on this trip but Kenya brought Matt to Jamaica! I look forward to getting to know him better and then never seeing him again. Sheree brought Bob.  Dammit Sheree!  Don’t let bob check you, boo.  That man refused child support.  Side note- Kandi is one of the few legit women on this show.  She is uber talented and has real money.  But she is pregnant and sidelined so she has nothing to bring to the table right now.  Except for the true wisdom of “if you buy somebody a house, the least they can do is babysit.”  Which is true as fuck.  I have bought no one a house.  And that’s why I can’t go out at night.

I love it when the women on these shows say “I really didn’t want to address this situation at this moment” but then they do. Cynthia decides to tell the whole bus about her decision to have Kim direct/produce the commercial. Ya’ll, Kenya is PISSED about getting kicked out. But it’s really her own damn fault.  Which is weird since she is usually the victim.  That said, she called Kim out for being a snoozefest which is the truest thing she has ever uttered.

But seriously, Kenya has a lot of nerve. She shows up for drinks with Cynthia and Kim all pissed off that she isn’t just being given a shot at this commercial? She didn’t go to the pitch meeting because she was hanging out with soon-to-be-gone Matt… and #ThisIsBusiness.  Cynthia showed up for that terrible “Life Twirls On” pilot audition for the Jamaican hairdresser bit part for Kenya.  And like Kim said, “Cynthia is The Client”.  This is why you don’t try to hire your friends.  Wait.  That’s only true if your friend are unprofessional as fuck like Kenya.  Hire your friends if your friends are Kim Fields.  Speaking of-

Oh Kim. Honey. “I choose to disengage now, otherwise it’s gonna get real bad”- and this is why you are not built for this show.  I would hire Kim any day for any job that was not Real Housewives of Atlanta.  Kenya is a Professional Real Housewife.  She knows exactly how to play this game.  You, on the other hand, are clearly not a Terrible Person.  Which is a requirement for the job.  The more you try to be logical and sane, the more Kenya will eat you alive.  Go home to your sweet kids, solid career, and good life.  Who tricked you into doing this?!

Cynthia says that she is mortified and doesn’t know how to handle the situation. Totally fair. Who could possibly know what to do to stop a friend from going buckwild at a business meeting?  I have a lot of suggestions, but all of them would require Cynthia to not be the sort of person who would pit two friends together in the first place when she knew that one of them was insane, and that the other was far more qualified to have the job in the first place.  Kim walks away while Kenya claps at her and mocks her wise choice to exit.  I was sort of on Kenya’s side last week with the beat-less brunch situation but she has packed up and moved her shit back into crazytown.  Kenya then comes back to the table, after obliterating Kim, and says to Cynthia, “I was willing to work with her, which was my point.”  And that’s when I spit beer onto my baby who was sleeping in my lap.  Thanks Kenya.

In happier news and places, Phaedra and Porsha are having fun getting ready together. They are trying to make their hair big and are applying body glitter when Porsha asks Phae about Kim’s kids being on the adult trip. She replies, “if you could bring your sitter here, why couldn’t your sitter sit at home?  They need to be in school…” PREACH PHAEDRA!  I’m enjoying this friendship because it’s easy going and I don’t tense up when they are on screen.  They later correctly call out Cynthia for her hypocrisy and both seem uneasy about Nene’s return.  Side note- Phaedra’s thighs are only slightly bigger than mine but they look 100x better.  Dammit.

You guys… I’ve been bitching about Kim being boring but we may be on the cusp of her losing it.  This would be sad on a human level but awesome on a reality tv level. “if she had touched me? Ya’ll would have seen a whole other side of kim fields”.  Note to Kenya- TOUCH HER.  It’s clearly Kim’s husband Christopher though, who is ruining our tv dreams of The Revenge of Tootie.  He calls her “infected” after she dares to utter a curse word and then he insists on bring her back to reality.  Christopher doesn’t talk a lot for the rest of the episode, but when he does, he speaks wisely and eloquently.  Get him off of my real housewives screen.

So Nene is back in a guest starring role.  I don’t really care about Nene.  Kenya does though. And she wonders how Nene and Cynthia being friends may impact her own new bestie status with Cynthia.  Porsha fakes her excitement that Nene is here and is further pissed that Nene has been invited to partake in the “’Mercial”.  Peter tries to earn his honorary housewife status by trying to stir up the Kenya/Kim shit at dinner.  I should love Peter for this, but the reality is that he just beat any/all of the other women to the punch.  Nene is later shocked to find out about Kenya and Cynthia being “BFFs”.  The entire table tells her (minus Cynthia, of course) that this is the case while Ne-not-been-around-lately-ne shakes her head in denial.  Cynthia, when finally pushed, cowers under the great shade of Miss Nene and says that she and Kenya are still “getting to know one another”- you know, how you do, after 4 years of knowing each other.  All these girls suck, but Cynthia is acting weak as shit so she gets my “The Worst” award for this week’s episode. Porsha correctly points out how Cyn is acting like her new girl means nothing now that her old girl is back in town.

Oh shit ya’ll… Sheree tells Kenya that Cynthia said they weren’t best friends.  Kenya takes this as well as can be expected, and to her credit she confronts the source immediately.  Cynthia admits that she denied Kenya in front of the others.  And it’s kinda bull because Cynthia has let Kenya run with the Best Friend line all season and now she is denying it.  I am no fan of Kenya, but I get where she is coming from.   And while she is admittedly no “b-character”, I don’t really care about this plotline and am way more excited about next week when everyone decides to accuse Kim’s rational, seemingly delightful husband of being gay.  So, you know…things to look forward to.

Recap written by Liz 

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